Hello, dear friends,
I have posted, over a couple of years, questions related to hexagram 36. I thought it was ominous, and many of you showed me otherwise. I appreciated that. However, I don't seem to ever be able to come to grips with what it means for me.
In this case, I asked, -alas, I know, quite obsessively- a question about a person I love and care for deeply and don't seem to be able to be with. for two years this has gone on.
I asked: what is the future for me and D?
The answer 36.1.3>2

36.1 seems to indicate I should persevere, quietly. 36.3 is totally beyond me.
But overall, I get the picture that D and I will never come out in the open. A year ago we broke up, but it's not as if it's over.

Hope to get some wise feedback from you!
Thank you.
Hulda

hulda said:

In this case, I asked, -alas, I know, quite obsessively- a question about a person I love and care for deeply and don't seem to be able to be with. for two years this has gone on.
I asked: what is the future for me and D?
The answer 36.1.3>2

36.1 seems to indicate I should persevere, quietly. 36.3 is totally beyond me.
But overall, I get the picture that D and I will never come out in the open. A year ago we broke up, but it's not as if it's over.

Click to expand...

Hi Hulda,

I think the hex is saying go slowly, hide your light and restrain yourself for now. You can't speed this process up wherever it's leading.

Now, that might mean slaying those demons and looking on your love for this person as an intense time of learning that taught you all kinds of things - including knowing when to let go. Or, there may still be "stuff" to work out and transform. But not until you're strong enough and your light has grown. There's some wounding there that needs to heal, which is appropriate for 2 as well - being receptive and allowing things to go at their own pace.

You talked about being "obsessive" and this is something I would suggest that you really try and work on as it's going to drain you and take away any potential for both of you in whatever ways that might manifest. Time to get a fresh new outlook to occupy those circular thoughts or using that excess energy to re-focus onto something entirely different. If it's meant to be then you'll find each other again. If not, then the time has past and new experiences await you. Who knows?

So, the future is saying this is weakening you right now, your light is fading. So, something has to change and after two years life might be telling you to change your perspective and to let go. The situation can then be allowed to breathe again - to be re-imagined setting yourself free. That's a loving act for both of you. Then perhaps you can see what will happen. Persevere yes, but in the correct way.

I hope that's helped a bit.

Good luck,

Topal

I asked: what is the future for me and D?
The answer 36.1.3>2

Hex 36.1 says not to do anything for the moment, as anything you try to do will only make the situation worse, time to hangfire, wait for the dark cloud to move away and take no notice of what other people say.

Hex 31.3 you will later find out the cause of the problem that has been blocking the relationship and then you will be able to do something about it. The problem has been in existence for quite some time, so it will not be easy to remedy, but by using caution and patience progress will be made.

Hex 2 suggests that there is a possibility of ultimate success.

Topal,
yes, there's hurt, and it sure seems self inflicted. I'm trying to figure out why this happens. Your comments are very helpful. I do believe I must let go, to see what happens and if "it's meant to be" as you say. The 36 hex has come up again and again in this context.
Chris said it was a time of opportunity, especially the times I've gotten 36.4. I think it has been; to learn deep lessons about myself. I realize I really work that way, kind of trying always to be hiding my light, and understanding the outer world. The Yi seems to tell me this is a strength.
But being "in between", not defining -husband vs. D- has been very painful. I know I must let go, and concentrate on my relationship w. my husband, i.e. parting or accepting. It is very difficult, as I have realized for many years that I am not in love with him, but have a very strong sense of committment to family and children. The children have all but left home, and now is a time to define things.
Looking forward to being with someone else, D in this case, has been my motor, what has kept me going, but the Yi always warns me against that, or so it seems.

Willowfox, when you say "not do anything for the moment", do you mean, just hang in there?
I sure hope you're right about the ultimate success.

