What do I need to correct in myself

ichinglover · Jan 30, 2010

to get the life I want?

54.1.3.6-> 50

My life is drastically different from what I want, my view of things was
influenced by other people up until now, the life that I have is not what I want,
and it's not congruent with my innate values/needs/desires.
And since it''s been like that for my entire life, I fear that I can never truly
realize my dreams and aspirations that were buried deep in me for such a long time.
In a sense, I wasn't living up until now, I was just surving hoping that thing will
somehow magically change, which they never did. And now I reached the point
where I can't be surviving any longer, it' either getting the life I want or not living at all,
as i can't take this suffering any longer. I fear that I'm doomed. Doomed to be alone
or not with the man I want. Doomed to be unsuccessful, unloved, unappreciated, not respected,
not taken seriously...Doomed to lead a life of a failure..

Your ideas are more then welcome, they can be truly life saving at this moment.

fireflies · Jan 30, 2010

I see your answer 54.1.3.6 >50 as very hopeful to you. 1 urges you to move forward modestly and non-aggressively and 6 is compelling you to make different choices. You seem to be caught between your suffering and your fear/doom, a terrible place to rest. But you know deep down who you are, so now it is just an issue of finding your courage. You have it; we all do!!! You would never be given something too difficult for you to overcome in this life. Your dreams, the truths held deep in your heart, these are attainable. You are not alone; you always have help. Be brave and honest and good things will follow. You are already loved.

bamboo · Jan 31, 2010

Line 3 is the line of a young woman who waits in vain for the Prince Charming and then gives up to settle for less, compromises her deepest dream.
You seem like a maiden who petulantly wants to throw in the towel because life has not presented her with what she wants.
Life cannot magically change if thoughts beliefs and actions are not congruent with what you truly want to be and to have.
Line 6 speaks of actions empty of substance. Half-hearted measures and going through the motions, paying lip service to what we say we want, reap failure. Commitment to change is needed, a wholehearted willingness to change, to transform the petulant maiden into the woman who knows who she wishes to be, and who is not going to throw in the towel when things look bleak. Thoughts like "I am doomed" "I am unappreciated" are understandable and I am not judging them...but just notice how they are not congruent with what you want. Those are thoughts that you give life to and you can just as easily take the juice out of them.

Funny thing about committing yourself...once you do truly commit to change, life can magically provide you with what you need, with support and with the right guidance..but you must be committed. It is not easy, but hexagram 50 is quite encouraging...is all about transformation.

One cannot demand that Life present them with the RIGHT MAN, RIGHT NOW...that's childish....but what you can absolutely do is take back your power and make a commitment to stay open to possibility...Steadfastly changing beliefs thoughts and actions leads to changed circumstances in your life, always reflecting to you what it is you are truly committed to.

Always remember: Suffering is optional.

gato · Jan 31, 2010

i would add to what bamboo said: try to heal the creepy episode before moving on.

you will feel better in the next few days( or maybe just one), think of what is to be done and note it down before the clouds start to appear again.

ichinglover · Jan 31, 2010

Bamboo, Gato, FireFlies
thanks a lot for your readings.

Fireflies, thanks a lot for your encouragement and poitive outlook

)
I don't have it at the present moment, and the fact that you do means a lot!

Bamboo, I would not use word "childish", I think desperate, dissilusioned, suicidal is more
adequate here.

Gato, why are saying I'll feel better? What makes you say that? Though, I would be glad
if it happens...It certainly sounds encouraging...

Here is my take...
If 54 means " being the second best" as was suggested to me before, all my life due to my childhood issues I felt undeserving of what I want, and that is not much, believe me...I always had relationships with people I find sexually unattractive, because I would not believe deep in my heart I deserved better, and I was more often approached by these kind of men. I have exteremely low self-esteem, and I just can't take it anymore. So I'm not being capriosious or demanding, believe me...
I'm just frustrated and hurt over and over again, to the point I can't take it any longer...
This is not an empty phrase, this is truly how I feel because all my life I didn't know any better...

