Are my expectations in a partner too high? - 4.6>7

[redtrain47]

4.6>7

Hello, this reading kind of stumped me. I've been really looking for a relationship after being single for a while now, and have been very very picky because I'm looking for something serious and long-term. About a week ago I met someone at my school. We got along super well instantly, she gave me her number and we texted a ton over the next couple days. I developed a huge crush, she's independent, career-oriented, talkative etc. she checked all the boxes, she had my full attention and I was 100% interested which hasn't happened in a long time.

Then suddenly she stops responding and goes ghost, last time we talked was last Monday. I'm upset, I feel like it isn't fair, the one time I'm completely enamoured with someone and I don't even have a chance to take them on a date.

Fast-forward to now, I just met someone new who I'm talking to and texting, I find them decently cool and attractive but I feel like something's wrong because I'm not completely enamoured with them like the last situation.


And about the reading: what I don't understand is how the punishment applies here. Am I the one being punished in this line? That's definitely how I felt after the rebuff I had in this situation lol. What does this line have to do with my original question? And for hexagram 7 I know it has to do with being focused and disciplined.

 

[ontheroad]

What's the question?

 

[redtrain47]

What's the question?

"Are my expectations in a partner too high"

 

[rosada]

I’m seeing 4.6 - 7 as referencing this person’s ghosting you. It was something out of your control. Hex 7 is about someone who is control of their world. 4.6 is about eliminating distractions. So I piece this together as saying, “you are wanting to build a group of trust worthy supporters and this person didn’t meet that qualification.” I’m not sure expecting a partner to be trustworthy is too high of a standard though, but I guess in this case maybe it was…
If you apply this answer to your new friendship and are wondering if expecting love to be a head over heels experience is asking for too much, then I think these lines are saying don’t be off in fantasy, appreciate who is here and now. Love grows.

 

[Trojina]

I think your answer is very clearly telling you not to beat yourself up over this, it was a learning experience


The line says

'Striking the ignoramus.
No harvest in acting like an outlaw,
Harvest in resisting outlawry.'

Your question wasn't about either love interest but if your expectations were too high. Not really but Yi is saying you have a lot to learn about this kind of thing and a lot to learn about your own emotions and bonding process - you still don't know a great deal and you also don't know what was going on with the other person.

So now you are questioning yourself 'am I expecting too much?' and I think Yi is being kind. It is saying you are kind of giving yourself a hard time, thinking you did something wrong, but it is no use to strike at your own ignoramus, that would be to act like an outlaw and you want to resist acting like an outlaw.

An outlaw doesn't care about how they impact on other people, they just take what they can get. You're not like that but these experiences might make you become hard hearted and become as bad as these people who let you down. Yi says don't mind that you didn't know, you just didn't see this ghosting coming and don't let it make you act like an outlaw. Ghosting is acting like an outlaw and you don't want to be like that. So go easy on yourself, you just didn't know, couldn't know what you were dealing with so make sure you aren't giving yourself too much negative self talk here, don't hit yourself for what they did to you.

The thing is when people treat us as if we are worthless we can automatically think it was somehow our fault. This answer says it isn't your fault, not knowing what someone is like is not a fault.

 

[Serendiplomat]

Redtrain47,

4.6, and the personal hexagram 7, is an opportunity for you to acknowledge that you were doing something wrong, and that it's time to change.

Texting, from the I Ching's point of view, is very high up (line 6), close to the gods themselves, perhaps Mercury the messenger, but by the same token it's far removed from one's animal nature.

If I Ching were a dating coach, here it'd be telling you to shift your texting style to purely utilitarian, as in military comms or Air Traffic Control: to plan your next in-person meeting. The field of face-to-face interactions, not texting over the airwaves, is how you can move this forward. Only there in the field of in-person relating will your expectations and standards and values push against reality, and only there will you learn what you need, what you want, and what you should seek from others, and what from yourself--none of which you can learn by remaining an armchair general, his head bent over a smart phone.