13.4 > 37 - about reaching out to someone. Confused!!

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

Would appreciate some feedback as I'm quite confused by this line and have been before.

I asked:
Please advise about A and whether it's worth reaching out to them?
13.4 > 37
Is this a description of things as they are, I'm sitting astride a wall, seeing both the pros and the cons, and sort of slightly stuck here? Or that this is a good thing (I did ask for advice!) or that this is what I need to do in order to avoid coming to harm?

Also how does 37 fit in? Cafe au soul suggestions this is about roles and expectations and boundaries (as in clear positions within a family) but I'm struggling to relate it.

I've got this 13.4 before and it's always confused me a bit. I get it as a description but as advice? So just stay sitting where you are, slightly defensively on the wall, not behind it, but also not an attack (i.e. don't reach out!)

Any suggestions appreciated

 

[thisismybody]

It looks like Yi isn’t saying whether it’s worth it, but that if you don’t reach out, it’s like staying up on a wall, or high horse? Could that apply to either one of you? And that if you stay in a defensive mode, that communal feel will be limited. Sometimes this is healthy and helpful. Sometimes it limits connection and intimacy. I’ve had it for neighbors I needed to create boundaries with as well as coworkers who didn’t need to know all my business. That wall, those boundaries, created a safe space for us all. There was more harmony at work when I didn’t get overly involved in personal sharing and drama. But it also limited the deeper development of kinship. This was necessary then bc we weren’t actually like-minded people.

So, if you don’t reach out, distance will remain, as if you’re camping out in some mound looking around for threats.

 

[Lola1986]

It looks like Yi isn’t saying whether it’s worth it, but that if you don’t reach out, it’s like staying up on a wall, or high horse? Could that apply to either one of you? And that if you stay in a defensive mode, that communal feel will be limited. Sometimes this is healthy and helpful. Sometimes it limits connection and intimacy. I’ve had it for neighbors I needed to create boundaries with as well as coworkers who didn’t need to know all my business. That wall, those boundaries, created a safe space for us all. There was more harmony at work when I didn’t get overly involved in personal sharing and drama. But it also limited the deeper development of kinship. This was necessary then bc we weren’t actually like-minded people.

So, if you don’t reach out, distance will remain, as if you’re camping out in some mound looking around for threats.

Thanks. Yes, well I am definitely staying up on a wall, and sort of considering getting off down from it but am not sure. The person in question is someone I was briefly involved with, and I ended things because he wasn't looking for anything serious. But we did get on well and he wanted to stay friends, which at the time I said no to, because I was being defensive partly in order not to get hurt (I didn't want to fall back into a thing with him since I know he's not in a place for that) and partly because (and maybe this is the unnecessary bit) I sort of wasn't convinced we could just be friends. But he was cool and we got on and so now that the dust has settled I am wondering whether to reach out and ask if the offer of friendship is still there?

So I don't know if I'm being too defensive, or sensibly defensive. And I guess maybe I won't know unless I risk it, and either it works out or I realise that it was a mistake and get back onto my wall! Maybe I need to think of another question to ask...

 

[Lola1986]

Maybe it's about well you can reach out but you need to have healthy boundaries in place?

 

[thisismybody]

Tough to know. This is the part when I put Yi aside and tune into my feelings. I’ll ask myself what feels right and compare the feelings btw the two choices.

 

[Lola1986]

Maybe it's about well you can reach out but you need to have healthy boundaries in place?

Tough to know. This is the part when I put Yi aside and tune into my feelings. I’ll ask myself what feels right and compare the feelings btw the two choices.

Yes tricky. My feelings aren't always so helpful is the thing - haha. I asked again
What do I need to consider before reaching out to A?
26.4.5.6 > 43
Well this seems to counsel don't do it on an impulse, be controlled, reach out with intention, know the limits, and be clear in that. 43 as the changing hex makes sense, deciding, I guess that is what I'm doing!

But anyway maybe overthinking it isn't the solution and as you say, the best thing is to let it sit for a little while and see what comes up, hopefully a good bit of intuition will emerge if I can be calm enough.

 

[thisismybody]

Tame the desire to reach out and cut him loose? I’d read that not as affirmation to reach out but to control my desire to reach out. So I now see 13.4 as saying stay up on your high horse/high mound. I understand the desire to stay connected, but you weren’t actually friends. Be friends with someone you have no romantic interest in or someone you can be sure won’t be messy. Even if you’re certain you only have platonic feelings, looks like Yi says someone has feelings of sexual attraction. So friendship isn’t possible.

Greatly tame all attraction and break free. That’s how I see it.

 

[marybluesky]

Please advise about A and whether it's worth reaching out to them?
13.4 > 37

I think this line talks about boundaries. You should keep up your city walls. 37 shows a family but also a place where people have their own roles. So I read the advice as: protect yourself and your emotions. If you can do so while reaching out to A, go for it.

 

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

Well I decided not to reach out because I didn't think I would be able not to get entangled again. But I am feeling much more stable now so perhaps I will sometime. I asked the same again and got 45 this time... maybe we'll just bump into each other at a gathering. Or maybe getting in touch will just, quite simply - result in a gathering of people (duh!)

Anyway thanks for your help.