Does my husband wants to be with her? 31.5-62 shall I contact and meet her 35.1-21

[Mylife]

My husband has a work colleague and they are very close. Sometimes they chats and conversations I find them awkward. However they have been out for drinks after work and on the way back I saw some flirty messages. I asked my husband and he said those are joking flirty but no intention to do anything further. I spoke with the girl (I know her) and she confirmed.
However I asked the oracle for an overview on this situation.

Question: Did he flirt with her because he intended to have some sort of intimate relationship with X? - 31.5-62

I understand that 31 says that they both been playful and played the flirty messages game (mutual influence) Line 5 says that symbolises someone who says sweets works but sometimes who gets like 5 should ignore those sweet words like the back ignores the mouth.

62- little exceeding - maybe he knows he crossed the line a bit (in fact he admitted it to me that was an awkward chat but he calls is joking flirt and he knows it was wrong and stupid). 62 says that small things may be accomplished but not great things.

How do you interpret this answer? Did he have intention to create an intimate relationship or it was indeed something stupidly said without thinking it through.

I m afraid that my mind makes me read and interpret things the way I want them to be rather that what the oracle says. Hence I ask for you help to share with me what do you think it’s telling me?

 

[Mylife]

We obviously had a fight over this and we are not back to good terms.
I asked the oracle what it sees about us, in term if we break up. I got 6 uc

Does it means I should look at the whole situation from a different angle and not continue to keep up with my own idea. Perhaps it was an innocent and stupid flirty game that dies there?

6 says that I should find a midpoint that works for both of us in order to have good fortune.

What do you think about the whole situation?

 

[IrfanK]

Well, my translation says:

The influence shows itself in the back of the neck. No remorse.

And the various commentaries point out that when you change direction, it is the neck that moves first. So, is he swiveling his head to look at this woman? Some attraction to her? From what you said, he almost certainly does feel some attraction to her. But that's a long way from saying that he "wants to be with her." Possibly he has sexual fantasies about her. Possibly she feels the same way. People, even those in committed monogamous relations, do often feel little pangs of sexual attraction. It doesn't mean they act on them or even get to the stage of planning to act on them.

There's a sticky somewhere on this forum about asking relationship questions. From memory, it advises against asking what other people think. Lots of good reasons for that, one being that people often don't really know what they think, they just do. After they've done it, if they are confronted about it, they might retroactively look back and try to work out what they were thinking at the time. After all, even if the Yi could tell you what he's thinking, what does that do for you? What do you do next? Just feel bad? You can't really go to him with a reading from the Yi and confront him about it, can you? And whatever it says, will you feel certain? Will you feel that the issue is resolved?

So, perhaps, if you feel the need, it might be a good idea to consult and ask, not what he thinks or feels or is planning to do, but what you should do.

Personally, if it were me, I'd tell my partner that I didn't like the idea of her going out for drinks after work with one person with whom she exchanged flirtatious messages, that it made me uneasy. And that I'd be grateful if she didn't. If she didn't listen and dismissed it as ridiculous, I'd ... feel unhappy. Even if she thought it was ridiculous, I'd like it if she said, okay, if it upsets you, I'll make sure we aren't alone together. That would show care and attention for my feelings.

 

[Mylife]

Well, my translation says:

The influence shows itself in the back of the neck. No remorse.

And the various commentaries point out that when you change direction, it is the neck that moves first. So, is he swiveling his head to look at this woman? Some attraction to her? From what you said, he almost certainly does feel some attraction to her. But that's a long way from saying that he "wants to be with her." Possibly he has sexual fantasies about her. Possibly she feels the same way. People, even those in committed monogamous relations, do often feel little pangs of sexual attraction. It doesn't mean they act on them or even get to the stage of planning to act on them.

There's a sticky somewhere on this forum about asking relationship questions. From memory, it advises against asking what other people think. Lots of good reasons for that, one being that people often don't really know what they think, they just do. After they've done it, if they are confronted about it, they might retroactively look back and try to work out what they were thinking at the time. After all, even if the Yi could tell you what he's thinking, what does that do for you? What do you do next? Just feel bad? You can't really go to him with a reading from the Yi and confront him about it, can you? And whatever it says, will you feel certain? Will you feel that the issue is resolved?

So, perhaps, if you feel the need, it might be a good idea to consult and ask, not what he thinks or feels or is planning to do, but what you should do.

Personally, if it were me, I'd tell my partner that I didn't like the idea of her going out for drinks after work with one person with whom she exchanged flirtatious messages, that it made me uneasy. And that I'd be grateful if she didn't. If she didn't listen and dismissed it as ridiculous, I'd ... feel unhappy. Even if she thought it was ridiculous, I'd like it if she said, okay, if it upsets you, I'll make sure we aren't alone together. That would show care and attention for my feelings.

It is true what you said and agree with you. I will ask the oracle what to do next.

But right now I m still in a painful mood where I m trying to observe and understand what’s going on between them and where he stands and what was his intention.

I m not going to him with the oracle answer. The oracle it is just for my understanding.

 

[rosada]

6. Says the rights and duties - the rules of the relationship - should be worked out in advance. So you two need to decide is a drink after work with a colleague inappropriate? I think it comes down to your first answer: 62. Attention to Details:
Who paid for the drinks?

