Advice on going to court for custody 26.3 >41. Help greatly appreciated!

[WiteWidoW]

Hello onlineclarity people :bows:

Am new here, although I have been using the forum for inspiration on decoding my answers. However, today there is a pretty serious issue I would like some feedback on.

I have a child with my ex, she's 4. We broke up just as I got pregnant, at the time he didn't even want to have her. I went through the pregnancy alone, he was there for her birth, but then when she was 9 months he was gone from her for a year.

He came back and living in Norway it is normal the father gets 30% of the time with her. It has been working fine, but I want to move abroad, something he doesn't agree to because then he won't see his child as much.

I dont want to get into details, but lets just say he wasnt very nice to me, ever, cheating on me, physical and emotional abuse, which in some ways still go on today and was of course the reason why i had to leave him. He allows himself to say and do things to me he wouldn't do to others (or at least I hope he wouldn't).

When I traveled with her this winter, he decided to call the police to stop me at the airport. I have been honest with him always, and always try to accommodate him, something he has never been able to see or appreciate. I do get pissed since he can be such a douche, then I lose my cool and I guess stoop to his level.

I do not want to go into a custody battle in court with him, because it wouldnt be good for my daughter. However, now he is claiming he wants her 50% of the time and of course if I want to move and work abroad his whole attitude is basically making that impossible for me. I have offered him solutions on how we could solve it, but he is just not interested. He is used to having his way with me, and he sees me as weak I guess.

I did talk to a lawyer and she basically said I would win if we went to court (but of course I know that that is not necessarily the case)

So I asked yi how does tao advice on the possibility of going to court for custody and got 26.3 moving to 41.

I also asked how to best deal with my ex and got 18 unchanging.

Then I asked what is best for my daughter and I got 33.4.6>39

Is it basically saying I should prepare and train for battle, but that for my daughter's sake it is best to withdraw?

This is very important to me for obvious reasons, insights greatly welcome!

 

[WiteWidoW]

Oh and I asked how to best deal with my ex right now and I got 18, meaning that I should try to work it out with him, figure out where our blockges are and remove them? That seems almost impossible to me at this point.. unless we do it with a third person mediator, which i think will be hard to get him to do.. :/

 

[tigerintheboat]

H

I did talk to a lawyer and she basically said I would win if we went to court (but of course I know that that is not necessarily the case)

So I asked yi how does tao advice on the possibility of going to court for custody and got 26.3 moving to 41.

The hexagram is about control of forces, restraining and controlling them. The reading compares your use of the legal system to owning a fine horse; with training and daily care, it can deliver valuable results. But be aware of the amount of time involved and the single-minded effort required to get the results. Remember, your life is going by; is this how you want to spend it?

I also asked how to best deal with my ex and got 18 unchanging.

Yi is being very general and philosophical here; H18 can be translated as "work on what is spoiled." It is a long process and you must commit yourself to the journey. Yi is representing both your husband and/or the relationship as corrupt and decayed. The fact that there are no moving lines indicates a static situation that will be hard to change.

Then I asked what is best for my daughter and I got 33.4.6>39

Is it basically saying I should prepare and train for battle, but that for my daughter's sake it is best to withdraw?

Yi suggests that retreat is best for your daughter, but comments on how it will affect you. "You retreat out of love and repect, to allow space and freedom for yourself and all involved." (Hilary) Line 6 implies that Retreat enriches you; you have achieved goals for yourself by this high quality retreat.

Tiger

 

[WiteWidoW]

Ok, so I will take that to mean that overall there is not much to gain trying to find a common base of communication with ex, just leave well enough alone. Also I will not initiate any legal proceedings (which i wasn't going to do anyway) but if he initiates it would I be in a good position to win, or would I be best served retreating? Anyway, right now I just pull my energy back from the whole thing and just watch over the developments. Does that seem like a correct summary?

Thanks so much for your help!

 

[tigerintheboat]

Ok, so I will take that to mean that overall there is not much to gain trying to find a common base of communication with ex, just leave well enough alone. Also I will not initiate any legal proceedings (which i wasn't going to do anyway) but if he initiates it would I be in a good position to win, or would I be best served retreating? Anyway, right now I just pull my energy back from the whole thing and just watch over the developments. Does that seem like a correct summary?

Thanks so much for your help!

Your understanding above does sound basically correct...Yi puts more emphasis than you did above on the positive aspects of retreat, that you are withdrawing for good reasons, and that, if you have the attitude of a superior man, you will quite happy with that, and will see that there should be no doubt that you did the right thing.

Tiger

 

[WiteWidoW]

Update: Never sued for custody. After a major revelation which caused me to sit him down and let him tell me the whole truth regarding the time when we were together which was shrouded in lies and unclarity, our relationship is slowly healing. Atleast now we have a civil tone between us and our cooperation regarding our daughter is going well.

I keep away form him for the most part, but i no longer have the tight tummy feeling i had before when i felt his energy around me.