Emotionally bulletproof

[kincadefoster]

I have a tendency to keep meeting what I call highly emotional women.

The latest one I decided to be friends with, at least for now. She is by far the one who is most aware of her behavior in the sense of participating in things like counseling, anger management and right now alcohol treatment.

I've been evaluating my feelings and I'm not really attracted to her for the reasons you all may think, like moth to the flame or I'm just dumb or crazy myself. I'm drawn to her because she is very yin/feminine.. There are moments where she will lean against me cuddling me or in other ways just give up/give in and let me be the man, and I guess I like this because I'm pretty well yang/masculine.

As I said, not pursuing anything at this time, I would want a true foundation/bond of trust and friendship to develop between us first.

Now I've dated a few women like this before and found the best thing to do most times is stay grounded and not be affected by some of their negative behavior. Because of this past experience, things and situations that frustrate the sh*t out of other ppl and cause them to become bitter and even act a little crazy themselves, I can handle.

The main reason I've become strong though is out of putting myself out there and not try to hide my pain or protect myself..

I was thinking about this all and asked if I can actually be this emotionally strong practically emotionally bullet proof person (not just for her but for any future encounters) I got 39.4.5.6>56

My impression of it, lines 4 and 6 the IC isn't telling me to strive to be strong like that, but to be true to myself, genuine and not afraid to follow my heart, and 5 don't be afraid that I can't handle it, if things are at their worst, "partners(helpers) will come". 56 I think just deals with my indecisiveness, when I should just go for it unafraid.

Also I did a search here on 39.4.5.6 and in one thread about a relationship, one person's answer that stood out to me, 39 being about the importance of being a good friend(as I said before, building a foundation of trust first, and yes, she has trust issues with good reason)

Any thoughts are appreciated :bows:

 

[anemos]

I think, when you enter in a relationship assuming the role of the therapist the friend/partner in you will be unhappy for some needs can't be met. Your interpretation presents some valid points, but reading the rest of your post, am getting a bit confused, perhaps it's what you call indecisiveness.

emotionally strong practically emotionally bullet proof person

Hard to really understand what that means, or which version of the many you mean.

Actually, the question jumps out , a question I would lie to ask you is : ok, with that woman/yin, but what about your yin. Is your yang treats well your yin ?

Perhaps your attraction to those women , putting aside labels or judgements, try to tell you something.

 

[moss elk]

Hi kincadefoster,
I've taken the liberty of rearranging some of your sentences, and adding a few of my own. Maybe it will be helpful.

I would want a true foundation/bond of trust

Step 1- You know what you want in a relationship. Goal set.

asked if I can actually be this emotionally strong practically emotionally bullet proof person

Step 2- Recognize what is and is not possible.
No, you cannot. Not within the context of a relationship. You cannot have Trust in a situation where someone is throwing flaming bags of nails and poo at your head. Only on the warpath can you do this, and then it is Trust that someone will get hurt.
Dominance.

I have a tendency to keep meeting what I call highly emotional women.

You left something important out here:
"I keep rolling in the hay with women who are highly emotional." Every guy meets them, every guy doesn't jump into the sack with them.
Step 3- Stop doing this, go back to step 1.
Then head out in a different direction,
Away from the types you are trying to avoid.
Or just keep

 

[kincadefoster]

I think, when you enter in a relationship assuming the role of the therapist the friend/partner in you will be unhappy for some needs can't be met. Your interpretation presents some valid points, but reading the rest of your post, am getting a bit confused, perhaps it's what you call indecisiveness.

I'm not being a therapist exactly. I stay grounded and give her advice about whatever it is when we talk about it. I expect her to solve her problems and tell her I believe in her. And she gives plenty of love in return..

And ya there was some indecisiveness on my part as to whether I am doing the right thing. One school of thought has been echoed here and the other school of thought I've heard is "one persons crazy is another persons sane". I think everyone is crazy in one way or another, and even the most logical rational person will have someone think their way of thinking is crazy. Personally, I've learned that if you think logically all the time and don't follow your emotions as rash and negative as they seem, you can't solve problems and make wrong decisions. I really struggle in this world cuz I see and meet all these people in the world who don't really give a f**k about each other and I think there is a lot of stupidity out there. At least this woman cares and puts her heart out there for others and yes I am certain she would get in a fight over me and certain that she would come through for me if the chips were down and or I was in a bind..

And I would like comments on the reading

 

[anemos]

Yes, the very same thing/attitude/idea can called sane or insane and it depends on one's definition of insanity.for some other things , there is a consensus Yes, I feel that it's hard to find someone to really listen, I had a chat the other day with a good friend on that.

In my opinion, logic and feelings are equally important so one can make a wise decision. Sometimes one has to put a bit aside the one and follow the other and in some ways it's your 56 here.

I can't give you an interpretation because, honestly, I'm confused and still don't understand the part I quoted at my previous post I don't know what you want to do with your feelings, express it or repress them under your bulletproof armor. I can see you as the hex 56 figure, and perhaps yi says you :look inside.

