51.2 > 54 then 50.4 > 18 (1st post. Empath w/intuition Rewn impending mortality)

Hello all, and thank you for reading....

I have been observing this forum for a little under two years. I utilize I Ching quite often, but would not consider myself anywhere near an expert at all. It seems to be the most effective/accurate form of divining for me.

Please forgive the length of this post, as it is gives both background as well as asks questions of you.

I reveal a great deal of background and personal information below, as I have quite literally asked the I Ching if my intuition with regard to my own mortality is correct.

If you want to skip all the background information, I've formatted this post so all you have to do is scroll down to the large print, bold, italicized and underlined portion of this post entitled:
"The Nitty Gritty".

The questions I posed are also in bold and italics, and the hexagrams I received are italicized for your convenience.

I am truly grateful for your input. I realize it is a dangerous question to ask, however, it is not a question to which I do not want to know the answer.

I also know that I am not the only one that has had knowledge (or at least feels they do) with regard to their own time frame on this plane.

A little background on me:

I am an empath with a number of issues/gifts only recently re-discovered and acknowledged. As a youth, I predicted the death of a close relative, and took the blame after having prevented his departure from our location by repeatedly exclaiming: "You can't leave, you're going to die!!" (The location also happened to be my birthday party). Well, he was killed in a car accident anyway, and as a nine year old, my mind immediately rationalized that had I not prevented his departure, he would not have passed.

This was not the first predictive and/or empathic incident of my youth, but after this occasion, I deteriorated rapidly, and literally stopped eating. I had no interest in surviving. I was very angry at my gifts and rejected them quite adamantly.

I wanted to die and did not get well or begin to eat or live again until I had fully suppressed them. Well, as best I could for a 9 year old. I still sometimes knew what song would come on the radio, who was calling before the phone rang, successfully chose 4 numbers in the lottery for my mother on one occasion, absorbed the sicknesses of others - so I could never get massages, knew when people passed on, and other various and intermittent things I chose to not give credibility to nor could control, and desperately did not want to have the ability to do.

I have only come to terms with and accepted these gifts again in the past year or so, after an NDE in August 2008 caused them to re-emerge and quite literally go ape#$@&.

I was scaring people - and scaring myself. I thought I was going mad - and people were perceiving me as a lunatic. I can't tell you how many times I heard the question: "How did you know that? Are you: (following me, tapping my phone, reading my mind)?" I was dreaming things as they were happening, frying electronics, and causing myself and others all kinds of distress.

I began engaging in studies and numerous validation exercises with people where and when they are open to it, but otherwise utilizing other mechanisms - such as email (for purposes of time/date stamp) when such personal validation methods are not available - and sometimes even when they are.

I am only recently learning to trust my instincts, and achieving any kind of balance. (The past six months or so)

Regarding others, I trust myself 100%. I am completely confident in my instincts with others, and I know when I'm "off". With regard to myself, however, I almost always second guess myself, and assert (subconsciously or not - I am uncertain) life experiences, fears and wishes that cloud my certainty, and I do not have the same level of accuracy concerning my own affairs. I have a cloudy prism where I am concerned.

I rarely remember my dreams. When I do, it is only because they are of great significance.

Last night, my maternal great grandmother, who passed in 1979, was in my dreams. I have been smelling/tasting her presence for about a month.

I have expressed to at least two friends, familiar with my 'quirks' and who have witnessed events and accuracy pertaining to them, that I feel I will not be 'around' much longer.

I do not feel panic nor despair over this.

I am also a cancer (thyroid) survivor and was informed late last year of a mild recurrence, but have not yet sought treatment, as it is supposed to be slow moving and highly treatable. My instincts tell me that this is not the issue directly, but there may be a correlation (such as a secondary cancer due to methods of treatment sought with the primary occurrence - such as radioactive iodine ingested).

I have, to date, experienced an astounding accuracy to date with identifying medical issues in others. It is also my understanding that empaths, when absorbing the ills of others, can/do take on and magnify them internally - resulting in their own physical degradation. I am still learning about all of this.

I throw I Ching electronically, as I feel it is most accurate. I have been informed that pyro/elektro kinetics are among my issues and have quite literally fried a number of electronics since my NDE in August 2008. (6 phones, 3 laptops).

I sincerely hope that this does not sound completely crazy to you all, and plead with those to whom this does sound crazy or those who do not believe in such things to please move on from this post, as I am looking for non-judgmental input/advice and wish only to attract the energy and input of those who wish no harm and harbor no ill will or negative intent toward me.

