Asked for my life’s purpose, received hexagram 53 changing to 39

[FoxChiron]

Hello, long time listener first time caller. I understand that a question like this is highly personal, vague, and thereby probably difficult to provide enough context for, but I’ll do my best to do so as briefly as I can.

Recently, after some synchronicities which led me to the book, I’ve started reading The Problem of The Puer Aeternus, and I’ve realized in a lot of ways this book describes me. I didn’t have a typical or stable childhood and apparently this has stunted my emotional and personal development a lot. I created an unhealthy, malformed inner life of daydreams and fantasy to hide from reality when I was a young child, and it grew to dominate me completely. I’ve spent almost all of my adult life up until this point refusing to commit to anything or put forth an honest effort, allowing myself to be victimized by predatory people, and projectively blaming others for my “misfortune.”

I work a low paying job as someone who loads small lumber orders onto customer’s trucks. When I do a load for a contractor I am reminded that I haven’t committed to learning any skills in life that would make me valuable to society. When I do a load for a couple working on their own house I am reminded that I have not found material success nor romantic love. I don’t have close friends or family members that I can talk to or get ahold of except on a very inconsistent and unreliable basis, probably because that is the way in which I commit to personal relationships.

I made a lot of dumb choices when I was young and unconscious, specifically going AWOL from the army after three years and a combat deployment and robbing myself of any benefits my service would have given me, and I flunked out of school to the point that I owe thousands of dollars to a collection agency on top of student loans, with no degree to show for it. I feel like I have painted myself into a corner with no escape.I’d like to get a therapist or an analyst to help, but I can’t afford even the most basic health insurance plans.

Today I asked three questions about my life path and purpose.

First I asked “If I do what I know is right, and commit to the life I am in right now while still honoring my nature, will I become magnetic to the things I want in life?” And received 64 unchanging

After some thinking about that question and answer, I asked “How can I stop letting life hold me below my capacity?” And I received the same again, 64 unchanging.

I take this to mean that this is a difficult and important transitional time in my life that will require a lot of mindful care from me to get through, and success is not guaranteed.

I finally asked “What is my individual purpose in life?” and I received 53.6 changing to 39. I’m having difficulty understanding this line, the best I can make intuitively of it is that it’s simply saying “it will all make sense one day,” but the positive text of the line seems to be at complete odds with the resulting hexagram of Obstruction.

Any perspective would be greatly appreciated.

 

[marybluesky]

To me 53.6> 39 means leaving the obstacles behind, gradually.

 

[Trojina]

hmm interesting that I have made several aborted attempts to answer here. First time it was too hard and had no time so I left it for a bit, next time I wrote an answer I was happy with and lost it when I went looking for a wiki quote. Now that is 64uc in action isn't it. I'm trying to make a crossing here but I get hindered in the completion. Maybe that gives me a taste of 64uc.

Here is a thread with other's experiences of 64uc that may be of use. There is a link to a good blog there I think

The narrative of one's life that one tells oneself varies according to the angle/lens of viewing. I'm sure you've gained insights from the book you mentioned about how your childhood shaped you...but then

I work a low paying job as someone who loads small lumber orders onto customer’s trucks. When I do a load for a contractor I am reminded that I haven’t committed to learning any skills in life that would make me valuable to society. When I do a load for a couple working on their own house I am reminded that I have not found material success nor romantic love. I don’t have close friends or family members that I can talk to or get ahold of except on a very inconsistent and unreliable basis, probably because that is the way in which I commit to personal relationships.

I'm not 'valuable to society' either, quite a few people I know aren't. What does that term mean and whose definition ? Babies, children, sick people and old people could be said not to be valuable to society. What's the measure here? What's wrong with loading lumber, it leaves your mind free and may accord you a degree of freedom your soul actually needs which you wouldn't have if you were building a house with a significant other?

I think we all found out who the most valuable people really were in lockdown. Postmen, nurses, doctors, shop workers, people who make life possible. As for the marketing managers and consultants and life coaches well they weren't a whole lot of use really.

If you had a weird/difficult childhood then you enter adulthood looking fit and healthy but are actually injured. Many people enter adult life injured. If you were physically injured no one would say 'hey you broke your leg better get a good paying job and a wife and family and a house right now!' No, you'd need your leg to recover. Maybe that's not the best example but you entered adult life at a disadvantage and then did the best you could to survive. I heard that analogy recently somewhere, can't recall who it was but I thought it worked.

So you deserve some credit for where you are now. Well Done for continuing on and making it through hard times

I made a lot of dumb choices when I was young and unconscious, specifically going AWOL from the army after three years and a combat deployment and robbing myself of any benefits my service would have given me, and I flunked out of school to the point that I owe thousands of dollars to a collection agency on top of student loans, with no degree to show for it. I feel like I have painted myself into a corner with no escape.I’d like to get a therapist or an analyst to help, but I can’t afford even the most basic health insurance plan

Well they look like dumb choices now, if we look back we can all see those, but at the time if was just you living your life the way it made sense to you at that point. And for you it must have made emotional sense at the time even though it's crazy in material terms. Also at that point you knew less, you were a less evolved being. I'm sorry you're in debt, that is a big burden. I wonder if you have debt relief charities and so on where you are. Sometimes it's better with their help to declare yourself bankrupt to get a fresh start. Going bankrupt doesn't work against you indefinitely.....anyway

Today I asked three questions about my life path and purpose.

