Clarity,
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So I've just done this reading for myself and I thought I'd share my interpretations, but also see what you thought. It was quite literal in a way. The context is that I went into a relationship, or got together with someone a bit older than me who I fancied a lot but didn't know that well. He had just had a bad breakup (maybe 3 months earlier) that left him in pain which I knew - so I took a big risk but also sort of hoped it wouldn't matter. What I didn't know what quite how emotionally involved he still was with his ex. he also didn't tell me this although I realised as we went along. Obviously it didn't work out - after a month I felt he just wasn't there, wasn't that interested and brought it up and sure enough he said he just didn't seem to have the feelings he thought he probably should have for me if we were to continue being romantically involved. I am in pain and upset BUT have also been doing some deep reflecting. Why did I put myself in such an emotionally 'dangerous' situation, why did I not read the signs of his ambivalence which were there from the start? (For example after the first date which I asked him on, he didn't get in touch and I reached out again and only then did he invite me for a second one). After various rounds of questions I got to questioning my own sincerity - is this heart pain about him or about just wanting to be with someone...what were my motivations going in? Why did I go down that road? I got to these questions through the following route:
why didn't it work out between me and X?
45.1.2.5 > 54 -
45.1 - an issue about commitment (was he committed - no - was I - maybe not since I couldn't wait?? Or maybe I knew it wasn't right - I am not sure. I worry about my choice of partners - so not sure if this line is about me or about him, or about both?? Started with sincerity - ended in confusion because of lack of commitment?)
45.2 - I was striving too much - should have let myself be drawn in - so lesson for next time don't chase (I did pursue him to start and then he initiated and then he sort of began to withdraw after a month)
45.5 - you may force the issue but don't expect it to last (again speaking to me pursuing instead of accepting that maybe he just wasn't ready/wasn't the one etc etc and instead of just naturally getting to know him in less sort of intense ways than a romance)
54 - well clearly this is where i've been left, number 2 while he still is in some entanglement with his ex/I don't have any power in the situation
So all this led me to ask:
Were my feelings sincere? (Because I have this fear, like was I pursuing with good intention? If I was really sincere would I not have 'waited' either before starting it, or else let it continue even though it didn't feel quite right because maybe slowly he would have come round? Or was this some nonsense like anyone will do? He's the first person I've done that with for a while/felt that desire to be with and this was partly because I thought he's nice, he's attractive and thought because they'd split up and he responded relatively positively to my advances that this meant he was interested and available. But I also knew about his previous romance and sort of refused to read and hear the signs of his not-readiness in terms of his actions in relation to me)
I got:
Were my feelings sincere?
28.2.6 > 33
28.2 - my hope, that he (the older man), would sort of get together with me (the younger woman) and we would have a fruitful time??
28.6 - painful lesson in all of the above - if you plunge into water you will get wet but mostly that I need to look after myself emotionally much better than I do and not enter into dangerous situations because otherwise indeed I will be hurt. But a slightly kinder to self reminder: you are blameless so not to give myself a hard time even though it was a stupidly bold thing to have done on my part
33 - now is the time for retreat and healing after all of the above
Anyway just thought I'd share my reflections so far, but wondered if anyone had anything to add, another layer I've not seen
why didn't it work out between me and X?
45.1.2.5 > 54 -
45.1 - an issue about commitment (was he committed - no - was I - maybe not since I couldn't wait?? Or maybe I knew it wasn't right - I am not sure. I worry about my choice of partners - so not sure if this line is about me or about him, or about both?? Started with sincerity - ended in confusion because of lack of commitment?)
45.2 - I was striving too much - should have let myself be drawn in - so lesson for next time don't chase (I did pursue him to start and then he initiated and then he sort of began to withdraw after a month)
45.5 - you may force the issue but don't expect it to last (again speaking to me pursuing instead of accepting that maybe he just wasn't ready/wasn't the one etc etc and instead of just naturally getting to know him in less sort of intense ways than a romance)
54 - well clearly this is where i've been left, number 2 while he still is in some entanglement with his ex/I don't have any power in the situation
So all this led me to ask:
Were my feelings sincere? (Because I have this fear, like was I pursuing with good intention? If I was really sincere would I not have 'waited' either before starting it, or else let it continue even though it didn't feel quite right because maybe slowly he would have come round? Or was this some nonsense like anyone will do? He's the first person I've done that with for a while/felt that desire to be with and this was partly because I thought he's nice, he's attractive and thought because they'd split up and he responded relatively positively to my advances that this meant he was interested and available. But I also knew about his previous romance and sort of refused to read and hear the signs of his not-readiness in terms of his actions in relation to me)
I got:
Were my feelings sincere?
28.2.6 > 33
28.2 - my hope, that he (the older man), would sort of get together with me (the younger woman) and we would have a fruitful time??
28.6 - painful lesson in all of the above - if you plunge into water you will get wet but mostly that I need to look after myself emotionally much better than I do and not enter into dangerous situations because otherwise indeed I will be hurt. But a slightly kinder to self reminder: you are blameless so not to give myself a hard time even though it was a stupidly bold thing to have done on my part
33 - now is the time for retreat and healing after all of the above
Anyway just thought I'd share my reflections so far, but wondered if anyone had anything to add, another layer I've not seen