Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
The decision requires making a clear cut with my ex and arranging for visitations of my son, that is starting to share him at alternative weekends and half the holidays. I am petrified of making that step so I keep prodding along, making false promises to my ex, driving to his house every weekend so I can always be with my son. During the week my ex comes over whenever he wants to, tells me that I should be thinking about my son and that I should be getting back with him. I have no life. Yet I am apparently incapable for breaking out of that viscious circle. So.... I have asked "How do I find a way (and strength) to break free?" I got hexagram 16.6 changing to 35.
As a background, even before I had my son and met my ex, I always used to observe the people who split when there were children involved and think what a nightmare that might be for them and especially for the children, an absolute nightmare. I come from a traditional catholic upbringing and very much value the family unit. I always thought that people should do everything, once they have children, to keep the family together, yet I am now in a position where I find it very very difficult to do that. I feel so angry and frustrated, why is God punishing me like that? What lesson am I suppose to learn from it? I look at my little boy and just want to cry each time he asks for his Daddy. I am scared of making the wrong move so I keep sitting on my fence. Seeing my life pass me by. I need some help here, please help me find a way and the strength to break free and out of this nightmare.
Many thanks Guys for your comments so far and the different angles covered. I was hoping for a kind of a unified front of voices shouting "common, just do it, break free" but Trojan disagrees, perhaps rightly so. What am I disillusioned about, trying to hold onto the sorry remains of the non existent family unit or blindly trying to break free?
The day after I posted my initial thread I had a big discussion with my ex and told him (!) that we cannot possibly carry on like this any more as it is preventing us from moving on and has completely exhausted us. I proposed (!) to start sharing our son at alternative weekends and I suggested that this weekend will be the first weekend with him. His initial reactions were: first that he will fight me for 50 50 custody, then that he wants to cut ties with both of us completely. That was followed by a goodbye phone call which was supposed to be the last, which was then followed by an email message saying that in this case it would be best if I went back to live in Poland with Oli (we are currently in London), which was then followed by him turning up at my doorstep and refusing to go for four hours, crying at my kitchen table. I almost died that night. The final decision was to give this relationhip a last chance by living together for three months until the end of the year. I am currently selling my flat in London and will buy a flat in Poland, I will give notice at work (3 months notice) so that if things are not right by the end of the year Oli and I will be free to go back to Poland. I don't know how much can be achieved in three months and Im not sure if he will just "let us go" if it doesn't work out but I provisionally said yes. At least I am not sitting on the fence any more, or at least not the one I was sitting on before. I am not sure if it my first step of actually cutting down the tentacles that are holding me or letting them tighten around me even stronger but for my sanity I have to do this.
You are all very perceptive, I find your comments incredibly helpful. I really don't think I could do it without you.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).