61.1.2 falling out of love

[sisypheandream]

Question.. why can't I connect emotionally to my boyfriend anymore? Why do I feel "out of love"?

Our relationship has always been difficult... and looking back through my diary, I have been asking Yi about leaving the relationship for months now... I have felt conflicted about it and leaving will not be easy. I have 2 small kids and have been staying home with them while he works and provides for us... anyway, the answer was 61.1.2 changing to 20.

Line 1
'Guided, good fortune.
There is another, no peace.'

Line 2
'Calling crane in the shadows,
Her young respond in harmony.
I have a good wine vessel,
I will share with you, pouring it all out.'

To me... it says... I already know the truth. I don't love him. But I guess I am hoping to hear something else But so then I asked, feeling helpless, "what do I do?" Answer - 11uc

Oracle

'Flow. Small goes, great comes.
Good fortune, creating success.'

Image

'Heaven and Earth communicate: Flow.
The prince enriches and completes the way of heaven and earth,
Upholds and assists the order of heaven and earth,
To support and protect the people.'

What do you think the advice is for me to do here? I don't know. I feel that I am at a huge crossroads in life, the likes of which I have never seen before, and it is causing me tons of stress. Flow - let it go? "Support and protect the people" - my kids? What do you think? Any help is very appreciated.

 

[mandarin_23]

To me 61.1.2 looks as if you actually could connect emotionally. The 61.2 is THE line about emotional connection. It also speaks about a mother being connected with the children. So maybe your husband does not really share the intimacy you are sharing with the children?
The 61.1 says "Guided, good fortune. There is another, no peace". So maybe this is a key?

The change pattern is 19, nearing, as line 1 and 2 are changing. The relating hexagram, however, is 20, which is speaking about a distance - and someone acting "from above". These are life's contradictions.

 

[rosada]

You have two small children and a man who is not their father is willing to go to work each day and provide for you all? OMG, lady, you have hit the jackpot! Do you know how many woman there are out there who would sell their mother's for what you have?!! DO NOT let this fantastic blessing slip away!!!

So, good for you, you are not asking stupid questions about leaving but are trying to figure out what the problem is and get things back on track...

61.1 says "Guided, good fortune" which is just what I said, "You have a man who is willing to look out for you, GOOD FORTUNE!!!"
Then it goes on to say, "If there is another, no peace." This is describing the crux of the problem, the why you are no longer feeling the love. You are distracted by ideas that are not supporting your relationship. Maybe you thought if this man were truly your soul mate you'd be laughing and dancing at the sound of his voice 24/7 and since you're not you question if the love is gone for good. Or maybe you're realizing that you never intended to let him in this close in the first place and now you're want to get back to writing your best selling novel. Whatever, the bottom line is you are seeing there are other paths out there and it's making you wonder if you should stay on with the one you're with.

61.2 Is one of the best lines for relationship in the whole I Ching, but I'm not sure if getting this line is all that great in the context of your question. Perhaps it simply means this is what you want and the problem is you're not getting it.

The resulting hexagram is 20. View, which I think also suggests you're looking over your whole situation and weighing your options, maybe wondering, "Is this all there is?"

Ultimately, my take away from this reading is that the I Ching is saying that you are not emotionally connected with your boyfriend because you expected more from love and you are not seeing how these expectations can be met given the current circumstances.

You did not ask what you might do to improve the partnership but given that the I Ching has hinted that there might actually be some "good fortune" here I think it's worth your while to look around (20.) and see what might be done. Maybe that "If there is another, no peace" means if there are other things you'd like to be doing that you can't do with him around - a night out with girlfriends or just time alone? - you should tell him you need some Me Time and do it.

Best wishes,
rosada

 

[sisypheandream]

You have two small children and a man who is not their father is willing to go to work each day and provide for you all? OMG, lady, you have hit the jackpot!

Hi rosada I am running out the door but I just wanted to clarify; I'm not sure how you got the impression that they're not his kids, but they are.

 

[rosada]

Oh, sorry. You said "I have two small kids" rather than "WE have two small kids." Plus you said he's your boyfriend rather than husband sooo... I got a confused picture. Hmmph, that brings in the possibility of an alternative interpretation. Maybe you've lost the glow because the boyfriend isn't making plans for a bigger future? I'm thinking 20 View. means you have been wanting to see what's down the road for you two and since he hadn't talked of marriage are you starting to feel like this relationship is reaching it's expiration date? Like you've seen it all at the boyfriend-girlfriend level (61.1) and it's time to make a deeper commitment (61.2) or see what else life has to offer (20)?

 

[rosada]

Have my comments to you, sisypheandream, been too blunt and thug like? I apologize! I hereby remind myself we are not playing whack-a-mole here, I am dealing with human feelings!!!

 

[sisypheandream]

Hi rosada, no no you're fine, re-reading it now I can see why you were confused. Haven't had a chance to come back til now. I think your re-interpretation is on the mark... "see what else life has to offer" is so what I am feeling right now. But I feel terribly guilty and conflicted about it; I know it will probably really hurt him. At the same time I feel called to separate from him. Does it sound crazy? I know I feel crazy right now.