First I asked “If I do what I know is right, and commit to the life I am in right now while still honoring my nature, will I become magnetic to the things I want in life?” And received 64 unchanging

I question the term 'life purpose', it worries me a little as it can make people believe they have to do or be a certain thing to even justify their existence. It's like capitalism and spirituality combined - you have to prove you are marketable to be worth anything at all. Moreover I do not believe anyone knows their life purpose, how would we know, I don't think we have the faintest clue. The new ager may say 'my life purpose is to guide souls to healing' or some such but actually their life purpose may be the things they don't think are important at all. Your life purpose is being you, even the bad bits are all your life purpose as it's where you are right now.

It's a complex and serious question you've asked and it seems like you have made a serious commitment to change and 64uc is a great answer for all the reasons you said. It shows you're mid crossing, making a river crossing 'not there yet'. I agree with your take

I take this to mean that this is a difficult and important transitional time in my life that will require a lot of mindful care from me to get through, and success is not guaranteed.

Yes it is an important time and to make the crossing you envision you may have to be mindful of all the things that keep you in an eternal state of almost crossing like me with writing this post. I lost the deep and meaningful stuff I'm afraid....and I lost it through

distraction
carelessness...somehow I didn't save what I wrote
too difficult for me


so to get to this point well it's been difficult.......flops down panting.....Well anyway that's 64 for you.

I finally asked “What is my individual purpose in life?” and I received 53.6 changing to 39. I’m having difficulty understanding this line, the best I can make intuitively of it is that it’s simply saying “it will all make sense one day,” but the positive text of the line seems to be at complete odds with the resulting hexagram of Obstruction.

I will post the line

'Wild geese gradually progress to the high plateau.
Their feathers can be used to perform the sacred dances.
Good Fortune.'

It's a beautiful line and I think it refers to using your life experience as a gift to others. On the one hand you made a serious commitment to change, it's very believable, I believe you will change things, that's the 64uc twice (Yi is talking to you) so you leave an old way of being behind like a death. The wild geese fly higher and higher beyond the world but their feathers float down and are used in sacred ceremonies. This is like someone who goes through trauma or difficult personal growth (39) or difficult circumstances and goes on to help others behind, younger ones, going through the same thing.

I can't help but think of Anne Frank. How much impact has her diary had on generations of people. Her diary was a sacred feather. What about a criminal who reforms and then spends his life helping youngsters in similar situations that set him on the road to violence. We all have sacred feathers, it's our gift to our descendants, those who follow us. If you haven't been through hard times you can't help others when they go through it.

The fan yao 39.6 talks about, at least in some commentaries the 'great man' coming back to help. So whilst I said the concept of life purpose troubles me I think you have a life purpose there in 53.6, it's you transcending the boundaries you've lived with and thereby enabling others or inspiring others one way or another. You'll leave something behind that will go on beyond your death, a meaningful legacy of some kind. I don't know what form that might be. Even if you impact on one or two people or you plant trees or you make some changes or just by being you there's some sacred feathers to shed. These feathers are used to perform sacred dances the line says. Hmm and what are sacred dances for, something transformative and special happens in a sacred dance surely and so your very difficulties in life in the end become the means to offer those left behind the means to transform and connect with the sacred? I advise you to dwell on those words of Yi, it's a beautiful image to carry with you. If you can draw or make art why not make it, make that image so it holds in your mind.

but the positive text of the line seems to be at complete odds with the resulting hexagram of Obstruction.

39, the relating hexagram is not the result as in 'the future' it's the whole backdrop to the question. There's been a quest in 53, many difficulties and in line 6 those difficulties are left behind for good, it's a real leaving behind for a totally new phase of life but also precious feathers/means of transformation are left for those following. Oh and also for yourself of course. When you transcend your old way of life and make the crossing you will still be left with gifts and wisdom from all your days of troubles and mistakes.

 

[redoleander]

64 UC in relation to these two questions could be saying that these are ideas/intentions that haven't been put into action yet (which you already know) and also perhaps that they're (for example) in place at the mental level but you're not all the way across in the sense of being fully committed and aligned with these intentions emotionally, spiritually, etc. We all have a shadow but some of us need to face it more than others because it pops up to mess up our plans when it hasn't gotten enough attention. There are parts of you that aren't fully on board with this intention. And that's totally fine! I think you need to hear them out and give them their air time, figure out how you can get your whole self into this mission. The lines of 64 might actually be really instructive for you. I would read a nice translation of the whole hexagram and some commentary, study all the lines. All the lines apply as part of your work. Or even just this whole page and see what comes through for you intuitively.

Line 1, for example, is about attempting something when it's not the right time yet or you can't fully put yourself into it so the results aren't what you want. Some of that could relate to your past, for example. Soaking your tail and then having to navigate the "humiliation" of that. But that's just line 1! There's a lot more to go and it's not forever. It also means that you need a lot of momentum and cohesion to propel yourself past that first line.

