19.1>7 what will happen

[oceangirl]

A couple of days ago I sent an email to all my children saying enough is enough stop being mean and horrible to me saying if you can't please don't bother being in contact until you can learn to be respectful.

Last night I realised this is actually exactly what I said to my mother, father and sisters who were always horrible to me many years ago. They never reached out to fix it. It's now obvious they never will - sad.
It's also sad that this is recurring in my life especially through my children.

how will this current estrangement change the dynamics of my relationships with my sons

19.1>7

They're going to have a battle on their hands if they wish to approach me again in the same manner. Line 1 also speaks of working together to sort it out but it's entirely up to them.
I'm dealing with one of them who's always been self righteous and never takes accountability. He appears to be having a strong influence on one of his brothers who used to be kind and generous but has become very obnoxious and 'up himself' in the last 6 months.

 

[Mountain Girl]

19.1 suggests cooperation. Is that a reconciliation or your sons sort of "ganging up"? I don't know. Although 19.1 seems auspicious so I would tend to lean toward a positive take on this. It does also suggest a need to use wisdom over strength and to avoid using the same thought patterns/actions that may have contributed to the situation.

With 7 as the relating hexagram, it looks as if a leader is needed or will emerge. This goes along with 19.1 and the suggestion to break out of routine ways.

Wishing you the best. Please post an update if you can.

 

[Mountain Girl]

Just noticed our usernames... Hello Oceangirl, from Mountain Girl

 

[iams girl]

Hi Oceangirl,

Success in approaching them (H19) will be related to reducing your vulnerabilities (H7). Hex 7 is about being ready for battle, for sure, but that's done by taking care of the army (which is you) including keeping a positive mindset, continuing to aim for personal goals, and improving your economic condition. Granted you've had more than your share of setbacks and it's taking a toll on your relationships, but you can only control so much. Everything else will have to fall into it's proper place in its own good time. There are a lot of good posts about Hex 7 in this thread.

,

Iam's

 

[oceangirl]

Hey what's going on in this thread??? ocean girl, Mountain Girl and iams girl?????!!!!!!

Mountain Girl you're spot on as, as this has been happening I've thought the patterns of these relationships have to change for them to work and move forward for sure. And I'm going for wisdom over force which I see as my Integrity and mindset more than anything.

Thank you Iam's - definitely a need to build up my economic strength but I also believe now that it has to be strength on many levels but particularly my self confidence and self esteem which has taken a battering. I joined a gym yesterday again in the hope that I can build up my strength on all levels just like an army does through the discipline of exercise and focusing on that and my new job.
Thankyou too for your acknowledgement of the many setbacks I have experienced over the years and thankyou for the link to that thread reading that helps me so much too.
Hey, nice to hear from you

 

[diamanda]

Hey what's going on in this thread??? ocean girl, Mountain Girl and iams girl?????!!!!!!

Sorry to gate crush the girls' party!

I agree with all of you - a leader is needed in this situation. And if you let your eldest be that leader, obviously the situation will go his way - so best to reduce your vulnerabilities. I had a look at my readings, and when I got this answer the situation went well when I took full control of the situation, without taking into account any contradicting elements. In your case, you have now set clear boundaries with them.

I sent an email to all my children saying enough is enough stop being mean and horrible to me saying if you can't please don't bother being in contact until you can learn to be respectful.

Looking again at the exact wording, you put blame on them, they and their behaviour is the focal point (I know the problem IS their behaviour, but just looking at it from the point of view of 'leadership' and assertiveness). Obviously you need to keep the boundaries you set. But maybe think about slightly re-phrasing all this in future communications, into something that has you as the focus of the sentence (= hence putting you in the leadership position). For example, "I was clear that I refuse to accept such inappropriate communication, so I will have to hang up now". Lose the "please"!

 

[oceangirl]

Thank you diamanda - advice now taken!!

 

[oceangirl]

Update: All 4 children have now acknowledged my email and that we have to start to relate differently to each other.
Fortunately this whole thing has triggered a deep seated issue within me and although it's requiring a lot of painful work for me to resolve I believe it will be for the benefit of all my relationships least of all with myself.
At this point I've decided I don't wish to interact much with my children until I sort myself out and they have agreed to give me the space I need.

 

[diamanda]

Glad to hear they've acknowledged you oceangirl, and also that you're taking some time away from them to sort this out in you. Hang in there! Sending you strength

 

[oceangirl]

Present update: sadly one of my sons has contacted telling me he's suffering from depression enough to seek professional help. This doesn't surprise me - he went from a kind generous young man to an unkind and mean person. I have found when I step back from people who want to blame or take things out on me it leaves them to fight their battle out on their own and this is usually the result. I feel unsure what to do from a mother perspective because I just want to reach out and help him but from person perspective I realise when I needed him most he turned his back on me.

 

[diamanda]

I can totally sympathise with the urge to reach out and help him. But, if he is indeed depressed and this is not a trick, I believe best to let him sort it out with a professional. Close family relationships can be so dangerous - we lose any barriers and forgive horrible behaviours - and that in turn always makes matters worse. It has happened to me so many times. Sooo difficult to turn a soft heart into a stern one, but it has to be done if you're sick and tired of family walking all over you.

 

[oceangirl]

No not a trick unfortunately depression is in our family and he's been there before but he wouldn't listen to the truth of why I know he's in that space so he's back there again. It is hard when you're such a nurturer like me to do nothing but if I'm to change these family dynamics I need to stick with my present position.

 

[oceangirl]

Update: nothings really improved in our relationship/s particularly in leiu of my latest decision to go back to teaching in the outback which didn't turn out so good last time.