(1.2.3 > 25) What's my situation with her? Looking for some hints

[Spezzaneve]

Hi dear friends, I'm looking for help to interpret some of I ching answers I got on the same subject. I'm not sure what the IC is pointing me to.

Here is the story: some time ago I've meet again a long friend of mine (we were in a short relationship when we were both young) and after 10 years our paths crossed again. We've been together again for some time and break up multiple times since then, mostly because of misunderstandings and a general difficult communication between me and her. On may 19 we had another discussion (caused by the umpteenth incomprension) and stopped writing to each other. The next day I wrote her a long message explaining why I behaved that way and apologizing for my behavior. I told her I still have a lot of things to learn from life and that I don't want to lose her forever, knowing that she somehow feel the same. Despite long periods of silence it seems that somehow our lives continue to interweave in strange ways. I closed the letter saying that she didn't need to answer, I just hoped that she would understand my message. Anyway my message was something I needed to say to her, without ulterior motives. I just felt it and I think it was the right thing to do.

After 2 days with no answer I asked I ching:

'What does she feel for me?' Getting 1.2.3 > 25.

Nine in the second place means:
Dragon appearing in the field.
It furthers one to see the great man.

Nine in the third place means:
All day long the superior man is creatively active.
At nightfall his mind is still beset with cares.
Danger. No blame.

I feel like it was a positive answer, and from my experience this hex is often associated with my expression of emotions and feelings, which can shape and create my reality.

After that I asked if I should expect an answer from her: 35.2.5.6 > 47

Hex 35 was promising, so I thought I should just gave her some time to metabolize the whole situation.


Since the message 6 days passed and all I got was silence. So today I decided to ask I ching (and here's where things starts to getting weird) 'Why she keeps ignoring me?' 31.4 > 39

Wilhelm on 4th line:
Perseverance brings good fortune.
Remorse disappears.
If a man is agitated in mind,
And his thoughts go hither and thither,
Only those friends
On whom he fixes his conscious thoughts
Will follow.

Here the place of the heart is reached. The impulse that springs from this source is the most important of all. It is of particular concern that this influence be constant and good; then, in spite of the danger arising from the great susceptibility of the human heart, there will be no cause for remorse. When the quiet power of a man's own character is at work, the effects produced are right. All those who are receptive to the vibrations of such a spirit will then be influenced. Influence over others should not express itself as a conscious and willed effort to manipulate them. Through practicing such conscious incitement, one becomes wrought up and is exhausted by the eternal stress and strain. Moreover, the effects produced are then limited to those on whom one's thoughts are consciously fixed.

I interpreted this answer as I ching was trying to tell me: just continue to live your life fully-hearted. What really resonate with you will come to your way. But since the question was referred to the other person and hex 31 is referring to a marriage I think it's at least likely that her heart is with someone else now.
That's why I decided to ask I ching if her heart is engaged with another man, getting a 25 with no changing lines. Now the curious thing is that I casted my last question, concerning if I should just forget her and move on, getting 25.4 > 42

Nine in the fourth place means:
He who can be persevering
Remains without blame.

We cannot lose what really belongs to us, even if we throw it away. Therefore we need have no anxiety. All that need concern us is that we should remain true to our own natures and not listen to others.

I think the answer of IC is pretty straight here: don't worry, just continue to do your things with no fear or anxiety, what's really your will come to you. I know this is probably the wisest thing to do now, but I can't really stop to wonder how this situation is really developing and if IC is telling me to move on from her or just to stop spending energies wondering about an answer.

Sorry for the long post and all the question involved here. I guess heart-question are never straight and easy. Sure they are heavy to confront with sometimes. I'm asking for help to get a better understanding of this situation and finally ease my heart.

Thank you so much for your time and your help


-S

 

[rosada]

1.2.3 - 25. Her feelings for you are that a romantic relationship with you is way too complicated and she just wants to get back to being an ordinary person with no special ties or obligations.

Should you expect an answer? 35 - 47. No. You made it clear you were only writing to get things off your chest and that the relationship cannot progress any further.

Why she is ignoring you. 31.4 - 39. She is not intentionally ignoring you, she simply isn’t thinking about you.

25. She is not involved with another man.

25.4 - 42. The situation with her will continue as it is so yes, wise to move on.

You say the troubles in your friendship were mostly caused by miscommunications so you wrote her a message specifically saying she did not need to respond and now you wonder why she hasn’t emailed you back? Hmm..

 

[Spezzaneve]

Hi rosada, yes but that's not the whole question. I closed the letter this way because I didn't want that she feels somehow obligated to answer. The words I used in the letter came straight from my belly and my heart. They were something I needed to write down to her. We both have difficulties processing emotions, so this letter was a breakthrough for both of us I guess. I just can't stop wondering if she's processing all this emotional stuff or if she just moved on. A simple 'leave me alone' would have been 1000 times better than this silence. That's why I'm trying to understand what IC is pointing me to.

 

[rosada]

Yeah, no fun. I don’t always look to the I Ching as telling me “This is how it is.” but rather “This is how you should assume it is.” Thus I think you are being advised to assume - whether it’s true or not - that she doesn‘t hold any animosity towards you, isn’t ignoring you, but simply doesn’t choose to put any more energy into the friendship. Maybe you’ll hear from her, maybe you won’t, but you should assume things will continue as they are - 25.4 - and act accordingly.

 

[Spezzaneve]

Thanks for your answer. I guess this is how things are destined to go between us (we talk for some time then our interest slowly fade away only to come back later). Still wandering about the initial hex (1.2.3) and its meaning. I always found difficult to interpret questions formuled with "what does X think/does of this situation"

 

[rosada]

1.2 Describes someone who sees another but does not expect the other to see or reach out to them.
I see this as meaning she took you at your word when you said you wanted tell her somethings but that you were not looking for a response.

1.3 Describes someone whose mind is troubled, so she may have thought you were unsure of what you wanted or where the relationship was headed.

Together with the resulting 25 - which thinks true love ought to just grow without conscious effort or commitment - these lines seem to describe the whole pattern of your relationship - that is, you saw each other "in the field", spend a lot of time wondering "Should I or shouldn't I?" but ultimately you didn't put a ring on it and the opportunity passed.

Personally, and this is my own advice, not the I Ching talking, I think you have nothing to lose if you were to write her and say, "I thought if I wrote to you one last time I would be able to feel at peace about us and move on - but I find I miss you terribly! Please call me."

Good luck!
Rosada

 

[Spezzaneve]

Yup I think I'll wait some days and see how the situation will evolve. Maybe I'll text her. Anyway probably I said it bad because of my english, but the last part of the message wasn't "DON'T answer me" but "you don't have to answer me if you don't feel to". Guess she just decided not to. She's not a person who can handle emotions very well (aaand so am I, but improving

 

[Lettuce]

1.2.3 - 25. Her feelings for you are that a romantic relationship with you is way too complicated and she just wants to get back to being an ordinary person with no special ties or obligations.

Should you expect an answer? 35 - 47. No. You made it clear you were only writing to get things off your chest and that the relationship cannot progress any further.

Why she is ignoring you. 31.4 - 39. She is not intentionally ignoring you, she simply isn’t thinking about you.

25. She is not involved with another man.

25.4 - 42. The situation with her will continue as it is so yes, wise to move on.

You say the troubles in your friendship were mostly caused by miscommunications so you wrote her a message specifically saying she did not need to respond and now you wonder why she hasn’t emailed you back? Hmm..

your interpretation of 1.2.3 -25 is spot on!