Hi there

I've been consulting the iching a lot about a hot/cold here/gone friend, travelling musician, sometimes socially activist minded, sometimes into running away.

I've wantd to work o projects with him in our neighbourhood, or learn things from him - share what it's like to be a creative person - but our relationship is constantly confusing. Too close, too far. He slips into deep revelations - which are not always helpful, and sometimes often I fall down that slippy slide with him. He also likes to cuddle which can bring up warm and romantic feelings for me. He says he doesn't usually feel romantic about me, but wants to stay close.

So I have found he had brought a lot into my life via introducing me to musical neighbours and letting me taste what I want to be doing with my artistic practise.

Recently we went on a 2 week tour on the US - me riding shot gun - and I found it the most stimulating time I've had in recent memory. He really wants a life partner though and since he doesn't feel it's me - he seems to cycle through being really happy to have my company but being really sad I'm not his partner. When he's happy we have a great time - but it's always the question after - what next?

Basically it feels good in so many ways for me - but also quite bad when he does get irrationally grumpy. I don't know if I can handle him or the relationship. I agree we're not ready for partners - may never be, but there is a certain sweetness between us. And right now I find what I'm learning through him fascinating and don't always want to let go.

I've tried to set some boundaries, as has he. Sometimes we seem to honour them - but not for long. Its a lot to ask of two people who would like to have life partners but also really enjoy hanging out with each other. I find his rejection of me insulting as an added wrinkle.

I usually get 38.2 or and of the 38s when referencing our relationship.

Lately we've had some distance (he's still on tour) and explosive words. I said we need to do some work again on defining boundaries, he thinks i should just accept he doesn't want me as a partner and that will 'fix' our relationship. I told him to **** off and thought that was the end of it - but over the past weeks have still felt there is a solid platonic core to our relationship I'd hate to lose.

I asked

what if i just let the friend go 49.2,3,5,6 > 38 ?

what i we work through problems 49.1.3.4 > 8 ?

what happens to my life if i keep him in my life 24 uc
what happens to me life if i let go 50 uc


What i see from letting go is i go through a more complete and perhaps desired/needed transformation? and maybe he will too?

on the other hand i don't like throwing people away. maybe i need to learn to maintain boundaries and my confidence in the face of a 'rejection" i feel like i have let a lot of people go over the years. i'm very used to being on my own. hanging out with this opposing man can be very fun.

or maybe if i let him go now he'll develop independently of me - better faster than he would in our confused relations.

not sure.

what do the wise clarity people think?

thank you

Hey There
Interesting story,

There is quite a bit there to look at but what stands out is 24 Unchanging, if you keep him in your life then it will most likely end anyway and you will return home " metaphorically" like going back to who you were before. If you do let go you will add what you have learned from him into your creative soup. So your creativity will have parts of him and parts of other things. Thats whats in the cauldron a nice creative soup, you may never acheive that with him nor him with you. ( for now)

I think you can still be friends at this point and who knows what the future brings , he says he doesnt love you like that now but he may not know what he wants. I have been there, where he is... but one thing is you have music in common and that could bring you back together as two different people.

Maybe next time he see's you he may think you are just waiting for him but you may have grown and have someone who loves you back equally. He probably wont like that much anyway I am guessing. Thats my advice from the lines but others maybe able to really break it down for you I just looked at the unchanging hex's as they jumped out at me.

Just some advice, the older you get the faster life goes so dont waste your time on someone who doest love you back, it really is a waste of your life.

My advice is let things unfold naturally if he is not responding on that level then leave it and keep your options open. He called it and you tried, the rejection nobody likes it its half of what hurts so if you get over that then half the battle is won. Rejection has been to me a thing where i have rejected women and some have rejected me the same as groups of people. I go where i feel wanted and feel i belong if i dont feel like that I leave and i dont care.

Hope this helped you sound intelligent enough and are not looking with a deeper set of rose coloured glasses although they maybe sightly pink.

Good luck
Steve

I believe Steve nailed pretty much the best advice you could get from a friend or therapist and what your higher self already knows.

It's like this: yes, he may add to your creative soup, like Steve said, but he isn't willing to take you on as a romantic partner. What would you do and how would you feel if the roles between you two were reversed?

You got 49, radical change, about working it out and letting go. Radical change through opposition. You obviously have opposed motives and feelings for each other, in simple terms. Radical change through seeking union. Interesting that you got hexes for relating to others in each relating hex.

You can 8, seek union, with him in order to stay friends, but you'd have to radically change your approach. Or you can allow the opposition between you two to radically change how you relate to him and find what's best for you and move on.

I just looked at the main and relating hexes, not the change lines. I wholeheartedly agree with Steve and affirm that life is very short. Return to yourself and give yourself the gift of self-love by inviting that person who will embrace you in the way you seek.

Take the gifts he can give and decide what really needs to radically change. If you figure that out and move from that center, all will be clear, no matter the ease or difficulty of the choice.

