Bewitched Bothered and Bewildered.

[em ching]

My heart expands for someone, with whom I feel I connect with in a way I don't with anyone else.. But we are just friends.. Have posted many times about him before.. and now I feel the time has come to face the truth.. it can only go up - or down now. I have tried to keep a lid on this for a while, and kidded myself friendship doesn't break my heart a bit (eventhough I wouldn't want to lose it)

What happens now?
40.2 > 16 (free myself from overeaching hopes? Does he see me as the fox 'trying to influence through flattery'? (not the case, I really care and relate to him.. but, sigh maybe it is more in my head)

Are there feelings for me?
17.2,3 > 43 (breakthrough in what sense? 17.2 - do I need to let go? Or he has - even perhaps as friends? He can probably sense something, my over interest..)

Is it really time to move on?
60 unchanging (I guess clearly saying it's impossible to put a limit on your feelings - they have a mind of their own. Takes time...)

Is his heart elsewhere? (what is going on with someone else is what I was thinking while throwing, so not sure if the reading relates to me or another.. but I guess it's always the asker?)
50.1,3,4 > 41

50.3 He couldn't take things up with me even if there was potential?

Is he with me in mind too?
42.2,3,4 > 1

42.3 - I'm learning through experiencing another heart broken leading to ultimate enrichment?

What should I know about him?
14.1,2,3,4 > 23

4 lines moving - reading 14.6 seems positive? But 23 - to be taken literally?

An interpretation of any reading here would be so appreciated. Again I know many readings, but I need clarity of the situation as a whole and an idea of what action to take inside.. I don't know if this counts as over complicating the issue which could be simple? But the way I feel, it seems impossible.
My heart keeps thumping (to spite itself) and it's all feeling a bit too intense...

 

[em ching]

Any advice here? Do any of the readings hint at aspects present in the relationship that I need to be aware of? Or the direction this particular plot in my life is heading?

Thanks,

:bows:

 

[dobro p]

I think what might be slowing the response to your request here is an apparent lack of focus in your questions. It's only apparent, I know, cuz YOU know what the situation is. But since you DO know what the situation is, I've got a suggestion. Which of those questions is your favorite? Go ahead, pick one...

 

[em ching]

Erm choices choices.. Thanks Dobro

Well I suppose What Should I Know About Him?
14.1,2,3,4 > 23

Would be the one... as that may suggest what part he will play in my life..

And I am never sure whether to read Hex 43 as breakthrough in terms of changing opinion or a desire to break away?
But essentially, I'd like to be clearer on the answer to what I should know about him.

Today I do actually feel resolved.. in that he isn't sweeping me off my feet so he can't be romantically attracted.. as we communicate quite well, and personally, you'd think he'd have mentioned it...
I suppose I need to resign to the fact that it's just friendship, and perhaps not even a proper one of those because it's unbalanced (I think hex 28 continues to define the relationship somewhat I just can't help feeling that we have a special connection.. lalala..

Thanks in advance,
:bows:

 

[marien]

And I am never sure whether to read Hex 43 as breakthrough in terms of changing opinion or a desire to break away?
But essentially, I'd like to be clearer on the answer to what I should know about him.

Hi Em Ching,

You mean 23 here, right? (14.1.2.3.4 >23) I use Karcher's title for 23-- Stripping Away rather than Splitting Apart. Well, this reading makes a lot of sense in reference to your last point about imbalance. Seems Yi is saying that he is a huge presence which needs to be brought back down to size. You asked what you need to know about him, so I'm not sure if this is about him specifically or rather advice on how to approach him. Either way it's about stripping away this huge (maybe overwhelming) presence. Lots of lines here trying to connect with the fifth. Either he has a lot of admirers, or these reflect your feelings. There's pain involved in this process, though nothing which will harm you in the longterm. Seems you have to keep yourself at a distance, though your feelings run deep. You're somewhat powerless in the situation, though you accept your position with humility. I'm hesitant to suggest you ask another question, but I would ask directly how you should approach this guy Maybe you've got the answer already with 14 > 23. But it's hard for me to make sense of the situation without that specific advice from Yi.

Hang in there Em Ching; I know it's hard. I've been there too, many times.
Mary

 

[em ching]

Thanks Mary.
Yeah he is quite a strong presence in that he has strong views and is strange sometimes... and perhaps with that comes many admirers... or enemies.. But yeah that makes perfect sense - I need to reduce my idea of his importance in my life...

I feel I have crossed over the wall of denial into acceptance now though
I will remain his friend and want to continue communicating with him, but without expecting more...
I asked Should I continue approaching him as a friend?
59.1,2,5 > 27

I think this is saying yes (even though on first glance dispersion could be read for face value) 59.2 says alienation from others and obstructions should be dissolved 'he hurries to that which supports him' and as I feel supported by him, because of certain similarities and mutual interests, I want to have him in my life... but obviously want to get to a stage where I stop obsessing about him
And then 27 strikes me as being about talking too.. or could it be a warning to be careful about what I say, or not being too influenced by what he says?