For me suffering unfortunately is not optional, it was a part of my life since I was 5 or 6 years old.

gato · Feb 1, 2010

Is not important why, but is crucial for you write down WHAT YOU NEED to be happy. just simple things please, things that YOU CAN DO.
i'm deadly serious.

Trojina · Feb 1, 2010

ichinglover said:
to get the life I want?

. And now I reached the point
where I can't be surviving any longer, it' either getting the life I want or not living at all,
as i can't take this suffering any longer. I fear that I'm doomed. Doomed to be alone
or not with the man I want. Doomed to be unsuccessful, unloved, unappreciated, not respected,
not taken seriously...Doomed to lead a life of a failure..

Your ideas are more then welcome, they can be truly life saving at this moment.

ichinglover said:
Bamboo, Gato,
thanks a lot for your readings.

Bamboo, I would not use word "childish", I think desperate, dissilusioned, suicidal is more
adequate here.

...

For me suffering unfortunately is not optional, it was a part of my life since I was 5 or 6 years old.

Twice here you allude to suicide. So are you telling us here that you are seriously contemplating suicide ? (cos on the other thread here http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=9467 you are freaking out about not having kids

and having kids is usually pretty low down the list for those thinking of suicide..isn't it ?)

Its just quite a heavy thing to allude to and perhaps if suicide is seriously in your thoughts then someone may be able to point you in the right direction for some more immediate help ?

I'm not so sure this forum is the place to get all the help you need, nor do i think you are really hearing peoples advice anyway.

Also theres a fair amount of pressure in these statements...its like you are saying 'help me or i will kill myself' and you do get lots of help...but it doesn't seem to help you when you believe you are doomed.

So did you seriously mean you were thinking of killing yourself ? If you weren't quite serious I wondered why you bought it up twice. Its not really a thing to take lightly is it so i presume you are serious ?

That worries me somewhat. Apart from talking to people here I hope you have other helplines and so on to turn to. Are you in the US ?

You've had a number of threads now on your serious depressions and so on and none of them seem to have helped you in anyway, you still feel doomed, so i wonder if you need to seek elsewhere also for help.

ichinglover · Feb 1, 2010

Trojan,
I appreciate your concern, I truly do, but I don't want to discuss my suicidal
thoughts/past behaviour on this forum. Yes, there are there and I'm trying to get some help, apart from this forum.
You are surprised that a person can freak out about the posibility to remain childless and think about suicide at the same time..Well, human psyche is not linear or logical
sometimes...I didn't post here to be judged, but to receive hopefully some insights from the people who are more knowledgable than myself on I ching..And there is no implicit statement here that I'll kill myself if I don't get some reading help, if you see one, I have to apologize for giving you this impression
Please don't lecture me, you don't me and my situation. However, I'd appreciate your help with the Iching, if you have none please don't post these judgemental statements about me.

Gato, thanks a lot for your advice, I'll do that...

dobro · Feb 1, 2010

ichinglover said:
What do I need to correct in myself to get the life I want?

54.1.3.6-> 50

54: a position of weakness - you're definitely not in charge of what's happening to you

50: inner transformation

Put 'em together: you're in a position of weakness now. Every self-description in your post bears that out. But you're interested in getting what you want. So, the Yi seems to be saying something like 'see your weakness and realize that inner transformation is required'.

My understanding of weakness is that it means giving in to desires and fears really easily and automatically. My understanding of inner transformation is that it requires two things: seeing what's holding you back (your weakness in this case) and seeing enough of what you really are, your essence, which is so untouched by all this crap that you probably find it hard to believe.

My understanding of the tipping point in this sort of situation is that it occurs when you get so sick of making yourself miserable with the patterns you let happen that you sincerely and earnestly want and look for some genuine guidance. It shows up at that point.

ichinglover · Feb 1, 2010

Dobro,
thank you for your post!

