18.5>57 blue Christmas & friendship

[kestrelw1ngs]

This Christmas my partner mentioned getting a lot of messages wishing her a good holiday.

While happy for her, it left me feeling lacking as no one has reached out to me..I've been feeling very disconnected from everyone and not had much luck with making or solidifying friendships lately, every time I attempt there are cancellations, or the other person is busy, or something in my life gets in the way, like chronic pain or depression. I'm also semi estranged from my family, and in general struggle with mental health and responding promptly to people, though I do communicate this. I have been told I'm not very likable or approachable, it's just not something I've ever understood how to be and when I try to be so, makes it worse & feel fake. I was raised in an isolated way and never learned much about socializing.

I asked Yi "why am I so alone now?"

18.5> 57

Father's corruption. Well yes, this is actually something my father struggled with his whole life, not being able to maintain friendships or get close to people. He opened up to me about it once.
57 suggests needing to get to the heart of this matter.

I'd like to know what to do about it though so I asked
"How can I manage the father's corruption?

7.2.4>16

Joining a team of some sort but not taking leadership, or doing too much work. Maybe finding a career path will lead me to lasting friendships, where my current attempts at connection aren't based on much of anything lasting? Or maybe I am trying too hard.

Any feedback on these lines would be much appreciated, and Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!

 

[redoleander]

I asked Yi "why am I so alone now?"

18.5> 57

This is either being too hard on yourself or other. But especially yourself I think. You’ve identified the “corruption” so how can you address this with an attitude of self-kindness. It makes sense you’d struggle with this if that’s what you grew up with. Think of it like it’s your inner child having a hard time with this. Approach with a spirit of gentleness and even playfulness.

7.2.4 > 16
How can I manage the father's corruption?

By Getting in there and taking steps, using action and a enthusiasm. You don’t need to throw yourself off balance, just build outward from the center. Maybe start with your partner and then go on a double date, or ask to do more group activities together. Allow the spirit of the group to help you. And don’t rush it. Let it take some time, change takes time. Relaxation too. Finding what you truly enjoy and then sharing it with others. Taking the pressure off. Starting with the easiest things and building up. Maybe you haven’t had the social situations that work best for you. If used this casting to think about that, I’d think intimate, organized, with clear objectives, and low pressure.

 

[MuddyMac]

I agree that 57 suggests that you get to the heart of the matter, but because your second question was “How can I manage the Fathers corruption?”, I think that 7.2.4>16 is asking you to take a look at why your father was not able to maintain friendships and how that effected and influenced you. Did you pick up ways of dealing with other people that were common for him, but aren’t working for you? I think it is asking you to gather your army, whatever resources that might be for you, and put yourself in the position of doing some soul searching and trying to get to the bottom of how to deal the difficulties that socialization present to you.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

thank you both.
redoleander your interpretation echoes other recent readings from the Yi to focus on lightness of spirit & relaxation - my family is very work-centric and views play, food, relaxation as a luxury, something to be earned. perhaps there is an element of that belief that closes off opportunity for friendship built on play, trust, and fun. I remember my brothers having friends over sometimes only for them to be shocked by being told to cut & haul wood or do yardwork the next morning alongside us!

It makes sense for a farming/pioneer/immigrant background, which is on both sides, but the attitude is no longer necessary in my situation. I can actually connect this scarcity mindset with longstanding "we are fighting off famine" situations on either side, and many chronic health problems in the family as well.

Play as it turns out is serious work for good health & wellbeing!

At any rate, the 7.2.4. reading makes sense - there's not so much to do anymore, one is not living on the barren steppe at the moment and one can join with others in a less grim spirit.

As it turns out, the holiday became a lot lighter: partner & I decided to stop doing chores and hanging around the house, and went to see a movie.
Cheers!

 

[Trojina]

I asked Yi "why am I so alone now?"

18.5> 57

It is part of dealing with corruption from the past and Yi is praising you for dealing with it. By 'dealing with it' I don't mean consciously necessarily but handling or living with the fall out. If early close relationships with family have been incredibly hard then it's not going to be easy just to make flourishing relationships as an adult. Being alone can be self protective, a kind of recuperation. Also relationships will be triggering as they bring up past trauma so often the best you can do to stay in one piece emotionally is to be alone. But things are being dealt with this answer shows.

You then asked how to manage the father's corruption but I feel that question arose from a slight misunderstanding of the first answer. The first answer says IMO the aloneness arises from the whole situation of you managing and facing the father's corruption, you are already doing it, your doing it is the aloneness so I don't think the second question was needed really.