I did notice you had 49.5 in letting him go. Be that tiger. The tiger knows and proceeds with sure footing. The choice is yours. Are you capable of allowing him to be who he is and accepting him without conditions or an inner desire to control the form of the relationship, in order to continue a relationship?

Hi, friendly squirrel, your intuition about setting boundaries is right on. I get the sense of a relationship that is stuck because it doesn't know which way to go-- to platonic friendship or to romantic love -- and it could go either way, but it will stay stuck if you don't clearly and consistently define it, one way or the other. I feel that both of you are keeping the confusion going. Your musician friend may want a partner but be conflicted about it, and whether it's you, and you are allowing him to stay in conflict by putting up with a kind of ambiguity that is less than what you really want, as I sense it. If you want him as a romantic partner, or even as a friend, it is time to completely revolutionize and reform your relationship, not just by setting boundaries but my making an inner change.
Interesting that when you ask about letting the friend go or working on the problems, you get 49 in both cases! That tells you, heed the message of hexagram 49, in either case, which is about making radical changes and being consistent about them. It's also about building up your inner resolve and personal power while making and sticking to these changes.
If you want him just as a friend, then do what's necessary, detach from any passionate feelings, take yourself away from situations of intimacy, cool off for a while, and then return to the relationship another time, when you are ready. The second reading, about working through your problems, and keeping him as a friend, seems to have 8 joining as its context. Perhaps that means to join with him in common musical interests and see how to work through your concerns. Still inner reform is necessary, i.e. being clear about what you want so as to dispel the ambiguity.
Your first reading, about letting him go, depicts a situation of estrangement or distance 38, as the context in which inner reform happens.
If you keep him in your life, 24 u -- that says to me that there should be openness to coming/going of other friends and pursuits, don't be too attached to him, then it will work out well.
50 , I agree, says you will make inner changes by letting him go. I hope this makes sense.
As a whole, I think the Yi is telling you to be inwardly clear and decisive about your standards for relationship and to create boundaries and reform that way. Then, whether he stays in your life -- and the form your relationship may take -- will fall into place .


what if i just let the friend go 49.2,3,5,6 > 38 ?

what i we work through problems 49.1.3.4 > 8 ?

what happens to my life if i keep him in my life 24 uc
what happens to me life if i let go 50 uc

What if i just let the friend go 49 → 38 ?


As you can see, in 49 two opposing elements are trying to annihilate each other.
Fire wants to go up, while lake pours down. Very unstable situation.
In 38 both elements have safely passed through each other and are on their way apart. No conflict here,
each keeps its independence.
Letting go is a good idea to resolve a conflict of 49.

--
What if we work through problems 49 → 8 ?
Again 49 depicts a conflict, and 8 asks are you sure you want to keep both elements close by?
Fire is fire, and water is water.
8 can be showing that water works good with earth below it. Somebody has to change from fire to earth for this to work.
--
What happens to my life if i keep him in my life 24 uc
Wilhelm:
Going out and coming in without error. Friends come without blame.
To and fro goes the way. On the seventh day comes return.
Loosen up contact with him, there will be more freedom, and probably a hint that the attraction will fade over time. Returning to ordinary way of life, e.g. being alone.

--
What happens to my life if i let go 50 uc
Here the fire is burning above wood, and the water and fire are separated by a sheet of metal [pot], making the situation safe again.
Also 50 is an opposite of 3 (starting something), so it's more of an ending, putting something into a jar/box and forgetting about it. The expedition was successful, the hunters brought the game, time to cook it and make a ritual sacrifice.

In my opinion limiting the contact is a way to solve this problem, or maybe even completely shutting the link down.

Thank you so much to all of you for answering. Today I wrote this question while on a ferry in British Columbia, then was offline as I took a 5hr plane ride from Vancouver to Toronto. Coming home I opened my browser and what a nice warm surprise to see all of these thoughtful, caring responses.

I appreciate so much hearing your own life experiences. And yes i think letting him go clearly is a good thing for me to do. My pink tinted glasses make me want to make this relationship stay important, but of course we all only have so much attention to go around.

On the other hand I don't really want to feel any anger or resentment towards him. He seems genuinely confused by why he does some things in his life. He also was very generous with me on this trip sharing his friends and experiences with me - which I will always be grateful for. I just don't want to give him a chance to disappoint me again.

I think that's actually what he wants - to be in my life when he's here - and gone when he's gone. But I don't like being the passive receiver of his presence, so I guess it's mystery time again - where, I'll see him if I see him - but will not make plans with him. I'll just get on with living my life well with those who are around me (and those I haven't met yet, some of whom just might dig my style).

Thanks again for your kindnesses.

I don't like being the passive receiver of his presence

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you're already on your return home to self! Good for you! I imagine you'll meet many many of people who will totally dig your style!! Much love.