Thank you.

The Nitty Gritty:

I have become increasingly more aware of my mortality, sensing that time is an issue for me.

I asked the question:

"Is my intuition correct with regard to how much time I have?" (42 is a number that simply will not leave my mind - however I threw what you see below)

I received 51.2 > 54.

Of course this confused me. I am 39 and not married, so I wondered, perhaps I was too vague in my question.

I also wondered if perhaps I had asserted a subconscious concern as have been a bit sad about being unmarried/unpartnered recently, and asked a question for clarity.

"Is the previous answer regarding Marriage or Death?"

I received 50.4 > 18.

I have learned over the past year or so to both strongly trust my instincts. But again, have very little confidence or accuracy when they directly concern myself as of yet.

I also know that life experiences as well as subconscious intent, thought and fears can play a role in answers received as well as both the accuracy and interpretation of any reading.

Finally, I realize that one may be told important things, receive important information in readings - and not necessarily be given a direct answer to one's question in a reading, but rather be given a message that one needs to get.

I am uncertain if that is the case here, and whether I've received a message that I need to hear that pertains to another important issue in my life or a direct answer to the question I have asked.

That said, I don't want to give my own interpretation because I don't want to assert any influence here.

I know I can be a very stubborn woman, and I can sometimes miss the forest through the trees.

I have other serious situations in my life, that the I ching may be speaking to - so I realize that I must take that under consideration.

Thus I am seeking the input of others here.

I often see posts with very little information included, and see many of you struggle to interpret how the hexagram could apply, or what the IChing could be speaking to.

I am usually a frightfully private person, but I feel that I need to be garnering something very important - if not urgent - from today's inquiry, so I will not be so coy.

Other important issues in my life:

I have a 15 year old son who is Asperger's and entered the Juvenile System while I was in the middle of trying to get him diagnosed. It's a travesty that he is in the system, I have obtained counsel, and we are in process of filing suit on a number of grounds - among them his having been beaten in their care.

He is in the foster system at the moment, and there are some awful people involved in his life right now, so he is not currently in my custody. The persons involved in his life have more or less alienated him from me, do not facilitate or encourage his relationship with me, and due to his Asperger's I'm generally the last thought on his mind. I have to work very hard to maintain a relationship with him, as communication is absolutely never instigated by him. One issue with Asperger's is the proper reciprocation of emotions, and he does not feel a connection to me as most people feel maternal connections. I understand this, and while it hurts sometimes, I put forth the effort despite the obstacles in place.

I recently moved to a neighboring state to pursue medical treatment, but have not started yet, as I still have legal issues I am dealing with regarding my son - including the fact that the parties involved illegally severed portions my parental rights. I am in process of regaining them, it is one of the things I am addressing with counsel.

Simultaneously, there are also legal matters that have fallen into place in which I now have the opportunity to collect on a significant Judgment against someone that I obtained over 3 years ago as personal representative (PR) concerning my Mother's estate - which was the only significant amount of money that could have gone to any heirs. (Myself and my brother) Other than this judgment, there was nothing. Once obtained, I will receive a salary for my role as PR, and the remainder will be divided between my brother and myself. Instinctively (or so I believe), I have begun discussing my wishes concerning how my son is to utilize these funds, which will be placed in trust once collected, once I am gone.

I also am a graduate student - training in the legal profession, but have taken a leave of absence from my studies to address health issues. Initially, it was because the NDE incident kicked my gifts into "high gear", and I was unable to function properly in my studies. Subsequently, I extended the leave of absence because I was informed of the recurrence of the thyroid cancer.

Also (perhaps?) of note: There is one man that I am interested in, and he has garnered a great deal of my emotional/psychic attention. We dated briefly last Sept - Oct, but his career halted it. We are still great friends. I have virtually no desire to date others, and have not given myself to anyone - in any sense of the word - since I met him. This is unusual for me. He is an unusual man, and may or may not also be Asperger's - like my son.

He recently revealed to me that a diagnosis was entertained as a youth for him, but it was never pursued with vigor. To me, it (Aperger's) fits as he is unable to achieve balance (career/relationship) as many people can - at least not at the moment. (He and my son get along incredibly well and remind me of one another.) He's either "all in" with a career or a relationship - but not both.

Many people, it seems, are jumping on the "labels don't mean anything" (or are used as an excuse) bandwagon - but I, for one, find them useful if for no other reason, than to explain certain characteristics in people, garner acceptance for them, and assist in dissipating resentment for things people have no control over.

