Hi,

I have recently moved away from a society (sounds like I'm straight out of a Jane Austen novel! which I have been used to for the past 4 years. There is only one true friend I have left there, while the others I was less close to but enjoyed spending time with.. maybe because of my shyness or difficulty in groups, or because I was just different, and there is sadness because there are some who I will miss (others definitely not) but don't really expect to see again.. I also didn't leave on a high, but no quarrels.. just a bit disappointing but probably inevitable.. anyway, time for moving on and 'molting' I guess..

I do wonder if I have been a selfish non - team player in some way (I feel I've moved on, and nothing for it but to forget - not cut ties, just not regard in my life anymore because I know they don't regard me (says it all really) But it's a shame I don't feel that life is still open to me because of how it ended.. so I asked is this right?

59.3,4,5,6 > 32
An enduring dispersion? Seems to say sometimes dissolution is necessary for a new beginning - probably a lot of that group are moving on to different things now. So would you say the Yi is just highlighting it as a natural progression?
Also 59.6 - perhaps my extricating myself from that environment has saved trouble (for myself and perhaps them as I didn't fit in brilliantly) and is beneficial - Dissolving his blood (so that it can't be shed)

I also asked why I have now failed with friendships (groups) twice, where bad has outweighed good ultimately..
29.1,2,3,5 > 36

I have definitely learnt and finally accepted that it is not worth trying to fit in with a group - much better to value the close friends and follow your nature rather than how you think you should be.. Would the reading be highlighting that when in a dangerous situation (ie a group of people I am unsure about) I should protect myself, and hide my light from them? Makes sense because in the past I have tried to make it work and pretended all was well, but ended up an outsider anyway.. It's just that I like people and groups, but I guess the problem stems from the pressure I then place on myself to 'perform' and then end up feeling inadequate, so I don't contribute well.. I do know as well that it has been due to a lack of common ground and differing attitudes etc sometimes too.. and certain people with bad and superior attitudes...

Another reading I am unsure about is about my recent living situation which was constantly up and down - sometimes I felt comfortable, other times not.. primarily due to one person but they were a group, and made it clear by the end that they didn't consider me much at all.. and it just dissolved.
What did I do wrong?

54.5
Could that be saying that they just weren't suited to me and I should wait for better opportunities for friendships?

Any light you could shed on these readings would be great
I am at peace with the situation, though thinking about it does make me sad, I know it's just a case of finding where you belong (or realising that you can also be fine without) like the Ugly Duckling Story I was advised to read when I first posted about friendship troubles

:bows:

em ching said:

Hi,


I do wonder if I have been a selfish non - team player in some way (I feel I've moved on, and nothing for it but to forget - not cut ties, just not regard in my life anymore because I know they don't regard me (says it all really) But it's a shame I don't feel that life is still open to me because of how it ended.. so I asked is this right?

59.3,4,5,6 > 32
An enduring dispersion? Seems to say sometimes dissolution is necessary for a new beginning - probably a lot of that group are moving on to different things now. So would you say the Yi is just highlighting it as a natural progression?
Also 59.6 - perhaps my extricating myself from that environment has saved trouble (for myself and perhaps them as I didn't fit in brilliantly) and is beneficial - Dissolving his blood (so that it can't be shed)

Click to expand...

Yes i think its right. I don't think there is any indication of selfishness in the answer. Following your nature, your destiny may not always be fun, maybe lonley but it is yours, naturally yours. Maybe you need space and distance from these groups for your own personal growth, need to get a perspective (59.4) on them..and move away from them (59.6) i really think theres no need for regret here.

I also asked why I have now failed with friendships (groups) twice, where bad has outweighed good ultimately..
29.1,2,3,5 > 36

Click to expand...

Its not a question of failure, its learning, learning to protect your light. 29 refers to repeated lessons. You try to fit in, you aren't valued (36) you feel hurt, you can' t be yourself..but this doesn't mean you have failed. My personal opinion is you are moving beyond these people naturally but you keep seeking their approval etc which is wounding when you don't get it.

I have definitely learnt and finally accepted that it is not worth trying to fit in with a group - much better to value the close friends and follow your nature rather than how you think you should be.. Would the reading be highlighting that when in a dangerous situation (ie a group of people I am unsure about) I should protect myself, and hide my light from them? Makes sense because in the past I have tried to make it work and pretended all was well, but ended up an outsider anyway.. It's just that I like people and groups, but I guess the problem stems from the pressure I then place on myself to 'perform' and then end up feeling inadequate, so I don't contribute well.. I do know as well that it has been due to a lack of common ground and differing attitudes etc sometimes too.. and certain people with bad and superior attitudes...

Click to expand...

Yes i think thats exactly what 29 to 36 was describing, this is something you have learned, the hard way. I don't think necessarily these are bad people...but they have been people you have been,as it were willing to 'sell out' to, as if you would mould yourself to however you think might please them and of course that goes against nature itself, causes pain to you and they sense it because you as you you are is sufficient to itself, you aren't here just to fit in, its a kind of distortion to do that. Maybe next time you are aware of a similar dynamic in a group just pause and watch it like you would a movie..detach from seeing them as 'bad' people start seeing them as people you just want something from...then consider this feeling of wanting something from them..if you look at it from a distance, feel less involved I think you may start to remove all the power you give them to make you feel bad, move it from them back to you. I think this was what the 59 answer was about..

Another reading I am unsure about is about my recent living situation which was constantly up and down - sometimes I felt comfortable, other times not.. primarily due to one person but they were a group, and made it clear by the end that they didn't consider me much at all.. and it just dissolved.
What did I do wrong?

54.5
Could that be saying that they just weren't suited to me and I should wait for better opportunities for friendships?

Click to expand...

You didn't do anything wrong. In 54 one is always at a disadvantage like the maiden who goes to her new husbands home, has no status, doesn't know the rules, so it was a difficult situation for you. However 54.5 says that even in a lowly position the maiden gains influence. Maybe you came in the end to be valued by these people way more than you think...and also maybe a portent for the future that though you feel disadvantaged now that will turn around in time

Ever tried affirmations ? I never have, don't like the idea but i think you could try looking in the mirror each night and say "I am great and i have done nothing wrong" unless you really have lol

Thanks very much Trojan

:bows: