44.3.6 to 47 Relationship - coming back together?

[blu7]

Hi all, it's been a while since I've posted here. I am in a relationship with a widow. Her spouse passed away very suddenly and prematurely. The marriage was good but troubled that final year, and things were discovered after the death that were very hurtful. Despite that, my partner loves her late wife, but also felt motivated to move on quickly.

We began dating a year later, and at the time I worried it was too soon, but our connection was so strong and she was so convincing in her readiness to move on that I took a leap. It was a wonderful first year, and we fell deeply in love. We feel like we found our soul connection.

But then we began to struggle. She kept looking for faults in me and then apologizing many times saying she was acting out of fear. Also she is in a second Saturn return now and trying to make a big change in her career which she made her feel pressured about how she spends her free time. She said every part of her life felt like it should be a huge priority, but she felt like she was failing at all of it.

After four months like this, I was exhausted. I also need to have a plan or goal in mind since I have my daughter who is quite young. My partner and I both are afraid to lose each other, but I told her we should take a one month break to take off some pressure and to think through whether we should stay together or not. I asked the Y what will be the result of this month when we meet again and...

it returned hexagram 47.5 changing to 40.

Could really use some help with interpreting this - is this about my isolation now in this month, or is it a break up type of isolation once we check back in?

I also asked the Y if I should delay our meeting for another several weeks or so - my thought was that I should avoid saying things unnecessarily (given 47.5) and take things even more slowly.

It returned 44.3.6 to 47

Yikes!? Is it agreeing that I avoid meeting her again for a little longer? Or is it telling me to avoid meeting her altogether and simply break things off? There is an indication that I should avoid "marrying" this woman.

Sorry for the epic post! Any thoughts on my interpretation are greatly appreciated.

 

[my_key]

I asked the Y what will be the result of this month when we meet again and...

it returned hexagram 47.5 changing to 40.

Could really use some help with interpreting this - is this about my isolation now in this month, or is it a break up type of isolation once we check back in?

I also asked the Y if I should delay our meeting for another several weeks or so - my thought was that I should avoid saying things unnecessarily (given 47.5) and take things even more slowly.

It returned 44.3.6 to 47

Yikes!? Is it agreeing that I avoid meeting her again for a little longer? Or is it telling me to avoid meeting her altogether and simply break things off? There is an indication that I should avoid "marrying" this woman.

47.5 <> 40
The result of this month will be one where you have slowly been released from the bonds that tie you. Yi advocates in the image to dream your best dream and allow your true self to shine.

44:3,6 <> 47
Still walking your life restricted, confined and at the end of your tether (47). You are asked in 44 to open yourself to a new way of seeing things. Even encouraged to step away from your old hurts and find ways to welcome the great in you that has been hobbled and locked away (44.3), especially as the way you have been looking at things is causing you so much confusion and distress (44.6).

 

[Trojina]

After four months like this, I was exhausted. I also need to have a plan or goal in mind since I have my daughter who is quite young. My partner and I both are afraid to lose each other, but I told her we should take a one month break to take off some pressure and to think through whether we should stay together or not. I asked the Y what will be the result of this month when we meet again and...

it returned hexagram 47.5 changing to 40.

I always like to spot where the querent has described Yi's answer. There's the 47, you are exhausted and you aren't really heard are you? It's just not possible to reach outwards in 47, other's aren't listening and also others aren't where the help lies right now. 47 shows a tree confined unable to spread and so it's roots must grow deeper rather than wider.

Yes you can make offerings as in line 5 to appease these officials

'Nose cut, feet cut.
Oppressed by the crimson sashes.
Then moving slowly brings release.
Fruitful to use offerings and oblations.'

......except this is a personal and voluntary relationship so why would you be in the position of needing to appease softly softly and all that. Crimson sashes are figures of limited authority, we pay them their due, and that often requires us to submit in minor ways but the question is howcome Yi is showing this person as some kind of official? My feeling is you might question why you have make so many offerings to this 'authority'. In 47 you are exhausted and feel oppressed, silenced, you can't be you. Ok that's how it has to be at work sometimes or in public aspects of life but in a love relationship? It is quite possible one may need to do this in a close relationship but also realise this is oppressive to you. It's not flourishing you it's sort of penalising you. 40 is there as the release that making such penance will bring but do you need to do penance to feel free?

I also asked the Y if I should delay our meeting for another several weeks or so - my thought was that I should avoid saying things unnecessarily (given 47.5) and take things even more slowly.