39 and the lines you got mention the great man, friends and helpers. Perhaps you could look for them.

 

[moss elk]

One school of thought has been echoed here and the other school of thought I've heard is "one persons crazy is another persons sane".

When one fails to recognize the distinction between a healthy mind and a deranged one,
guess what camp of people one stands among?

I love the stories by author Philip K Dick. He was certifiably not sane. He admited it in his writings.
Part of his derangement (schizophrenia made worse by massive amounts of amphetamines)
included blurring the distinction, or a willful failure to recognize that some minds are healthy and some are not. One of his characters expressed his opinion of psychology, paraphrasing, "Why talk to a psychologist?, may as well talk to yourself." The problem with this though is that a deranged mind cannot counsel itself.
But then he had lucid moments where he mentioned how a suicidal girlfriend was messing with his mental health.

kincadefoster, do you really think that there are no insane people?

 

[kincadefoster]

...Is she not even worthy of my friendship then..?

 

[moss elk]

I'm not saying that at all.
I'm just trying to look out for you.

I am biased though, so I will sit out and let others comment on the reading.

 

[sooo]

Since the general idea of 39 is being cast back upon yourself, as when water meets an obstruction, the questions I would ask myself in your shoes would be a) why are these kinds of women attracted to me, and b) what attracts me to them? Line 4 suggests it is because you are of like mind, that is, you can relate to them well. Line 5 says, if this person bites through their wrapping, you go out to meet them. Line 6 says, at first there is suspicion of intent - perhaps on both parts - but eventually the obstruction is overcome and the two meet eye to eye.

56 - no deliberate action is taken against them, but like fire moving along a mountain top, you tend to move on. Perhaps you both do?

I don't see where anything is broken or dysfunctional in this reading. Neither do I interpret any commitment is intended on either part. I see no need to be bullet proof. Just don't expect more from this kind of interaction than what it is. If you want something deeper and more lasting, you both need to have different intentions.

 

[rodaki]

a very short note here . .
it seems to me that your reading suggests that you refrain from emotional flare-ups and the lines show you how . .
I like how line 5 shows a silver lining in all things and I especially like the alternative yi gives you to an armor . . 39 is way more supple but quite adamant and steady in its standing too.
The three lines you got changing make up trigram kan, water . . meditating on that, its pitfalls and how it provides a solution in 39, might prove useful to you -
good luck!

 

[moss elk]

39: no you cannot do this, turn around and work on yourself.
Line 4: no, turn away from this idea.
Line 6: no, turn away from this idea.
Line 5: here we all are trying to help you.

 

[kincadefoster]

Thanks everybody. What I really want is more than one option when I make a decision.

I have thought about this alot, haven't yet decided what to do..
However, I think if this was an actual no go, The IC could have given hexes that more accurately reflect that. I would think the IC would present an answer I would be able to figure out with my logic and way of thinking. I like the idea that my first impression when I read them, the first words that stand out could very well be what the universe or IC is trying to tell me. 3.4>17, line 4, "If you want something, then go for it! Put your heart and soul into it." a seed can split rock, and when the time is right(not now), don't hesitate. My first reading about this, 5.6>9 waiting for a break in the weather(not now)

And going along with these readings, she is in rehab right now and we are not allowed to communicate at all just yet(5, 39) and line 5 of 39 she went to rehab shortly after a fight between us(helpers came) and I didn't talk to her for a few days, before we could reconcile, she went and I couldn't talk to her. Sometimes conflict can lead to progress..


The one friend of mine who insisted she is "crazy" isn't really considered a true friend as he has proven to me that he will f*ck me over, lie, and be shady just to get sex.

And maybe the real problem is that she is simply an alcoholic..

And is it possible the answer 39>56 was specifically for the question I asked, whether I can be emotiionally bulletproof?

 

[sooo]

I like the idea that my first impression when I read them, the first words that stand out could very well be what the universe or IC is trying to tell me.

Great idea!

 

[anemos]

39.4,5,6> 59....
(Perhaps? )

 

[moss elk]

"I think if this was an actual no go, The IC could have given hexes that more accurately reflect that."
39 is about as 'no-go' as it gets. Really.
Impassable Obstruction.
I'm not even going to address the whole, 'you didnt get the hex you were supposed to" thing, maybe someone else will.

"And is it possible the answer 39>56 was specifically for the question I asked, whether I can be emotiionally bulletproof?"
You asked a specific question. What in the world makes you think that the answer is about something else? C'mon man.

 

[sooo]

39.4,5,6> 59....
(Perhaps? )

Mary HAD a little lamb, and everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go. Dissolution.

 

[rodaki]

"I think if this was an actual no go, The IC could have given hexes that more accurately reflect that."
39 is about as 'no-go' as it gets. Really.
Impassable Obstruction.
I'm not even going to address the whole, 'you didnt get the hex you were supposed to" thing, maybe someone else will.

