Last night my 9 year old son had a bit of a meltdown in bed. There is a lot going on with his life at the moment, on top of the constant battle I'm having with his dad (my ex), things have been really bad between me and his dad since his dad found out that I'm pregnant. My son said that he wished we could just get on and be happy. I have been making a lot of effort to keep things amicable but it's difficult as my ex is very manipulative and given an inch always expects 10 miles. However, I will do anything to support and protect my son so I asked today: "How to best deal with PC to support my son" and received hex 55 unchanging. Does it mean that we are about to reach a peak, a turning point after which things will get better so I should not be sad and afraid to give more? The situation does feel like a breaking point, I'm pregnant, my ex just met someone new, things have been horrendously bad between us, which has affected my son in a bad way. He didn't do well in his school exams and started getting into trouble at school. He has become withdrawn and sad, which breaks my heart and I don't know how to help. What do you think the advice of hex 55 is in this instance? Many thanks!

55 is about bringing everything out in the open. Would counseling be an option?

Hi veronica

When the question is about advice or "how to...", I tend to focus on the Image and then read the individual lines and anything else as complement.

In hex 55: the superior man decides lawsuits and carries out punishments.

Probably this is not an option you'd like to take, to settle his abusive behavior on court; but give it a shot. In many jurisdictions, poisoning the child's heart against the other parent has legal consequences and the court can orden an injuction to prevent it.

Wish you the best

Hi veronica,

You are strong and my heart goes out to you!

Thunder/Fire means Shocking to See.

Fields' "Duke of Zhou Changes" says:

Hexagram Statement: Omen - The king approaches. It is in the middle of the sun. Counsel - Your plea is heard. Do not grieve. It is appropriate.

My reading is: "The authorities would not be happy with what is blindingly obvious in your case ~ the ex is throwing emotional punches at you through the child.

Your wish to find an amicable resolution is heard, and your honor intact, and now the doorway is open for the right thing to happen."

My advice for confrontational situations is always the same: use the minimal force necessary to bring about the greatest good for the most people involved. In your case, perhaps talking to a therapist, as suggested by rosada, might help you think through a plan with your son's long term best interests in mind?

An image of 55uc is of bringing the family into the Citadel until the siege is lifted.

Many thanks Guys for your helpful replies. The thought of going through courts now fills me with dread (he took me to court 4 years ago over custody, when he found out I was getting married) as it would mean a lot of turmoil for my son (who previously had to be interviewed several times by Cafcas officers) and it is so difficult to prove anything when it comes to emotional abuse. Maybe we should start off with some sort of mediation (although we tried that in the past and it brought us nowhere). The trouble with mediation is, we are not dealing with a rational human being (the ex) but someone who does not see the reality and who is emotionally disturbed. Maybe the time will come when it will become necessary to take a court action, maybe it is the only way but I know my son will be put through hell and back during the process. Life surely is difficult.

You'll always be safe here ~ please keep us posted?

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Much love and many blessings to you and your family.

It has been two years now since I created this thread and since then a lot of things happened, good and bad. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in Sept 2016 but then my son told a teacher at school that his father has been hitting him, which ended up with a lengthy court battle (still ongoing). My son is due to speak to a guardian allocated by the court on Monday and tell him how much he wants to see his father. The father is using every possible power to manipulate my Son so he says he wants more contact. We are waiting for the final hearing date. In the meantime, my son is struggling, misbehaving at school and receiving detention after detention. I am beside myself with worry so I asked “what can I do to support my son so he chooses the right path?” and again received the same hexagram 55 unchanged! Please let me know what you all think!

veronica said:

I am beside myself with worry so I asked “what can I do to support my son so he chooses the right path?” and again received the same hexagram 55 unchanged! Please let me know what you all think!

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Focus. Focus.
And fight for your sons best interests.

Some translate the Judgement as
Don't be sad
others have it as Don't be anxious

55 is about endings. There is sadness but someone in the situation needs to be bright.

You described how your ex is poisonous and physically abusive to your son. In my opinion you should end the contact between them.

Your son is manipulated into wanting contact with him, but at the end of the day your son is (still) a child. He doesn't fully realise what is best for his own emotional well-being. You are the (sane) adult in charge. I believe you should end their contact, no matter how sad that is. Two years ago you were rightly worried about it: their so far contact has already proven bad results for your son. I'm really sorry your son has to go through this... I do hope you manage to take him away from the poisonous ex.

