Painful Courtship

zelion · Jul 8, 2007

Hi all.

I´ve been using the I ching for a while, but since this is a very personal and painful issue for me, I thought that it would be better to reach out for help... thus not getting a biased interpretation

So this is my story so far...

A few weeks ago, after moving from Barcelona to L.A. I meet a wonderful girl, and right now I´m completely in love with her, every week I go twice to see her in the club where she works as a hostess, and she´s always nice with me,we even had a date for going dinner together, but this date is delaying time after time, because every time we set a day, something happens and there´s no date, so basically I´m really depressed and tired, I feel like I give everything to her but I never have nothing in return...not even thath promised dinner! So today I asked the Iching if there was the chance for a good outcome, or if it would be better to forget her before I get really hurted... The response was hexagram 31, with changing lines 1 and 2, thus with the resulting hexagram 43.

In the beginning, when I meet this girl for the first time, I asked the I ching about she and me, and I got 13 unchanging.

So please any help would be really appreciated.

Thank you all in advance.

zelion · Jul 9, 2007

I asked the I ching again, and I got 61 changing to 9 through line 3 I think I understand now.. In my opinion, the Yi is telling me to detach a little bit, and that eventually, in the future, maybe I´ll be able to have a relationship with her, and not only as friends like right now. Am I wrong?

I´m ready to detach, concentrating myself in work, seeing other friends... for a while but... Do I have to keep hope alive? Or maybe everything´s already lost and I´m just blind ?

Thanks again.

mudpie · Jul 9, 2007

Hi Zelion,
I don't think your readings say anything about all being lost at all. 31 with 1 and 2 is just the beginning...a mutual attraction in its early stages; don't be too impatient, and there could be attractive possibilties here.

61.3 means a powerful connection, and I think you are right to not to put all your eggs outside of your basket. keep your cool, and continue to make small gestures.
A man in love is a powerful attracting force; I am sure she is flattered.
Take the confident stance; find out if she is worthy of your deeper attention and worth pursuing by continuing to develop the friendship which is present.
All the best.

willowfox · Jul 9, 2007

Hex 31.1 says that you are only at the beginnings of a new attraction, a new relationship so do not make a big deal out of it because it has a long way to go to become a firm reality and there is every chance that she may break it off at anytime.

Hex 31.2 you are going to fast too soon with this girl, you need to restrain yourself and not get carried away because you have a lot to learn about her, so you really need to watch and wait otherwise you may just end up getting hurt.

Hex 43 says that there is a problem here that must be dealt with, it is time for you to get to the root of the problem, so you will have to have a deep talk with this girl because things are not clear at all, so it is up to you to find out what the problem actually is and where you stand in this relationship.

willowfox · Jul 9, 2007

Hex 61.3 > 31 says that you are too infatuated with this girl and that will cause you to have very mixed up feelings, oneday happy, the next day sad, you are surrendering you life for a dream, it says that you have to get your emotions under control and be more independent otherwise you are going to get hurt.

Hex 31 you are attracted to this girl but it requires that you do not force the issue, don't come on too strong, it requires patience and consideration, any progress must be allowed to develop at its own pace, you have to get to know each other before any firm commitment can be made.

zelion · Jul 9, 2007

Thanks a lot Listener and Willowfox.

All that you said makes a lot of sense for me, since I meet this girl, all my life is about going up when I can see her and have her attention, and going down when I see that maybe there are more man around, since she is very attractive and nice, and because of her work, every week a lot of people try to date her, and althought she told me she´s single, I think that the problem that indicates Hex 43 is just that, one man that maybe has some sort of relationship, casual maybe, but that is a strong motive for her to have me as a ¨second option¨.

So I´ll try not to be so infatuated with her, while keep on being so good as I am now to her, and even I´ll try not to go and see her next week.. and maybe she is more happy to see me next time (although she always seems happy when sees me...)

Thanks again for your insight into this!

