This morning I drew hexagram 23 unchanging for the first time in a very long time, when asking what to meditate on in preparation for what could be a very difficult day. I'm supposed to see my ex tonight for the first time since she left a few days ago. I'm going to follow previous counsel of friends, the YI and some on this forum to be gentle and calm and not get angry with her or lash out, but getting this only seems to confirm: there's nothing to do now but accept that this partnership has fallen apart, and that in fact it has been slowly doing so for a long time. It's been several days now and it's become abundantly clear that this is what she wants, and I won't and can't stand in the way or try to talk her out of it. But nine years crumbling like that. I know separation and divorce are daily affairs, but I never realized quite how much like a death they really are.

I don't know I've ever felt the meaning of the heart of sadness this vividly. As a follow-up question, I asked, "How can I find myself and get my joy back?"

I drew 55, Abundance, changing at lines 3 and 6, to 21, Biting Through. Hmm...not very comforting somehow. I guess I may just have to accept this dark period for a while.

Thank you for listening.

You are right, Hex 23 says that there is nothing that you can do tonight, so just accept that and be on your best behaviour. Stay very calm and quiet but show that you care.

Hey folledeschiele,

I can feel you pain and don't mind lending a listening ear.

Well, Hex 55... I guess line 3 pretty much describes the state you are in now, helpless, not being able to do much, like breaking you arm and being immobile, being hindered. Its not your fault though, you just have to be patient and let your heart heal. After, the essence of Hex 55 is about Be not sad. Be like the sun at midday. Do just that, and let time heal you.

Line 6 is probably a warning not to allow urself to wallow in the regret of how 9 years crumbled just like that, as what you said. I kinda believe in cause and effect. Without sorrow, you won't learn to appreciate the joy which follows. And to prevent yourself from wallowing, you need to do what Hex 21 advice and bite through all the difficulties and sadness.

Don't really know if it makes sense to you, but hopes it sends out the message that there are supportive people out there, you are not alone in this down time.

I'm not skilled enough to help you with your reading folledeschiele, but I just wanted to wish you strenght.
Hang in there, I hope you will feel better soon.

I saw her. We spoke calmly and respectfully, and both of us cried (but mostly her, which I didn't expect). She told me she did still have strong feelings for me, but that it just wasn't working for her and she needed a change. it was strange and heartbreaking all over again, because she was waiting for me at the apartment in the dark, crying, and I saw she had done the laundry and remade OUR bed.

I asked her gently to just explain what wasn't working for her specifically, and she said I had always been on her back, treating her like a child and reproaching her for going out and drinking too much. I do have to mention that she drinks in an unhealthful way, 3 to 4 drinks by herself most nights, and I'm pretty certain she's headed toward full-blown alcoholism. This has always deeply pained me, and has always been a huge source of conflict between us, because I've told her in the past that she needs to confront her problem truthfully and it may end up ruining our relationship someday. now it does seem to have played a big element on both our sides in this mess. And even if she said she wanted us to work it out after all, that would be a big block between us, because I can't bear to see herself inflict this poison on herself.

I did tell her I was sorry for the ways I had not listened, been too demanding, and told her (which was the truth) that I too felt it best that we separate for now. Later, after she left and we embraced each other for a long moment, I wrote her an email reiterating the ways I feel I had failed her, but saying I know all relationships have natural cycles and I wanted her happiness above all. I quoted leonard cohen at the end, "I love you, I love you, and let you move forever", because I thought it important to let her know that I wasn't trying to change her mind, but tell her that I've realized loving someone is giving them the freedom to be who they are.

she wrote back with a short note saying I would always be important in her life and that couldn't change.

This morning I simply asked, "What should I know about our relationship?" and drew 55.2 to 34. seems to suggest I should back off and just give it space.

I do feel a bit healed from having see her. Whether or not we eventually find each other again, knowing she still cares so much helps conciliate certain things in my heart.

"What should I know about our relationship?" and drew 55.2 to 34

Line 52.2 says that you cannot control her or help her at the moment, as she is in an unassailable position, you are sad and upset but there is nothing you can do for the time being.

Hex 34 suggests again that you do the right thing, and to also bide your time, so don't try and force this issue by doing something careless or rash. Think carefully before making your move as this relationship is far from over, this period is just the interlude to freshen up and get some snacks before the main feature begins.

thanks willowfox. I don't really understand though where the reading is suggesting that our relationship isn't over, however. at this point I don't see any hope of holding out hope for that at all...I get the sense it will just protract the pain if I do.