It returned 44.3.6 to 47

This is not a happy reading. Marrying Maiden's Oppression. I'd glance at this and advise you look out for yourself because you could be being taken advantage of here and this could feel extremely throttling to you.

Again I think you have described this already here

But then we began to struggle. She kept looking for faults in me and then apologizing many times saying she was acting out of fear.

If she's looking for faults in you she's oppressing you even if she is sorry and can't seem to help it. 44 often shows up where someone is taking advantage in quite a self serving way. Line 3 is highly exhausting work and it could pay off if it's a very worthy cause. But is it? That's up to you but the line says

'Buttocks without flesh,
Moving awkwardly now.
Danger.
No great mistake.'

The buttocks are without flesh because of hard labour of Yi the great who dealt with the flloods - this will wear you down to the bone! This is good if your sacrifice is for a worthy cause but is she worth all your sacrifice?

Line 6 says

'Coupling, your horns.
Shame.
Not a mistake.'

I find this line is invariably to do with 'sniffing something out'. You go in to look at something, to meet it, couple with it and you reject it when you find out what it's really like.

I don't feel from these casts that this person does you much good. You had 47 twice so your natural joy is submerged with this person, I can't see how you can feel free to be you here? It looks to me you are better off without this person but I don't want to be too flippant and say that on the basis of 2 readings. If you love this person very much the readings may show how great a sacrifice it all is for you and it will be worth it BUT I do not like the second cast at all because it suggests you could well be being actually oppressed and inhibited, even used by this person and so I do think, whatever you choose to do, you must make sure you have enough freedom to be you. Note your happiness levels, how light or heavy you feel. These readings are heavy, I'd think your heart was weighed down. Especially as you have your daughter to think of you have to make sure you are feeling as happy as you can be not always in a state of penance from your partner.

I'd think if she wants to return to you she'd need to change, I can't see that you'd need to do even more appeasing.

 

[Serendiplomat]

My partner and I both are afraid to lose each other, but I told her we should take a one month break

The fifth line is multi-layered, having four distinct tidbits of possible relevance to ponder:
—"amputation of the nose and feet" can mean not being able to suss out a situation (not being able to get what it's really about), nor able to walk away from it. This sounds like your situation, the classic "avoidant - anxious" dance.

—"Oppressed near the cinnabar robe"; cinnabar is a deep vivid red said to represent the highest value in ancient Chinese culture. Maybe you're oppressed because you're trying to get from her the self-love you aren't giving yourself.

—"then slowly there's relaxation". Let it go, let it flow, let it be, breathe seems to be the advice here; makes sense! The ideogram for relaxation (according to Javary) also includes connotations of joyful discussion. Things take time.

—it's worth your while to get to the intimate root of the matter ("profit to sacrifice to your ancestors").

First, your literal ancestors as all our ancestors surely suffered their share of heartbreak and disappointment in love. People in the trauma recovery field talk about cross-generational transmission of trauma. The Chinese word for sacrifice here gives the notion a dignity it would otherwise lack. Any work you do on yourself in this regard, will breathe new life into the dead; your ancestors will thank you for it!

Second, your own family roots, before or around the time you became conscious enough to register memories, may well be in play here, an unseen hand ruining your relationships. Reading up on attachment styles (Jeb Kinnison has a great discussion forum), watching videos (e.g. Thais Gibson and Alan Robarge are two talented online therapists), or going to therapy can all be versions of sacrificing to your ancestors.

Choosing to calmly bring this up in discussion with your beloved could be another stressful thing to consider actually doing. But I do think (based on 40 as your relating hexagram) that you've got to choose to put energy either direction: externally, by having vulnerable conversations with your will-she-or-won't-she partner; or internally, by engaging in some form of self-development and inner growth. Sacrifices upon sacrifices: giving up all notion of controlling outcomes; sacrificing any notion that you need to improve yourself in order to be loveable; sacrificing any notion of consciously attracting love in order to focus instead on self-improvement.

If you don't choose (read Hilary's essay on 40: it's like the I Ching is handing your question right back atcha), then you won't escape the pit of 47; that's all that your second casting tells me at this point.

Whatever you choose, it should feel like a sacrifice (giving up something) that feels like an exhilarating liberation (40). Maybe the ultimate "liberating" realization is knowing that whatever happens or whatever you choose or she chooses, and how you both either line up or not, from the point of view of your inner worth and foundation, it's all good! There's literally no way to learn without making mistakes and failing. You've failed in the past to make relationships work, and yet here you are, alive and well! And you deserve to be loved in a way that feels like love to you. That realization could be like the thunderbolt that frees you from the quagmire of self-doubt and neediness.

