21 Unchanging - Biting Through

[thesunshinecat]

Almost a decade ago, I had a falling out with my (at the time) best friend. She betrayed me quite badly by telling a personal secret of mine to a bunch of people, and when confronted basically told me to "eff off." We haven't talked since.

Well, about one month ago she moved into the apartment next to me. Truly bizarre since she moved from out of state and it was seemingly unplanned. Neither one of us have interacted since she moved in though I know she has seen me and she regularly walks by my apartment. Once or twice we have walked by each other and I have not even looked at her, it is too weird.

Today I'm sitting in my living room with the window open and I hear her on the phone. She tells someone she just got kicked out of her apartment and to please call her back. I should clarify, there's a chance I misheard her. She may have said she "just got back to her apartment" or something. But I'm pretty sure she said she was being kicked out. She said it right in front of my open window too, so I'm sure she has some idea that I can hear her.

I got 21 Unchanging when asked why this situation was happening and what to do. I have read all about this hexagram and still can't figure it out. I would not be rude if she talked to me, but I decided when she moved in that I am not going to invite more disrespect by reaching out first. Depending on this reading I may be flexible with that, though as the hexagram says, "forgive don't forget."




Please share any insight, thank you.

 

[Hans_K]

You can read H21 as a response that concerns only yourself, but also as a response that deals with your relationship.
H21 is about making difficult decisions and cutting knots. There is an obstacle disturbing (inner) harmony that needs to be addressed firmly.
The fact is the appearance of this former best friend allows old pain to resurface. H21 seems to advise you to deal with that. Thunder has the power to change things and Fire makes things clear and differentiates things. When you combine these 2 then quick changes can happen.
So this can be about your mutual relationship at the same time.
Fire is also associated with relationships and the heart. Thunder with new beginnings. So when you take advice from H21, the relationship can start anew.

but I decided when she moved in that I am not going to invite more disrespect by reaching out first.

Are you sure this is true or is this an assumption? What speaks here, you or the hurt feelings?

though as the hexagram says, "forgive don't forget."

Where is this mentioned?
The Yi itself does not say this anywhere, so that must be someone's own interpretation and you should always be careful with that.

Maybe you should just take a chance and have a conversation with her about what happened in the past. Chances are she is just as troubled by it as you are and doesn't know how to handle things now that you live next door. Push aside all the "yes buts" and just do it (Thunder). At worst, you'll keep a good neighbour.

This would be my interpretation. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest

 

[rosada]

I think thesunshinecat may have gotten the forgive-and-forget idea from my posting on WikiWing where I said I saw the sequence from 20. View to 21. Biting Through as meaning seeing the big picture, 20, and then by seeing the big picture we are able to recognize the obstacles to union and 21. Bite Through them. I referenced the phrase “to know all [View all] is to forgive all [Bite Through all].” However, on its own I wouldn’t see 21 as advice to “forgive and forget“. More like a comment that there is something here that is not understood and there is a misunderstanding that will need to be dealt with to get to the truth. So while this hexagram could be saying this situation does offer an opportunity to revisit and resolve the past, it also could be simply commenting on the fact you are both pretending not to see each other.

If there has to be a reason why this is happening perhaps you are being given an opportunity to see how this woman’s life turned out and to fully realize what happened between you was not your doing, that she is simply a difficult soul who has problems with relationships from personal friends to landlords, so you can forgive the whole thing and let it go, in case you’ve still been wondering about it over the years.

As you got 21 unchanging it makes me think you are not being advised to do anything major about this. Maybe just the next time you see her in the hallway nod and say something that acknowledges you recognize her like, “Well, fancy meeting you here” And then keep walking. At least this way you eliminate this strange dance of pretending you don’t know each other.