Hello everyone,

it's my first post here... I'd be really thankful if you could share your thoughts with me on the readings I did a few weeks ago. Apologies if I'm writing too much.
To give you some background info, this is a relationship question. Last December I broke up a long-distance relationship that lasted approx a year. I felt I couldn't manage his conflicting messages anymore. We were planning a family together, but at the same time he avoided sharing his life/problems with me as much as possible. And whenever I got closer he turned aggressive/defensive. While I always loved him, I started to feel a lot of pain and something had to give. I tried talking, but we clearly weren't able to solve our issues.
Anyways, after some suffering, I now feel much more serene. Almost from a day to another, something has happened to me (at this time I did the reading): I know that I needed to make this step and go away. And I know that if we are meant to be together, we will. I am not fighting my feelings, I haven't shut my heart, quite the opposite. I have stopped (well, almost completely) condemning him. In a way, now I am more serene, I love him even more. We haven't talked since, and I know the wrong thing would be to chase him.

So. Here are my questions. I hate to ask about the future. So I asked for something else.

1. What do I need to do to let go of residual anger, frustration? To find peace with myself? As we are somehow tied to the people we have feelings (good or bad) for, I want to relinquish feelings of hurt pride and preconceived judgement.
Hex 42 (no moving lines)
2. What was the lesson I had to learn in this relationship?
Hex 36 --> 63
3. How is this relationship evolving? (As I have feelings for him, in a way I am still relating to him even though this story is officially over)
Hex 11 --> 42
4. Is there a chance, now, for the two of us to find a common ground and move forward as a couple?
Hex 52 --> 37.

I have been studying the i ching for years. As I'm still emotionally entangled, I don't want to read a confirmation of my hopes (or fears). I'd really appreciate your view...

Thanks,

Daniela

Hiya and welcome,

I'll have a go but it is just my two pesetas......

1. what you have to do is love yourself - put all that love and attention into you the rest will then come naturally.

2. 36.5>63 The lesson (although in reality I don't think there is usually just one and I think they can come 2 you years afterwards) is that your light/what is authenticaly you, is invincible even if it has to be hidden to protect it or you. And that light will reemerge again. This line is about a king who had to fake madness in order to survive captivity.

3. The relationship has had its ups and downs but there is a fundamental communication problem in line 2. You cannot reach across because something is locked away hidden. There is also fear with this - its fan yao is 36.2 -there is injury and a fear of not being recognised. It appears there is love there or has been but the walls fall back into the moat and it's gone. I don't know if this is just a description or an evolution but I do know that relationship questions are difficult and changeable with these things although not impossible. It seems the love was or is there but the structures of communication and sharing feelings have been erased partly by the everyday ups and downs of a long distance relationship and partly because of the problem in line 2.

4. Hmm not a clear way to question I think although i know what you mean, it leaves things too fuzzy. Better to ask what do I need to know about the future of this relationship or what do I need to understand about further communication with this man? However, in the sprit of your enquiry....52.1.5>37. I am seeing 37 as the context here - a space of security and closeness. But it has stopped and I think the ching is just telling you that you are getting ahead of yourself and that you need to just still yourself and stay quiet and keep going in your direction for now. But it is a book of changes things are not cast in stone they are subject to the choices we make and the circumstances we make them in.

So, something to get the ball rolling and I am sure others will chip in soon. One request from me...... please can you write the hexes the way I did because it is a pain in the kneck looking up all the changing lines - thanks!!!

Good luck

Lucia

Hi Lucia,

yes, sorry about the hex stuff. I should definitely have written the moving lines.
As to question 4, I actually made a mistake. Which is, I didn't exactly ask that question in those terms. I asked what my attitude should be (mental attitude) in order to give this a chance to happen, in case there is a chance (but maybe it's kind of a Freudian slip and my minds wants to know the future... totally plausible ;-)!). It's tricky. On one side, I know I did the right thing. On the other, feelings are feelings and you can't really fight them.

Thank you sooo much for your kind reply. I feel that in the second answer (the lesson I had to get in this relationship) the i-ching was actually telling me a summary of this relationship (the way I perceived it, of course). I.e. the impossibility to communicate. I was feeling powerless, stunned at the impossibility to get my views... I am not saying understood, but at least heard. I was literally going insane... which sounded sooo familiar when I read 36.5. I felt lilke the i-ching was placing me in front of a screen cinema and telling me to look at the movie of the last few months. And then I had to leave. I had to learn to go. For the sake of my integrity. I had to close a chapter.

52. Meditation. Again, this is a pretty strong hexagram for me. Instead of struggling to get my views across, I was told to sit still, and move inward (at least, this is what I thought when I interpreted the hexagram). To stop and not attempt to project outwards, but think about myself, to do some necessary cleaning. 37... well... a lot has been said on this forum about this hex. And honestly, through the years, I always struggled with its meaning. It talks about social structure, right?

Well, thank you sooo much again. Wish you all the best!