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54.5>58, 16.1.4>24 Distance between me and my gf after the death of her father.

Arokas

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Hello, this is my first post so nice to meet you all.

I'm living a stressful and hard time in the relationship with my GF.

Her father died 15 days ago after being diagnosed 3 months ago with leukemia. During this time i tried to be the most supportive i could in every way, and she seemed to appreciate my presence; but she started to become every day gradually more distant till...

...one day finally she said to me that she didn't know if she loves me anymore, because she doesn't feel the need to kiss or hug me, or even spend time with me. She said she didn't know if it's because of the grieving, or if it's an unrelated problem, and so she need to keep distance from me to really think about it and find out why she's like this.

Since then communication became unidirectional, if i write her she answer and we talk, otherwise all is silent. We have scheduled a friendly meeting this week to exchange some things we have and drink something. I think we will do it with the full moon if she's free because of the line i got in 54.5.

I asked the I ching 2 questions:

- What it's the best course of action / what can i do about the situation (but i'm sure while asking this question in my mind there also was how will this end up for us, you know it was a very emotionally charged question). I received 54.5 to 58.

This seems really fitting because it's about subordination to a situation you aren't in the position to change. Initially i was happy for the transformation to joy, because i interpreted it as if i give her time to grieve and being alone without imposing myself and my need to be with her,there will be an happy ending. After lurking here a bit searching for others interpretation of this particular changing line, i'm not so sure anymore, so i thought to ask for opinions for my particular situation.

For example it could very well be that the happy ending isn't really to be back together, but more of an inner happiness coming from inside myself, sort of an acceptance that whatever conclusion this relationship will reach, it will be for the best.

- What's her position in the relationship, what goes in her mind right now. I received 16.1.4 to 24

This didn't gave me the sense of really getting it like the answer to the first question gave me almost at first glance.

Found this that seem to relate to the situation:
"Line 1 Boasting enthusiasm = not uniting does not further. Changes to (51) Shocking. A false sense of well being has led to pride and a surprise encounter with failure. Something important to you may be brushed off by someone else who thinks you are too overly excited. Your behavior may appear Shocking to another. Better to use enthusiasm with humility without bragging.Emotions are interfering with the ability to see clearly. There may be a loss of purpose or blocked aspirations. Excess is at play in some way which a return to humility will cure. Bring it down a notch and trust the flow."

I know loss of purpose was one aspect of how grieving affected her. Also, the distance she put between us was shocking for sure for me. But i don't see how enthusiasm fit in the picture.

Line 4 maybe it's about her being more enthusiastic to spend time with her friends more than with me right now? But she isn't going out a lot even with friends from what i know so...

The change to 24, return, could symbolize her need to find herself, sort of a rebirth, before being ready again to be with someone, but i'm not sure.

What's your opinion? If it can help, i also got 29.2 to 8 for my position in the relationship. But i don't want to add too much, otherwise i fear i could influence how others see the situation. If you need other details let me know.

Thanks to whoever will take the time to write down his thoughts about this.

Have a nice day!
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Arokas,

sorry for your current difficult situation...
Acutally, your readings sound not totally hopeless in my opinion (hope I am right :))

What is the best course of action ? 54.5 --> 58

First, realise that at the moment the situation is at an impasse where you have very limited possibilties to change (Hex 54)
Lin5 5 seems to say that it is important that you give what you can - even if these are momentarily only small things, because your partner is not receptive to more (The sovereign I gave his daughter in marriage. The embroidered garments of the princess Were not as gorgeous as those of the serving maid.)
Simplicity and modesty with a loving heart may have a greater impact than great showy actions... so, keep it simple, try to listen to her, don't try to force conclusions or anything.

The relating Hex 58 seems to pronounce that, it is a call for openness - I think in this case may mean inner openness from your side. Again, try and be receptive and attentive without forcing anything. This should bring good fortune.

The next question was about what she feels about the situation - always a tricky one, even though I don't belong to the school of thought which says you cannot do it - as a matter of fact I have on occasion got quite accurate answers about the feelings of others...

16. 1 -- 24
Hexs 16 is a difficult one for me, I never really could see it as "enthusiasm" because frankly the judgement and line texts go in quite a different direction, are more of a call to action. To me in this particular situation it could say that your partner is in an emotional hole right now, and needs to get out of it - by appointing help (like for example a grief counselor?)
The lines could point to the fact that she is right now not in a good way, and may even have put herself into a dead end street, not knowing how to get out. Once she can regroup, and regain confidence, she will return to herself ( Hex 24).

