Hi everyone!

So, it's my birthday today, and for some reason, I decided to pull out the dusty I Ching out and ask the one question that's been bothering me forever: "What can I do right now to get in a healthy relationship already?" I'm 28 years old and have been on just shy of 5 dates ever in my life. Every time I ask someone they say no. I'd say I'm a reasonably attractive female (used to do a little local modeling- at least have the right stats that people always talk about), people do not run away when they look at my face, people tell me I'm funny and smart, I have an interesting career (musician) that has really been taking off lately, and it just doesn't seem like a guy would realize that I'm dating material if I was the last female standing on the planet. Yes, I've tried the usual tactics- my friends say they can't think of anything "wrong" with me and really don't get it, they don't know any guys that would be "appropriate" (we're talking they don't smell bad and can have a basic conversation) or even anyone single, hanging out in new places, new activities, work (I meet loads of new people all the time since I'm a musician), etc.

Anyhoo, Mr. I Ching pulls up hexagram 49, "Revolution", which gave me pause. "Whaaa?" I see this dichotomy between fire and water, which is interesting in a way since I have a natal square between my Sun (Libra) and Moon (Cancer)- emotions vs. intellectual- they don't seem to mesh naturally for me. It's also neat that it says "On your own day/you are believed"- did this mean that others took my pleas for help as insincere in the past? Otherwise I'm not sure- I am 100 gazillion % ready for a relationship, just want to explore my emotional and physical side already, it's like a part of me that I just don't have the key to, you know? I don't know if this is pointing to the need for something drastic (revolution)- what do y'all think?

"What can I do right now to get in a healthy relationship already?" Hex 49

I think you need to talk to your friends and ask them to help you create a new you, as your situation does call for some special changes to be made, a make over.

Moulting

daria said:

"What can I do right now to get in a healthy relationship already?" I'm 28 years old and have been on just shy of 5 dates ever in my life. Every time I ask someone they say no. I'd say I'm a reasonably attractive female ....

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Another translation of the character for this hexagram is "moulting." It means literally changing your skin. Radical change, not a makeover of superficials.

So if I were to get this in your situation, and given there were no moving lines, I would attempt a little further dialog with Mr. Yi, something along the lines of "Tell me what parts of me need to change radically." "How can I make a revolution that will increase my chances of having a relationship?"

You may be able to think of better questions, just take those as examples.

Given that you are 28 years old, and are not likely to turn into a completely different person, that is, you are not literally likely to change your skin, it does make one wonder what would constitute a radical enough change to justify this answer! But I think it would be better to ask for further guidance, than to guess at what the revolution might be.

Tiger

Ok, thanks for the suggestion. Lately I have not always asked another question so soon, trying to really get out of YJ what it tells me to. Anyway, I asked: "What areas do I need to make changes in to attract a caring and available boyfriend?" and got 46.3.5 going to 29. So 46 itself definitely indicates that I need to keep on this and make an effort. "seeing the great man"- getting advice from an older man/expert? I feel like I've been doing this over and over again, but I guess doesn't hurt to ask again, and I'm sure I haven't asked every single one of my friends what they think I should do.
Line 3: "One pushes upward into an empty city". Well the first thing that comes to mind is the conversation I just had with my two best friends, who said that neither of them knew anyone who was available and that I should try some new environment, and when I asked where I should look, they said, another city (I live in a city of 1.5 million)! Yikes, although it's probably not that literal. Unless it just means that there's nothing to be found "here", whether "here" means in my city, or just at this point in time.
Line 5: "Perseverance brings good fortune. One pushes upward by steps." Again it doesn't really indicate what to change, it just says to keep trying, I think.
29 is again seeming to point to just keep trying. Ugh, I just feel lost with this though, it doesn't really seem to show me much here!

I asked: "What areas do I need to make changes in to attract a caring and available boyfriend?" and got 46.3.5 going to 29

Hex 29 is what sticks out here, as it is associated with the heart and emotions. So, there is a need to show a genuine sincerity towards the people that you encounter, an emotional warmth that others will be attracted to. Perhaps you appear cold and distant to any suitable males in the vicinity, therefore they do not even attempt trying to get to know you.

So, concentrate on your emotions, feelings and attractiveness of your personality, your friendliness as perceived by others.

Climbing from the Abyss

daria said:

I asked: "What areas do I need to make changes in to attract a caring and available boyfriend?" and got 46.3.5 going to 29.

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Hexagram 46 is about making slow and steady progress towards something better or higher; one might say it is climbing step by step.

Where are you climbing from. The Abyss. This could be seen as Climbing up from Despair, or it could be Climbing up from Danger. In any case, it is an undesirable place and you are trying to climb up from there.

The combination of Lines 3 and Lines 5 has me thinking about your principles and what you want in a relationship. In my experience, Line 3, Ascending into an Empty City, is about conquering something with no resistance that is perhaps not worth having. Perhaps there are certain people you could have who are not worth of you. Or perhaps you have certain principles or strong underlying beliefs which need to be met. In any case, there are easy conquests that may just be steppingstones or conquests not worthy of you.

Not knowing what constitutes "an empty city" for you, I wonder if you should be looking and making yourself available in social groups that are consonant with your beliefs. If you are looking in the most general places (let's say bars and clubs), move from there to somewhere where you have more in common with the men. (In my experience, a singles bar would be a perfect manifestation of The Abyss. A good place to climb out of.)

Bringing people together used to happen in a community, and was helped out by community activities and the local church or synagogue, which provided a safe place for like-minded singles to meet. And while you may not be religious, surely there is some group where you can find people who will be potential partners for you. This has to be better than just depending on a friend of a friend.

The more I think about it, the more I think that this might be the meaning of "Revolution." It is about Changing Your Skin. Could the way you show yourself to the world and particularly the places you do it in constitute your skin? If so, to moult is to show a different skin in a different place.

But the readings say that this is an ascent, and will take time. So give whatever you try enough time to show results.

Tiger