Which doesn't answer your question about what will happen after one month... but I think here the I Ching is trying gently to enlarge your frame of reference, to help you realize your own power to liberate yourself, with or without her.

 

[blu7]

I always like to spot where the querent has described Yi's answer. There's the 47, you are exhausted and you aren't really heard are you? It's just not possible to reach outwards in 47, other's aren't listening and also others aren't where the help lies right now. 47 shows a tree confined unable to spread and so it's roots must grow deeper rather than wider.

Yes you can make offerings as in line 5 to appease these officials

'Nose cut, feet cut.
Oppressed by the crimson sashes.
Then moving slowly brings release.
Fruitful to use offerings and oblations.'

......except this is a personal and voluntary relationship so why would you be in the position of needing to appease softly softly and all that. Crimson sashes are figures of limited authority, we pay them their due, and that often requires us to submit in minor ways but the question is howcome Yi is showing this person as some kind of official? My feeling is you might question why you have make so many offerings to this 'authority'. In 47 you are exhausted and feel oppressed, silenced, you can't be you. Ok that's how it has to be at work sometimes or in public aspects of life but in a love relationship? It is quite possible one may need to do this in a close relationship but also realise this is oppressive to you. It's not flourishing you it's sort of penalising you. 40 is there as the release that making such penance will bring but do you need to do penance to feel free?




This is not a happy reading. Marrying Maiden's Oppression. I'd glance at this and advise you look out for yourself because you could be being taken advantage of here and this could feel extremely throttling to you.

Again I think you have described this already here


If she's looking for faults in you she's oppressing you even if she is sorry and can't seem to help it. 44 often shows up where someone is taking advantage in quite a self serving way. Line 3 is highly exhausting work and it could pay off if it's a very worthy cause. But is it? That's up to you but the line says

'Buttocks without flesh,
Moving awkwardly now.
Danger.
No great mistake.'

The buttocks are without flesh because of hard labour of Yi the great who dealt with the flloods - this will wear you down to the bone! This is good if your sacrifice is for a worthy cause but is she worth all your sacrifice?

Line 6 says

'Coupling, your horns.
Shame.
Not a mistake.'

I find this line is invariably to do with 'sniffing something out'. You go in to look at something, to meet it, couple with it and you reject it when you find out what it's really like.

I don't feel from these casts that this person does you much good. You had 47 twice so your natural joy is submerged with this person, I can't see how you can feel free to be you here? It looks to me you are better off without this person but I don't want to be too flippant and say that on the basis of 2 readings. If you love this person very much the readings may show how great a sacrifice it all is for you and it will be worth it BUT I do not like the second cast at all because it suggests you could well be being actually oppressed and inhibited, even used by this person and so I do think, whatever you choose to do, you must make sure you have enough freedom to be you. Note your happiness levels, how light or heavy you feel. These readings are heavy, I'd think your heart was weighed down. Especially as you have your daughter to think of you have to make sure you are feeling as happy as you can be not always in a state of penance from your partner.

I'd think if she wants to return to you she'd need to change, I can't see that you'd need to do even more appeasing.

