Hello I'm rather new at postings, though I read the threads on this site often and I really appreciate everybody's insightful participation.
Well, I did something very out of character and borrowed a large sum of money to a very good old friend of mine. Not that it's out of my character to help my friends out, but this is a very large amount of money for me.
I only agreed to do it because she told me that she would only need it for about 24 hours. She needed to close an agreement with a property she was purchasing and that she would have had to make a long drive to receive the payment that she needed to do so.
Yeah.. I know it sounds sketchy, but I agreed to give her the money. Now five days have passed and she has not returned the money yet. For her this is an investment that she will benefit from hopefully. I'm sure I will eventually get my money(I mean it does look like that from the hexagram, no?) but I feel like I have been misled and manipulated into giving her a mortgage loan with no gratuity for me. What kind of friend is this?

13.2 ° Six in the second place means:
Fellowship with men in the clan.
Humiliation.

Am I being the selfish one?
Is the I ching telling me to not mix business with friendship and to just accept what happened and not demand any interest on this loan?

It's changing to hex 1...? Any ideas?

Hi Kali,
What exactly did you ask the I Ching? If your question was indeed, "What kind of a friendship is this?" I think you are being told that you are at the borderline between good friend and someone not to be trusted. The line before, 13.1 refers to a good friend while the next line, 13.3 speaks of out and out mistrust. So it sounds like I Ching is saying that in loan this money, you did something that was a bit beyond the bounds. I think hexagram 1 is positive however for being able to now create a fresh agreement.
You asked for an opinion as to whether you were being selfish to resent this friend taking this loan with no arrangement for a gratuity for you. IMHO you are not being selfish at all but are just having to learn one of life's hard truths.
Rosada

kalikari said:

Well, I did something very out of character and borrowed a large sum of money to a very good old friend of mine. Not that it's out of my character to help my friends out, but this is a very large amount of money for me.
I only agreed to do it because she told me that she would only need it for about 24 hours. She needed to close an agreement with a property she was purchasing and that she would have had to make a long drive to receive the payment that she needed to do so.
Yeah.. I know it sounds sketchy, but I agreed to give her the money. Now five days have passed and she has not returned the money yet. For her this is an investment that she will benefit from hopefully. I'm sure I will eventually get my money(I mean it does look like that from the hexagram, no?) but I feel like I have been misled and manipulated into giving her a mortgage loan with no gratuity for me. What kind of friend is this?

13.2 ° Six in the second place means:
Fellowship with men in the clan.
Humiliation.

Am I being the selfish one?
Is the I ching telling me to not mix business with friendship and to just accept what happened and not demand any interest on this loan?

It's changing to hex 1...? Any ideas?

Click to expand...

I don't think anyone could call you selfish here, lol...funny answer though, 13.2 ? Hmm normally this is about people being too cliquey, only allowing the 'in crowd' in, giving special favours through nepotism..and not in a good way. So you have given her a very special favour, but then you are a very close friend so why shouldn't you ? Why is the Yi painting this as someone giving someone else a special favour just cos of who they are, not on their merit ? Hmm perhaps,as is often the case with answers, the Yi is merely reflecting back the situation to you...as in 'this is what has happened, you have given someone a special favour because they are a friend rather than because they truly deserve or merit this kind of trust' Perhaps you felt you 'had to' because of the friendship..well thats understandable..but I think the answer may indicate it wasn't such a reasonable demand in that has taken advantage of your connection somewhat although i couldn't say to what degree.

So to sum up IMO I think your answer says she took some advantage, yes. Doesn't mean to say shes a rotten friend full stop, but on this occasion perhaps she has overstepped the mark presuming on your friendship this way. I think the answer is talking about this rather than if you'll get it back..that would be another question. I'd imagine if you are close you will get it back but if she said 24 hours she should have contacted you really to put you in the picture.

Wow, thanks for the great insights Rosada and Trojan!
Rosada, calling my attention to the fact that line 13.2 lies in between trust (13.1) and mistrust (13.3) was very insightful! It's true that the issue for me is feeling unsure suddenly if this sweet friend of mine is manipulating me or not. And the fact is that she can really be quite selfish at times... which is only human, but I wonder sometimes just how much of a submissive role is healthy for me to take. I mean, maybe I need to asses how I may be trying too hard sometimes to please the people around me. This is as you said, "one of life's hard truths"
yep, it's a hard one. Tojan, you really hit it when you said,
"So you have given her a very special favour, but then you are a very close friend so why shouldn't you ? "

I talked to her this morning about it. She emphatically stated that it was not her intention to make me feel uncomfortable and that I would certainly have my money after this weekend. I believe her, but I wanted to make her understand that I had borrowed it to her on the pretense that I would have the money back in 24 hours and that it was ok if she could not pay me back right away, but that I would like to renegotiate and get a written contract with her about it. She responded by saying again that she would never use me with the intention not to pay me back. Of course that is not the issue, but I dropped the subject after that because I felt it was all getting a bit tense, and I want things to stay cool between us.

Consulted the I Ching again about our friendship, this time 13.1.6 Fellowship with Men again! Wow.
But this time changing line one, the trusting one...
And 6... the distant one... hmmm.
to 31 influence
Maybe it's saying she truly is a good friend to have in my life, but I need to learn how to set my boundaries more clearly? What do you guys think?

