53.1.4 please help me decipher this reading!

[jend]

Hello,

If any of you can give your honest opinion please do. I'm too emotional to look at this and see it for what it really is.

Situation:

Even though this is completely against my value system, I've fallen in love with someone who is in a long-term relationship (12 years, although not married). I met him a year ago. His girlfriend had moved away to another city where she got a really good job and he is back here living in the house they bought together, waiting for her return. They do see each other every few weeks. Initially he gave me indications that he is getting fed up of waiting for her but now that I finally started responding positively he seems to have switched gears. Now he says things about him and her that I feel are meant to push me away or perhaps to show me that he is still faithful to her and intends to remain so.

Add to that mess he is my superior at work and the work environment is extremely hostile. If there were even indications that we were interested in each other it would be quite dangerous especially to him.

I've spent a few nights crying over this whole situation. Finally I asked the iching:

"What does he want from me?"

I received: 53 with changing lines 1 and 4. I'm not sure how to interpret this? Could it be saying that to him I'm a refuge until she comes back? A distraction?

I'm really looking forward to your thoughts!

Thanks.
Jen

 

[jend]

Just a a note, after posting my message I noticed that my questions "What does he want from me?" might be interpreted as "what does he want ME to do?" as opposed to "what does HE want?" so I asked this follow up questions:

What does he seek from a connection with me?
Answer: 60 changing line 5.

Thanks for your help!
Jen

 

[Trojina]

Jend personally I find it more productive to ask about how I need respond, act/react in a situation rather than about how another person sees me or feels about me. Actually often it is plain what they think of you by the answer you get regarding how you best respond to them.

 

[jend]

Followed your advice and can't believe the result!

Following the advice of a few people, I asked yet another question, this time focused on me: "What do I want to do?"

To my shock, I got the exact same result: Hexagram 53 with changing lines 1 and 4.

What does this mean??

JenD

 

[pargenton]

Hello JenD,
from Balkin about 53, Developing Gradually (and a maiden is given in marriage..):
"There is the promise of future success but you must allow the situation to develop gradually in order to realize it".

line 1 is the situation of a beginner, "there is talk" obviously refers to your hostile environment and "the small child in danger" could be related to him, as you said.

I think you have 2 alternatives, line 1, in which you will be subjected to criticism and meet difficulties, the hint is move slowly and -obviously- develop gradually.
That is, expect (initial) difficulties in developing this relationship, especially from hostile people.

Line 4 seems to me a hint towards not dealing directly with the situation but finding a temporary place to rest, two things that come in my mind are taking a break (maybe a vacation?) or another situation in which you are not so in danger (for instance another office in which he is not your superior)

Just a quick interpretation, hope someone else offer some other interpretation so we can compare them
Hugs
Paolo

 

[dobro p]

""What does he want from me?"

I received: 53 with changing lines 1 and 4. I'm not sure how to interpret this? Could it be saying that to him I'm a refuge until she comes back? A distraction?"

Two things:

First, 53 is the long-term hex par excellence, so the Yi's addressing your question directly. It speaks of gradual advance, long-term commitment and carrying out what you think is right. So the answer to your question would be something like: he's serious.
As for the individual lines, they address the danger involved in the situation, and the talk, and the possibility of finding something reliable for the time being in this journey, but have you noticed that both of them say 'no fault'? That means, if the Yi is answering your question directly, that his motivation is blameless here.

Second, your question disturbs me a bit. That's probably just me. But it sounds like if you only knew what was going on in *his* heart and mind, then you'd know what you want too. How about asking the Yi what you need to know and do in this situation, and then keeping that in mind and doing it, and letting outcomes take care of themself?

Good luck with this situation. Emotional triggers all over the place.

 

[jesed]

Hi Jend

I sorry you didn't try the aproach I suggested you in private messages. That would give you a more clarity about this

 

[jend]

Clarification

Just to clarify, I've asked the iching many times what I need to know, might not be seeing clearly, or to give me a better picture of the truth of this situation. I just didn't post those questions.

It's not that my actions would be based on what he wants, rather that I am frustrated by his mixed signals. It's like watching a movie where the speech and picture don't match.

Anyhow, I do find it amazing that the same answer came back to me when I asked "what do I want to do?"

Thanks again for the responses.

 

[mudpie]

Dear Jend,
even though 53 can bode well for long-term commitment, in this case, and re your questions, the 4th line emphasis might be "short-term" resting place. there is no blame in finding a flat branch to rest on, but it is not the natural habitat for the goose. It is temporary. Maybe that is an obvious way to say that this man is looking for a temporary place of refuge with you. BUT since it also gave you the same reading for what YOU want, maybe in your deepest heart, you TOO are looking for the non-committal relationship. Consciously, you might say you want more, but frequently if women look for love in "unavailable" men, they don't really want the whole enchilada. the reason could be fear of commitment, fear of loss...but the fear gets disguised behind "falling in love" with men who can't give them the real thing. There is "no blame" in this, there is no moral judgement.

I think your answers were very interesting, and thought-provoking for you....indirectly asking you to look deeply at what it is you really want and what you might be afraid of.

the double messages are confusing from him. and I feel for you. BUt like dobro says, if you become clear about what you want, then your path from here becomes more clear. As Balkin says about line 4 "Secure your position now so that you can be well-situated for success later on." I dont know that this would mean "have an affair with this man" ...maybe..but it could also mean "use this temporary infatuation as a safe harbor to explore your desires deeply and truly." maybe what you really want is marriage and the whole long-term commitment.