14.2.4 to 22 -actual big chariot

[foxwriter]

Ha! I like a literal reading .

I asked how I should best be with my boyfriend on our impending trip away.

We’re in the process of reconciling after a rupture & have acknowledged we need to talk but both said how it’s been nice just spending time with each other again.

our trip involves using my campervan to stay in a village so he can take photographs for a creative project.

I don’t think the two days will be the right time to talk-more to engage in some teamwork. I am a bit apprehensive about using my campervan in colder weather-but also glad it will get some use in the autumn.

14. 2
He uses a chariot to carry heavy loads
Having a direction to follow. No fault.

14. 4

It is not for you to dominate. No mistake.

changing to 22:
‘Beauty. Creating success.
Small harvest in having a direction to go.’


perhaps doing this (beautiful) work together will remind us of the team we used to be. Though as every other reading is telling me at the moment, I shouldn’t push it in terms of initiating a “Where are we/where are we going?” conversation yet.

 

[dfreed]

I asked how I should best be with my boyfriend on our impending trip away. 14.2.4 to 22

Stephen Field calls Hex. 14 "Possessing Greatness" - which to me speaks of great possibilities for your trip together.

​

14.2 is " a great carriage for an undertaking.​

There is a journey to go on. No harm will come." ​

​

And 14.4 is "It is not [about] self-importance. ​

No harm will come." (based on trans. by S. Field)​

I do see a few guidelines and ideas to consider here, e.g.: What makes 14.2's "carriage" great? And how do you not make this about one's (yours or his) 'self-importance?

You have to decide for yourselves how, and whether or not to consider these. I'll offer my thoughts: you said you two "have acknowledged we need to talk but both said how it’s been nice just spending time with each other again."

I would suggest that you want to agree - before the trip - to 'just spending time' for this trip, but also agree (ahead of time) that you do need to talk when you're trip is done.

This way your van - the carriage - can 'be great' and be about photography, a creative project, and engaging in teamwork. But you also know it's very important that you talk - that you agree to find the time to engage in the process of reconciling after a rupture (and perhaps after this trip). This way you acknowledge the importance of your relationship, and that it's not just about yourself or selves, nor your own self-importance(s).

I hope that's of some use.
D

 

[foxwriter]

Stephen Field calls Hex. 14 "Possessing Greatness" - which to me speaks of great possibilities for your trip together.

​

14.2 is " a great carriage for an undertaking.​

There is a journey to go on. No harm will come." ​

​

And 14.4 is "It is not [about] self-importance. ​

No harm will come." (based on trans. by S. Field)​

I do see a few guidelines and ideas to consider here, e.g.: What makes 14.2's "carriage" great? And how do you not make this about one's (yours or his) 'self-importance?

You have to decide for yourselves how, and whether or not to consider these. I'll offer my thoughts: you said you two "have acknowledged we need to talk but both said how it’s been nice just spending time with each other again."

I would suggest that you want to agree - before the trip - to 'just spending time' for this trip, but also agree (ahead of time) that you do need to talk when you're trip is done.

This way your van - the carriage - can 'be great' and be about photography, a creative project, and engaging in teamwork. But you also know it's very important that you talk - that you agree to find the time to engage in the process of reconciling after a rupture (and perhaps after this trip). This way you acknowledge the importance of your relationship, and that it's not just about yourself or selves, nor your own self-importance(s).

I hope that's of some use.
D

That is of huge use-thank you so much.

I hadn’t wanted any resentment about not having given time to resolving our relationship to overshadow our trip & it’s purpose. This would be a great way of giving them both weight.

I already knew he would be physically/mentally exhausted when we return but will be coming straight back to look after his children for a day so I knew we’d have no chance then. He’s also now going to visit a friend the following weekend.

So I will have to say that it will be good to talk in the days before that. Perhaps even better because then he has a bit of space to consider the aftermath and so will I.

Thank you for drawing my attention to the idea of self-importance. If I were to pinpoint one thing that feels crucial to our reconciliation talks it’s to highlight the importance of considering “our telationship” as an entity we protect and give time to without taking it for granted.

as a father, this is something he sometimes struggles to feel he has permission to do. As someone who has previously been in co-dependent relationships, I’m still very much learning how not to have boundaries which are either too rigid or too porous. I’ve been thinking about the idea of what it might be to see a relationship as more important than our individual selves recently-and how that can be done without “losing” yourself.

 

[foxwriter]

As an update-

The trip indeed went well.
Good photos were taken & positive links made with people in the village. Staying in the campervan was easier (& warmer) than I thought.

Me & my boyfriend seemed to work more harmoniously than previously-& he expressed more appreciation & gratitude for my help than in previous trips (when we were more “officially” together).

We did have a “moment” where he reacted to my “tone” as if it was angry, when, as he acknowledged, I was just being efficient. We talked the misunderstanding through & him admitting that he sometimes is triggered by feeling I’m talking in an angry way even though he knows I’m not, felt quite revealing about some deeper issues in our relationship (I asked him to apologise and he did, I think sincerely)

Before we parted he said he knew we still needed to talk but also thought we should go away somewhere soon.

It really does feel like we are still reconnecting & rebalancing. Actually, after our little moment, I noticed he seemed to become even warmer towards me & talked to people we met as if we were a “we”.

Hexagram 14 & line 4 are still in operation. I just asked where things are between us now and got 14.1.3.4 to 4.