I've been using the Yi for more than 15 years, but am still very much a beginner. I've also learned that I do not do well when it comes to my own interpretations: I innocently tend to "look for" the answer I want instead of seeing what's there. That's why I welcome the help from this experiened group!

I asked about what I can expect from my currently estranged relationship: 37 with 3 moving, to form 42.

Thank you for any help you can provide.

Hi Lilith,

I am struggling with interpretations and learning myself, but having received this recently, I can share my experience with you.

37.3 A distance maintained, but only to set things right, pull things back into order...
Wilhelm says "too much heat"... so letting things cool down too.

42 (referencing line 3) Through a difficult situation that affected both of us we were brought together again and back on track.

So it did turn out well for me in the end regarding this. Hope it turns out well for you too.

Deb

Deb, thank you for what you've learned/experienced about this pair. I'm glad things worked out for you. Had you been estranged at the time you asked Yi about it?

I'm wondering if anyone knows: are there any time periods or time predictions in Yi oracles? When Yi talks about events unfolding, are we to know about time?

Lilith,

Yes, we were maintaining a great distance from each other, and in the midst I asked Yi about it.

I don't have enough experience to answer about time periods or time predictions, only to reference the 3 years 7 years etc., and a long or short length, in my experience anyway.

Deb

(I've just realised that I've called Browne Walker's book a 'translation'. It isn't, it's a commentary, but it tries to keep reasonably close to the original text)

I am no expert on the Yi or on relationship counselling, but it seems to me that 37 is about what binds people together in groups - and two is a group after all. Browne Walker's translation talks about improving the self in order to improve a group. It also talks about love, faithfulness and correctness being at the centre of healthy families.

So, just a few thoughts for you to ponder and ignore if they are not right:

You can't 'make' someone else do something, but you can change the way you behave. 37 talks about not trying to influence other people or external events, but instead to concentrate on keeping yourself calm and collected. It uses the word 'equanimity', which struck me as the last thing an estranged person feels. Therefore probably all the more reason to 'go within' and stop chasing or trying to influence the other person in any way. (Chasing may not be the right word here - I mean mentally as much as anything else).

Line three says 'Harshness leads to misfortune and so does spinelessness. Only by being gentle without and strong within will you succeed.

Again,this to me suggests a strengthening of inner resolve. Usually an estrangement is evidence that there has been imbalance of some kind. If the relationship is to continue in any way, then clearly the imbalance must be corrected or the same circumstances will re-occur. So it looks as though you are being counselled to do some inner, honest, searching (being strong enough to do that), and decide what you are going to do in terms of behaviour to the other person as a result of your inner searching. But whatever you decide to do, it should be done gently and not too strongly or you'd only achieve overkill. The phrase 'if you carry on as you are, why do you expect anything to change?' just popped into my mind - does that help you?

And 42 - well it's life the universe and everything in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Again, Browne Walker's translation talks about a period of increase coming, but warns that this could come to an end if we relax and become careless.

This suggests to me that you can look to a successful outcome BUT:

It might be that the successful outcome is that after your internal deliberations you might move away from the other person

OR

If you are reunited, you are so thrilled that you forget the lessons learned during the estrangement and you revert to what was.

BW says you have two tasks in #42:

- 'To make sacrifices to others by embodying generosity of thought and actions. Forgive what is inferior in others and seek out the good.

(However, this does NOT mean that in forgiving you make yourself a doormat! I have a friend whose husband left her three times - she'd welcomed him back on the old terms twice and he still went in the end, leaving her feeling trebly awful because she'd let him do it).

- ' To go on strengthening yourself' See above

I hope this helps. I wish I could see as much in the answers I get for myself as I do in other people's questions. None of this may be appropriate to you, in which case do feel free to ignore.

So, to sum up. I think you are being counselled to try to detach from the situation and to change some aspects of your own behaviour. As a result of doing this you will certainly change the relationship with the other person either to a relationship that is altered for the better, or because you no longer feel you need them in the same way. Either way, you need to treat that person gently, but with inner strength of your own.

Whatever happens, good luck!

Dear Lilith,

I would like to add some comments on the Hex 37 reading, regarding changing line three.
It seems to me that some restraint must be applied to that relationship, either in your own behaviour or to his. The interpretation of the line three talks about too much chattering leading to misfortune. Therefore, it appears that you have to find some balance between severity and complacency.
So, I am under the impression that the reading put some emphasis on the advice that you have to be firm, but not excessive, although there is an idea of discipline underlying the interpretation.

Hope this helps,
Good luck
Learner

Lilith,

May I offer my interpretation of Hex 37 Line 3 ?

It may help.