Thank you for this thorough and excellent response Trojina! I do feel these readings are very heavy and reflect how heavy I felt at the time of casting. I know it is important to keep divining as I go - as you mentioned it's just two casts - but it's also vital to absorb the lesson and not sweep this reading under any rugs. Your interpretation of the change in line 5 about appeasing an authority is very interesting - my partner is a very sensitive, kind and gentle person in many ways, but looking through your interpretive lens, I admit having felt that at times she has assumed the part of being the "older, wiser" partner. She is 7 years my senior, and has many established systems that have helped her, which I am grateful for - but this has come in the form of groups and labels in her life that she almost religiously adheres to and has often preached to me about. It's not religion or anything, just philosophies and rituals and ideas she has learned about through some groups she is part of. I have always listened with interest, and even taken some practices to heart as I am quite openminded and like to try new things. However, I'm also quite individualistic and like to blaze my own trail. I'm not exactly rebellious. I just do not adhere much to labels, or take part in "groups" etc. One of our biggest disagreements was about this issue - how we both label ourselves to the world. She feels very strongly that she identifies as gay, which I think is perfectly great, but for me, especially as I have dated men and women, and I am such a hybrid of so many things in my life, my identity, my ethnicity etc... I just feel like none of these labels really matter in the end. Love is love. One of our first arguments was because she felt very adamantly that we were from different worlds as a result of this. She was highly focused on this difference and I nearly broke up with her over it because I feel very strongly that I do not want to live by, or be defined by what others think makes up a category. She has since apologized, but it was an ongoing issue for several months and really stuck with me as a result. Despite me sticking to my guns, I can see in some ways how these types of arguments have involved me appeasing her a bit as you say. I often jumped to forgive her before we really processed what had happened. I think I have been excessively patient with her, and at times, even walked a little on eggshells. So while I think flexibility is important, perhaps this is a warning for me to not go so far as to be doing back bends! I am supposed to finally see her to talk on Friday. She seems already very eager to reconcile, as she called me to set the time and talked a bit. I have been quiet, as I felt the reading said I might be better off that way! When we got off the phone I didn't feel like I wanted to leave this decision just to her - as you say, maybe she has had too much control! So I asked what will the result be if I meet her and am determined to pause making any decision at that time about a full reconciliation? The result was 29.2.6 to 20. I thought this was extremely interesting. The image of repeatedly falling into the chasm/abyss changing to "seeing" which to me is about the breath or pause we take before making our offerings or prayers. Maybe my question was its own answer... that there is a time to take action and a time to observe and I need to be really aware of the timing in these two activities. Don't pause at the bottom of the chasm or get stuck? And pause before the offerings s this is the proper time to be mindful and observe? Any further thoughts are welcome! And again, thank you for your previous writings! You are always so insightful!

 

[blu7]

The fifth line is multi-layered, having four distinct tidbits of possible relevance to ponder:
—"amputation of the nose and feet" can mean not being able to suss out a situation (not being able to get what it's really about), nor able to walk away from it. This sounds like your situation, the classic "avoidant - anxious" dance.

—"Oppressed near the cinnabar robe"; cinnabar is a deep vivid red said to represent the highest value in ancient Chinese culture. Maybe you're oppressed because you're trying to get from her the self-love you aren't giving yourself.

—"then slowly there's relaxation". Let it go, let it flow, let it be, breathe seems to be the advice here; makes sense! The ideogram for relaxation (according to Javary) also includes connotations of joyful discussion. Things take time.

—it's worth your while to get to the intimate root of the matter ("profit to sacrifice to your ancestors").

First, your literal ancestors as all our ancestors surely suffered their share of heartbreak and disappointment in love. People in the trauma recovery field talk about cross-generational transmission of trauma. The Chinese word for sacrifice here gives the notion a dignity it would otherwise lack. Any work you do on yourself in this regard, will breathe new life into the dead; your ancestors will thank you for it!

Second, your own family roots, before or around the time you became conscious enough to register memories, may well be in play here, an unseen hand ruining your relationships. Reading up on attachment styles (Jeb Kinnison has a great discussion forum), watching videos (e.g. Thais Gibson and Alan Robarge are two talented online therapists), or going to therapy can all be versions of sacrificing to your ancestors.

Choosing to calmly bring this up in discussion with your beloved could be another stressful thing to consider actually doing. But I do think (based on 40 as your relating hexagram) that you've got to choose to put energy either direction: externally, by having vulnerable conversations with your will-she-or-won't-she partner; or internally, by engaging in some form of self-development and inner growth. Sacrifices upon sacrifices: giving up all notion of controlling outcomes; sacrificing any notion that you need to improve yourself in order to be loveable; sacrificing any notion of consciously attracting love in order to focus instead on self-improvement.

If you don't choose (read Hilary's essay on 40: it's like the I Ching is handing your question right back atcha), then you won't escape the pit of 47; that's all that your second casting tells me at this point.

Whatever you choose, it should feel like a sacrifice (giving up something) that feels like an exhilarating liberation (40). Maybe the ultimate "liberating" realization is knowing that whatever happens or whatever you choose or she chooses, and how you both either line up or not, from the point of view of your inner worth and foundation, it's all good! There's literally no way to learn without making mistakes and failing. You've failed in the past to make relationships work, and yet here you are, alive and well! And you deserve to be loved in a way that feels like love to you. That realization could be like the thunderbolt that frees you from the quagmire of self-doubt and neediness.

Which doesn't answer your question about what will happen after one month... but I think here the I Ching is trying gently to enlarge your frame of reference, to help you realize your own power to liberate yourself, with or without her.

