Changing my habits; stopping self-sabotage

[tabitha]

I have been dealing with something on and off for awhile - I have a tendency to sabotage myself. It's uncomfortable, as I know myself pretty well, but don't understand this part of me.

I asked the i ching - I don't know why I sabotage myself - i'd like to stop it for good. What do you recommend.

I got: 37.6 - 63.

I checked out previous hexagrams - part of it rings true - that is being true to yourself.
Coming to the end of something - I'd like to think that this is positive- but I don't know.

Has anyone been through this or have an insight to share? Thank you.

 

[Trojina]

i think its quite simply "you are the king of your own domain"..or the queen. The decision is yours to self sabotage or not and if you decide not you don't. Theres no hidden answer, its not complex though countless self help books would have you think otherwise. So yes its positive, sabotaging or not sabotaging is entirely in your hands, theres no where else to locate it...as for the 'why' it doesn't matter, its how it is, down to you, the solution already resides in you (63)...

 

[rosada]

Definitely see it as a positive. You are the master of your house, you can put your life in good order. I think the I Ching is also giving you a hint as to how to maintain your success because keeping your house in good order takes vigilance :
63."the superior man takes thought of misfortune and arms himself against it in advance." You probably know the kind of a situation that causes you to self sabotage, so when you see this coming up pause and consider how to "arm against it in advance." For example, I'm going to the neighborhood book club tonight and I'm making sure I'm prepared with my comment to share with the ladies because I know if I'm not, I'll get nervous and blab something really stupid.

 

[willowfox]

I don't know why I sabotage myself - I'd like to stop it for good. What do you recommend. 37.6 - 63.

The answer to your dilemma lies within your own head, so as it is a personal problem, you first need to sit down and see where it is coming from then you will know how to successfully deal with it. It suggests that you tend to be subject to extremism in your behaviour/attitude and that needs to be sorted out, so that a much more balanced nature can be achieved. When your mind is at peace, then you won't mess up.

 

[hilary]

Not a comment on the reading... would just like to recommend Havi Brooks at http://www.fluentself.com/ .

 

[meng]

Could it be that the sabotage is due to perfectionism?

 

[angels_goldenrose]

An Idea

Hi, I had an idea.

I read that the line means to have trust in authority. I'm thinking the family aspect could mean its about how you feel about the things and people closest to you, this is about making decisions and trusting yourself in them? Maybe having trust in the part of yourself that is powerful? self sabotage can be because we resist our own inner power and authority or the ability to take action. I was thinking about a page on an angel oracle that I read when I saw your post. I will see if I can find it.

I can't find it but it said something about accepting our own personal power, that its good to be powerful and we should embrace this part of ourselves. This gives us the confidence to move forward or bring things to a completion (63). When we don't trust ourselves we tend to doubt and this creates going backwards and forwards and we end up doubting ourselves! The things we want most just drift away as we argue with ourselves over having the power to achieve what we want. If that makes sense.

Just what I saw in this

Ps. I forgot to add maybe its saying to accept your personal power or feel comfortable with who you are, express yourself without worry/fear? I know from my own personal experience thats not always easy.

Perhaps you could ask the I-ching to advise you on accepting your inner power, or if your not connected to your inner power to get in touch with it. Just an idea?

 

[proserpine]

self sabotage and angelrose's thoughts

I have to say I think that golden angelrose's idea is right on--especially for we women, but all of us.
It is often difficult to own our powerfulness.
I don't mean powerful like superman--just normal strength and capability that keeps us up and happily afloat.I was thinking the same type of thing, thinking of 37 line 6--mean what you say, say what you mean--do you not trust yourself?
Because I think you can--you need to listen to your gut and believe it is ok to go forward.But not yet trusting or believing in yourself might be the reason, or one of the reasons for the sabotaging.*Or* similarly, but on a different note, are you not truly committed to yourself?
This is not a criticism --I mean that we can sabotage ourselves because we're still wanting to please(unconsciously of course!) our mums or fathers--and so we stay needy or not quite actualized.
It's very insidious--I know because I've seen it in myselffar too often!
I've had to ask myself (truthfully) if I'd rather stay"safe" and secure in what I was told growing up, or in what I want and know now.
This isn't as easy to answer as it sounds--I've done *lots* of things, positve and negative that were not what my family wanted.
Some things are/were more firmly entrenched though.
I don't know if any of this applies to you of course.I just know how hard it can be to view ourselves as lovable and worth it, *especially* when we make mistakes.(which we will-always)