I mentioned 43 because when I asked does he have feelings for me I received 17.2,3 > 43 (17.3 has come up before - could it be saying I need to stop clinging to him? (Which I know I need to do...)

So I have been generally wondering about 43, and whether in the context of relationships it means a realisation about someone? Or a break away? Or reaching another stage of the relationship?
(Here would you read 43 as a break away from the preceeding hex Following? as in after a following comes a break if the relationship is not as it should be?)

Any comments on the above would be appreciated so I know I'm about right in my deductions, but I am at peace with the reality that I should accept the situation as it is..

:bows:

 

[diamanda]

17:2,3>43 says that he does have feelings for you, but he has made a choice
to be with someone else, and he will stick with his choice - in this answer
there is a clear "either this or that", so the one who was "not that" has to go
(43). In my experience, in relationship questions, 43 is 99% of the time about
breaking up, or to be more precise, deciding to break up and sticking firmly
with that decision.

59:2 does indeed say "run to what supports you", however he does not appear
to support you, although i can see this is how you feel. How it looks to an
outsider is, he is not offering you anything substantial (27), whatever he is
currently offering you is very obviously not enough for you. On the contrary,
this whole situation is making you feel bad, brings you sadness and upset and
turmoil, and is painful - so how is that a support to you..? By 'run to what
supports you' what is meant is 'run to what makes you feel better', and i really
don't get that impression you'll achieve that by running to him. 27 is very much
about sustaining oneself, nourishing, speaking, but in a manner that's 'right'
for you and fulfilling. 59:1 speaks about someone helping you. 59:2 about
you seeking help. 59:5 speaks about recovery. And 27 about something that
is truly fulfilling. So, should you approach him as a friend? the whole 59>27
answer points to approaching close friends for help. Is he a friend to you?
How could you class him as a friend since you're in love with him? I believe
we can't call someone a true friend and yet fancy them as a partner, these
are two very different categories. I really think the answer is telling you
you're much better off approaching real close friends at this point (as in,
friends, proper friends, who you do not fancy ). For now 'platonic' does
not seem to be possible between you, but give it time and distance and
perhaps one day it will become feasible.

 

[em ching]

Ok, yeah that makes perfect sense in light of where the situation is.
When I first saw 59 > 27 I thought that was saying disperse with trying to get nourishment from him, because you'd starve So I will not approach him too much now or with too much involvement, and if I do it'll be without expectation..

Thank you so much for helping me get through (yet another) romantic blip much quicker than I would have on my own!

:bows:

 

[em ching]

Hi all,

Just a couple more readings re him. I know I shouldn't but I received a reading that I don't know how to take. I sent this person an email recently (in response) that was quite personal and perhaps some hidden criticism (mild) but mostly caring, and encouraging. Though nothing suggesting I saw him as anything more.. (if I really do? maybe I'm just projecting romance on to him when the reality of it is.. pretty void at the moment..)

Anyway, I asked How did my message make him feel?
26.5 > 9
Gah! Would you read that as he felt castrated? De-emasculated? (Castrated pig) Or, is the Yi turning the answer on me - saying I need stop any thoughts of him in that way...

To confirm, I aksed Is he physically attracted?
49.1,2,5,6 > 50

Is that saying I should change my approach of him in this way? Or that any attraction on his part has molted? Changing to hex 50 I don't get in context..
Still unsure because read somewhere that 49 could mean anger or passion.. and unsure as to whether the Yi can only really illuminate your feelings.. though it's been so accurate predicting others in the past..

I know these are probably blatantly clear No answers especially in light of the situation, but if anyone could please confirm how to read these readings I'd be so appreciative.

Especially the imagery of the first... Do you think the Yi is saying
a) He felt castrated by it?
b) He castrated himself?
c) I should castrate myself?

subject matter I know... The Yi probably is just stressing, with imagery and all this time, that our connection is just mental - I asked what kind we had, (if any as he hasn't been in touch)

61.2 > 42
Hmm, maybe just similar kinds in a world of different people (branches on the same tree, or on the same branch of the tree) Or perhaps my words didn't meet with confidence... although to that the Yi answered 13.1,2,4 > 57.. Which seems ok...

Hmm - please help with the castration issue! Any experiences of this one would be great... ouch!

:bows:

 

[em ching]

Oh dear I'm a bloody fool .. I just can't seem to make peace with this in my own head at the mo...You've all been so helpful supporting me over these things and I am so grateful..
(also interested in the castration line as you see - how would you take it??)

Maybe I have made so much a thing out of the whole relationship, and hurt myself in the process.. (not his fault, he probably just thought friends is all, and not that close, but because of my feelings Diamanda perhaps you're right.. it should be nothing until it means less to me..)

But then, perhaps I'd miss out on his friendship unnecessarily? And perhaps this is a lesson not to expect more from people.. or have 'ulterior motives' ... God I just feel like I've really hurt myself and not learnt from the last time.