I have revealed a great deal of personal information because I hope that it will assist in the accuracy of interpreting these hexagrams, as I strongly feel that I need to hear the message in these hexagrams - whatever it is intended to be - loud and clear.

Once again, I thank you for reading and considering this lengthy post, and wish to stress that I am neither panicked nor in despair with regard to this.

I only wish to garner the insight of those more experienced and objective with regard to interpreting these hexagrams, what message it appears I should be taking away from today's reading and how they apply to my situation(s).

Thank you so very much and I appreciate your time and input. :bows:

Alliekat.

alliekat1313 said:

I only wish to garner the insight of those more experienced and objective with regard to interpreting these hexagrams, what message it appears I should be taking away from today's reading and how they apply to my situation(s).

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Hi Alliekat, and welcome.
I'm not more experienced and objectivity is a vague concept, but I would like to offer my insight.

You asked a question about a taboo subject such as death, and in my opinion everyone is entitled to ask anything. My input is going to be brief, and is humble, but I want to offer it to you.

51.2>54
Now, I'm assuming you are thinking of marriage (or the absence of it) because you got 54. I wouldn't take it so literal.

54 is usually a picture when one is subdued to other(s). When one is in a disadvantageous position, in inferiority, so to speak. I guess this could be talking about the frame of your question and your gift: You said you can't see clearly when it comes to personal matters, but you can see clearly with others. So, you are not as "apt" to predict your death as you are with other's.

51 is shock. But is also an image of God. A power that is beyond us. In that sense, I guess it could mean death, but there's probably hexes better suited for that and the way it leads to 54... makes me think of something else.

Line 51.2. Lots of numbers there (translation I'm using speaks of 9 hills and 7 days)... it talks about loss but also about recovery. Loosing something to then get it back. I wonder if it could be talking about your NDE in the past???

Overall, if I casted this, I would read it like this:
You are not at home or as powerful when "sensing" or "predicting" about yourself (54), so death, when it comes, it will as a shock (51).

As far as your second question goes, I don't think is formulated in a way we can do an easy reading. And, in my very very humble opinion, is a follow up to an idea that isn't there (marriage). I'm not saying you couldn't get married, I'm just saying that's not what your question was about, and therefore, I don't think it is what's being addressed here.

To sum up, I guess the Yi might be saying that your death is not yours to guess in advance.

Hope this helps (or at least encourages others -more experienced -to contribute).

Best wishes,

Flor

hi Alliekat

admittedly I too, like Flor, am not really one of the more experienced here, but your post is genuinely moving and I would like -with all due respect- to offer my point of view on your readings . .

My guess is -and please note that this is only a guess- that your reading is addressing a more general phase your life seems to be going through . . From all you have shared in your post (and a very courageous and inspiring post it is!!:bows it seems that you are going through a period of re-claiming your natural rights in many areas of your life. 51 talks very much about such a re-generating process (read Hilary's wonderful story of it here).
At the same time, all this re-generation seems to be closely linked to deeply stressful and demanding experiences . . . so much lost to be re-gained, it is the most natural thing to feel you are tied to a carriage that you are not fully in control of (as in 54 . . I'm guessing you have read already Hilary's recent post on 54 and 61 "Stirring the lake"?). Right now your lake (and i see lakes myself as the place where uncontrollable force, water, finds a safe place to rest) is still under the influence of the shock which looks to be largely linked to your near-death experience but you are slowly gathering yourself (have you noticed how often you mentioned 'to garner' in your post?) to meet it even if it still feels overpowering . .

. . and here it is, your mortality concern. But I believe that death is something we actually go through during our lives in the form of intense change. You have already had trying encounters with death -you have cast it already once on yourself during your tender youth out of fear and misplaced guilt and recently experienced it again in your NDE . . my basic idea and concern here is that your thoughts on mortality are a residue of your childhood reaction to gifts that can feel subsuming and subjugating (54) rather than empowering

. . it is interesting that you mentioned 42, did you think of it as indicating age or an I Ching response? It might be of help to consider how 42 is about blessings that help us to repair mistakes and enhance good traits, even if it wasn't your reading (i have seen 42 also related to birthdays and it was during your birthday that your struggle with shocking experiences was set off)

50.4 I think addresses your feeling of not being up to reading your answer (cooking in your cauldron). It may sound like a harsh reading but I think that Yi can be such in giving direct advice on what we need to work on; it leads to 18, work on what has been previously spoiled, again a theme you have been currently pursuing in many areas of your life . .


you wrote:

I have expressed to at least two friends, familiar with my 'quirks' and who have witnessed events and accuracy pertaining to them, that I feel I will not be 'around' much longer.

