45.3 to 31

[harriett]

Hi. I've recently posted a question, got really good advice, so here I go again..

My question is about my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for 6 months. I love him very much, and feel that we are well suited together. But for the past months there have been problems. I feel he is in doubt.
I have a five year old daughter and divorced her father 1,5 yrs ago. In the beginning she was crazy about my new boyfriend and all was well, but now she is jealous of him and thinks he has taken her dad away from me. This is very difficult for him. Also, I have not been working for the past 3 months. Had a breakdown, stress and issues from the divorce I had not confronted. I am doing much better now. But all this has taken it's toll on him and our relationship. He has a lot on his mind besides me. He studies, works, plays in a band, and is about to take the semesters exams, in general he is under a lot of preassure.
He says he loves me, but that all this is difficult, that he wonders if we have a future together, and if the situation with my daughter will get better. He has been like this for 2 months and I am increasingly insecure about him and us. Wondering if I shoud break it off or give him time. I feel as if I am in limbo and don't really know what to do with myself, I am hurting, and wonder if maybe we're just postponing the inevitable.
Regarding my daughter, I am taking her to a child therapist, and have had many talks with her about her feelings. Yesterday her father and I had a talk with her, and I think we convinced her that my boyfriend has nothing to do with the breakup, and that her father isn't depressed because he wants me back.
I hope all this isn't too confusing.

Asking I Ching I got 41 unchanging on what I can do about the situation with my bf.

On what I can expect between us: 45.3 - 31

If any of you have some insights, I woud appreciate them very much.

 

[blue_tiger]

I am new to this site but your question seems so pressing that I?d like to help.
Decrease to me talks about reducing the internal pressure to allow for the external flowering of things. When a situation is delicate and we are trying to help the growth of something new and tender, we have to give the best possible internal conditions for this growth.

If we are filled with doubt and fear inside, and we do not trust ourselves or we project outside our fears on to others, not assuming responsibility for our process, then we create undue pressure onto them. Children tend to react quicker to such pressures because they have not developed ways to deal with their discomfort, yet.
Decreasing the pressure by emptying your self of your fears and dealing with your own of insecurity will help your child recover her trust on your decisions.

Decreasing the pressure on the relationship that it has to work right now or else, will allow your partner to feel more at ease and not be burdened with the responsibility to resolve your family problems.

Using two bowls for the sacrifice, points to offering or sacrificing some of our ego conditioning and opening ourselves to listen to the guidance inherent in the situation, coming from the signals that the other people involved are giving us. Some of our ego position take form of judgments we make about others such as- I can?t trust him or -why is my daughter going against what I want at this time, which assumes that there is something wrong with her or - I can?t deal with this.

All this creates internal pressure, which manifests in external tensions. Other positions from the ego that interfere with the growth of a new relationship is feelings of unworthiness in ourselves, resentment at others, guilt about the course of events or anger at the situation or other people, or simply not trusting that feeling inside you that this relationship is right for you. Decreasing any of these in ourselves allows for the situation to right itself of it?s own accord. When your anxiety levels decrease, and you are comfortable with yourself again your daughter will feel reassured and will accept the man you have chosen without feeling threatened
Hope this helps

 

[harriett]

Hi Blue_Tiger. Thank you very much for answering.
I decided to go with my instincts.
When my boyfriend last week told me that he was in doubt, he confirmed all the suspicions I've had. He wanted us to go on and just see what would happen..
I thought about this a lot, but found it too hard to wait and see what would happen. He had been distancing himself for a 2 months and it was too painful.
I told him, that I really couldn't take his doubts, and that I could tell he was moving further away each day.
I felt that this was taking all my energy and I couldn't wait for him to call it quits, so I would rather stop now, or at least take a break.
He was very sad and upset and so was I. He didn't want it to end. I told him that if he didn't want me and my life as it is, that's too bad, my life is as it is, take it or leave it with daughter and all.
Eventually we decided to continue, seriously and to talk more openly about what was bothering us.

I hope it works out. But I can't help being a bit apprehensive.

Thanks for the help

AV