For Those Who Ask IChing The Same Relationship ?s Over+ Over Again {23uc,18, 53->37}

[Cathalina]

For Those Who Ask IChing The Same Relationship ?s Over+ Over Again {23uc,18, 53->37}

Hello everyone. I feel like sharing my latest experience with the I-Ching because it may offer a helpful (and empathetic) perspective to the many users that come here desperate for relationship advice, relationship Yi answers, or just some guidance. The I-Ching has helped me in many different aspects in my life (not just romance) but the one that has been hardest for me to interpret is when I ask a question about love because being personally involved, having my feelings at stake, and caring so much clouds my judgement. A lot of those posters probably feel the same way and maybe my story might help realize something really important about their own readings: the I-Ching is NOT a substitute for your own judgement (granted if your judgement is clouded it is useless). The I-Ching tells you how your energies are at that time, it does not predict the future. Sometimes those energies lead to a predictable future but NOT always.

The last few times I logged in here was around Christmas 2014. My one year anniversary with my boyfriend was approaching and our relationship seemed AMAZING to me and I thought he felt the same way. Actually, I'm sure he did feel the same way, but there were other problems building up... problems I was causing him that I couldn't see. We had three fights in one night a week before Christmas. We had fights regularly before (though never that many in such a short period of time) and we always bounced back, more in love than ever before. But after those three fights... we had a serious talk. It seemed hopeful because although he told me the negative things he really felt, he said he believed we could be happy, that it would just take time. BUT we didn't bounce back. He wasn't himself anymore. We still planned dates, he still told me he loved me, he still called me regularly, but he seemed emotionally distant. Before we always laughed and could talk about anything but suddenly our phone conversations were really awkward. I felt like he just called me as if it were a social obligation but didn't really want to talk to me. And I was devastated that I had allowed my relationship to decay and I was confused because his words did not match his actions. And I was terrified of losing him.

I got a lot of great advice here and offline. I was told that the tighter you hold on to someone, the more you will suffocate them, the more they'll need to get away. I didn't understand because before wanting to be super close to each other was mutual, suddenly I was clingy? -_- And the more he distanced himself from me, the more I freaked out. I asked the I-Ching a TON of questions. The first few (three) were hard to translate but two of them changed into hexagram 49 - Revolution. In my previous relationship I was less experienced with the I-Ching and hex 49 came up often a few times before that relationship took a horrible turn which lead to a horrible dissolution. I was traumatized that it meant the same thing... I was even noticing similar patterns. Of course, my current boyfriend is a muuuuch better person than my last boyfriend was but I was afraid hex 49 meant a BAD change which would ultimately lead to a break up or a loveless relationship. After my first initial 3 questions I held off asking questions for a bit until the situation got worst and worst and worst. But the more I asked questions, the more negative the answers seemed, and the more I panicked. I even asked the same questions a couple times. There were a few responses that seemed positive, such as 'slow and steady progress endures' but they were few and far in between. Mostly I got a lot of hexagram 18 - decay, sometimes with other hexes and sometimes unchanging. Again, in my last relationship hex 18 came up often and that is exactly what happened - my relationship decayed. My relationship seemed to be decaying again. Of course I recognized I was not in the proper state of mind to ask questions and I was probably looking for answers that confirmed my fears so I waited until I was at a slightly better state of mind before asking anything else.

Until right after Christmas. Christmas itself actually seemed to be an improvement but probably because we had alcohol and because it was a holiday. We went on a date the following day and things declined a little... it felt a little forced. And when we didn't see each other it was even worst! So I was confused again... were things getting better or not? I asked the I-ching something I HADN'T asked before... something I was afraid to ask and something a lot of people here will tell you not to do. I asked the I-ching something along the lines of: "what are my boyfriend's intentions?" The answer: hex 23 Splitting Apart unchanging. @_@

I panicked! My worst fears coming true! Right after I got that hex I decided to call him (I couldn't even wait until I saw him in person) and I decided to have a direct talk with him. To ask - are you really willing to try or do you want to break up? I practiced what I'd say. I wanted the TRUTH. I didn't want him to feel guilty about breaking up with me or pressured either way. I also didn't want to feel like he wasn't trying when maybe what he was doing was all the effort he could give at that time. Maybe I was misinterpreting things. I decided if I told him how serious this was to me he would give me honesty and I'd take his word over hex 23 because I trust him to be honest with me and because asking the I-Ching about other people's intentions is a gray area. That talk did NOT result in a break up. Afterwards I asked the I-Ching something along the lines of "what is keeping my boyfriend from breaking up with me?" And I got hex 53 -> 37. Gradual Progress changing to The Clan/Family (I forgot which lines.)

I decided to take the positive things the I-Ching told me, such as practicing detachment. And to take the advice I was given. Being accepting and letting things be. That didn't mean I was getting ready to get dumped, it just meant... I stopped making demands on the universe for immediate answers and explanations and results. Instead I decided to enjoy what time I did have with my boyfriend, enjoy my time apart from him (when we didn't see each other, we never broke up), and just do things right from then on (in regards to our relationship and also in regards to myself independently) to minimize any potential future regrets. I decided to be more positive and I decided to trust myself, the advice I was given, and even my boyfriend. If the relationship we had build together was strong, we would get through these problems. If not then the problems were worst than I thought and it just wasn't mean to be because sooner or later we would break up anyway.