It does make a lot of sense to me, unfortunately...
Position of weakness, a victim of the circumstances, reactive vs.proactive, unaware of my own
limitations, boundaries, needs and desires...Extremely fearful of everything, mostly being hurt again and again..Accepting relationships with men who are "second best" just to feel loved..Manipulated, put down and emotionally abused by my own family...Yes, it makes a lot of sense...

So naturally i asked "How can I be more in control of my life/destiny?" 'cause right now my life is in control of me...
Got
9.1.4 -> 44

A strong woman? On the surface I might appear as one, but this just an overcompensation as on the inside I'm broken and defeated and always was...

Btw, I don't mean to moan and complain on this forum, but since I'm asking questions about my emotional/inner life I thought that knowing how I feel on the inside may be helpful for the interpretations of the readings...

What is the advice of 9.1 and 9.4? To go back to the path? What is the path, the path needs to be redefined, as I can't go back to the life I had, it's just too unbearable..I also read Lise's site,
and basically it says be yourself, follow your soul? I was never myself, I was always someone else,
and as a result I have a life of that someone else, I'm not used to follow my own intuition, council,
needs and desires..So 44 is so not applicable to me

I also aked for some clarification from I ching on line 9.1 , as i can't figure this reading out
and got 62.2.5...I have hard time with this one as well...

Please let me know what your ideas are?

dobro · Feb 1, 2010

ichinglover said:
So naturally i asked "How can I be more in control of my life/destiny?" 'cause right now my life is in control of me...
Got
9.1.4 -> 44

What makes you think that control is a position of strength?

bamboo · Feb 2, 2010

It is hard to understand what you want..or really not so hard to understand. You get offered advice from people and the I Ching, but to the idea that you NEED TO CHANGE how you are thinking and believing, you only offer excuses of how you are too defeated to change, too much a victim of your past, of being mistreated, etc.

YOU are the only one who can change thngs for yourself. you dont seem to get that. It seems like you want a reading that is going to tell you "Don't worry, its all gonna change, it's gonna magically happen" but it cannot change unless you do. The correct word is "childish"...you dont see that the ultimate childish stance is that of "Things have always been stacked against me, I am dissillusioned, I would rather not live..." That is the childish stance exactly, the one depicted by hex54. Do you think that any of us here have not felt disillusioned and defeated?? It is part of life, it can mark the turning point...either you decide to grow up and take charge of what you are thinking and believeing OR you continue to let life kick you around like a beach ball...BUT THAT CHOICE is yours!! yours alone. The child wants some benevolent force to come and rescue them...the person who matures begins to get it that the hero is YOU, not some outside force that will magically save you.

You are not unique. Everyone has to grow up and take the reins OR they remain chronically discontent and searching in vain for a savior. "Some people would rather die than climb the cross of the moment and let their illusions die"

Why is suicide preferable to saying "OKay, I need to change. I am willing to change" ??? You named this thread : What do I need to do to correct myself? and you got the answer...but you say NO, I can't, I am too defeated, I am too disillusioned. Welcome to the human race.

You are not unique. For every bad and terrible way you feel have been treated, or have treated yourself, there are others who have had it worse ...and who have still decided to be their own hero, to go and learn how to thrive as a victor, not give up crying "victim!" There is a 44 woman in you, only right now the 44 woman in you is bound and determined to declare herself as doomed. You are really much stronger than you think, if you only be drawn back into the flow and use your strength to declare yourself strong, and able.