This is a wonderfully insightful reading Serendiplomat! I really appreciate the links - I will look those up. Yes, you have hit on something. My partner and I have discussed therapy. She is already in therapy herself. I am about to go back. There is a lot of past family trauma on both sides, and I do believe in blood memory. She and I have also had many unusual experiences that have made us wonder if we had another history together. I don't want to digress. Suffice it to say, we had several experiences that went far beyond coincidence. As a result, I believe we have much healing to do that goes beyond this life, both individually and as a couple. There will be very distinct sacrifices for us both no matter what happens. As Trojina mentioned though, I just need to be careful not to do all the sacrificing for both of us if we stay together. If you see my response to Trojina, I did another casting that seems to discuss timing at length - timing has been a huge catalyst in this relationship, and has unearthed many of the psychological factors you mentioned above. In a way it is fortunate that timing has not always been perfect, as we both now have the chance to work some of these hidden issues out. The question is will we do that together or not, though as you say, it will all be ok either way. Hopefully I will understand more after I see her on Friday! Once again, thank you for your kind help in my reading!

 

[Trojina]

So while I think flexibility is important, perhaps this is a warning for me to not go so far as to be doing back bends! I am supposed to finally see her to talk on Friday. She seems already very eager to reconcile, as she called me to set the time and talked a bit. I have been quiet, as I felt the reading said I might be better off that way! When we got off the phone I didn't feel like I wanted to leave this decision just to her - as you say, maybe she has had too much control! So I asked what will the result be if I meet her and am determined to pause making any decision at that time about a full reconciliation? The result was 29.2.6 to 20. I thought this was extremely interesting. The image of repeatedly falling into the chasm/abyss changing to "seeing" which to me is about the breath or pause we take before making our offerings or prayers. Maybe my question was its own answer... that there is a time to take action and a time to observe and I need to be really aware of the timing in these two activities. Don't pause at the bottom of the chasm or get stuck? And pause before the offerings s this is the proper time to be mindful and observe? Any further thoughts are welcome!

Maybe be aware of the danger to you emotionally that this places you in? You've had some pretty dark casts on this relationship and here it only gets darker by the look of it.

I honestly feel you're missing something, you're unaware of something here. Possibly you may need to be a lot more cynical about the ways she may be manipulating you whether consciously or unconsciously You did have 44 several times and then this cast with not only 29, where one is quite lost in feelings, but change patterns yang 4/yin 49 I just think you may not be clear about what's really happening with her and also of course 20 as you said describes that pause to look and really see

29.2

'The chasm has its dangers/sheer sides.
Seeking, small gains.'

Strong feelings don't just come once they come again and again and every time it's like the first time. We don't easily learn how to navigate and here there's not a great deal you can expect from yourself because you could get quite sucked in so Yi is counselling patience to your own emotions I think.

29.6

'Bound with strong rope and cords,
Shut away in a thorn thicket.
For three years, gains nothing.
Pitfall.'

I'm not sure if you are in wiki but I've written of my experiences of this line there which is often this line seems to describe a kind of 'sentence' like a prison sentence, it's a consequence that's inevitable if you follow a course of action or sometimes it's just something you have to go through. For example someone got it about healing after an accident and it was a case of time. It's almost like Yi is saying 'you aren't going to see this and as a result there'll be a period of hurting or restriction that's unavoidable once you've entered this particular pit'. Also it says 'pitfall' and so it's not somewhere to willingly go. I've had it for continuing on in a friendship I really would have been better not to but I couldn't see why not at the time and I was allowing things to develop in their own time....but I don't think it was the way to go it just prolonged suffering and I think that's the gist of this line - prolonging suffering.

But then we began to struggle. She kept looking for faults in me and then apologizing many times saying she was acting out of fear. Also she is in a second Saturn return now and trying to make a big change in her career which she made her feel pressured about how she spends her free time. She said every part of her life felt like it should be a huge priority, but she felt like she was failing at all of it.

After four months like this, I was exhausted.

You have to seriously ask yourself with a reading like this latest one how seriously did this affect you? Try to remember how bad it made you feel if it did. You got out but now you're looking to go back in?

Of course the question was only about the meeting not about the entire relationship but then you did ask about the result of meeting

So I asked what will the result be if I meet her and am determined to pause making any decision at that time about a full reconciliation?

Well I think the result will be you will get entangled again with someone who isn't much good for you.