"And is it possible the answer 39>56 was specifically for the question I asked, whether I can be emotiionally bulletproof?"
You asked a specific question. What in the world makes you think that the answer is about something else? C'mon man.

hi Moss Elk,

fwiw, 39 is not as 'no-go' as it gets really . . in fact 39 talks about not giving up on your goal but learning how to deal with obstacles, work around them (hence the 'turn around' advice included)
Anyway, 39 also 'deflects' in a way so it's not unlikely that it offers help in acquiring at least some kind of bulletproof attitude.
In any case, I think it's worth the trouble trying to examine the answer first as a straightforward response and then as a commentary on the querent's attitude

 

[moss elk]

hi Moss Elk,

fwiw, 39 is not as 'no-go' as it gets really . . in fact 39 talks about not giving up on your goal but learning how to deal

Hi rodaki,
I disagree.
The words in the judgement and 4 of the 6 lines talk about desisting. Perhaps line 2 talks about not giving up, but I see no other place. Where and why do you see 39 as 'Don't give up or keep on plugging at a goal?" Because I read the opposite.

 

[rodaki]

hehe . . I actually had the words of the judgement on my mind when I wrote my previous post. Now, I don't know if this is a difference in understanding them or a matter of translation (?) but when I read the judgement I understand it as saying 'find another way to this, this one leads to a dead-end', rather than 'this is altogether wrong'

Wilhelm translates it as
OBSTRUCTION. The southwest furthers.
The northeast does not further.
It furthers one to see the great man.
Perseverance brings good fortune.

Bradford's is this:
Impasse
Worthwhile west to south
Not worthwhile east to north
Rewarding to encounter a mature human being
Persistence is opportune


.. and there are many more to look at here


39 shows the way out of an impasse, the way of the Water, which is further emphasized in this reading, since it's trigram Water that brings all the change in it . . this is no solid rock, no walking away but using emotional intelligence and instinct to deal with a stalemate

 

[moss elk]

And my sleepy head meant to say image.
You beat me here. Wasn't the obstacle or impasse in dealing with the people in the northeast? So it advises to go Southwest? To turn away from the goal, I am facing a goal
And to turn around means to turn my back on it.

 

[rodaki]

hmm, I see it as that game of looking for something while someone is trying to help you with 'hot' and 'cold' hints. North East is obviously cold, South West warm; following those directions is not about changing objective though, it's about finding the right way towards it.

Just so I don't get misunderstood here, the thing is, I cannot tell with absolute certainty what's best for kincadeforest, but 39 does suggest he finds a way around what's troubling him and get to where he wants to

 

[moss elk]

I don't know what is best for him either.

But, to explain my passion in the previous posts:
I once loved someone with a serious mental illness that started to manifest slowly after six months. Three years later it became a full blown Nightmare. I don't want kf to get hurt (which he admits happens 'traumatized.. from mentally unstable women.) and I don't want him to hurt her.
And Both of these things are quite possible.
When one is acclimated to danger out of necessity,
one can cope with a lot. (Think of the 'bulletproofness) But when you are sleeping with a tiger it is only a matter of time before you get bit, and the bite could be so hard that kf himself could snap and do something he would regret. (If you are wondering, I did not snap, I left once I realized how impassable the obstacle was, and how very dangerous.)

 

[rodaki]

thank you for sharing that and I'm sorry for what happened to you - it must be gruesome loving somebody with such a troubling condition . . I certainly hope this story here doesn't end up as badly, for the sake of all involved . . and that you have found love to heal all that's happened to you in the past

 

[moss elk]

Thank you, :bows:
What I learned from the experience was how to love myself.
And that sometimes you have to throw in the towel.

(And also how much I was in denial about my own mothers substantial mental illness. When kf posted, 'Is she not even worthy of my friendship then..?' I swear I felt my own heart sieze up in that moment with his. His question was a longstanding fundemental dilemna for me: 'What are the limits of love for another?" And the answer lies in ones own safety and wellbeing and peace.)

 

[kincadefoster]

and I don't want him to hurt her.

So anyway, I asked who the "great man" is that 39 speaks of and got 61.2>42.

I guess the "great man" resides within me...

 

[cornucopia63]

Hello, your answer is in hexagram 56...A stranger in a strange situation. The Superior Man sees clearly and does not embroil himself in complexity. He is clear-minded and cautious in judging the truth of the situation and maintaining detachment.

Judgement: Keep your willpower great and your expectations small.

Confucius/Legge: Hexagram 56 Transition indicates that there may be some small attainment and progress -- the magnetic line occupies the central place in the upper trigram, and is obedient to the dynamic lines above and below it. We also have the attributes of Keeping Still connected with Intelligence in the lower and upper trigrams. Hence it is said that there may be some small attainment and progress. If the traveling stranger is firm and correct as he ought to be, there will be good fortune.