David

hexagon · Jul 11, 2007

Casting the IC aside for a moment, my advice is to lighten up and enjoy flirting with others as well as with her. IThe intensity of your emotion will only hinder your communication. Instead, a sense of humour and play will win her over if you can give her the attention she wants without being too heavy.

L.

zelion · Jul 12, 2007

Thanks Hexagon. I thought that was the way to go, but as facts unfold, I learnt that there's a problem that I should fix with our friendship not yet turned to a romanic relationship... This thread actually continues here:

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=4396

Thanks

asci_blue · Jul 14, 2007

okay brother, lemme give you some relationship advice Yi aside. When asking for a first date make it something short, approx 30 mins. Also if possible build it into your regular day. This way if things suck you have a reason to not be there. You set up dinner it can take an hour or two easily and nothing sucks more than being in an unenjoyable date. Do coffee or something, 30 mins and show her how cool a dude you are and try to create deep rapport and connect with her on a deeper level. If things go well set up a day 2 on the spot for a few days later, avoid friday nights and saturday nights cause those are generally date nights. shoot for monday through thursday. once she's put forth some effort to keep you around you can essentially promote her to a date night and do something really cool, aka dinner/movie or if you've got the guys cook her dinner at your place.

Women are only as interested in you as they put effort forth. I'm in a similar situation, constantly getting a runaround from an interest which the Yi keeps saying be persistent. I'm about to ask again just to see if it isn't time to move on. the difference between you and I is, she contacts you. I really hate having to ask for help but I might have to call a favor in to even get SOME kind of contact out of this girl.

zelion · Jul 15, 2007

Hey, I just tried to do that, I already asked for a coffe in non-weekend days.. no reply, she's not even replying my phone calls, I'm in a retreat/darkening of the light situation. Indeed, today I asked to the Yi:

Should I go and se her? Or should I remain "invisible"?

Hex 36.2.3.5.6 to Hex 61

So I suppose I'll refrain myself for a while... Something's wrong with our friendship, maybe a misunderstanding, some wrong communication between us... and maybe a third jealous person trying to spoil everything.. Not knowing what to do man!
I hope the good people wins this time...

asci_blue · Jul 16, 2007

Your best bet now, no joke is to leave her alone. One of the girls that lives here and I used to do some pretty serious flirting. Had I moved here months earlier I have no doubt we'd be in a relationship now. So once I did get here I spammed the crap outta her e-mail and she never got back. I ignored her for months and what a surprise she came to ASCI looking for me. I replied and left it alone again.

I just made the mistake of rereading one of your posts bro.

all my life is about going up when I can see her and have her attention

Lesson 1: Do not care about her attention. This may be my one flaw but I really don't care what people think of me. This leads me to do and say very dumb things but I stay true to who I am, based off this statement you are out to impress her using any means (read fake) necessary. Do not do this. Get her to want your attention. Next time you're out have a bit more fun, hang around more women just talk to them and give your infatuation the sign you're a desirable male. When you do she will come to you.

zelion · Jul 16, 2007

Last time I went to see her, I just did that, try to have more fun, speaking with different girls... She realized this, but from that day, I think everything went wrong..

Good luck with your quest...

asci_blue · Jul 16, 2007

If anything it'll only help you in the end. Would you really want a female who won't allow you to have fun on your own?

zelion · Jul 17, 2007

Well, I understand your point, but in the beginning of a new relationship is easy to get a little bit jeaolus, because nothing's for sure.. So for me it doesn't mean she is not worth.. who knows, everything's confusing now, as Hex 16 says..

asci_blue · Jul 17, 2007

Things are only as sure as you make them. You are in your reality, and you must show her that she is in your reality. When you can do this you will be successful.

zelion · Jul 19, 2007

I like that, you are right, everything's about wich reality one lives, who's in, and who's out. Btw, right now I'm going to see her while she's working iknthe club... Long time no see her, and today I asked the Yi, and told me:

Hex 46.4 to 32 (lasting union)

Interesting, isn't it? Let's go and face reality tonight!

...life can be translucent

Painful Courtship

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