The best thing I can think of is for you to look back, go back in your mind to how you felt and what happened. Also how much did it cost you to get out of it?

 

[my_key]

So I asked what will the result be if I meet her and am determined to pause making any decision at that time about a full reconciliation? The result was 29.2.6 to 20. I thought this was extremely interesting. The image of repeatedly falling into the chasm/abyss changing to "seeing" which to me is about the breath or pause we take before making our offerings or prayers. Maybe my question was its own answer... that there is a time to take action and a time to observe and I need to be really aware of the timing in these two activities. Don't pause at the bottom of the chasm or get stuck? And pause before the offerings s this is the proper time to be mindful and observe? Any further thoughts are welcome! And again, thank you for your previous writings! You are always so insightful!

29 <> 20 Darkness through Watching

29 advocates acting with virtue in every moment and similarly learning from each moment. I wonder .... Do you often use pause? In the past what benefit has it brought or what catastrophe has followed its use?

29.2 - this way of thinking holds danger. Make small steps always strive for some progress on the inside.
29.6 - at the end of this path lies only black cords to tie yourself up with and brambles to keep you trapped.

If this was my reading I would not be finding it interesting I'd be intently observant about why I'd even want to have any sort of dalliance with this kind of thinking. Sometime we can be so intent on watching that we miss the moment that we have already watched that was of paramount importance. We therefore remain in the dark.

..... of course it may mean nothing like this at all.

Good Luck

 

[blu7]

Maybe be aware of the danger to you emotionally that this places you in? You've had some pretty dark casts on this relationship and here it only gets darker by the look of it.

I honestly feel you're missing something, you're unaware of something here. Possibly you may need to be a lot more cynical about the ways she may be manipulating you whether consciously or unconsciously You did have 44 several times and then this cast with not only 29, where one is quite lost in feelings, but change patterns yang 4/yin 49 I just think you may not be clear about what's really happening with her and also of course 20 as you said describes that pause to look and really see

29.2

'The chasm has its dangers/sheer sides.
Seeking, small gains.'

Strong feelings don't just come once they come again and again and every time it's like the first time. We don't easily learn how to navigate and here there's not a great deal you can expect from yourself because you could get quite sucked in so Yi is counselling patience to your own emotions I think.

29.6

'Bound with strong rope and cords,
Shut away in a thorn thicket.
For three years, gains nothing.
Pitfall.'

I'm not sure if you are in wiki but I've written of my experiences of this line there which is often this line seems to describe a kind of 'sentence' like a prison sentence, it's a consequence that's inevitable if you follow a course of action or sometimes it's just something you have to go through. For example someone got it about healing after an accident and it was a case of time. It's almost like Yi is saying 'you aren't going to see this and as a result there'll be a period of hurting or restriction that's unavoidable once you've entered this particular pit'. Also it says 'pitfall' and so it's not somewhere to willingly go. I've had it for continuing on in a friendship I really would have been better not to but I couldn't see why not at the time and I was allowing things to develop in their own time....but I don't think it was the way to go it just prolonged suffering and I think that's the gist of this line - prolonging suffering.



You have to seriously ask yourself with a reading like this latest one how seriously did this affect you? Try to remember how bad it made you feel if it did. You got out but now you're looking to go back in?

Of course the question was only about the meeting not about the entire relationship but then you did ask about the result of meeting


Well I think the result will be you will get entangled again with someone who isn't much good for you.

The best thing I can think of is for you to look back, go back in your mind to how you felt and what happened. Also how much did it cost you to get out of it?

Thank you for this thorough reply. I do think you have hit on many important things here... I am really feeling watchful as these casts were, as you say, pretty dark. I think in the past I would have worried over this meeting, gone, and let myself get carried away. But in this past decade or so, I feel very transformed by my middle-age having had a child. I prepared several years in advance and with much consultation and support for my Saturn return, knowing this period is very hard on everyone, and knowing I wanted to leave some behaviors and patterns behind. I did my best, at any rate, and though I may still retain some things, I think having a child really has changed my priorities, my emotional investment, and my tolerance. I do think I want to honor this meeting, but I am extremely wary now, given these readings. And I think your translations have been extremely helpful in adding perspective to my role and my partner's role in what's happening. Thank you again Trojina! I will try to look up the wiki meantime!

 

[blu7]

Also thank you Trojina for the link to change lines... I had just stumbled on this the other day somewhere else but didn't quite understand - your explanation on changing lines was extremely useful! I had no idea about these... thank you!