To both of you and anyone who cares to chip in, any advice?
Thanks,
hulda

hulda said:

I know I must let go, and concentrate on my relationship w. my husband, i.e. parting or accepting. It is very difficult, as I have realized for many years that I am not in love with him, but have a very strong sense of committment to family and children. The children have all but left home, and now is a time to define things.
Looking forward to being with someone else, D in this case, has been my motor, what has kept me going, but the Yi always warns me against that, or so it seems.
To both of you and anyone who cares to chip in, any advice?

Click to expand...

Sorry to hear about your situation Hulda. It sounds extremely difficult. Here's some thoughts that come to mind.

I don't know what you're here to learn - probably many things like the rest of us - and these "lessons" while they may be uniquely ours there are certain common truths that can surface and which can speak to our deepest selves.

From the data you've given (and I had a quick look at your past posts) it seems that D. has given some passion and love back into your life, making you feel alive and more of a "real you." He has given some energy to you, some light. As you say, he has given you strength or been your "motor." Then there is your husband for whom you probably have great affection for but are no longer in love with. And the children are gone.

This is ONLY my opinion, nothing more but my personal view is this: I'm slowly trying to live my life as if it were my last day here no Earth. We don't know how many lives we may live. This may be our only one, certainly our only one as the personality we call Topal or Hulda. Love and loving life despite all it's ever-present darkness, is a crucial part of our reason for being here imo. I think when we are no longer in love with our partner this does a disservice to the idea of love and it puts out the inner light, not only in oneself but with the partner you are with.

The commitment you talk about is a phantom. The acceptance you mention is a denial of the reality as you have expressed it and to accept a lie. When we live together for no other reason than a fear of change and the convenience of the familiar both partners' inner light gradually atrophies. We see it all the time. And it is a big part of modern urban life. It is a big part of living a lie.

I know that's putting it strongly. However, IF you are no longer in love with him. Can it be re-kindled? Perhaps. It's a very valid choice to try provided you are not kidding yourself and provided you are not doing it for anyone other than YOU and HIM. Your children are old enough to come to terms with whatever you decide - just do it for reasons that are REAL. It doesn't matter what choice you make as long as you do it with full awareness. If not, it'll eat you up from the inside. Perhaps you have to hide your light now regarding D. but whether D. is in your life in the future or not you don't have to hide it forever.

I've had my fair share of failed relationships precisely because I was denying reality and trying to fit the proverbial square-peg into the round hole. it can be done but at great cost sooner or later imo. And what a military exercise bringing up a family! Kudos to you. From what I can see it's one of the greatest, enjoyable, nightmarish things one can embark on in life! But you gotta live your life too. And when you truly live your life, you allow others to live their lives. You release them. You allow them to learn even if that's sometimes very painful.

Yes, perhaps "now is the time to define things" There's some more questions for the IC I would imagine....

Set some clearly defined parameters to all this now and change can be initiated one way or the other. Now I'm not necessarily suggesting burn all your bridges and skip off into the sunset with D. It may even be that doesn't want the same thing, I don't know. It may be that you could end up on your own. Life has a habit of taking unexpected turns in life... And naturally, you'll be thinking of your children in all this as well. But no one benefits from a loveless relationship nor acceptance. No one. Things just die. A real selves never have a chance to BE.

Perhaps others with more direct experience of this situation may be able to offer some better advice than I.

Good luck and Take care,

Topal

You might want to ask what is the best thing to do for your children during this transition, whatever direction that takes. In other words, how can you keep their transition to adulthood from getting mixed up in their minds with your transition to another relationship (either with your husband or with D.)

Without keeping those two transitions for them clear of each other - unentangled- emotionally, you may run the risk of contaminating the next relationship you have (should it not be your present nominal husband) with some unpleasant energies...

(voice of experience here...)

Your answer suggested that there are problems to be overcome and I can only presume they refer to your husband, so moving to fast would prove to be messy for you but it does say not to give up on your dream of being with D. The problem is your marriage and how to find a way to get out of it, now I understand what the problem is and that it will not be easy but it will be possible to go your own way soon. You want something but you must show the willingness and determination to go after it. Your children are mostly grown up and left, so that is one thing less that is tying you down. So, success lies entirely with you because if you leave then you will get what you want.