53.6 is a beautiful line. It might be that your purpose is to transcend, rise above, overcome obstacles. To gain the wise hawk or eagle's view of life that comes from knowing extreme lows and loss and that not everything is about what's on the surface. I think there's some surrender in this line (which is maybe why it changes to 39) in that you don't quit or stop but you also don't just keep forging ahead the identical way. There's another way, maybe one you haven't tried yet. Maybe you've been running on willpower and need more spiritual support. The help of a counselor sounds like a great idea and there might be a way for you to access more services than you currently are. There are low-cost and even free therapy through organizations at times... it takes some digging but it might be worth it to really pursue what's available. Go to social services and see what else you qualify for (in any form). Again, support. Not just running on your own survival energy. 12-Step programs are also free, there are support groups out there. There's another way and maybe even a strong likelihood you'll help and support others, take all you've experienced and turn it into grace so long as you don't try to sidestep or shortcut your way I think. Be determined to find what's disrupting your plans (beyond the external obstacles which, by the way, are real and heavy and unjust; you are legitimately up against a lot) and keeping you in the trenches when where you really belong is the sky.

 

[Trojina]

Any thoughts, feelings, reflection on these replies you have had FoxChiron?

You don't need to respond in huge detail but it is helpful to those who have replied to offer some feedback if only using the 'like' button. Otherwise it can feel like effort has been put in and hasn't been received at all and we are giving our time here as well as our perceptions on the reading and so on.

Also little updates from the querent can be very helpful to readers in the future who want to see how it worked out for you.

 

[rosada]

This reading has been on my mind all week as I've had a hard time understanding how 53.6 with the beautiful image of a the birds flying off into the heavens and their feathers being honored as precious gifts lead to 39. Overcoming Obstacles? Finally came up with a story..
Thinking of 53.6 as being the blue print of a beautiful life, like we read these stories or maybe we actually were raised by parents who loved each other deeply, but the point is, we come into this life with grand expectations and then BAM we bump up against these terrible obstacles. And what are these obstacles? The obstacles are these expectations we've come in with, like we got A's and gold stars in school and then we get out into the real world and, omg, marriage is not at all what we expected and we have to totally re-evaluate our ideas about how the world works and giving up those old ideas and allowing in new experience is one of the toughest jobs and can take an entire lifetime and leave us with a limp.
Anyway, as to your life's purpose, I think these hexagrams are urging you to re-evaluate your situation and assume your higher self has guided you here. Think of any reason you can to be greatful - like your job is allowing you time to study the I Ching, the fellow who first wrote down the IC was in jail when he wrote it, you only have to load trucks!

Don't try too hard to understand this. It's a rough draft and I have to come back to tweak it but I'm running out of juice.

 

[FoxChiron]

So I must honor the responses I got before with an update and say that it's true, gradually the obstacles are beginning to fall away and the biggest ones left are internal. I think it isn't without accident a couple folks seemed to have a hard time getting the responses they really wanted to come up, I don't think I'm supposed to be handed answers about this ahead of schedule unless I'm in danger of messing up irreversibly. The main problem in my life remains my own need to accept the responsibility to be mature and patient.

Rosada it's funny that you said I have plenty of time to study the I ching, I actually have an office job now where it is completely inconspicuous to do a quick cast on an app and write about it in a notepad. Funnily enough I got a random email from an academic website I must've signed into at some point that happened to be in Chinese, and I took the chance of putting it through google translate.

It was about some new publishing of work from a historian of Chinese intellectual concepts named Larry Schulz, and I happened to start playing around with some mathematical stuff related to the I Ching. I forgot that the entire reason I became interested in spirituality at all was that I found the parallels between certain mathematical and scientific concepts and the things that eastern philosophers say about metaphysics fascinating.

Trojina, you might also be interested to know that I thought of your response here a few days ago while going out in the morning to work and coming on a feather from a Canadian goose. I put it in my pocket and took it with me to the bus stop and it was a rare time where someone was there before me.

He reminded me a lot of how I used to be before all the crazy events of the last few years that have affected all of us so much. He was nervous about a new job and he felt like he had to say that it wasn't just grunt work, it was something cerebral.

I suspect he may have a long and arduous process of letting things like that go, just like I do!

 

[Trojina]

Trojina, you might also be interested to know that I thought of your response here a few days ago while going out in the morning to work and coming on a feather from a Canadian goose.

It's so long ago I don't even remember what I said and I'm not going to reread the whole thread to find out. I posted in October 2021 it is now June 2022. It's just too long a gap.

So I must honor the responses I got

Okay you did eventually come back but for me it's not exactly honouring anything when you don't acknowledge replies at all until 8 months later.

There's also other threads you haven't been back to as FoxChiron.

 

[Hypnotist Collector]

To FoxChiron, I hadn't seen this thread before and was moved by your post. I think you've gotten valuable advice on your pivotal reading and also you might want to read up on complex trauma and childhood emotional neglect. At 64, I feel much the way you do, that I didn't fully process a difficult childhood and made terrible choices. Still figuring it out. Hang in there.