We're having a rough start to the school year here. My seven year old daughter has Asperger's Syndrome and attends a multi-aged gifted classroom where she actually has a lot of freedom to chose what she wants to learn. While some things are improving (she's taking Tenex and staying on task more often), we're still struggling at home and at school with talking back and defiant behavior --often over (seemingly) trivial causes.

This is nothing new; my girl has from the start had her own idea of reality and doesn't much cater to anyone else's. For instance, she doesn't see the point in wearing clothes. Sigh. And for those of you who are astro-savvy: she has five planets, POF, and Ceres in Aquarius, Moon in Gemini, Mars in Aries, Pluto in Sag. Libra rising. I call her the Friendly Anarchist.

She is utterly an autodidact, and I'm tempted to home school here, but she's also an only child and my circumstances right now don't support homeschooling here. Maybe in middle school... So we've got to work with what's available now: the public school GT program.

SO. What's the primary reason she's uncooperative at school? 60.3,5,6-26

If I had to read this as advice, I'd say the Yi is reminding me that setting limits is necessary to her long-term development. But I asked WHY she's uncooperative.

I asked Bradford for a look at this because I was really moved by his thoughts on being an adult with Asperger's. So Brad, if you were the parent of an Aspie kid, what would you recommend for this reading? The need to please others is not a primary motivator, so her teacher's appeals/tricks/warnings fall on disinterested ears.

Any thoughts from the crew here would be appreciated. We meet with her teachers on Monday for a conference.

Some Limitations Are Sweet, Others Bitter

philish said:

We're having a rough start to the school year here. My seven year old daughter has Asperger's Syndrome and attends a multi-aged gifted classroom where she actually has a lot of freedom to chose what she wants to learn. While some things are improving, we're still struggling at home and at school with talking back and defiant behavior --often over (seemingly) trivial causes.

SO. What's the primary reason she's uncooperative at school? 60.3,5,6-26

If I had to read this as advice, I'd say the Yi is reminding me that setting limits is necessary to her long-term development. But I asked WHY she's uncooperative.

Click to expand...

Line 3 indeed says that limitations are necessary, and that there will be lamenting without them. But at the same time H26 reminds us that you have the farmer's/parents job of nurturing and accumulating what is great within the child.

The fact that Lines 5 and 6 are both present give a clue to your question of "why"," or as you said, "what is the primary reason?" Some limitations are sweet and work and allow your daughter to grow and flourish. Others are bitter and not what are called for. The schools undoubtedly apply their limitations with a broad brush, based on what they desire, and not necessarily in a useful way for this particular child.

Here is a paragraph from the Wikiwing about Line 6:

"Bitter articulating, just as in the main oracle for the hexagram. Constancy isn’t possible, so attempting to act with constancy regardless means a pitfall. You’re trying to force rules or definitions onto the situation that don’t fit; they feel all wrong."

I wouldn't expect the child to go along with bitter limitations that don't fit; thus the lack of cooperation.

I hope this helps.

Tiger

What's the primary reason she's uncooperative at school? 60.3,5,6-26

Line 60.3 says that at present she is only intent on doing what she wants to do, as she either doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand that everyone needs to follow certain rules of behaviour in life.

Line 60.5 It suggests that she is just too rebellious at the moment and just will not play by the rules, she really needs to learn self control.

Line 60.6 The harder you push her the harder she will push back but a lesson in obedience needs to be taught on occasion.

Too much Aquarian in her, with both Sun and Uranus in there you have very rebellious child who resents authority and is a law unto herself.

You and the teachers are facing a battle of the wills, so there can only be one winner here, the grown ups.

"...a law unto herself" is too true. Dead on, WF. As is the rest of this reading.

Unfortunately, I think it's a case of her not seeing the point in cooperating with others. Her early language delays severely hampered her interactions with others, so her social skills are immature, making her a more obvious target for bullying (which contributes to the misbehavior) and reinforcing her preference to do her own thing 100% of the time.

It's an ugly cycle.

I think it's time for me to ask about my part in all this.

...so I did: "what part am I playing in her missed behavior?" 60.4,6-10

Sounds so orderly. And I feel somewhat encouraged.

TITB:

The fact that Lines 5 and 6 are both present give a clue to your question of "why"," or as you said, "what is the primary reason?" Some limitations are sweet and work and allow your daughter to grow and flourish. Others are bitter and not what are called for. The schools undoubtedly apply their limitations with a broad brush, based on what they desire, and not necessarily in a useful way for this particular child.

Click to expand...

Yes, even a special classroom in the public school is still the public school. Her teacher does encourage a more open atmosphere, but I'm wondering if my daughter has a difficult time parsing the intent from moment to moment. In some ways that openness is wonderfully supportive, but she has to shift throughout the day from being the independent learner to being the passive/receptive learner. And transitions are difficult. She just take a clue that it's time to shift focus; moreover, she resents having to shift focus.

Hmm...something to think about here.

Follow up: We met and decided to reintroduce some old behavior strategies. Transitions were/are, indeed, a big problem in the classroom, and I think we (the special ed teacher and I) got that message across to the teacher. We can't assume we've simplified the routine enough and we can't assume that she will understand why she should shift quickly from one activity to another.

We also addressed her high level of anxiety: she's pulling her hair out now and has begun walloping any kid who has challenged/bullied her in the past --preemptive strikes, if you will. School is THE most stressful experience in her life. Possibly an anti-anxiety med is needed, in addition to her current med. And sensory modulation therapy. We've noticed these things around home, too. Have to get the swing back up in the house if I don't want all my pillows gutted for her fluff baths...

Today she also began social skills lessons, a pull-out program they've started for the Asperger's kids in the school. The goal is to give the kids self-awareness about Asperger's --it's strengths and it's challenges-- and to teach strategies for functioning along with the NTs.

I picked up a happy kid today who had two tickets in her hand for finishing her work and cooperating with the teachers. I know every day won't be like this, but I'm encouraged she had a good experience today.

Thanks to Tiger and WF for your feedback.

Course Corrections

philish said:

Follow up: We met and decided to reintroduce some old behavior strategies. Transitions were/are, indeed, a big problem in the classroom, and I think we (the special ed teacher and I) got that message across to the teacher. We can't assume we've simplified the routine enough and we can't assume that she will understand why she should shift quickly from one activity to another.

Click to expand...

Good news. My experience with the schools and a special needs child is that constant vigilance is required. No matter how nice school personnel are, you can't assume they really understand and see the child the way the parents do. Expect that you will have to make constant course corrections, and you will be training new teachers and therapists every term/semester. It is very tiring!

Tiger