About personal boundaries. What is the best course of action? 2.3.6 to 52

[dancingfox]

In two weeks I have an event coming up I would rather not participate in. I have a big old group of childhood girlfriends who are going to a tropical swimming paradise with the kids. Aside from the fact that staying in a bungalow for a whole weekend with moms and their kids is way out of my comfortzone as a childless single woman I have been feeling a deep need to distance myself from this group of friends. I don't have a problem with them when I see them alone or even in small groups. Put them all together and they fall back into a kind of behavior I just don't feel aligned with anymore. Worse, the pressure to participate is very real. I have been distancing myself from them gradually within the past year. I made some new friends along the way who make me feel accepted as I am. Something I have been longing for for a very long time.

I feel obligated to come because this is an event for my niece of 12 years old (and godchilds) birthday. I asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she wanted to go to a tropical swimming paradise. Her mom, my sister, then took over from there and organised the whole thing. So now I kind of feel suckered into this weekend with all of these people I would like to stay away from as far as possible. If I don't participate I will disappoint my niece. Me and my sister have a dad who disappointed us alot like that when we were small so that is not the kind of behavior I want my niece to grow up with. But on the other hand I really want to make a strong, clear boundary towards this group I don't want to be a part of anymore.

Learning how to say no and set healthy boundaries without acting on the impulse to run away is something I am working on on a very deep level.

I asked the I Ching: what is the best course of action for me in this situation?

I got hex Hex 2.3.6 changing to 52.

It always helps me to post first and then meditate on the answer. Without checking my books or the net my first intuitive interpretation would be:

Remain receptive from a place of stillness. Go to the weekend and stay centered within myself. This is easier said then done since this group really triggers me. I will get back to this post and let the answer sink in.

Any insights are welcome in the meantime!

 

[my_key]

Learning how to say no and set healthy boundaries without acting on the impulse to run away is something I am working on on a very deep level.

I asked the I Ching: what is the best course of action for me in this situation?

I got hex Hex 2.3.6 changing to 52.

It always helps me to post first and then meditate on the answer. Without checking my books or the net my first intuitive interpretation would be:

Remain receptive from a place of stillness. Go to the weekend and stay centered within myself. This is easier said then done since this group really triggers me. I will get back to this post and let the answer sink in.

Any insights are welcome in the meantime!

Hi dancingfox

Old connections are really powerful in triggering memories or old patterns of behaving that we are striving to detach ourselves from. Healthy boundaries are important for reversing old behaviours with perhaps the most important aspect of a good boundary being where we chose to erect it.

Keeping pigeons off a patch of newly sewn seeds, needs a fine and strong boundary set close to and surrounding on all sides the growing seeds. Putting up netting in the next field, sets a boundary, but it will not be in the least bit effective in serving its purpose.

The best course of action for you is embrace the pockets of stillness that can be found in this situation (52), even if, for now, you cannot see how they might form. Look closer for the boundaries that you can set that will still the fears and dread that is currently being cultivated in your inner world.

Hex 2 calls for openness, nurturing and compassion while advising you to enrich your virtue in order to sustain all beings. Increasing your strength of character and moral fortitude will enable you to better respond to your triggers rather than react to them. There is a still point required to avoid being drawn into involuntary reactions and to prevent their ensuing chaos.

2.3 speaks to your emotional beliefs and your ability to evaluate matters from a place of power. Within you is a powerful authentic self. Look deeply for this and use it to calmly direct how you proceed in a way that shines most brightly for you.

2,6 This could be a turning point for you, so approach the 'demons' you are battling now in a newly understood, wise way and this will diminish the level of influence they are currently having on you.

... or it might mean something completely different when you contemplate the reading.

Good Luck

 

[rosada]

Hexagram 2.
The Receptive’s power comes from its ability to choose how to respond. In this situation you would prefer not to respond at all - to not go and further to not continue to socialize with this group.
However 2.3 notes that you feel an obligation to your niece:
”IF by chance you are in service to a king
Seek not works but bring to completion.”
This suggests to me you going on the trip but being careful not to set up further meetings, trips, get togethers etc.
Line 2.6 seems to describe your frustrations. Perhaps you feel too many demands are put on you or that your true response is shot down. Implies to me that you don’t feel you can explain or negotiate with these people.
52. Keeping Still
This hexagram seems to advise again that you consider the advice of hexagram 2 and not get manipulated into conversations or connections you aren’t comfortable with.