Michael F.

Line 3: STRONG WITHIN - GENTLE WITHOUT. Within any grouping, including personal relationships, firm boundaries should be set for all members, within which total freedom can be exercised. If the boundaries are broken then a balance must be struck between too much severity and too much permissiveness. Gentle but firm is the strong way.

Hello Lilith

If I might offer (from my own translation)

37.3, 9 3rd
Family members scolded severely
Regrettable harshness
(Yet) opportune
(But) wife (and) child smirking (and) mocking
Ends in disgrace

37.3x
Family members scolded severely:
Not yet failure
* Wife (and) child smirking (and) mocking:
(Is) to lose the family?s boundaries

Zhi Gua 42: Yi, Increasing
Fan Yao 42.3: increased by unfortunate events,
be true

I think the point here concerns mutual respect.
Fighting happens, and is an inferior situation,
but at least this means there is still passion.
A loss of respect for each other, denoted by the smirking and mocking, is a much deeper problem,
and much more likely to destroy the family.

Thank you so much for your advise! You all seem to know Yi well.

Last week another friend advised me to ask about the best way for me to be regading the relationship. I received 25 without change. If I am reading 25 without too much ego (the "unexpected" sounds so mysteriously exciting!) I think it is telling me again, to let things cool down. To let go emotionally. Do you agree?

I wrote a short, short note to maybe send to him. (Not emotional girlie stuff!) I asked two questions: first, about the outcome on the relationship if I send it - 28 with three changing lines 1,2,3 becoming 17. Then, I asked about HIS reaction to it - 61 with four changing lines 1,3,4,5 becoming 50.

All those lines scare me! Do you agree I shold just bite my tongue and do nothing? Or maybe wait and ask another time?

Hello Lilith, It sounds like we have a similar situation as I have also received 25 unchanging as the answer to, "What's the best attitude for me to hold regarding XX?" I also agree with you that it's about becoming un-entangled. I'm also believeing that it's about letting go of the ego's emotional connection. It's about being simple, innocent, and present in the moment.

I would say that your thoughts about sending any note, short or otherwise, are attempts to make a connection where there isn't one. To do so would not be consistent with Hex 25. As for all of your changing lines when you asked the questions, I would say that they suggest either your own mind was cluttered when you asked the questions, (which is what I'm starting to see for myself) or the situation is very volatile. Perhaps instead of being scared of the lines, embrace your racing mind and be patient. And yes, my recommendation would be to bite your tongue for now. But I'll be curious to see what others have to add. (I'm stil learning!)

Blessings,
Malka

Dear Lilith,

Those readings of yours ?regarding what do to about the relationship- reminded me of a decision that I had to make recently based on those hexagrams. So, I would like to add some comments on the interpretation. Firstly, I should say that I find quite difficult to understand multiple lines, like the way you received. I am not an expert in readings like that at all. What I can honestly offer is a personal view about Hex 28 and Hex 61.
I totally understand why you are scared about those lines. If I were you, I would be as well.
Hexagram 28, as you know, is about Excess, which obviously suggests an over-complex situation, maybe with no firm support. And then you have the third changing line with the image of a beam supporting more weight than it can bear and the possibility of breaking.
The changing lines 1 and 2 are not ominous like that. But, again, we have the issue of multiple lines.
In Hexagram 61, at least one of yours moving lines is a cause for concern. The fourth line describes ?one horse of a pair? escaping, moving away, which in terms of a relationship might mean a break up.
I am not trying to make you more scared than you already are, but just trying to draw your attention to the decision that you are about to arrive at.
In both hexagrams there are lines talking about adopting a flexible attitude. The Hex 28 first line suggests ?spreading rush mats beneath?. It seems to me that this is careful and sensitive planning. And the Hex 61 first line recommends ?considering beforehand?.

Lilith, you said something about biting your tongue and doing nothing?. That seems sensible to me, honestly. I am not talking about giving up. Maybe the best way of coping with this situation right now is having a second thought. If you think about it carefully just for a couple of days, perhaps you are going to find the right moment to act.

I sincerely hope that this helps. And someone with a deeper understanding of the multiple lines than I have might help you as well.

All the best,
Learner

For Lilith,

-"what I can expect from my currently estranged relationship: 37 with 3 moving, to form 42."

Well, it has something to do with self-discipline. Yes, honor and integrity, too. Apply the basic element of good strategy to your relationship. Once you have settled on your goals, decide what course of action will be the most likely to achieve them. By the way, be open to new solutions, too. Beside, do not engage in self-destructive behavior. Respect yourself and behave toward yourself as someone who is worthy of royalty and honor.

Hope it help you a bit.