35.4 —> 23 A hard time with family.

[cavarose]

I am in the most difficult passage of my life so far. My mother has passed away in a schocking turn of medical events and it’s lifted the lid on the toxicity in my relationship with my siblings. Basically, the only way the relationships can work in their opinion is by my submission. I’ve live 40+ years in this oppression and I’ve changed and am not capable of it anymore. I am sad because I fear once I leave I will not return because I am not respected. Mourning my parents is rough. But they are putting me thru all the hell. How do I grow from here?

 

[marybluesky]

Hello Cavarose. I'm sorry for what you are going through. You want to improve your situation, "make progress" (hex 35). How can you do it?Line 4 is about an inappropriate situation. According to James DeKorne website: "When progress is like a hamster, to continue brings danger." "His place isn't appropriate for him." To me sounds like you have to get rid of this oppressive place that puts your well-being in danger by "splitting apart" (hex 23) from your siblings. Maybe that's time to live on your own?Good luck!

 

[cavarose]

The truth hurts. Even in the compassion of the I Ching. I finally love and respect myself and they want to sweep all of that away. I’ve learned so much in this journey about myself - why I can be such a domineering a-hole out in the world. It’s because I’ve been fighting to be heard for so long I hadn’t seen the usefulness of quiet gentleness. I hope the day comes that they get it and I am welcomed home.

 

[moss elk]

To me sounds like you have to get rid of this oppressive place that puts your well-being in danger by "splitting apart" (hex 23) from your siblings.

I agree that one should seperate from people who tear them down, in general.

23 is not splitting apart or separating, though.
(like 12 is)

It is Taking From, tearing down, disintegrating. stripping of.

Lines 1,2,3,4, show those beneath Taking From someone above.
In line 5, the sovereign is wise and gives to those below, which nicely eliminates the need for any 'taking from'.
(see how line 5 and the Image say the same thing?)
In line 6, the moment of truth arrives for the one above, if they were noble/honorable the peasants with pitchforks do not tear the one above down.

The 35.4 reading may refer to someone who tries to tear another down, in order to build themself up.

 

[cavarose]

Thanks Moss Elk,That offers new perplexity. I ponder both how I tear down people and how I’ve been torn down. It makes me check myself to stay out of victim mode. I’m always the problem and outlier in the family and it has a gaslighting effect. It’s taken supportive friends a long time and lots of inner work to bring me to a place of holding my ground and getting aggressive if need be. It’s very confusing when Love hurts so much.

 

[cavarose]

Thanks Moss Elk,That offers new perplexity. I ponder both how I tear down people and how I’ve been torn down. It makes me check myself to stay out of victim mode. I’m always the problem and outlier in the family and it has a gaslighting effect. It’s taken supportive friends a long time and lots of inner work to bring me to a place of holding my ground and getting aggressive if need be. It’s very confusing when Love hurts so much.

 

[rosada]

Perhaps 35.4 refers to how you've had to have lived your life in the past around these people, that is, you've probably had to be very cautious - even sneaky - around them to get what you needed. I think 23. Splitting Apart is pointing out that you want to be able to shed - split apart! - from these necessary protective cautions ways and now give form to your true self. Kind of like a sculpture chips away at the stone to reveal the character beneath. However, as your question was how do you progress from here I think 35.4 is also warning that you ought not bring your grievances and decisions out in the open but should quietly go forward with your life and that could very well mean you distance yourself from your siblings. One thing I have experienced in my own life when people have died is that the dynamics in the family change - often in totally unexpected ways. Without your mother alive to anchor the old family pattern you may find the sibs let go of their habitual attitudes and are open to a new arrangement. If you quietly step back now without making a big deal about it you may find that one by one the sibs seek you out and you are able to regroup and rebuild. But I do think Splitting Apart from them now is essential to allowing a new way to emerge.
So sorry for your loss. St John's Wort is a good herb for dealing with grief and "mother issues".

 

[cavarose]

Thank you much. We had a beautiful memorial for mom Thursday and the house is just quieting down. Which is a mixed blessings. During every estate discussion I’ve been humiliated, questioned and bullied. I’ve stayed quiet, agreed along and the fact checked. Golly, they were just telling me anything to get me to share the money in the account I’m in like every pending bill magically adds up to about as much as in there. I research and say, “so why exactly will the tax bill suddenly double?” Nah, not buying it. Part if it is grieving. Part of it is malarkey. Part of it is them assuming because I’m an artist I don’t know how to be responsible. But I’m grateful for keeping my cool and all the mean things I did NOT say in retaliation. I just say I’m going to think about it and not be rushed into decisions. I’m going home across the country Tuesday and feel mixed about. One part wants to run, the other just wants to stay in the space if my mom and keep processing. Definitely the hardest passage of my life so far. My brother told me I was concerning him, with all my not just going along with what they say I’m sure. I told him he wasn’t concerned, that’s he’s disconcerted because he’s never seen me exert boundaries before. And that he’s adjusting. It’s funny, I go by a different name out in the world and they insist upon calling me by my birth name - not realizing they are dealing with a totally different person. I think it will all workout. But my, my, my it’s a long road ahead. Thanks everyone!!