Interpretations & Present
Today my boyfriend and I are still together, happy and very much in love again. Though there was a lot of decay we had to work through, and things that had to be healed and rebuild. Yesterday I asked him if he ever thought about breaking up with me, he said no. Then I asked him "what about around Christmas?" He admit he did (hexagram 23). Perhaps it was unchanging because it was a passing thought? Or a thought he was unsure of? Or because it wasn't up to me, it was something HE would decide on his own? When I asked him why he didn't break up with me he said we've built a lot together (hexagram 53 ->37).

I'm sure the I-Ching gave me more great and direct advice but since I asked a lot of questions I ended up not keeping good track and decided to throw the entire notepad away to clear my head. The answers I posted were the ones that stood out in my head the most. Again, a lot of the negative hexagrams I received, such as Revolution, Decay, Spitting Apart, Darkening of Light (36) were present in my last relationship as well but things played out very differently because they are very different people and different situations. I never really truly understood what people meant about the I-Ching being neutral (not negative or positive) and maybe I still can't fully appreciate it but after MY personal experience with it, I have a much better understanding.

The most important lesson is not to make demands on the universe. A red flag that you're doing it is: desperation. But it usually results in self sabotage and self fulfilling prophecies, whether it is forcing a relationship that should die or whether it is pushing a wonderful person away who just needed a little time and space. And avoid asking too many questions, quality over quantity, i.e. such as 'what can I do to improve this situation?" instead of asking a ton of questions from different angles about the situation. If you want the I-Ching to be direct with you, be direct with it and trust it. Respect it. And try to see the answers from a positive but accepting perspective, meaning not overly optimistic and delusional, but not from a self-loathing perspective where you assume the I-Ching is working against you or where you're subconsciously looking to confirm your fears.

I apologize my post is so long. I just really empathize and really want to help because, like I said, just a few months ago I was here feeling really scared and confused. I feel really grateful to everyone who took the time to give me their advice, to interpret my hexagrams (someone actually was able to interpret that the relationship would take a huge change but I would have a chance to save it near an important month - my relationship recovered right before our anniversary, that's pretty cool), to read my frantic posts, etc. I hope now that I am hopefully a wiser student of the I-Ching, I can pass the kindness and patience I was given forward to others in their time of need. ^_^

 

[sooo]

Excellent post, excellent points, Cathalina.

Things aren't always what we first learned as the meaning of these hexagrams. For instance, 23 doesn't always mean dumping altogether, but cutting off the dead parts so that the root can receive its life-giving energy back, from where new life can again grow. What is above and has become obsolete is sacrificed to what is below. It's how nature renews itself, as after a fire clears overgrown plant life, and nothing can grow to its potential because each is blocking the sun and rain from each other. Many plant species in naturally fire-affected environments require fire to germinate, establish, or to reproduce. Wildfire suppression not only eliminates these species, but also the animals that depend upon them. Finally, fire suppression can lead to the build-up of flammable debris and the creation of less frequent but much larger and more destructive wildfires. Maybe, in not so many words, this is what your boyfriend was desiring in your relationship - renewal, just as you too have expressed. Maybe you each needed more room for yourselves to grow.

All of those readings speak to this same idea: 18, 53, 37.

We're admonished for asking repeated questions only when we're not moving along, progressing, paddling up or down the stream toward our desired destination. Otherwise it would be like being told, "you already put that paddle in the water; don't do it again!" It's only when we refuse to hear, consider, weigh, contemplate, change, that asking another question about the same matter is foolish.

 

[goddessliss]

Excellent post, excellent points, Cathalina.

We're admonished for asking repeated questions only when we're not moving along, progressing, paddling up or down the stream toward our desired destination. Otherwise it would be like being told, "you already put that paddle in the water; don't do it again!" It's only when we refuse to hear, consider, weigh, contemplate, change, that asking another question about the same matter is foolish.

Agreed with sooo - excellent post and thanks for taking the time to post it.

If you don't want to hear the truth - don't ask the question and if you don't understand the answer and you start a thread on the forum for help - then accept the answers.
If you don't want to hear the truth don't post your question for others to help you.
- Liss

 

[JoeCampbell]

Excellent post, excellent points, Cathalina.

Things aren't always what we first learned as the meaning of these hexagrams. For instance, 23 doesn't always mean dumping altogether, but cutting off the dead parts so that the root can receive its life-giving energy back, from where new life can again grow. What is above and has become obsolete is sacrificed to what is below. It's how nature renews itself, as after a fire clears overgrown plant life, and nothing can grow to its potential because each is blocking the sun and rain from each other. Many plant species in naturally fire-affected environments require fire to germinate, establish, or to reproduce. Wildfire suppression not only eliminates these species, but also the animals that depend upon them. Finally, fire suppression can lead to the build-up of flammable debris and the creation of less frequent but much larger and more destructive wildfires. Maybe, in not so many words, this is what your boyfriend was desiring in your relationship - renewal, just as you too have expressed. Maybe you each needed more room for yourselves to grow.

All of those readings speak to this same idea: 18, 53, 37.

We're admonished for asking repeated questions only when we're not moving along, progressing, paddling up or down the stream toward our desired destination. Otherwise it would be like being told, "you already put that paddle in the water; don't do it again!" It's only when we refuse to hear, consider, weigh, contemplate, change, that asking another question about the same matter is foolish.

To both Cathalina and Sooo - can't find the "Thanks" button - but just wanted to say thanks for these excellent, informative posts! Wish there were more "seen in hindsight" postings here, it would be a great way to learn.
Thanks again
Michael .......oh, found the button after all