Hi,

Well, a couple of weeks ago I wrote about how I was pretty lonely (see thread "lonely and hex 55"). I'm 26 and have never had much of anything until just recently (no boyfriends, dates, nada, though I think I'm a pretty okay person, maybe even a catch. There's more of a description in the other thread. Anyway, a couple of crisis points happened recently, I lost work, went on a couple of dates with this one guy in particular. I asked a couple of guys on friendly dates, there was one that I really really liked- theoretically, a very good match for me. We had deep conversations about philosophy, spirituality, biology, economics, childhood experiences, anything! He is someone who is super charming and somewhat of a ladies' man, but not in a gross way (example: at a wedding this weekend, he made sure to dance with all of the girls, even ones who were not good dancers, or not good-looking, etc. Some of the ones who weren't so proficient he tried to help and spent extra time with.) He never ignores anyone, male or female, and is honestly interested and curious about what everyone has to say, whether it be the kids next door, some random person at an art show, or the homeless guy in the subway station.

Anyway, about a month ago when we were hanging out he brought up the subject of us, and said that I was someone he had fantasized about making love to, and never really thought it would happen, but that he did not think we should pursue things. The problems are several: he is moving home to Europe most likely in a couple of months, when his job ends in the US. He does not have another job lined up, nothing really seems to pique his interest. He is considering quitting his career as a research scientist completely, and pursuing music or teaching, or even going to live and work on his family's farm. I asked him to think about it and he said it just did not feel right, and that he was leaving, and I have not heard from him other than rehearsals or performances we've had together. This weekend we ended up making out quite passionately at a wedding we attended/played at, although we decided not to have sex. He again reiterated the fact that he felt that he was not the right guy for me, and that he was interested in a physical relationship only.

I was surprised that anything at all happened, quite frankly, and feel strange about the fact that afterwards I feel less naive and idealistic about this whole thing. Obviously, if he wanted to be in a relationship, he'd pursue things. I sort of feel indifferent in a way, having realized that we are in two COMPLETELY different places (from what I gather, he's quite experienced, in both relationships and general life experiences). Part of me
doesn't care either way what happens, just taking it as a pleasant experience, part of me thinks I should just stop the physical part of things, part of me thinks I should see how he feels about doing this as a sort of learning experience for me to learn the ropes, if you will, part of me has no idea what's going on. I have decided that sex is out of the question for me at this point, although I feel as though anything else would be fine. I am working a lot and quite frankly am used to being independent, I don't know that a conventional relationship arrangement is right for me right now anyway.

The whole thing has recently had another loop thrown in, as I overheard him say (he didn't know I was there) that he was very frustrated by not having a girlfriend, and even was ready for marriage (he is in his early 30s). A friend of his also mentioned to me that he was really depressed by not having a girlfriend and couldn't find anyone. None of our mutual friends know anything about us hanging out at all.

I asked YJ, since I have to see him several times in the coming week,
Please give me a hint on how to act around x in a manner that won't mess me up emotionally
and received
28.1->43
This seems to me to indicate a change in the situation, for sure. With line 1, perhaps we were not cautious in the beginnings of this, although neither of us was at fault, it's just what happened. I should remain confident in myself, even if I decide to renounce the relationship (in romantic/sexual terms). The whole situation perhaps is a turning point for me in having relationships. 43 again seems to show change, a break-through. I guess there's still part of me that is into him, I'm having a problem resolving the attraction with the reality that he says/seems to act like he does not want to be with me. Pursuing my own interests can help with this. Not really sure, thoughts?

I also asked:
What is the most likely outcome of a relationship between x and i if things remain how they are now?
and received
50 unchanging.
I'm not quite sure what to think, although I see a lot of threads that point to this as promoting a spiritual transformation in one or both of us. Figure out what I want? Just give it time? It will be transformative anyway, really, all experiences are, right?



I guess I really am not sure what I think about all of this. The one thing that's pretty good is that we both have been pretty honest with each other so far about where our heads are at, I don't have any regrets. Does anyone have any ideas about the interpretation or questions to ask YJ? I think some sort of change is indicated but I'm not really sure what that would be, or what questions I should ask myself or the YJ to figure it out.

Thanks, and sorry this is so long!

Please give me a hint on how to act around x in a manner that won't mess me up emotionally
and received
28.1->43
28.1 seems to advise you realize you will feel stress when around him, so prepare carefully. weaving a white mat means having place of rest (internal) that is pure.. . Check your motives, be prepared to not react emotionally, no aggressive move, just be pure and simple, authentic and caring for yourself . If you prepare well for how you will self-care when you see him, all should be well. you can be centered, at peace wanting nothing from him. 43, could mean that you discover your power in "Being resolved"
this alone can be dynamic..and perhaps give him a head-turn.
50 is a time for transformation in your personal life.

Please give me a hint on how to act around x in a manner that won't mess me up emotionally

28.1 Hi i agree with listener,I could maybe add to tread carefully dont put yourself out on a limb what so ever
let him come to you sought of thing
43 will be a release of the tension or energy between you, he could realise that you are interested and you are a really sweet girl or he may go off into never never and that could be the end, i think maybe the latter is more likley ,but who knows however the tension will be gone
so you have 28 the breaking point a sought of careful period then the rain comes and the release of tension
a bit like cyclone it comes then you have the eye where you are wary and all is quiet then it release and subsides then you have 50 where comes into play as listener said it s a transformation in your personal life is another reason i feel the latter, also 5O is a big melting pot in my eyes of emotions and thoughts which maybe could be the beggining or the end of an emotional issue

So at this stage hold your cards close to your chest , be a lady and see how it goes my dear

all the best
Steve