All of this leads me to think that she is currently in a situation where a decision about your relationship cannot be made yet. Things have to develop first in the right way. Then she and you will both see what happens....

hope it turns out for the best!

maui
 

Arokas

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Hi Arokas,

sorry for your current difficult situation...
Acutally, your readings sound not totally hopeless in my opinion (hope I am right :))

....

maui

Thanks Maui. Your interpretation appears to be in line with mine, and your kind words are much appreciated. Can i take advantage of your kindness a bit more and ask what do you think about the answer of the I ching relating to my position in the relationship? (29.2>8). I should be the one that know best this, but i would like to know what others think about this answer without being influenced by my understanding.

Also, is it worth to look at the other two hexagram that forms changing only one line at a time, regarding the question about her? (51 and 2) Or is it best to remain focused on the primary and secondary hexagram formed by all the lines changing together in the interpretation? I ask because while i bought the book 7-8 years ago i just started practicing it. So i'm a bit of a newbie.
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Arokas,

The answer 29.2 --> 8 seems to be much in accord with 54.5 --> 58. You (and your relatiuonship) are currently in a difficult situation (expressed by 54 and 29). While fast success seems not on the horizon, you should also not lose hope, as 29 says to hold on to your heart. Line 2 expresses a similar concept as 54.5 . As a matter of fact, I find the explanation by Wilhelm to be much to the point:

"When we are in danger we ought not to attempt to get out of it immediately,
regardless of circumstances; at first we must content ourselves with not being
overcome by it. We must calmly weigh the conditions of the time and by
satisfied with small gains, because for the time being a great success cannot be
attained. A spring flows only sparingly at first, and tarries for some time
before it makes its way in to the open."

That to me is very similar to the line about modest but heartfelt offerings being more lucky than great shows...

The changing Hex 8 speaks about the wish for union - which is what you hope for. In this case I see it as the background for your question, the overarching theme. The (at least to me) ambiguity of Hex 8 seems to reinforce the tenor of the previous readings - nothing is decided yet, stay attentive and aware.

As far as looking at further Hexes, by changing one line, that is a method I am not familiar with. Maybe someone else can help out here, but I really think that the answers you received are a good guideline in themselves.

best wishes

maui
 

rosada

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Just wanting to comment that I've found 16.1 to mean something along the lines of a warning against putting on a show of enthusiasm before there is anything to be enthusiastic about. IOW, faking an emotion. Receiving that line in this case says to me that your friend doesn't want to pretend to have feelings she doesn't have. 16.4 seems to be just the opposite, a situation where ones feelings are strongly supported.
Trying to figure out how this might relate to your question, "What's her position in this relationship?" I think 16.1 is telling you she doesn't have any enthusiasm for it right now and she doesn't have the energy to pretend that she does. When I went through a series of deaths a few years back I found it literally exhausting, especially in the first weeks, to have to deal with anyone. I felt as if every atom of my body was disconnected from every other atom. Nothing mattered and nothing had any meaning. I had no feelings. In order to get myself up and going again I developed a routine of putting on classical music when I woke up each morning. I think this worked like 16.4 - it gave me a focus and helped my feelings to 24. Return.
I don't know if this has any relevance to your situation. I share it just as an example of how a death can disorient the living.
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Rosada,

thank you very much for this background explanation! This helps me a lot to get a better idea about what hex 16 can be about...

best wishes

maui
 

rosada

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Your very welcome, Maui.
Interesting the 16. image according to Wilhelm says something to the affect that "the ancients created music in order to honor merit and presented it to the supreme deity and invited the ancestors to be present". In other words, music is the great connector! All the modest little individual notes of 15. lining up to create a symphony in 16.
Well anyway, music sure helped me.

I wonder if that might be an idea for you , Arokas. When you meet up with your friend go some place where they are playing nice music. No need to try to analyze anything or even talk, just enjoy the music.

By the way it's not your ordinary full moon but a full moon solar eclipse this week. Intuition may be stronger than logic.
 