Should I stop approaching him?
42.1,4 > 33
I don't know... I thought I'd keep in touch as I'm interested in his life.. but is he in mine? And would it just hurt more.. but at the same time I don't want to appear like I don't care.. but again, does he?
42.2 seems to be about not being selfish, spreading your word with all people regardless of expectation of return? Which seems positive outlook.. and perhaps more interesting than silence..

So retreat from the idea of retreating? Or retreat full stop?
40.3,5,6 > 44
40.5 > 'one must break completely with them in his own mind'
Perhaps this is the correct action? Nothing at all (unless of course I hear from him..)

O dear... feeling a bit low at the moment, which is why I feel I should shut off from him too...

:bows:

 

[Trojina]

Sorry you're feeling low. Re the castration in 26.5 er the gist of it is one removes the very cause of anger/aggression etc...you know a neutered Tom cat doesn't fight much but sits about purring all day and getting fat.... I'd say it was generally a favourable line, something thats not a threat any more.

Re your other questions i think your're just spinning into obsessive question mode where any amount of questions and answers won't help, won't ease the angst you're feeling. Even if the answers still mean something I wouldn't like to guess what....and there are alot of questions there.

I still do the whole obsessive question bit if I'm hung up on someone but all it ends up being is a private cathartic ritual ...I know after a point the answers won't mean anything to me, let alone anyone else.

 

[marien]

Hi all,


Especially the imagery of the first... Do you think the Yi is saying
a) He felt castrated by it?
b) He castrated himself?
c) I should castrate myself?

Your answer is C I think, symbolically speaking of course. How did my message make him feel? Definitely not castrated, probably made him feel relieved as 26.5 shows the removal of something dangerous, so maybe he now feels more comfortable with your friendship.

42.1.4 > 33 shows blessings in retirement. Or you will be increased by withdrawing from him for the time being. (I wouldn't pay attention to 42.2 here as you didn't receive this line). And 40 > 44 has a similar message-- liberation from temptation. I know these aren't easy readings, but give it time. You said you were feeling peace the other day, so that's a start. Usually some back and forth is normal in these cases. You did receive a 61.2, which is pretty intense. There is something deep between you (friendship or otherwise) though it looks like it should be kept at the inner level for now. I had this line recently about a guy who is with someone else. Sometimes there's not much you can do.

Hoping you feel better soon,
Mary

 

[diamanda]

Hi Em,

I asked How did my message make him feel? 26.5 > 9

26 - he tried to control himself
26:5 - but he couldn't, so he castrated himself
9 - nothing can be done about that now

lol sorry i thought perhaps you could do with a little joke!

The way i see 26:5 is that a primal strong animalistic power needs
to be tamed with great strictness. In this case, it seems that this
speaks about you. You are the one after him, longing for him, etc,
and this is causing you to go this over and over and over again.
This is natural, because you're broken-hearted and in love, however
the stress of this will most probably make you ill at some point if
you don't try to control yourself a bit. If this is from his point of
view, perhaps he'll communicate even less with you, to help you
detach. The advice of 26:5 is definitely to control and tame and
try to stop these urges. I believe that the person who manages to
find the secret of how a person in love can achieve that, will get
very very rich indeed... but perhaps this is talking about the
constant urge to communicate with him, "as a friend"...? Well,
i'll say this, much as i love all my friends, i never get this burning
desire to communicate with them and constantly think of them
when we don't communicate So i really think you should forego
the characterisation "friendship" in this case...

Both 49 and 50 speak of discarding the old, and taking up the new.
33 means retreat.
40 means get rid.
And our infamous 44....

Perhaps this is the correct action? Nothing at all (unless of course
I hear from him..)
Well, even if you do hear from him, what then? Even when the guy
was there, around, nearby, still not much happened. Why waste so
much precious energy in thinking what might happen now that he's
gone (and not even answering much)? Why not invest this energy
on someone new? You got a brilliant 50 there. "Supreme good
fortune". Don't let it pass you by!

(update: just read marien's and trojan's posts, lots of great points
made there, hope something of all this will help you feel a bit better!)

 

[em ching]

Thanks so much you three! I am going to retreat from deeds and thoughts concerning this guy because you're right it has become an unhealthy, unfounded roller coaster of emotion which needs cooling.

That's interesting some of your interpretations, Generally I read the first hex as the present and the second as the possible future from behaving in this way... Rather than seeing the two as forming a sentence such as 42.1.4 > 33 shows blessings in retirement. Or you will be increased by withdrawing from him for the time being.

Which kind of makes things easier to reply in a practical way.Trojan you're right - with oh so many readings about him I've kind of de-sensitised myself to some of the answers

You did receive a 61.2, which is pretty intense. There is something deep between you (friendship or otherwise) though it looks like it should be kept at the inner level for now.

Yes I have felt that could be the nature of things... but we'll just have to see what happens as Ive given all I can now. I would be happy with just friendship, though I know you said diamanda I'd never see it like that (secretly), but I'd prefer it to nothing.. but of course he's not fulfilling that role much either.. perhaps he can tell or simply I'm expecting more than would be normal in a friendship because of my feelings.

But anyway, bowing out time.

Thanks again

:bows: