Hi everyone-

I'm pretty new to using the YJ and have been using it, like I use astrology, as a meditative tool to see other sides of a situation. I recently have asked several questions relating to my love life, or lack of it. I have received hex 55 several times. The most recent question I asked was, "What can I do to find a loving relationship with a man?". I got 55.2.4 changing to 11.

I'm really confused by this hex, as I always saw it as being honest and comfortable with oneself who one is. And I do feel that way. Heck, I even see myself as being quite a bit of a catch (though, of course, not everyone's cup of tea). I've modelled professionally (so am reasonably attractive), have had careers in the arts and sciences, play all sorts of music, draw, paint, and cook well, and am the person that all of my friends seem to go to when they need advice or counselling. But at nearly age 27, I've never had any sort of a relationship, no guy has ever even asked me on a date, nada. I've even asked guys out (this is a modern world we're living in, I'm not THAT old-fashioned) or tried to initiate a romance in various ways. I've sort of come to the realization that I might not ever have a true love, let alone a long-term relationship. I think I'm okay with that finally too, but really don't see why it needs to be that way. So I'm looking for any advice on interpreting these, as I'm sure there's something obvious I'm missing (especially because I keep getting hex 55!)

I know hex 55 is supposed to be a turning point, but where is it? How would I identify it? I don't get it.

Thanks! And special thanks to this whole website, this has been my main source of learning about YJ and everyone's comments are sooooo helpful.

Hi Daria, welcome aboard!

You sound like a delightful person who would be good to know as a friend, and quite a catch for a good guy. Why then the absence of love?

I see 55.2 shows someone who is mistrusted, or judged harshly. But these negative attitudes are overcome when your good character breaks through the prejudice. 55.4 shows a meeting of people who are perfectly suited for each other. They recognize this heartfelt connection. 11 shows this connection builds into a time of peace, balance, and harmony.

The way I interpret the oracle is that there is an initial bad attitude against you - which might not be your fault at all. If you can overcome this, then there is delightful time awaiting you with your true equal. Which sounds like what you need.

Some ideas for follow up questions - How can I prevent the negative first impressions that seem to keep love from my life? How can I send out a positive "I'm available for healthy relationships" vibe?

I'd thought of 24 as the turning point hexagram. Why do you see 55 as a turning point?

It suggests to me that you might be looking in too local or narrow a field.
And "not everyone's cup of tea" might be an understatement too.
Have you tried stepping out of the familiar and casting a wider "net"?

Dear Daria,
your question is a good one ....as a former model with multple talents and sincerity that you display, there is a real puzzle about why you have not had a date, much less a relationship, and there has to be a solution.

Huangs says the 2nd yin line correspnds to the 5th yang line. Your brighteness is eclipsed by the yang line meaning perhaps, as Ben says, mistrust,envy.

I wonder if perhps you stay aloof, and appear independent and maybe even unapproachable? a "no vacancy" sign. Men are often vulnerable and fearful of rejection when a woman appears to have it all. The second line counsels you to not give up.......and to be sincere and truthful about who you really are. But Don't force things, but have quiet faith in yourself, and an openness of heart. these influences wil make themselves felt ultimately.

the 4th line says You are in position to recogize the one of like nature who also sees he corresponds with you. perfectly suitable . In this dark time, it is a good to seek the positive companion, and productive action brings good fortune

so basically, it seems a time when you can come out of the shadow of seeming unavailable, and allow your sincerity and feminity/even vulnerability to be seen.Smiling more and not being too glaring, just confident and sweetly approachable, and selective! Watch for the who warmly returns your smile, and let him approach

I am the mother of a 18 yr old, and I notice how many of her friends, and her too, sometimes act too "in your face" to guys, too much like one of the guys, and their sweet vulnerability and open heart is hidden. What you send out NEEDN'T be a BOLD: I am available here! .......
but you work from within, tempering your presence, while emanating a sweetness and vulnerabilty that more subtly says: I am approachable... and I think I like you.

Understated confidence from within, with a quiet smile and inviting openness, attracts the man who wants to know more..

It takes practice. and I don't mean to completely hide your accomplishments but keep the light dusky, allow him to be drawn and intrigued.


gee,I hope I am not sounding sexist, but I don't think the mating game changes much best of luck..let us know your progress.

"What can I do to find a loving relationship with a man?". I got 55.2.4 changing to 11.

It suggests that you are eclipsing all potential male suitors by your looks, your confidence or your attitude, it seems that there is something about you that intimidates men, they feel literally in the dark when with you. Line 55.4 suggests that you can meet and date but tone yourself down, stop dazzling the men, stop being so eager and use your head to find a way to advance yourself while appearing somewhat retiring.

Hi Daria,
I was touched by your post because I felt it could have been my own. Although I know that we are all different and no "destiny" is identical I am feeling the same regarding the lack of a love relationship in my life despite all I have that would normally attract a man into my life. This morning I asked the Yi "Why I am single"? and got 62 becoming 56. I know that I've been told by a person in this forum that it's my fate to be alone and I start to accept that this might be the case even if it make no sense what so ever to me. I mean WHY should it be my fate? What is the added value to this in the Universe? I mean, in my opinion we are all made to have intimate relationships, this is how it is meant to be otherwise we would not have this drive. So it makes no sense at all to me that my fate is to be single without the possibility to create my own family but in the same way it's a kind of relief to feel that it's beyond my control, I have tried so hard including years of work with myself in order to try to fix what has been spoiled and to become the best possible person but although this has helped me in many areas of my life it has not helped me to attract a good love relationship into my life. Today I definitely feel to be a person worth to love and be loved, it's definitely nothing wrong with me, not on the outside, not in the inside of my person. It's a complete mystery, a million dollar question – WHY?

I wish you all the best, Daria, and above all I wish you a fulfilling love relationship.

What can I do to find a loving relationship?

55.2
..one meets with mistrust and hate.
If one rouses him through truth,
Good fortune comes.

Wow, this sure seems to describe your sense that your good looks and confidence may be actually creating a false impression that keeps potential partners at bay. "If one rouses him through truth..." This makes me think you should do more to project your true self. Put a bumper sticker on your car that expresses your point of view. Wear a piece of jewelry that tells who you are (May I suggest an I Ching necklace?).

Do this and you are sure to...

55.4
..meet your ruler, who is of like kind.

Very encouraging!

And where will all of this happen?...

11.
He further regulates the gifts of heaven and earth,
And so aids the people.

Volunteer to help a cause you believe in. Whether it's a political campaign or a soup kitchen you will connect with lots of good people who are on your same wave length.

plupp said:

Hi Daria,
This morning I asked the Yi "Why I am single"? and got 62 becoming 56. I know that I've been told by a person in this forum that it's my fate to be alone and I start to accept that this might be the case even if it make no sense what so ever to me.

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Dear Plupp, It concerns me that you would carry away an assumption like that from any remarks here.

Please keep in mind that the I Ching speaks to present energies and not to your "fate".

I can understand that you feel 62.6 > 56 is not an encouraging answer to such a question, I understand, and yet it only has significance for RIGHT NOW. I see it saying that you are still "on the road" for one thing...and just maybe it is warning you that you take this issue of being single too far, for now. For right now, you are single - don't take it to be forever and I wouldnt consider it some great mystery to be solved.....that's attaching an enormous significance to a simple fact.

I think you are correct to let go (give up control), but you can still cherish and love your aspiration. Dwell in the richness of possibility rather than on the notion of lack or on this idea of dismal forever-fate. Life can change on a dime.
and 'Fate is kind', as the song goes, much kindlier than the thoughts we think to torture ourselves.

Dear Listener,
Thanks a lot. Agree, I torture myself by going on about this fate thing and being single that all common sense would say has no added value to my situation at all - on the contrary - it make things worse - so I keep words like yours like a true treasure and try to focus on what you said instead of hurting myself with thinking that life will be like this forever. I am still on the road, travelling, so let's make the journey as enjoyable as possible. Again, thanks a lot for you kind, wise words.

The desired answer never came, but the right partner came

Hello Plupp,

„Why“-questions are usually a sign of emotional pain in one form or another. Emotional pain is a symptom of being cut off from one's inner source. My notebooks show that the more pain or pressure is involved in my questions, the more the answer is likely to zoom into my inner state for the time being.

If 61 describes a state of pure and unsoiled awareness, then 62 describes how this awareness utterly devotes itself to the humble requirements of the present moment as it is. The koan of washing the rice bowl enhances this 62 virute perfectly. As you know yourself, line 6 often comes as a warning help, not as a verdict. To me 62 is the most spiritual hexagram as it can represent applied mastership, even if it comes in small (sic!) doses. So ‘great good luck’ is not an empty phrase! 62.6 (>56) fails to do this, fails to adress to the small, simple and ordinary, to what you have ‘in front of your nose’and to cherish it. So it cannot capture the guiding message, that the present moment provides. It wanders too far away from it, f.i. by projecting a sense of failure into the future, by playing mindgames…..etc.

In the past I went through all the possible phases of the will-I/we-have-a-relationship question. I developed incredible skills to find yet another way to disguise ‘the question’. The desired answer never came, but the right partner came.

I will always remember my first question about him: is this my partner to be? A: 56.1. Again the Yi drew my attention to my inner state and commented upon it : “Dear, I am not impressed yet. A few confused steps don’t make a journey and you haven’t gone beyond your horizon yet ………but it looks like a bright morning.”

The Yi can be such a strict and harsh teacher in demanding mastership when all you want is some encouragement. Plupp, maybe mastering your “why”-question is the purpose.

“….instead of hurting myself with thinking that life will be like this forever …” This is applying the virtues of 62 ! I think, you are doing great.

Ah, yes, the koan... here it is:
http://www.nozen.com/washbowl.htm

Fallada,

„Why“-questions are usually a sign of emotional pain in one form or another. Emotional pain is a symptom of being cut off from one's inner source. My notebooks show that the more pain or pressure is involved in my questions, the more the answer is likely to zoom into my inner state for the time being.

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Thank you for that brilliant post!

Fallada, your post is moret han brilliant - it's like a gift from heaven! In one day I have received 2 precious gifts - from Listener and from you. It's only when reading words like yours that I feel the true meaning of the Yi. Thank you from my heart. I will go and check the link you posted, thanks for that as well.

Agreeing about the lovely, wisdom-filled post of Fallada:bows:

So much praise.... Thank you !