If they each paid their own bar tab then no harm, no foul.
If he paid for the drinks he owes you a diamond bracelet.

 

[Mylife]

6. Says the rights and duties - the rules of the relationship - should be worked out in advance. So you two need to decide is a drink after work with a colleague inappropriate? I think it comes down to your first answer: 62. Attention to Details:
Who paid for the drinks?

If they each paid their own bar tab then no harm, no foul.
If he paid for the drinks he owes you a diamond bracelet.

A drink after work it is not inappropriate to me. But so many drinks after work for 1.5 year and always keeping me distant not wanting me to meet her, that is inappropriate to me. Then not only I don’t know this woman well but I find flirty joking sms which is hurtful to me

 

[rosada]

This has been going on for a year and a half and he doesn’t want you to meet her?
He owes you gd chandelier!

 

[Mylife]

This has been going on for a year and a half and he doesn’t want you to meet her?
He owes you gd chandelier!

Hence I asked the oracle if those flirty sms means his intention was to actually try to seduce her to be with her or those were just joke flirt with a dead end? And I got 31.5-62

 

[Mylife]

I asked the oracle if I do good by meeting and talking to the girl myself directly and not longer waiting for him to introduce us.
I received 35.1-21
It says proceed but slowly then line 1 says no confidence. No hurry but be steadfast and upright. Then there will be good fortune.
21- eradicate a problem.

How do you see this advice? @rosada and @Trojina can help me on this reading please?

Thanks you very much

 

[IrfanK]

How do you see this advice? @rosada and @Trojina can help me on this reading please?

Can I have a go anyway?

Wilhelm:

Progressing, but turned back.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
If one meets with no confidence, one should remain calm.
No mistake.

That sounds to me like you may be rebuffed if you try to meet this woman. As for the prognostication ... well, they are tricky things. "Good fortune" doesn't always mean you get what you want. Perseverance in this context might mean being steadfast, holding firm, in your dealing with the situation. And remaining calm. Not necessarily because it will solve the problem, but because it's the best thing to do, even if there is no good solution.

You did say you knew the woman. Well, if she's a good friend, you have every right to contact her. Although you might meet with "no confidence." But ... the 'other person' in these situations is not really the relevant factor, it's your partner. You don't need to resolve things with her, but with him! The most likely outcome of such a meeting sounds to me like it would be either incomprehension, because nothing is happening, or feigned innocence and injury, followed by a hasty text message to your partner, and then an explosive and unhappy discussion between you and him.

You know the old line about infidelity not being the problem, but the symptom of the problem? Well, you must have a feeling about how solid your relationship is with your partner, regardless of this intruder. Again, my feeling is that if it's solid, he'll at least listen to you and treat your concerns seriously. If he doesn't, it doesn't bode well for the future, regardless.

 

[Mylife]

Can I have a go anyway?

Wilhelm:

Progressing, but turned back.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
If one meets with no confidence, one should remain calm.
No mistake.

That sounds to me like you may be rebuffed if you try to meet this woman. As for the prognostication ... well, they are tricky things. "Good fortune" doesn't always mean you get what you want. Perseverance in this context might mean being steadfast, holding firm, in your dealing with the situation. And remaining calm. Not necessarily because it will solve the problem, but because it's the best thing to do, even if there is no good solution.

You did say you knew the woman. Well, if she's a good friend, you have every right to contact her. Although you might meet with "no confidence." But ... the 'other person' in these situations is not really the relevant factor, it's your partner. You don't need to resolve things with her, but with him! The most likely outcome of such a meeting sounds to me like it would be either incomprehension, because nothing is happening, or feigned innocence and injury, followed by a hasty text message to your partner, and then an explosive and unhappy discussion between you and him.

You know the old line about infidelity not being the problem, but the symptom of the problem? Well, you must have a feeling about how solid your relationship is with your partner, regardless of this intruder. Again, my feeling is that if it's solid, he'll at least listen to you and treat your concerns seriously. If he doesn't, it doesn't bode well for the future, regardless.

Thank you @IrfanK very helpful
I had the same feeling from the reading. I had the impression that I might not achieve much.
I know her in a sense that I know who she is but I m not friend with her. He never wanted me to be so he kept me away.

I followed you suggestion in your first response and I asked what shall I do. The answer was interesting but hard to practice - 15.1.2 - 11.
To be humble with the turmoil of feelings I have is not easy.

For me the main point is to understand if he is attracted by this woman and if he did all he did with the intention to do something intimate with her. And I don’t know how to formulate such a question to get a clear overview.

I appreciate your time and help. In moments like this it helps to have some support

 

[rosada]

35.1 - 21: Interesting the hexagrams are Progressig and Biting Through And your question was about whether your idea of talking to the woman directly would help you make Progress Biting Through! I agree with the interpretations saying hold back. With 21. as the resulting hexagram the message could be that the problem persists.

I see 15 as advising you to stay very close to what is really true here. Like you must be careful not to exaggerate the problem but not to ignore it either. Don’t be a paranoid drama queen but don’t be a fool.
If you maintain this sensible attitude then 11.Peace could mean you will then be able to connect better with a sense of the energy between you and your husband thus more skillfully navigate the shifting emotions in this relationship. So keep calm and carry on!