Disappointing Someone: 15.3 becoming 2

[arabella]

An elderly relative and I have been in contact over some years with the intention that I would be on hand as much as I can to help in later years, realising that we live an ocean apart. She is now trying to make future plans about living arrangements and I am in the worst possible place and financial circumstances to assist.

I've made other suggestions, like home health care, but she wants me to take her abroad and care for her and it is now appearing that I am under significant pressure to offer what I don't have to give. I understand this is a sensitive situation with an old person, so I don't want to be impatient with her. But I've just had to tell her that there is no way to accomodate her in my present circumstances and care for her as well as she is being cared for where she is. Until such time as things would improve here, I can't provide what she is asking for.

I've asked the Yi two questions about the situation --

What result will this message have? And then: How will she cope with this message?

I received the same answer to both question: Hexagram 15.3 becoming Hexagram 2.

I'm not sure with this line whether the Yi is just saying that i did the best that I could and said the proper thing; or that she has taken in the information and is doing the best that she can? It seems to say that I'm being what i have to be right now.

And I didn't tell her never; but that conditions are wrong and I'd have to fix them as I am able.

 

[elias]

This is turning in to my new mantra: Always assume IC is talking to you about you.

I think you have a good reading of the situation: you've doing the best you can in the circumstance. In time, things will improve. "Cultured people who work hard yet are humble have good luck in the end."

Hex 2: Bear with all things -- including, perhaps, the temporary displeasure of this person and your own financial difficulties. The storm will pass.

You are not obligated to make promises you are not certain you can keep, or be held to agreements that are extracted under duress.

 

[chingching]

Whose line is it anyway?

to use Lise's phrase 'uniting words' ...are recieved...or... In terms of the message she recieved there is authenticity , and/or the message is about give and take. Okay enough with hex names etc.

Its an interesting pair because the lower trigram, mountain falls aways into double earth.

Both are auspicious and so is line three which I think is saying you've had to work hard with this particular exchange but as long as you were modest/authentic its all good. 15 in this senario I think says that saying what you actually can offer is a good thing. And that its better to get this situation settled (the noble one brings to completion)so that she is not worrying about it for , as you say, she is elderly and these things can be stressful. (But honestly I think relocating would be even more stressful).

Also its not line six, which can be false modesty, or 'true modesty doesnt announce itself'. I think form this reading you can glean a sense that your message was straightforward and sincere.

I really love the judgement of 2

THE RECEPTIVE brings about sublime success,
Furthering through the perseverance of a mare.
If the superior man undertakes something and tries to lead,
He goes astray;
But if he follows, he finds guidance.
It is favorable to find friends in the west and south,
To forego friends in the east and north.
Quiet perseverance brings good fortune.

I think 2 here might just simply be 'recieving'. But if you take the judgement in hand as well I would say that what you said about how if your situation changes you can then consider accomodating her is a good strategy (although point of 2 is not to have strategy as such).

 

[arabella]

to use Lise's phrase 'uniting words' ...are recieved...or... In terms of the message she recieved there is authenticity , and/or the message is about give and take. Okay enough with hex names etc.

Its an interesting pair because the lower trigram, mountain falls aways into double earth.

Both are auspicious and so is line three which I think is saying you've had to work hard with this particular exchange but as long as you were modest/authentic its all good. 15 in this senario I think says that saying what you actually can offer is a good thing. And that its better to get this situation settled (the noble one brings to completion)so that she is not worrying about it for , as you say, she is elderly and these things can be stressful. (But honestly I think relocating would be even more stressful).

Also its not line six, which can be false modesty, or 'true modesty doesnt announce itself'. I think form this reading you can glean a sense that your message was straightforward and sincere.

I really love the judgement of 2



I think 2 here might just simply be 'recieving'. But if you take the judgement in hand as well I would say that what you said about how if your situation changes you can then consider accomodating her is a good strategy (although point of 2 is not to have strategy as such).

I felt like the message was sincere and as succinct as I could make it without being terse, because too many words confuse her and let her think that the boundaries are wider than they are.

I'm sure what I've said will have to be repeated in various forms and this is going to take a lot of patience.

Her immediate reaction was a mixture of being embarrassed and also a bit annoyed. It turns out her situation isn't so urgently in need of attention as mine is. I suppose this is going to be a "dance" because she gets panicky and wants somebody to solve a situation that is just a question of getting old -- which will happen to all of us if we are lucky.

She makes a number of references to dying -- and not wanting to die with friends versus family. But no matter what you do, you can't predict where and how that will happen. I get her point that this worries her, but it also seems limiting to live out your life worrying about who will or won't be there when you die. I'm lots younger than she is but nearly every life threatening thing I've faced, I've faced by myself. Unless you're having a big party the day you die, I think you're probably leaving on your own.

The Hex 15 is a good one in this case because I think the answer I gave to her seems to have put this on a level of respecting her but having to say we can't do this now, and she's absorbing that idea and trying to be truthful about her needs in return. Maybe that's where 15.3 comes in. And the Hex 2 would indicate, perhaps, that we are both trying to be open and receptive in a tough situation where we have few resources.

 

[chingching]

Unless you're having a big party the day you die, I think you're probably leaving on your own.

nod

I dont worry about who I'd be surrounded by when I die, and if someone was with me that would be nice...friend or family, or stranger... hmmm unless they are an assailant. I think what can be frustrating for elderly people is a loss of power in their own affairs. I dont have any elderly relatives or grandparents so its never been a situation I've had to face personally.