Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
I am fairly new here. Been ghosting about and reading the forum but only just signed up.
The I Ching is fairly new to me and I have been looking to it for guidance over a particularly painful period in my marriage. I have been asking it what I should do to resolve the situation etc and basically keep getting told to be quiet, shut up, find a mediator and all will be well. That is definitely my problem, I poke and prod and back people into a corner to get my answers. Anyway, I followed the advice and left well alone, waiting for my husband to sort out his own problems. I even found a counselor and was overjoyed when my husband asked to meet her too this week.
For background, my husband met another woman 8 months ago and they had a couple of business dates before she headed back to her country. They had hit it off over a shared culture and background and also she confided in him her own abusive marriage which he was completely shocked over. They exchanged email addresses and their relationship developed over time. I discovered the relationship in July although at that point my husband assured me he felt only friendship towards her and he agreed to marriage counselling.
All seemed to go well with the counselling and we moved to another city with fresh hope, his new job and what seemed like a lot to look forward to. Then she contacted him again..........
........Since then she seems to have such a big hold on him and has pursued him relentlessly. He is not entirely blameless of course and has nurtured this relationship until he now believes he loves her.
The last few months have been absolute hell and I have followed advice almost to the letter. But this morning I found out he is planning to meet her this weekend. I had my suspicions and suggested our son and I went with him on his 'business trip'. He gave a downright 'no' in response and was unable to give any valid reasons. Eventually I *sigh* backed him into a corner and he admitted he was meeting her.
He says he has not seen her for 8 months and just wants to see how the land lies between them. He does not know if there is any future for them (his parents are completely against her, he refuses to leave his job to be with her, she is married and lives in another country etc) but he is prepared to meet her and face the consequences. He knows he is wrong and will submit to his fate, living alone even if he discovers there is no future for them. He says he will not come back to me and our young son as he could not have the face to do so. He says he knows he should be punished and accepts it. He just does not know what will happen in the future but wants to see if his online feelings mirror his feelings when he meets her again.
This morning I asked the I Ching "Is my marriage over?". I got Hex 45, changing line 5, transformed hex 16.
I am really not in any state to be trying to interpret this and would really appreciate some help.......
My husband is a native of this country which is not exactly known for its fair treatment of women. It has been bothering me that in the event of a separation I would be left with nothing and cast aside. ... My husband is also throwing up events of the past 9 years and blaming me for a lot of them, becoming quite bitter. This has stunned me and caused me to think we have each lived a different marriage.
It is very interesting you said that Ginnie. I certainly don't trust him any further than I could throw him right now. Also, I don't see the man standing before me as the man I married and therefore he is not my "husband". It is like I am dealing with 2 different people and I am still reeling from shock that this happened so quickly. I recently found a birthday card he sent me last April that he had written on with such declarations of love and tenderness. But then I find he was expressing the same type of feelings just 2 months later to this other woman. How he has managed to transfer love from one to another in such a short span of time is beyond me and my counsellor.
Thank you for your input. Even now I would like to think there was hope in the relating hexagram but I have since heard on the grapevine he is looking for a lawyer.
I asked the question "What else can I do to save my marriage?" and got 13 unchanging.....?
All signs point to this marriage being over. Am I just being advised to keep things as friendly as possible?
Last night he asked for a divorce........
I was expecting it and yet it still shook me up. I don't want to leave this country that has been my home for the last 10 years and yet my visa status may well be revoked and I must return to the UK a divorced 44 yr old mother of an 8 yr old with no job, money, career or home. That I am pissed with him right now is an understatement. He brought us to this for no apparent reason and he even admitted last night he is not even sure, deep in his heart, if it will work out between them! We have had problems in our marriage like any other couple but they were not insurmountable. It appears to me he prefers to turn and run rather than confront them. Now this latest development, it is like he is a kid with a new toy and discards his previous favourite one in favour of the new one.
I told him that as I had not done anything wrong I refused to file for divorce so asked him what grounds he was giving to divorce me...... He couldn't answer. I asked him had he realised the long term ramifications of this and he couldn't answer. His only response seemed to be throwing money at me to make the 'problem' go away. He seems to think divorce is like marriage, a day at the courthouse, sign some papers, throw some money away et voila. Head on to new life. I asked him how he was going to be able to support 2 households.... he had no answer. I asked about maintenance....... he had no answer, in fact he seemed surprised I would need maintenance for so long. I asked him what his firm would think when they find out he has broken up 2 marriages for his own selfish desires and that he was prepared to throw his wife and son under the bus simply because he had found someone else....... he seemed to think as it was his private life it should not be any of their concern.
I simply don't know what to think any more. The man I married seems to be no longer in sight, I don't know who this poor specimen is. And yet my love is still there for the first one. Do I hold out in hope he will resurface in time, once his affair falls apart? Or do I cut my losses and run?
So I asked the question "Do I really want to divorce my husband?"
Hexagram 44, line 5, changing to 50......
If you can map out the causes and effects of all incidents that lead to your present predicament, you can then flush out the karmic effects that are presently distorting your life.
Only the morning after asking for a divorce he is telling me how we can take our son’s new governess out with us when we go out together as a family! What family?! He is planning on splitting it up!
Being a typical Taurean (as is my husband) I can definitely be accused of being obstinate
Ginnie - I am indeed the oldest sister, with 2 younger brothers.
So many developments this week and surprises too. I am completely at a loss what to think and am unable to feel any flow direction. I am so convinced on one hand that all is not lost and we can work our way through it, then a moment later I feel it is hopeless and I should just cut my losses and run. I feel now I have the power to influence an outcome and yet am so scared I will make the wrong choice and create chaos in my life when there promises to be so much happiness and fulfillment. I wish there were some easy answers to this.
So I asked the I Ching "What outcome can I expect if I remain married to R*****?" and received hexagram 10, changing line 3..... relating hexagram 1.
I see the significance of 10 meaning to tread carefully and not waken a sleeping tiger. To be courteous and polite, avoiding pitfalls until I am in a position to move forward.
With Hex 1 I feel it indicates I have the power to influence the outcome by being persistent, untiring etc.
Any thoughts............?
Generally speaking whenever there is a problem in the family the whole unit works together to find a solution.
Good luck, Banjara. I know that the family structure is like this in Asia. Perhaps there is so much to be 'fixed' it'll be helpful to have the assistance of senior family members.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).