Read Rumi. Dont go carrying around an empty cup. The fountain is within you
“You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?” Rumi

bamboo · Feb 2, 2010

my dear friend
never lose hope
when the beloved
sends you away

if you're abandoned
if you're left hopeless
tomorrow for sure
you'll be called again

if the door is shut
right in your face
keep waiting with patience
don't leave right away

seeing your patience
your love will soon
summon you with grace
raise you like a champion

and if all the roads
end up in dead ends
you'll be shown the secret paths
no one will comprehend

the beloved i know
will give with no qualms
to a puny ant
the kingdom of Solomon

my heart has journeyed
many times around the world
but has never found
and will never find
such a beloved again

ah i better keep silence
i know this endless love
will surely arrive for you and you and you
RUMI

elvis · Feb 2, 2010

Afocus on values issues, combined with the current development etc reflecting what you DONT want, combined with you becoming more proactive in 'doing something' indicates an emotional context of suffering/grief and the trigram of mountain (self-restraint in lower position, discernment in upper position). Since your prose favours self-restraint/blocked issues and so mountain in lower, go through these hexagrams and feel which one 'best fits' your situation:

15, 52, 39, 53, 62, 56, 31, 33

Note that emotionally the generic focus of suffering comes out of a context dealing with issues of acceptance. (and so the vibe in your prose of things being 'unacceptable' etc)

ichinglover · Feb 2, 2010

Bamboo,
your post stirred different emotions in me.
I never mentioned I'm unique in my suffereing, yet that does not make my suffering less acute.
Moreover, I think I'm trying actively to change my life, as a great deal of therapy, soul searching and I ching brought me to where I'm now. As much as appreciated your insights on the reading, I have to say that your post sounds a "toughen up" judgemental lecture to me, and I as a grown woman (44) do not really need lectures at this point of my life when I'm going thru many changes emotionally and spiritually to become a different, hopefully better person. This growth is quite painful, as many beliefs, hopes and illusions are to be abandoned and discarded for good.

And I think the fact that i ask quetions like what do I need to change speak for the fact that I want to change...Not only i get that i need to change, I'm actually looking for guidance in this direction

You completely misread my posts and my questions

And I really don't appreciate being judged, lectured and criticised when all I've done was share my innermost feelings and ideas, and ask for the insight on the reading as opposed my whole life and personality, both of which are unknown to you.

Thanks for the Rumi's poem...

ichinglover · Feb 2, 2010

Dobro,
first of all for many people control equals power and strength.
But for me personally, all my life I was reactive, rather than proactive, and i want to change that
I want to take the reins and be more of control of my own destiny...Is it strength? Not sure...
In many ways, it is

ichinglover · Feb 2, 2010

Elvis,
thanks a lot for your insights! You are right on the money..Grief, suffering, coming to terms with certain thing in the past that I completely discarded before...Indeed, I blocked many thoughts/desires and emotions of mine..Now they are seeing the light, and it's painful

I have to accept that I was hurt, abused, manipulated, and I was blind, naive and could not protect myelf from those things...And i was quite skilled in ignoring my own emotions, repressing them,
not dealing with them properly...Depression is a repressed anger they say, and i have a lot to be angry about

But that does not answer the question...What do I need to change things now when finally I woke up
and abandoned my past illusions about things and people?

Feeling undeserving, feeling of being 2nd best? Does it make sense?

gato · Feb 2, 2010

ichinglover said:
Dobro,
I want to take the reins and be more of control of my own destiny...Is it strength? Not sure...
In many ways, it is

To have power, you must accept the power first. As a rule of thumb when you down you have abandon it.

rodaki · Feb 2, 2010

ichinglover said:
Bamboo,
your post stirred different emotions in me.
I never mentioned I'm unique in my suffereing, yet that does not make my suffering less acute.
Moreover, I think I'm trying actively to change my life, as a great deal of therapy, soul searching and I ching brought me to where I'm now. As much as appreciated your insights on the reading, I have to say that your post sounds a "toughen up" judgemental lecture to me, and I as a grown woman (44) do not really need lectures at this point of my life when I'm going thru many changes emotionally and spiritually to become a different, hopefully better person. This growth is quite painful, as many beliefs, hopes and illusions are to be abandoned and discarded for good.