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but I think you need to specify to yourself which you feels like not being around much more since you are currently more capable to pursue and handle the realizations and changes you denied as a child . . your thoughts about death might refer mostly to the part of you that will be given up in order to accommodate to the new reality you are creating for yourself . . you might find that some parts of your life as it is now, even some of your relationships might change radically or seize to exist because they won't fit your renewed you . .


finally, this might just be a guess of mine and I hope I haven't over-extended myself in articulating it but dear Alliekat i believe you have nothing to fear or worry about, although you must find a way to hold your insides intact and steady in going through the Changes . .

wishing you all the strength and courage and hope in this (although something tells me you won't really need it, you've got already what you need and are looking for big big BIG time! )

Hey AllieKat,

I agree with Flor interpretation.

I'm not very experienced with Iching either, but i found out it is very accurate (no big news, as we all know this ). I also found out that confusing answers usually means that while you ask a question in your mind, deep down in your subconsciousness , you are troubled by a completely different aspect of the same problem.

As i understand this whole thing started while you were discussing how the funds will be utilized by your son ... if you, somehow, are afraid that your son will not benefit from this funds could be a completely different aspect of the same problem.

Once obtained, I will receive a salary for my role as PR, and the remainder will be divided between my brother and myself. Instinctively (or so I believe), I have begun discussing my wishes concerning how my son is to utilize these funds, which will be placed in trust once collected, once I am gone.

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As a side note, i'm confident that worrying about death and well-being of your son its a mother instinct not a medium intuition.

my blessings,

Hello AllieKat,

Really doesn't sound like your days are numbered. IC may have addressed another issue at hand.
The lines in 50 and 51 are quite strong and suggest having lost something good. It could also be
alerting you on the shape of things to come. Review past words/actions or just be alert.

You have a gift. All that energy could be channelled ... healing hands ?
Your Grandmother may have a message for you, you could enquire from the IC.

Best thing for special/different kids, as far as possible, would be to keep them in mainstream
education. Boarding school could be more suitable than foster care if being at home can't work
presently for whatever reason. Hope you'll be able to bond/rebond in the near future.

Sounds like you have love brewing there ... and you're still young. Ideal that he gets on so well with
your son.
Trust your instincts re. yourself, when in doubt you could request another sign.

Wishing you every success in your endeavours.

T

51.2- Thomas Cleary says this line can relate to losing basic sense and acting on dangerous thoughts, like "losing valuablea and climbing"nine hills". A bit like your imagination running away with you.
50.4 - you are intuitive so your physical life is being enriched, but at the moment it's not quite on a firm footing and is spilling out over everthing.

Remember the the cycle of life is filled with many many deaths and rebirths e.g a change of job, a change of attitude, a change of cell phone etc. Perhaps the death you have intuited is not a mortal death at all.

Be well

Milke

Dear Alliekat,
you got so many beautiful and worthy responses to your thought-provoking post, I am sure you have much to think on.

In looking at your readings, I agree with almost all of what has been written above, particularly that 50.4 is a way of telling you that the first Yi response was being misinterpreted. that perhaps it was neither about death of the body or marriage...but about regaining your lifeforce via shock (of NDE?)

And I think it is so true that we "die" many times in a "lifetime"....the edges are not so clear as we suspect...a "death" while we still remain in form can be even more startling than the one in which we pass over to another realm. You have regained the sense of your gift and, as Rodaki points out, life as you knew it up to this point may change drastically...

and for 54, I like Stephen Karcher's name for this best: Transforming the Maiden...."choice or transformation over which you have no control; realize your hidden potential; passion, desire, irregular progress.."

It seems to me the NDE has startled you back into awareness and it is time to transform from the little girl who shrank back in fear from her own gift into the woman who embodies who she truly is.

As I said, i think the line of demarcation between being in this human form and taking form elsewhere is MUCH LESS of an ending that most humans think, only a continuation. One could transform here or transform after passing or transform and then pass into another realm. I suspect though that we very rarely intuit consciously our own passing...in the same way that the Death Tarot card very rarely -if ever -foretells a death of form; it most often signifies TRansformation.

It sounds to me as if your life force is very much about being in this world and that there is more to be done here.