All together it seems to me you are being advised that while it’s extremely annoying to have to spend any more time with these people, still it seems your best course of action is to go for your niece while being careful to not get sucked into further obligations.

 

[Liselle]

DancingFox, did you write the wrong reading in your title and would you like me to fix it for you? The title says 1.6 to 52 and your post says 2.3.6 to 52.


I agree with Rosada that the reading probably says you should go. You'd be serving higher things: not disappointing your niece, not making everyone wonder what's wrong with you.

I understand how ridiculous this is. All you did was ask your niece what she wanted for her birthday. Obviously that's a perfectly normal question. It's just it took on a life of its own.

I suspect 2.6 means there's no way for you to win here. If you don't go, you'll probably feel bad. If you go, you probably won't like it (though who knows, maybe it'll be okay, maybe you'll enjoy seeing your niece enjoy herself or something).

The solution seems to be to accept the pickle you're in and go along with it. "The constancy of a mare bears fruit." "Peaceful constancy brings good fortune."

52 might mean the only way to have any peace (with your family but also with yourself) is to go. Or as MyKey said, do what you can to find some quiet while you're there. "Moving in your rooms, Not seeing your people. Not a mistake." It's counter-intuitive - not to socialize all the time with the people you went away for the weekend with - but Yi says it's okay.


Ha ha, if it was me, this might be the last time I'd ask my niece what she wants if such complicated things are likely to result. If you're not the one who instigates it (sort of), it's a lot easier to say you can't do it.

 

[dancingfox]

DancingFox, did you write the wrong reading in your title and would you like me to fix it for you? The title says 1.6 to 52 and your post says 2.3.6 to 52.

Yes Rosada, please fix it. Thank you for telling me... I didn't notice!

 

[dancingfox]

Like MyKey said I have some demons I am learning to approach in a different, more wise way. My inner struggle (line 2.6) is obvious in this thread.

I decided to go and not dissapoint my little niece or my sister, who is also my best friend (line 2.3). I talked things through with my sister. She knows me better then anyone and understands where I'm coming from. We agreed I will be there but only from Saturday morning till Sunday morning, so it will be one instead of two days. My sister is my last real link with this group and she knows this is the last time I will be joining any of their group activities. No more pushing or obligatory situations. I am so happy I was able to have this conversation with her and receive the understanding I was hoping for.

Hex 2, being responsive. This one hits home because whenever I am around these people I tend to shut down. So I lose my ability to be responsive. With hex 2 we know our purpose but we don't have everything mapped out. But setting oneself in motion will create options - gaining a master. One example of this could be the conversation I had with my sister. I was setting things in motion, thus making my sister the guiding master. She would like to hear that one . So if I keep reminding myself I have options other then constantly socializing, that's where I will find my healthy boundaries. In order to remain responsive I need to find this inner stilness, the pockets of silence or 'to move in my rooms' _Hex 52.

Source: Hilary Barretts 'I Ching'

Thank you all for the compassionate insights. I really felt lost. Reading them helped me find my options.
And Liselle, yes! If I have learned one thing from all of this it's to moderate my nieces options

 

[Liselle]

Very happy to hear you've worked it out (and thank goodness for your sister!).

 

[rosada]

I’ve been puzzled by the dragons fighting image in 2.6. I mean that doesn’t sound like quiet patience. Then it occurred to me that along with meaning damned-if-you-do/damned-if you-don’t (interesting it leads to hex 3 where one doesn’t know if they should stay or go), and also suggesting the fighting dragons could indicate an inner turmoil, I’m also seeing it as advice that one can stay silent while the dragons can fight it out all they want - one needn’t respond at all. (And then 23. SPLIT!)

 

[dancingfox]

Well, fate intervened. I have been down with the flu this whole week, so I wasn't able to join them. This feel unresolved somehow. I really set my mind to going and in the end I wasn't able to. Rationally I know that I don't need to feel guilty or frustrated about this but it is bugging me. It's a buggy weekend

 

[Liselle]

I could see 2.6 as you getting sick, your body fighting a battle with itself.

Wonder if 2.3 is how you and your sister worked something out that was satisfactory, even if you didn't end up using it. There might have been some value to working it out.