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Arokas

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Thanks guys for the replies! Right now i'm going to work, but tonight i will post some updates on the situation... Things aren't going that well however... I think i somehow missed my opportunity. Yesterday we talked at the phone and she told me we could see each other around midweek because sunday she have to go lunch with at a friend home.

The news made me sad because i was hoping to see her at the end of the week and because it seemed to me she's sort of acting as her old self with everyone but not with me (this is a short explanation, lot of background to be told here to explain my feelings and the situation). I also was hoping to see her at the end of the week because i'm waiting for a painting to arrive which i had to give her as a present. Suffice to say she heard the sadness in my voice and decided to not meet with me because it's clear i'm too emotionally attached to her.

I know i misfired here and it would have been wise to hide my feelings and be content to see her, but i have always find hard to hide what i feel (i'm one of those people that you can see clearly in their face and tone of voice when they feel some emotion).

I have a long way to go to become the superior man the oracle speaks off.

So no meeting with the full moon.

Also i asked the i ching the more constructive question how can i help her and received 3.2.3 to 5. I think it's clear that i can't do much about this situation but waiting, and the oracle is telling me this in every way it can.
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Arokas,

sorry to hear that things are not going in the direction of your choice right now...however, I have to say that this is pretty much in line with the readings you received: Both 54 and 29 make it clear that great progress AT THIS TIME is not to be expected - and it seems it has not materialized...Both hexes and their changing lines however alos advise patience and reticience - I think it is OK that you showed your sadness to her, but it is also clear from her reaction that right now that overtaxes her. So you have no choice but to accept that and try to reach out in smaller ways that are ok for both of you.
I very much like Rosada's idea about music! Maybe meet at a place where there is music or meet at an musical event - just somewhere with an outside interest.
If this is too hard for you, it may be a good idea to temporarily withdraw. In the end, if you and your partner are meant to be together it will happen - if not then not.

I wish you all the best

maui
 

Arokas

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Hello! Just came home from work!

First off all, thanks to you both for your advices and words. Yes, i decided to withdraw from the situation a bit and give her the time she needs. Then what will be will be. It's clear that forcing things will only aggravate the situation.

But... Right now i am a bit amazed; thanks to Rosada mentioning the full moon eclipse i looked into it. You probably imagine that i like divination and related matters as i am here writing, and in fact, i sometimes delve into astrology and the tarot, so this eclipse stimulated my curiosity.

Turns out it's a special eclipse. For one because it's in Leo, which happen to be my sun sign. Not exactly in my decan, but i suspect i will fell it a lot ( i have weird dreams even with normal full moons so...).

Secondly, it has aspects with 5 planets in the sky forming a Pentagram, and 4 of those planets form a Golden Rectangle; moreover, saturn is placed above this rectangle and it forms a three dimensional pyramid structure. (more info here http://www.universallifetools.com/2017/02/full-moon-lunar-eclipse-energy-spiritual-february-2017/ and here http://astrologyking.com/lunar-eclipse-february-2017/)

That my first i ching reading had the line mentioning the moon, and that there is this particular astrological situation in the coming sky, to me is amazing, even if i obviously already believed in these things.

I'm scared and eager at the same time to to see the change that this will bring into my life. I think i will do another reading about what i need to know about this eclipse.

Another interesting article i found about eclipses is this https://www.astrologyzone.com/all-about-eclipses-a-guide-for-coping-with-them/ . I think it's better to fasten my seat belt, because i have the feeling this will be a wild ride!
 

rosada

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I wrote somethings about this upcoming eclipse on my blog, psychicsnotebook.blogspot.com, which might be of interest. I also get value consulting the I Ching about astrological aspects affecting my chart . You might get something out of asking "What is the significance of this eclipse for me personally?"
 

Arokas

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Yeah, this seem a good question to ask!

Interesting blog post. I have mars in aries in my natal chart. And saturn in sagittarius at 26°, together with the moon (25°) and uranus (27°). So am i correct in assuming that those transits you speak off in your post will resemble those of my birth and influence me a lot?
 

rosada

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Yep! You might want to google "Saturn transit conjunct Saturn" for now and also "Saturn transit conjunct Uranus" which is what's coming up for you in March - June. It's not a romantic line up of planets but can be good for looking at your life without any rosy colored glasses and for breaking out of old ruts.
If you want to discuss astrology any further I think we should start a new thread over in the Open Space area.
 

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