Hi everyone,

I have a made a couple of posts to this group and have been very impressed and grateful for the help in understanding the readings. However, this is one topic I hoped never to have to address.

My wife and I have been experiencing some difficulties in our marriage. In short, the passion is gone. I am still attracted to her, she is very responsible, etc, etc. But, she has lost interest in the intimate part of our life. And I am not just talking about sex. I mean all forms of intimacy.

Last night we had a discussion about this. It came down to the fact that she has truly lost interest - she just doesn't "like" it (interesting). I respect her enough that I will not expect or demand anything of her. To do so would be demeaning and disrepectful. After all, how can someone be something that they are not, something that they don't feel? Besides, when we are intimate I can tell that she is only doing so for me. (and it feels insincere) So, we have come to a point where we are now looking at each other, and our marriage, and wondering what we are going to do.

I do love her. But we both know that a "cold" marriage is not suitable for either or us.

So I asked the Yi about the following:

What can I expect of my romantic relationship with "my wife". Answer - 6.5 changing to 64.

Conflict? But line 5 seems to point to "keep trying" and I will be successful. But 64 seems to say "too bad, it is almost over.".

What can I expect if "my wife" and I separate?
Answer 4.4 changing to 64.

Youthful Folly and line 4 "entangled folly leads to humilitaion"? - I am at a loss to understand this one - but again, 64 - is the relationship over?

I would appreciate any and all help anyone can give me. I have addressed some relationship questions her before, but none as serious as this. I feel as if I have come to a crossroads in my life, so being as informed as possible at this point is very important to me.

Thanks in advance,

Don.

Sometimes when you're confused about a reading, it helps to simplify the oracle's outcome and just see if it's saying: "positive", "negative" or "neutral". So, for example:

"What can I expect of my romantic relationship with "my wife". Answer - 6.5 changing to 64."

Well, 6.5 is positive, right? Sure, it's in the context of contention, which is appropriate to what's going on in your marriage right now, but it's positive.

"What can I expect if "my wife" and I separate?
Answer 4.4 changing to 64."

Well, this is pretty negative, right? So based on your two questions and the responses they drew, I'd say that the marriage is far from over, and that it (and the both of you) ought to keep at it. Here's an incredibly interesting book I read (and re-read) recently: 'The Relationship Handbook' by George Pransky. (It has an alternate title: "Divorce is not the Answer"). I've read a lot of books about relationship and marriage, and this one tops the list for me.

Hi Dobro,

Thanks for your reply. Your interpretation is very clear and understandable. I appreciate it.

Since I have posted my first message, I have again inquired of this situation with the Yi. The questions I asked was:

"What can I expect if I divorce "her"?"

Answer: 19.1.2.4 changing to 16.

Hmmm? Approach? Joint approach? Complete approach? Changing to Enthusiasm? How does that fit into a divorce situation? HELP!

May thanks,

Don

I?ve heard that successful divorces are all the rage. But it ain?t over till the fat judge sings.

Agreeing with Dobro, though, it doesn?t look over between you two.

4 is sometimes just not knowing, yet.

When we address a subject as important as 'marriage', we are talking of a spiritual contract between two people partaking in a 'significant relationship that endures through time and change'i.e the primary relationship that sits at the foundation of your current existence. Frustrating as the situation may appear, because in spiritual realms what is happening right now is a 'trick of the light, is a call for taking the relationship through to a higher level of understanding and meaning, the emotions and intimacy are strongly connected to the spiritual side which emanates from the centre of the heart. There is 'heart work' to be done here on both sides to rekindle the warmth. When the heart grows cold it resonates to the outer world inducing a fearful feeling which becomes self fulfilling. Go back to the beginning and see how much change has occurred between you both and work out where it needs to go. You will both benefit, even if in the end you choose to seperate. Let go of pride and ego.

19, 1, 2, 4

1. the tears are cool, its the necessary wake up call.
2. regret and sadness. feelings have been aired at least you know the state of play and have you examined your own behaviour in the situation and how you might have contributed to how things stand?
4. have you both become isolated socially. has new energy been denied in this situation through not 'mixing' with others? Have you found yourselves sitting on an island? Isolation blocks creative energy

16. Passion and compassion great opportunity for deeper communication. Turn the conflict into 'creative tension!'

Have you tried a bit of old fashioned romance? You might get a laugh out of it

Like Bruce says,it ain't over till the........

love and lightness
Omshante xx

Hi Don Juan

Just in case the comentary can be usefully

First: in both answers you get 64 as related hexagram. Acording with the teachings I'd learned, that means that the context of your answer is a change that it's alredy starting. Not that your marriage is over. Your marriage is actually begining to cross a great river; means starting a new era (not necessary breaking-up, like in 23)

What to expect? You get 6.5. Conciliate a conflict (hexagram 6) with the help of someone else impartial (line 5). I think in professional advice (terapist, counselor, etc.)

What can expect if we separated? You get 4.4 Foolish thing to do (hexagram 4) if you act inmadurity (line 4).

So, the answer in my opinion is: You are starting a new age in your marriage; separated will be a foolish thing to do, but you need the help of someone impartial in order to get the actual conflict solved.

Best wishes

PS

(Again, just in case this can be usefully to your own way)

Maybe will be more usefully to ask:
How is the better way to handle the actual situation on my marriage?

Hi Jesed,

Thank you for your insight! I appreciate all that you have said. A lot of makes sense, considering the discussions, etc that we have recenly being going through.

In short, I will act on your advice. What harm can come from trying?

I will keep you posted on my progress.

And thanks for the great question to ask the Yi. I will ask and post what response I get!

Again, much appreciated.

Don.

Hi again Jesed,

Well, I asked the question: What is the best way to handle the actual situation of my marriage?". The Yi gave me the response of:9.6 changing to 5.

Interesting. 9 - I always heard that this means "focus on the little things" or "take small steps" and that line 6 says "releif is coming now" this leads to hexagram 5 meaning "nourishment" of that our relationship will begin to "feed" us.

How is that for an interpretation (from a newbie).

Regards,

Don

Hi Don

I'm nobody to evaluate others interpretations
But, in case the commentary can be usufully:

I liked so much your summary of the answer.

Complementary ideas, if you allow me:

First: both the related hexagram (5 as a Context) and the original hexagram (9) say that this is time for patience; not great thing to do, but just a preparation for better time later.

Second: When I ask for advice (how is the best way to...), I'd learned to look VERY CLOSELY to the image. That's the way a noble acts in the Time described in the Hexagram.

In 9: there are several translations. Check LiSe's one.. is great.

Another one (that I had find claerest in cases like your's) is: the noble improved the exterior shape of his own nature.

It means, "pay attention to the little details that express your nature to others". Improve it. Littles details are most important thing in relationships

Best wishes for you and your wife