I can't be too specific, not knowing the situation as you do but i think the relation in 13.2 is really too close for some reason..the resulting 'misfortune' must be the kind of misfortune resulting when people get in a close group in order to exclude others, I personally have found it to refer to snobbery..how this applies to your situation is something you need to think over. The way to get to know your readings is not always to think over what the words mean but get into the image..I think Hilary was saying this in a recent blog post, i find it more and more to be true. Humiliation through close bonds with clan...how is this really too close ?

Your second answer 13.1.6 >31 13 i feel refers to your social network. Lines 1 and 6 are not showing connections that are really close, but loose, casual, sociable, friendly. The difference being in 13.1 one is at the beginning of the encounter, in 13.6 one is still connected but in a fairly loose, casual way. As lines 1 and 6 move i think you've run the full spectrum of what 'fellowship' really means with this person...and you have been very influenced by them (31) and they possibly by you ..but is it really close in truth ? or is it really just someone in your wider group thats had undue impact on you, made more demands.

In 13.2 one is making close connection at the expense of the rest of the group, in other words your closeness is actually based on shutting others out. 13.1.6 seems to refer to going back towards more open, but looser relationship with her..so yes I guess that would be to do with boundaries. Perhaps you need to pull back from perceived closeness...especially if she cultivates closeness to ask huge favours such as this. You actually had to borrow money yourself to give to her thats some risk and one most people may think twice about even asking members of their family for.

Hmm I'd think an apology was due really for stressing you about this, its understandable you're worried. I'm sure it will be okay and she'll keep her word but you shouldn't feel you have to drop the topic IMO cos it now sounds like shes being a bit manipulative as when you bring it up she kind of guilt trips you for misjudging her ....but really she should have come to you and apologised already. Theres alot of shoulds there I know but seems to me you need to stand your ground here. Do others in your group know about it ? If she gets more evasive it may help to get support from them too..hmm anyway like Rosada said it does seem one of those life lessons

re the friendship maybe its an idea to connect in group settings more, be social but include others in your friendship. I think you may get more perspective on her like that

I think the I Ching is saying that in order for this friendship to be more than just two people who happen to live near each other (13.6), there has to be deeper connectedness. 31. Influence is the image of mountain, a boundary below a lake, an openness. Thus while one keeps their core boundaries in place, they are able to open up a least a bit to take in what the other person is all about. In order to have an influence one must be capable of being influenced.
I wouldn't say they I Ching is saying that this person is good or not to have in your life, just that you are going to need to be able to influence, to open up to each other more if this friendship is going to work. Like if this association is going to become a solid friendship maybe you will need to learn not be so uptight about people promising they will return your money and then not only not returning it but acting like you are out of line for expecting them to keep their word...

Wow, this is really getting deep. Trojan, now that you have stressed the idea of cliqueness from the first reading again, I had to really stop and ask myself some serious questions. Throughout my friendship with her (more then 8 years now) there has been a sort of feeling of being in a "family." She herself even uses this term to describe our friends. We have the same jyotish teacher and spiritual guru. And within our group a great deal of inter networking and business connections are formed. Maybe, I feel (subconsciously) that she has some sort of special authority in this group. She does seem to comport herself like a queen at times, and she can be sort of judgmental... nevertheless she is highly respected... most of the time. hmmm. Did I lend her the money in part so I could feel more accepted in our "family?" I do have an hidden inner child who is often pining over acceptance.
The truth is I have known her a long time, she is my roommate now for over a year (13.1), but maybe in truth I have found it challenging to be able to form a complete and fulfilling bond of friendship with her.(re 13.6 bares itself) Maybe not all her fault, but she herself is so secretive at times, even with me. It doesn't look like doing her favors is the way to fix this.

Wow the Yi doesn't mess around. Thanks you guys!!

Going by the info you just provided seems clear that trying to make a special bond with her isn't the way to go no. I think it will be more helpful to you to give your attention back to the whole group and treat her like just one of the group. Don't pander to her status as you perceive it, nor try to make a deeper friendship with her. i don't think the basis for that is really there, getting along together well enough is all you need do with her.

Well I finally got my money back from my friend!
Nearly 2 weeks later than promised and a bit short, but at least I've got it (mostly) back. She was quite cold with me when I asked her to do me a favor and deposit part of it for me in my account, she said she felt it wasn't her responsibility to do that for me. I am so disappointed in the way I have been treated throughout all of this. Do I just exude some kind of energy that says, "walk all over me?" I say this because I feel this is an issue not only with her, but some of my other friends as well.

I asked the I ching about my people pleasing behaviors with my friends and what I should be getting from my experience in all this.

4.5 to 59
youthful folly to dissolution

It seems the yi is telling me that I am not to blame at all? Only I am a nice person and this is a good thing? That I shouldn't even be considering my behavior to be a problem... and I guess if I stuck up for myself and got difficult with her there wouldn't be a friendship at all.

kalikari said:

I asked the I ching about my people pleasing behaviors with my friends and what I should be getting from my experience in all this.

4.5 to 59
youthful folly to dissolution

It seems the yi is telling me that I am not to blame at all? Only I am a nice person and this is a good thing? That I shouldn't even be considering my behavior to be a problem... and I guess if I stuck up for myself and got difficult with her there wouldn't be a friendship at all.

Click to expand...

Yes great answer. It shows you are open to learning, you've come through this well. It may also be an indication the way you used the Yi in this situation is good, you have connected, been open to learn from it. No seems no blame at all, but you didn't do anything wrong, you were open and trusting, that can never be wrong nevertheless we need to protect ourselves, thats something we have to learn unfortunately. If there was an element of 'people pleasing' and its something you've become aware of then as one translation puts it, can't recall which one, you are a "fortunate young sprout" ...I think the Yi likes you