Extreme Jealousy and 54.3? As guidance to release it... interesting answer.

[Surfergirl]

I’ve been feeling extremely jealous the past few days . I’m choosing not to act on it but it’s been twisting me up inside. I asked the iching to help guide me out of it. Can you help me understand it’s advice? Deep gratitude in advance.

Hexagram 54.3
“
'Maiden marries as a waiting maid,
Turns round and marries as second wife.'


That in itself is an excellent answer. It describes jealousy perfectly.
By definition jealousy is: passion of peculiar uneasiness which arises from the fear that a rival may rob us of the affection of one whom we love, or the suspicion that he has already done it; or it is the uneasiness which arises from the fear that another does or will enjoy some advantage which we desire for ourselves.

Buuuutttt what is the advice? To just accept it? That’s the part i don’t really grasp.

 

[Trojina]

If you don't mind playing second fiddle you accept it but if you do mind you don't accept it. It's up to you. In some situations it might be all you can do but in a intimate relationship you presumably won't want that.

I think the I Ching is pointing out you are being treated as secondary and your jealousy is showing the extent of your insecurity. Jealousy isn't always just pointless angst it's an alert you aren't getting what you believe to be yours. If you have reason to believe your boyfriend isn't yours then that's not a good basis for continuance so either he works to increase your sense of security or you say 'no thanks I'm not your second wife'. It all depends how you feel.

I think there is a lot of disappointment of expectation in this line. In any event you need to examine what you expected and what you will and won't accept. How much are you willing to lower your expectations ? Your inner twisting jealousy might be saying 'oi fcuk this, this isn't what I wanted' and given you cast this line I'd be less inclined to see the arousal of jealousy here as some kind of defective behaviour on your part and more a signal that you had expected better, that you're experiencing feeling secondary and that is sending strong warning signals to you.

This thread belongs in SR since you are sharing a reading and asking for comment.

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi Surfergirl,

"Help guide me out of this extreme jealousy?"
54.3 to 34 ~ To refuse coercion and choose nobility takes great power.

You are not your Jealousy ~ you are the Awareness of your Jealousy:



In this case, Jealousy is the primary wife, and Awareness is the secondary wife. The sleeves on the primary wife are worn and frayed from non-stop grasping and dwelling and story-telling on the object of her jealousy...



...whereas, the sleeves of the secondary wife are fine like unwrinkled silk, regal and undisturbed.

In the backstory to 54, the primary wife is demoted and the secondary wife is elevated to the succession.

So, the guidance here is for you to assert your own inner sovereignty, cut-off all the repetitive grasping/dwelling/story-telling that you are doing, and choose presence in the witness position, instead?

This will be difficult and require Great Power on your part, however, if you can put down coercion in the form of jealousy, and choose presence to What Is, instead, then you will be elevated to union with Oneness in perfect peace.

But, but, but, it's hard to stop the freight train of jealousy from rolling right on through to rage, and then revenge, too?

Here's a good presentation on the 5 Habits of Highly Calm People:

[Calm-Cast] The 5 Habits of Highly Calm People on Vimeo

I hope this helps!

 

[Trojina]

This just seems a form of dissociation. Also you start from the position that what she feels is bad or doesn't help. The thing is often women experiencing negative emotions will often tend to blame themselves for it and so miss the urgent message those feelings are telling them.

 

[Surfergirl]

Thank you Radiofreewill and Trojana for your guidance. You two are some of my favorite and most insightful responders on here and I feel much gratitude for your replies and for all you’ve unwittingly taught me about the Iching over the years.

I’m sorry it took a bit of time for me to respond. I read your replies immediately but needed to take the time to let them sink in carefully. And you’re right this is in the wrong spot. Sorry. I actually don’t know how to move it.

Trojana - you are right, in the sense that I feel or felt like second wife at the time. I felt intense upset that both triggered my truth (the oí fuk this part) but also a deep insecurity within me (that part is my responsibility). Your response was soooo good because I’m always skipping past the sensations (in this case jealousy) and their messages that my body is telling me. When I read your reply tbh it shattered me because in my mind it was validation everything I feared was true. With time I realized all my jealousy was in fact misplaced but without your reply I wouldn’t have set good boundaries. I would have just moved right to “fixing” me. If that makes sense?

Radiofreewill- that story was beautiful. It showed me a way out. In fact I screen shot itso that i Can continually refer to it as I build my inner sovereignty.

thank you both!
beyond grateful!