13.2 -> 1 reunite?

[dohara]

helo,

this is my first post here and my first I Ching try as well. I had a bad broke-up with my girl few months ago. I was left brokenhearted and very hurt. After breakup she insisted to remain friends but at the same time did more things to hurt me, so after some time I decided to break any further contact. She is not trying anymore as well and we haven't been in contact for 2 months.

I asked I Ching "Will I ever get one more chance to make up with her?" and the answer was 13.2 changing to 1.

Please tell me how to interpret this? I don't understand.

thank you!

 

[dohara]

btw. she is in relationship with another man. is it possible that line 2 is referring to that?
"Fellowship with men in the clan.
Humiliation."

 

[elias]

Hex 13 "Sameness with People" speaks to the need to avoid holding some people or relationships as more important than others. This is, of course, easier to say than to do.

13.2 specifically cautions against becoming clannish and attaching far too much importance to a person or group. The line emphasizes the overall message of the hex, and seems to speak directly to your concern of holding this person and relationship to be of greater importance than others in your life.

Hex 1: several possible interpretations -- you may be entering a phase of great creative potential in your life, but you may also be focusing too much on what is merely visible and superficial without regard to underlying issues.

The I Ching does not answer yes-no questions well. You might get more helpful responses by asking "What is the lesson of this relationship" or "What would be the consequence of..." These lead a person into a more reflective state of mind and a better place to evaluate experiences.

btw. she is in relationship with another man. is it possible that line 2 is referring to that?

It's always best to assume that IC is talking to you about you. It does not gossip about other people, or read their minds, or predict what they are going to do.

 

[dohara]

thank you very much for your answer! as you said, easier said than done... (un)fortunately I am ver well aware of what lesson it was for me. I actually learned a lot and never had that much of personal growth in my life. I honestly believe that I became much better man, improved my wisdom and even physical appearance significantly after we broke up. I honestly believe that she would be more than surprised to see new me, even as a friend, but I don't want to be friend with somebody that hurts me. that's why I formulated question like that. what I want to know is whether will I ever have a chance to show it to her or I should move on and show it to somebody new... which still seems very hard to do.

 

[dohara]

Dear elias or anybody else,

can you please give me more assistance. I followed your advice and made few better formulated questions. What do you think I should do?

1. "What should I do to reconcile with her?" Answer: 21->64
My conclusion was that there is something I should do to make things justice and that there is a hope in future, but I have to be careful and not screw it up at the end.

Then I tested 3 possible scenarios:
2. What should I expect if I hurt her back in the same way? Answer: 39->17
3. What should I expect if I continue no contact? Answer was 21->38
4. What should I expect if I reopen the contact? Answer was 31 with no changing lines.

Do you think I should reopen the contact? It was very hard to me to get to this point of no contact for 2 months and I am afraid that I will ruin my effort and slow down my healing process again. However, 31 sounds promising... What would you do? And what is the meaning of 21 in my first question?

Thank you in advance!

 

[elias]

Rather than addressing all these, perhaps some general advice -- stay with one question until you understand the answer to the best of your ability. Hex 21-> 64 is quite complex -- to make the obvious pun -- there is a lot to chew on with so many changing lines, and 64 "Before the end" tells you that the story is a long way from being over. Look at a number of responses to 21, look through the archives here, and spend a day or two thinking this all over before asking more questions.

From a purely Taoist perspective, the fact that you are wanting and plotting and planning dooms your effort to more confusion and misdirection. The better course would be to concentrate on developing yourself, as you apparently are, and wait for the opportunity to influence the other person to emerge in its own time. And if it doesn't emerge... it was not meant to.