And I think the fact that i ask quetions like what do I need to change speak for the fact that I want to change...Not only i get that i need to change, I'm actually looking for guidance in this direction

You completely misread my posts and my questions

And I really don't appreciate being judged, lectured and criticised when all I've done was share my innermost feelings and ideas, and ask for the insight on the reading as opposed my whole life and personality, both of which are unknown to you.

Thanks for the Rumi's poem...

ughm . . ichinglover . . I feel like putting white flags all over this so that you won't feel attacked but, with all due respect, it seems to me that anyone who goes into drawing from their own experiences of helplessness in order to write an honest opinion can not possibly be lecturing . . and of course the trouble here is yours and noone else can actually feel how you feel, we can only try to reach out to you and help best way we know how . .

i think i know the feeling angry and/or lost you are describing and i think it is part of you empowering yourself . . it's good to be angry but maybe even better when we use it up to feel strong and capable . . just don't get upset with the messengers . . take whatever suits you, ignore the rest and don't ever doubt your ability to come out of this better, stronger and loved . .

:hug:

Dora

maremaria · Feb 2, 2010

Hi Ichinglover,

I wrote a long post to say you that my feeling is that people respond to your thread and my self can feel you and understand you. I tried to expain you how much i feel you tiredness , trying in vain to change things, your disappointment.

But when i press "Submit reply" an the system kick me out. From all i have wrote , I feel that what I really feel useful to post is the following :

ichinglover said:
I have to accept that I was hurt, abused, manipulated, and I was blind, naive and could not protect myelf from those things...And i was quite skilled in ignoring my own emotions, repressing them,
not dealing with them properly...Depression is a repressed anger they say, and i have a lot to be angry about

But that does not answer the question...What do I need to change things now when finally I woke up
and abandoned my past illusions about things and people?

Feeling undeserving, feeling of being 2nd best? Does it make sense?

ichinglover said:
And I really don't appreciate being judged, lectured and criticised when all I've done was share my innermost feelings and ideas, and ask for the insight on the reading as opposed my whole life and personality, both of which are unknown to you.
...

If you are talking about when you were a child and you talk that way about her/you then , I can understand why that child is so angry . Can you see that ?

ichinglover · Feb 2, 2010

@Dora,
thank you for your encouragement! It actually makes me feel much better! I guess i was hoping more to get the reading interpretations than analysis of my psyche

Thats why many posts sound like lecturing to me, and minimization of my problems, I had that as a child as well, so now I'm really allergic to it

I 'll keep this last phrase of yours in mind! thank you!

@Maremaria,
thank you for your post. I had this same experience with the system logging me off when sending the message! I lost couple pages this way as well...Hilary, please take a look at this timeout problem, they have to increase it...
It's not that I tried to in vain to change things in fact I never tried to change, i was living on the autopilot, repressing things and ignoring my own emotions...I wasn't aware of things...Apparently, this never works...

It's only now that I discovered anger, hurt, and all kinds of other unplesant things in me...

Now is the time to find my way before it's too late and try to create the life I want before it's too late..

But what does 62 speak about?

maremaria · Feb 2, 2010

Have you got any friend playing farm ville game. If not here is how it works. You are give a small land and a few coins. You can buy some seeds plant them and when they grow you can harvest them sell them and gain some money. As you plow your farm and plant you gain experienced point. Say you are at the beginning, a small land , little money. You go in the market and see profitable seeds that are locked and buildings , decorations that are locked too. Then you go to your neighbors farms and see huge land plots with lots of trees , buildings, animal. Damn !!!! You say “ I want to have a farm like that !!!”. So here is the choice. Either you stay in frond of your screen and fell miserable for what you haven’t got or go to your farm, start working to expand your farm. That means plowing-planting-harvesting- plowing-planting-harvesting….. plowing-planting-harvesting. This can be tiring it’s a hard work but it’s the only way to level up. You have to make a commitment, to go there, tend to your plants, collect milk from the cow, and collect egg.

