32.2.3.6 > 35 relationship issues

[MoonCatcher]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I love him but he drives me nuts. I've addressed the issues in our relationship; he is very clingy and lacks consideration towards my living situation (he will piss off my flatmate by staying for weeks at a time)..

He's also disorganised, sleeps past 11am, spends money frivolously and has no idea how to give someone space. I love him dearly, he's a good person, but I'm so tired of repeating myself to him. I was so angry with him this morning over something trivial and don't know what I should do at this stage.

We have a pattern -

1) He pisses me off
2) I shout at him telling him it's over and he cries
3) I feel guilty start / missing him then the whole cycle repeats

So I asked the i ching. What needs to be done with x?

32.2.3.6 > 35

I read this as a bad kind of endurance where I need to actually break it off with him (line 6)

Anyone have any thoughts?

 

[Trojina]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I love him but he drives me nuts. I've addressed the issues in our relationship; he is very clingy and lacks consideration towards my living situation (he will piss off my flatmate by staying for weeks at a time)..

He's also disorganised, sleeps past 11am, spends money frivolously and has no idea how to give someone space. I love him dearly, he's a good person, but I'm so tired of repeating myself to him. I was so angry with him this morning over something trivial and don't know what I should do at this stage.

We have a pattern -

1) He pisses me off
2) I shout at him telling him it's over and he cries
3) I feel guilty start / missing him then the whole cycle repeats

So I asked the i ching. What needs to be done with x?

32.2.3.6 > 35

I read this as a bad kind of endurance where I need to actually break it off with him (line 6)

Anyone have any thoughts?

how can you see 32.6 as 'break it off with him' ? It's telling you to calm down because you keep trying to start over when you just need to settle. In fact the whole reading shouts SETTLE DOWN.

I'd think 32 shows you have something lasting here. Line 2 showing something pretty steady which is disrupted in line 3...and line 6...continuous anxiety and pressing and fretting when things just need to settle down into how they are.

Of course this could apply to him, maybe he needs to settle down but you did ask 'what needs to be done with X ?' which is an odd question. I guess you meant 'what do I need to do about him ?' ?

So if this directly answers the question of what you need to do about him

1. Focus on the steadying aspects of the relationship. (32)
2. Increase regularity, decrease chopping and changing (line 3)
3. Stop fretting about trying to make everything better, work with what you have (line 6)

Line 3 can be quite selfish where people just chop and change things to suit themselves and disrupt other's routines carelessly which does sound more like him than you.

So my interpretation may be a bit muddled about who is who but if I got this cast I'd not be looking to split up but to settle down. For one thing if he felt more settled and secure he would be less clingy. Do you keep him guessing ? Do you change plans at short notice (line 3) to make him feel insecure or anything like that ?

I have no idea who is who, sorry, I'm not implying it's all your fault BUT 32.6 is for sure advising you you really don't need to split with him, settling down, calming things and SLOWING DOWN would really help a lot.

35 as relating seems to indicate this is all quite an opportunity for a steady relationship to develop. The potential for a really stable calm steady relationship is there. What is a threat to that ? Look at the threats to that and seek to calm those things down.

 

[Trojina]

We have a pattern -

1) He pisses me off
2) I shout at him telling him it's over and he cries
3) I feel guilty start / missing him then the whole cycle repeats

So I asked the i ching. What needs to be done with x?

Okay I read through too fast...I think the key to the reading is here....at point 2. Point 2 is line 6. Don't tell him it's over when it isn't....that way as you say you are just creating endless disruption and increasing his insecurity. Keep on arguing if you like but don't make statements that it's over, try to stay the course a bit more, endure a bit more, slow down, give yourself more time, line 6 shows there really isn't any need to keep pushing things to a conclusion. Let it be a bit more.

 

[butterfly spider]

Drama plays itself out in many ways. Films and movies like to push to a resolution. IN real life things are never that simple - there are no cameras, no director and no set ending. With this reading, you need to, as Trojina says quite rightly, slow down, breathe and say to yourself that this is not a film-set. In my experience going to stay with a friend, say that you are going to go on a walking break for a weekend - give yourself a breather. Ask yourself what is important. I am really not getting here that you need to end things - almost the opposite. Give yourself time to consider, to establish a connection.,

I am really getting that he is a sensitive soul - carry this with you - that is a really lovely attribute. Value what he has to give you - and if at the end you feel that you REALLY want someone different then tell him. He does not sound insecure, just a soul needing assurance from you, someone he feels connected to.

This is just a hunch - it is your call here, but sometimes beautiful souls come along and we fail to recognise them.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Hey guys, some great responses there. Thank you so much.

Well Butterfly spider; in the first half of our relationship - I gave him tons of reassurance. I didn't play any mind games and have been very open and loving towards him. I never chop and change plans, I'm very consistent.

But he really pushed the boundaries; and was very inconsiderate to my living situation.

For example; I let him stay in my flat once for a weekend when he first moved to london, to save him money in a hotel. I returned to find a lipstick on the table and wine glasses with used candles in the living room. He didn't cheat on me, but he didn't consider how I would feel to find this. Furthermore, he had broken a promise to not bring anyone in and lied about it. So I was very angry and considered dumping him on the spot. He hasn't done anything like that since; but has been very sloppy and inconsiderate in other ways causing me a lot of headaches.

He is a good soul and I definitely recognise it; that's why I've stayed with him for this long...

But Trojina is right - telling him it's over probably isn't helping; just causing him to be more insecure. So I'll try to take it easy and not get so worked up over everything.

 

[mulberry]

I take 32.6 as pretty key here, since it matches up with the inconsistent behavior you've described in him, and your own misgivings and wishy-washiness about the relationship. Restlessness needs to be addressed, a decision needs to be made and a path chosen, or there will be misfortune. I think you know this, since it's the heart of your question! Yi is, in a sense, throwing it back at you. The story you tell about him having another woman over in your flat is disquieting. Very important: were you in a committed relationship at that point, or any kind of relationship at all? Or did it start later? And combined with your other thread & readings about being pregnant-- you must take off any kind of rose colored glasses you have been looking at him through and figure out if he's a reliable person. You must figure out who he really is. I wish you luck!