It's not that he isn't making plans.. it's that he makes a lot of big "plans" and doesn't follow through on them. So really they're more like dreams or fantasies. I am the sole source of "initiative" in the relationship and growing sick and tired of it...

To me 61.1.2 looks as if you actually could connect emotionally. The 61.2 is THE line about emotional connection. It also speaks about a mother being connected with the children. So maybe your husband does not really share the intimacy you are sharing with the children?

It's blowing my mind that you said this because yeah, his relationship with our kids leaves a lot to be desired. He will drag his feet when I suggest something simple as us all going to the park on a Saturday. He seems to struggle to relate to them or enjoy them.

Re: "there is another" -- yes and no? I admit that someone recently came into my life and I have been infatuated with him... however, it is not something I ever intend to act on and I'm certain he feels the same way. It is more that, by joining a new social circle (of which "another" is just one part) I have come to find myself again after being lost for a long time. And now, I want to pursue this direction.

I just asked again, "what if I propose my plan to separate" and received 49uc ..

Thank you both very much for your responses. I appreciate it a lot.

 

[rosada]

Maybe 61.1 refers to “the road not taken”, the lingering doubts we have about how our lives might have turned out if we’d made different choices. I think this a big spiritual challenge we face at different stages in life but perhaps no choice seems so significant as who we chose for a partner. I think this line is encouraging you to trust you are in the right place, with the right partner.

61.2 I can’t believe you could get this line if there weren’t positive possibilities here.

You mention that your partner seems uninvolved with the kids. Knowing how to relate to children is not always instinctive. Maybe he needs suggestions. Having him read to them is a good way to promote talking to each other. If they are too old for that just being in the same room while they do their homework builds connection. Family photos are another help for bonding. You may need to have an open dinner table discussion. Ask everyone for their ideas on how to enhance the family experience!

Your resulting hexagram suggests you two are in a phase where you are rewarded for seeing things from a wider perspective. Perhaps saying something like, “How can we make things better?” to the group, and have a few ideas in mind like, “I think I should tell you how much I like you more often!” (Something silly to ease the tension of the discussion) or “let’s plan a pretend vacation, what if we all had a space rocket?”

Anyway, the astrological aspects suggest coming to terms with reality these days (Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto conjunction in Capricorn) so it could really benefit you to put attention on your partnership agreements this next couple of months.

 

[mandarin_23]

Hi sisypheandream, this is a difficult Situation which is hard to tell. 61.1.2|20 is a "friendly" reading which gives some overview ...

I once had this reading recently. I asked for a person I met professionwhise, I made an interview with him. By phone, at first. He told me all the story of his life, as he is depressed and in difficulties, and invited me over to another city to see a film a friend of him made, relating to a subject matter I was doing research in. That was a bit of a lot, so I asked the Yi if I could trust him and got this answer. So I did - go there, met his friends, saw the film (hex. 20), and it was a nice evening. Sympathy. A nice person to meet.

So this was an easy question, not like yours. So much of your life involved, the children, maybe feeling guilty, all that. The Yi sometimes doesn't answer directly to your question, but seems to answer to the situation as it is. So with this 61.1.2, it will be good to concentrate on what is good in your relationships - not only with your husband, as there are difficulties, but with everybody in your life, even maybe people who are far away, and you might not even be in touch with. It is all about inner relations. Maybe this reading can help you to take things as easy as possible.

As to my own experience, which may not at all be relevant, as I know what it is like to separate, but have not children - but - if you don't feel all right in a partnership, there is a reason. Take your time. If you feel guilty, be cautious with that, and take your time. If you make a decision all too quickly, and feel guilty, then it will be difficult afterwards, - as long as you feel guilty, this will really make things complicated for all involved. Especially you.

You might have to navigate through a period of uncertainity. With 11 unchanged - good reading, just go with the flow, join your new social circle, do, enjoy, don't overthink. Good things will happen. You don't need to feel divided. And 49 unchanged - take your time. You'll find out about the right moment. It is a radical change, it is maturity. See the plants and trees. Nothing happens, and then - there are leaves and flowers. It wants to be the right time. Decisions need to ripen.

 

[sisypheandream]

Hi, thank you both for your replies. I took some time to think about it.

Meanwhile, things have deteriorated between us. I don't know why I failed to mention this in my first post, maybe I was ashamed, but we have had a very rocky relationship and have fought like cats and dogs throughout it. But now, instead of open hostility there is very little between us. We talk like normal sometimes, other times we bicker and snap at each other, but something is just gone.

Tonight I had a short conversation with Yi. I was feeling nostalgic about the very beginning of our relationship when we were happy together and enjoyed each other's company a great deal.

I said, "I miss how it used to be... but it won't ever be like that again, will it?"
Answer: 28.4 > 48

Reading as there's been too much strain on the relationship or we are both just sick of each other and can't take anymore?

I said, "I'm sad it's over."
Answer: 28.4.6 > 57

Reading this as, you are in over your head, but it's not your fault. (no blame)

I said, "Why should I not blame myself?" (after all I walked into the freaking river)
Answer: 53.2 > 57

Reading the last answer as "it was necessary for your development." It gave me a comforting feeling. But maybe that's overly rosy.

I'm probably completely wrong.. everything is confusing right now. Thanks again