God Bless and best wishes.
Bamboo

Dear AllieKat,
Agreeing with the interpretations above, I just want to add a little bit to the 51.2>54 reading. I got this response a few months ago to a question regarding my mother's health and survival. With hindsight, Yi was addressing not just my worry, but also my feeling that I could do something to prevent further deterioration - saying that it was not something I had control over (H54) and so I needed to stop getting agitated over it, to maintain my inner equilibrium rather than "climb the nine hills" looking for answers. H51 can refer to agitation rather than "shock".
So my sense is that the Yi is sort of directly responding to your worry and saying, hey, there's no point your getting all agitated about this, you cant control (predict) it anyway. Which is just a truism, but maybe comforting also?

Just to make my earlier response clear, I wasnt trying to suggest that the 51>54 response meant that any further deterioration in your health WAS going to occur - just the Yi saying this wasnt an isssue that could be predicted, so relax instead.

Dear Alliekat,
"Yes or No" questions are always difficult to interpret as the I Ching does not give Yes or No answers. I think in this circumstance you are being given a discussion of Death rather than a definite response to your question.
So what is 51.2 saying in regards to Death? Many of those who have already posted have said something similar to what I am seeing in this answer but I am just interested in looking more precisely at Wilhelm's words..

54.
The superior man
Understands the transitory
In the light of the eternity of the end.

Here we are reminded that this life is transitory but our soul lives forever.

51.2
Shock {Death?] comes bringing danger.
A hundred thousand times [many lifetimes, many deaths]
You lose your treasures [you lose your physical form]
And must climb the nine hills[?].
Do not go in pursuit of them [do not worry about losing your life, your talents?].
After seven days you will get them back again [your life, your gifts].

This seems to be a comment on how we die many many times (Paul said, "I die daily")
and that while we regret losing our physical form, we are reassured we will be reborn.

So I think rather than telling you if your intuition about a specific date is correct I think the I Ching is saying we all have died many times and in this reading the emphasis is on how we may lose all we have strived to create in any given lifetime, we needn't regret it too much as we will be able to create it again.

I think this is significant in your situation because you experienced a death and loss of your gifts back when you were 9. Perhaps now as you are getting them back you are also remembering how you had these gifts before and lost them and are now aware that you will inevitably die and lose them again. You are being reassured that even if you die a hundred thousand times you will always get them back.

Your second question as to whether the I Ching was discussing marriage or death,
I think the I Ching is telling you the answer was a discussion of your life purpose . I believe it is saying you have a calling which was too much for you as a child.
"A man has a difficult and responsible task to which he is not adequate." Now you are older, stronger, and able to tackle your healing calling again, "18. The superior man stirs up the people and strengthens their spirit."

Best wishes,
rosada

A very detailed question, many detailed and thoughtful answers. I'm hoping this one doesn't sink to the bottom and we never hear from Allie again....erm not to be flippant but especially given the nature of the question !

trojan said:

A very detailed question, many detailed and thoughtful answers. I'm hoping this one doesn't sink to the bottom and we never hear from Allie again....erm not to be flippant but especially given the nature of the question !

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Err... that was the only post Alliekat ever made

Alliekat, if you're back on here please reassure us...

Hello to all of you.

First, I thank you all so very, very much for your thoughtful and detailed responses. I did read them all. Several times. I consistently throw 42. It's been applicable all year.

I apologize for my disappearing act. It is one of the biggest challenges I have in life - when I am injured, I recoil into a corner and isolate. I toil in my own thoughts, despair and try to figure things out myself. I convince myself I'm crazy, that my intuition, way of thinking and way of life in general are "incorrect" and are "not working" for me.

That said, I've spent this year putting down firm boundaries around me, working on gaining better control over my "gifts" and dealing with some of the real world consequences of some of those gifts having gone "out of control."

I found an author, Dr. Theresa Kelly who published a book "Quantum Physics", which explains - to some extent - my "gifts" in a somewhat scientific manner. It works for me. I worked with her for a bit via email/internet forum discussion on some exercises to stop shorting out electronics and the like.

I also ended up having to give up my son to his paternal family, as it turned out that the source of much of his negative thought patterns concerning me were coming from there. I have learned to let go of things I cannot control, for the most part (I still experience panic attacks on occasion, but they are getting better), and I am now searching for my place in this world.

I have a girlfriend that both knows of and appreciates my gifts and I am going to live with her on a Tropical Island in the Middle of the Pacific for a spell.

I am still a bit tender, and fluctuating between strong minded and overwhelmed - but taking it one day at a time. This is the first time in about 15 years that I don't have a "plan", and I am just trying to leave it up to whatever forces that be to lead me in the right direction.

Much gratitude for your input during one of my darkest hours.

Allikat