 

[tabitha]

Very relevant - thanks

Thanks to everyone who responded -

I'm answering for myself honestly, and hope this is helpful to others: I associate being powerful as negative rather than positive. I wasn't taught to be sincerely em-powered and have negative associations. I am perfectionistic, maybe to avoid my own power
( trusting myself). I think I will not need anyone, and as that is false, I also often maintain a pattern - choosing relationships that mimic my original definitions and maintain the relationship to my parents - rather than sorting it out-re-defining things.
I've tried and won- but when things go wrong, I respond with a habit.

I don't have it all figured out - and am open to discussion; thanks again for your help

 

[angels_goldenrose]

Tabitha, I've learned that self power comes from learning to love yourself. I'm very intouch with my own inner power, but this isn't confidence or motivation or anything "usually" associated with inner power, what i'm in touch with is love. When you find the source of love within yourself it becomes your true inner power and then you radiantly shine with confidence, high self esteem and beauty! When you have an inner source of love trusting yourself becomes easier as you develop more compassion and acceptance! Plus it never wavers even when things become difficult! I've had a long journey discovering my own inner power, this is why I found your thread interesting!

This was my experience or journey to discover my inner truth- love. Perhaps you could go on your own inner journey to discover what your inner power is? I found mine through connecting to my soul, which is my source of love. Perhaps you could find what it is that really gives you a source of true power and confidence? This would be a wonderful journey

Remember not to be hard on yourself, also I think to stop self sabotaging patience and gentlenss is essential to have for yourself in this. To me kindness is always the key in these sorts of issues.

My thoughts for now
Blessings xx

 

[meng]

Hi tabitha,

It's amazing how tight of a grip parental approval can have on us, even well into our adult years. Perfectionism usually has its ties there.

Perfectionism is often responsible in people who have difficulty bringing things they start to a completion. After all, if it won't be perfect, what's the use in continuing on with it? It's doomed to failure anyway, might as well end it sooner than later. At least that's the logic.

37.6 - Bradford's translation:

"Being true is as good as impressive.
The outcome is just as promising."

You don't have to be perfect. Your world doesn't have to be perfect to be happy in it. Your relationships don't have to be perfect (good thing!). Being true is as promising.

 

[angels_goldenrose]

I love this!!

Meng,
I think this is great I was just thinking that to stop self sabotaging the remedy could be just being true to yourself.

"Being true is as good as impressive.
The outcome is just as promising."

Being true, wonderful! Tabitha maybe you could replace your self sabotaging thoughts with being true to yourself instead! You could take small steps in achieving this?

Perhaps you could ask the i-ching:
"What can I do to be true to myself?"
What is the best step I could take to achieve this?

Focussing on what is positive can help you let go of what you see as a problem. Often when we do this the percieved difficulties just disperse themselves! So perhaps you could focus on a goal to be true to yourself and don't judge yourself or worry too much about what you see as wrong with regards to this!

 

[solun]

Hi Tabitha,
It's hard to know what you mean by 'self-sabotaging' w/o examples or more explanation. But having read the grams and your second post, things are a little clearer.
It seems you're on the right track with self honesty as a guiding principle.
I also think that hexagram 13 may help. It came to me as I read the two you received.
And remember to be patient with yourself. It's frustrating, but forgive yourself and get back up on the horse and keep working at it. Trying to relax and feeling good about yourself, who you are and what you can do are helpful. Which is what others are already saying. Just remind yourself of these things daily.
Good Luck, Solun.