Perhaps you can see some aspects of hex 9 in that example. As you may have read, many people use the example of farming for 9. Perhaps you may notice also some words others here and at your others thread told you. Those are hex 9 too and other hex too.

You asked “What can I do to correct in myself ‘. My impression is that the ideas people offered to you don’t exactly say you are wrong, just the way you see, do things seems that doesn’t work so you have somehow make some changes. Nobody has criticized the way you were. Things happened; if it was when you were a child you have to power or the knowledge to handle it. Nobody said an insensitive word about the situations bring you here. The only one who blamed you was a post of yours, the one I quoted. You say that girl was blind , naïve and unable to protect herself. For goodness shake, she was a child !!! She did whatever she could to survive through those tough times.

We don’t know and you don’t have to tell us details from the past. What we know is that girl , became a woman and realized that the life she lives is not the life she wants.

How ? You got 54.1.3.6 >50

Check Lise’s comments.

http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/hex_49-64/hex_e_54.htm

line 1 Live and act within the borders of your life, or the borders of this situation. Only then your life will be satisfactory, or your mind relaxed. Striving for more than comes naturally causes stress, failure and contention. Not every promotion should be accepted, very often the highest place is not at all the best one.

Line 3. All things come to the one who can wait. Who craves for something will take the first-best for granted, who stays in his own dignity will get the one with dignity.

Line 6 : Only show is not enough, it has to be real. Words and deeds need truth, without that even the most beautiful ones will stay shallow and meaningless. This goes for every single aspect of life, even the smallest thought or gesture needs truth and sincerity.

Do you see something relevant with what you are going through? Does it give answers to your question ?

elvis · Feb 3, 2010

ichinglover said:
Elvis,
thanks a lot for your insights! You are right on the money..
But that does not answer the question...What do I need to change things now when finally I woke up and abandoned my past illusions about things and people?

Feeling undeserving, feeling of being 2nd best? Does it make sense?

The development of mountain is from self-restraint to discernment - IOW one uses one's suffering to establish quality control and so be more discerning in choosing one's way.

You can use the EIC to IMAGINE what you want, create a hexagram that becomes your goal as such and work towards it using discernment.

dobro · Feb 3, 2010

ichinglover said:
Dobro,
first of all for many people control equals power and strength.
But for me personally, all my life I was reactive, rather than proactive, and i want to change that
I want to take the reins and be more of control of my own destiny...Is it strength? Not sure...
In many ways, it is

I don't think that one part of the mind trying to take control of another part of the mind works very well. Too much resistance gets kicked up, and you can tire yourself out, get despondent, and not achieve a lot. I think a better approach, which is much less direct but much more effective in the long run, is to look right into that reactivity you mentioned, accept it, study it, contemplate it, put attention on it, familiarize yourself with it. If you do a good job of shining the light of attention on that reactivity, then it will start to dissolve naturally, for two reasons. One, you will start to see what a huge disadvantage it is being so reactive - you'll start to see the suffering it causes you - and when you start to really see the suffering it involves, it'll prime you to actually let go of it. Second, the deeper, more real, higher, essential being in you will able to have an effect in your life as soon as the automatic reflexes are in the light and seen for what they are. Now, *that* is the real control.

bamboo · Feb 3, 2010

I love what everyone has offered above. what beautiful people are here! and that includes you, Ichinglover.

I wasnt judging you, truly. In my thirties,I think I was quite lost, and believe it or not , the thirties are still so very young. I admire your grappling with the past events that have led you here.

just to say...when i first heard that suffering was optional, I also protested. BUt it is really good news that we do not have to suffer. Pain may be inevitable at times, but suffering is the result of attaching ourselves to the pain. you may not understand that now, but I am certain it will become clear.

you said: This growth is quite painful, as many beliefs, hopes and illusions are to be abandoned and discarded for good. I think you imagine you need to give up the things you cherish or wish for, but nothing worth loving or wanting needs to be discarded. Reality is always so much kinder than what we imagine ....basically all we need to give up is how unkind we can be to ourselves...oh, how much can we can beat ourselves up and sentence ourselves to unhappiness!~

ichinglover · Feb 3, 2010

I guess I owe Bamboo an apology...I was sooo traumatized by certain behaviors towards me from people in my life so early in my life too, I didn't learn to deal with it properly,
and now I see a personal attack everywhere...

It is actually quite awful to be that paranoid...I wish I could eradicate this somehow...

Dobro,
what an amazing post...I completely agree with you... I think what you said goes for everything we'd like to tame in ourselves...

Elvis,
thanks for refering me to this site! I'll check it out!

MareMaria,
I read Lise's site, I always do in fact..but this time it didn't resonate with me...
I mean I can see how it applies in certain situation, but not striving for more (line 1) does not sit right with me...There would be no progress in the world if people would just calmly and quietly
accept all the limitations of the realty..There would be no new discoveries...

Gato, I don't feel better..I feel weird, no energy at all suddenly...Sleepy, teary...

gato · Feb 3, 2010

ichinglover said:
Gato, I don't feel better..I feel weird, no energy at all suddenly...Sleepy, teary...

good, very good .... you are beginning to relax. work with it: do a long bath, smell flowers or do whatever you do to relax and don't be scared

anna m · Feb 4, 2010

Hi,
my situation is of course different than yours, I'm not trying to compare our stories. What I wanted is to tell you is that I feel myself in somewhat similar phase in my life. I have lived the past 10 years or so a seemingly untroubled life, but a life in which I lost myself somehow, forgot or pushed aside my needs to adjust to the needs of people close to me. In my case all this was probably much more subtle and difficult to see and something drastic was needed to kick me out of this pattern. Now I feel that the pattern is breaking but its far from over.
During these past years I had periods when I felt something is just not right, that I'm not truly happy, but it seemed to me that to "fix" it I needed to change something external, like DO something that will make me happier. Now I see that what needed to change is myself, my attitude towards myself and others. Reestablish the connection with myself, listen to myself, be aware of what I'm doing and why.
I'm going to a psychotherapy for a few months now and it really helped, its a bit like the clouds have cleared, hm or partially opened, but I have just scratched the surface deeper layers are still beyond reach.
I would also like to know what to DO next, to continue on with finding answers/solutions I need but it doesn't seem to work like that, it takes time and it has to come to you, to unfold. Especially now that the first major problems/areas have been revealed I find my self baffled, what to do next, how to go deeper? Not even sure what to talk about on my next therapy session...

But the change that's happening is essential for me as I'm sure it is for you.

anna m · Feb 4, 2010

ah, and 54 line 1 is not really limiting nor does accepting reality need to mean something bad, restricting and it doesn't limit your possibilities. it actually opens them. seeing reality for what it is and accepting it should make you more relaxed and more aware of what you can do at a certain moment. when you want something NOW and the reality doesn't offer opportunities at the given moment you are only :brickwall:

(banging your head

) going for it.
and line 3, well the truth is you really just have to wait, what you are going through is a process. and waiting is not a truly passive action, you are listening to yourself and will act when it feels right.
so be true to yourself and to people around you, do small steps that feel right and be patient. (being patient was hard for me and still is but relaxing helps)

bah...only my view of things, maybe it helps, maybe not...

ichinglover · Feb 4, 2010

anna,
thanks for your post. Women in general I think tend to ignore their needs, though in my case
it was done to an extreme. i completely, 100% ignored my own misery, lied to myslef and pretended that everything is fine, while nothing is fine and never ever was fine. i can't pretend any longer. thanks for your encouragement, I hope things will get better for you sooner rather than later.

What do I need to correct in myself

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