The hexagram counsels that everything comes out in public here and that there is a need to choose to "be not sad" but to focus on the positive that is possible. Maybe warning you to make a special effort when you state the facts that you not come across as unreasonable? 55. is a time when all the facts come out in the open so a decision can be made. There is a tendency to want discuss all the facts at length in order to avoid a miscarriage of justice. Could this mean this court date isn't the last one?

Many thanks Mosk Elk, Rosada and Diamanda for your input. This situation has been going on for too long, it feels like it is drawing to an end but goodness knows what is going to happen. I know that ultimately, my son's relationship with his father is toxic but it is difficult to prove it. It has to be his decision really but I'm not sure if he is strong enough to make that decision and cut ties... We have a date for a directional hearing on 28th June but you are right Rosada, it is not the final one.

What a difficult situation. My heart goes out to you.

It's amazing you got 55 again, but also not, because I have had many uncanny experiences with the I Ching like that myself.

I think you should hone in on the last part of the image—"the noble one decides legal proceedings and brings about punishment."

I like the suggestion I see here sometimes (from Trojina, I think) to put your own name in place of "the noble one." So, Veronica decides legal proceedings and brings about punishment.

Whatever resources you have should be put into wrapping up the court case and making sure your ex is suitably punished for his violence and manipulation, ideally, it sounds like, by him losing all custody. You mention "I know that ultimately, my son's relationship with his father is toxic but it is difficult to prove it" but then elsewhere say that he told a teacher his father was hitting him. I'm sure the story is much more complex than you're able to go into here, but at least from what you've presented, a kind of hesitation or lack of self-confidence comes through, the sense you think you might be wrong. I think getting 55 twice is telling you that you must be firm and realize things are peaking and must be dealt with. "Thunder and lightning culminate as one" and "No mourning". I don't think this is the time for much introspection or self-reflection or trying to find a way to a happy medium for your son's sake. For your son's sake, you should act like a king (the figure in 55) even if it makes you uncomfortably authoritarian. You should decide legal proceedings and dole out punishment.

I realize that you aren't the law and can't make those decisions arbitrarily, but I think you need to fundamentally shift your inner convictions to get rid of any hint of wishy-washiness or sense of compromise ahead of your next court date this month. No compromise. Onto punishment now, so your son can heal and get on with his life. Your ex is abusive and deserves to lose custody, and in my opinion this reading is saying there should be no hesitation about it on your part. You should convey resoluteness to your son and to the courts.

This line you wrote made me pause: " It has to be [my son's] decision really but I'm not sure if he is strong enough to make that decision and cut ties..."

You're right, he's probably not strong enough; he's a child. I think you should assume a kingly parental role and show him you are decisive about what the resolution here should be. He may be reacting to what he perceives as your own uncertainties and lack of confidence that cutting ties is the right thing to do. But it sounds like it is.

Ah also I forgot to mention directly-- what I wrote is specifically in light of your exact wording, "what can I do to support my son so he chooses the right path?” You can support him by being decisive, authoritative, confident, and clear about what is just in the situation and how the courts should resolve the matter, and reassure him that it is right to cut off contact with his father because of the abuse, and he doesn't need to feel guilty about it. In the future, when he's older and better able to defend himself against physical and mental abuse, he can try to have a relationship with his dad if he wants to, but not now when he is so vulnerable. He needs your strong and decisive protection right now.

veronica said:

It has been two years now since I created this thread and since then a lot of things happened, good and bad. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in Sept 2016 but then my son told a teacher at school that his father has been hitting him, which ended up with a lengthy court battle (still ongoing). My son is due to speak to a guardian allocated by the court on Monday and tell him how much he wants to see his father. The father is using every possible power to manipulate my Son so he says he wants more contact. We are waiting for the final hearing date. In the meantime, my son is struggling, misbehaving at school and receiving detention after detention. I am beside myself with worry so I asked “what can I do to support my son so he chooses the right path?” and again received the same hexagram 55 unchanged! Please let me know what you all think!

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I think it's horrific that your son is in this situation, he's 9 how is he meant to choose (?) why does a 9 year old have to choose..... and I would connect his school troubles you report in the latest linked thread below to all this kind of thing he is going through not the school

My son said that he wished we could just get on and be happy.

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He must be emotionally exhausted being like a football between parents.



Linking to this thread as they seem inextricably linked


https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...option-is-better-31-3-4-5-to-2-or-41-3-5-to-9


that is it makes no sense to be talking about changing schools as a solution to the boys disturbance with all this going on !