Getting over jealousy 61.4.5.6 to 54

[thrownaway]

I'm not sure I like this response :/ I asked how I can get over my habit of jealousy and learn to trust and recieved 61.4.5.6 to 54. In my mind I meant it in the general sense, but I am in a relationship so I worry the yi is saying it doesnt matter even if I try with the 61.6. Any ideas what it means? Hate that 54, it all makes me so sad and anxious :/

 

[Trojina]

I'm not sure I like this response :/ I asked how I can get over my habit of jealousy and learn to trust and recieved 61.4.5.6 to 54. In my mind I meant it in the general sense, but I am in a relationship so I worry the yi is saying it doesnt matter even if I try with the 61.6. Any ideas what it means? Hate that 54, it all makes me so sad and anxious :/

How can you give yourself the name of 'thrownaway' and expect to be happy ? No one is ever 'thrownaway' and certainly no one should call themselves that.

I like the 61.6 here. It isn't saying that it even if you try it's no use it is in fact suggesting, IMO, that you perceive your fault of jealousy to be a far bigger deal than it is. 61 usually points to an intensity in how we experience something, it's very true for us....but often not such a big deal to others.

Take the answer as if it were about a perceived physical flaw...um such as a big nose. To the one asking the big nose is a massive deal....but if she got 61.6 about 'how shall go about improving my nose' then I'd say Yi was saying 'don't make this into an absolute truth because it isn't'.

' Don't think of your jealousy as something hard and defined and true' is what I feel the answer alludes to.

The 61.4 makes me wonder if your partner is wandering...or you perceive that ? 61.5 of course indicates a true bond.


Also when a person is self flagellating over jealousy I think self compassion is often needed. Jealously happens when you feel undermined, second best and that is why you have 54 as relating hexagram.

Don't take it all on yourself either. Often if the partner just takes the trouble now and then to reassure a jealous person 'I love you and want no one else' they'll find they don't have a jealous partner anymore. Is he or she offering you enough affection and reassurance ? It is a valid need.

So no I see nothing sad or anxious in the cast (only in your name). Your jealousy isn't a solid fact that is true for all time, it's just a phase because you feel insecure. So with 61.6 I'm feeling your question is more 'how to feel secure and valued' than 'how not be jealous'.

If the relationship is struggling it's going to be hard not to be jealous and I wondered in the 61.4 indicated the other needs some time or space away and that makes you feel more jealous ?

 

[Trojina]

You know the saying that darkness is only dispelled through light, something like that...Like you don't use more dark to get rid of dark....well I think it may be the same with jealousy.


That is you don't get anywhere by fighting the jealousy. Rather you progress by increasing your inner sense of self worth, your security in relationships and so on. It might be the case your partner needs to offer you a bit more reassurance ? I notice if a woman feels really loved she doesn't mind so much if her man looks at other women now and then or goes out with women friends and so on. But if she isn't sure he loves her she might get very jealous every time he leaves the house.

Jealousy is very clear in small kids, especially when a new baby comes along. The way though is not to fight the child's jealousy but to keep on making him feel loved and special and part of things. I think jealousy is a pretty primeval instinct because dogs get real jealous sometimes too. I wonder if it's tied to survival ? I'm just saying as it's quite a fundamental emotion tied to survival I don't think you should beat yourself up too hard over it.

Have you talked to your partner about it and told him you need a bit more reassurance now and then ?

 

[thrownaway]

Thank you Trojina for your thoughtful response. My name is admittedly referring to the fact that this is a throw away account, meaning this is where I'm posting my more embarrassing candid thoughts.

A few things should be mentioned. This guy has been patient with me and has been loving only to meet with my distrust. We met in unusual circumstances which has led me not to really trust him the way I otherwise should from his actual actions. However I've been pretty badly burned before and he's aware of that and part of me fears it could be a weapon used against me, or that my distrust might make him act differently.

I've spent a long time obsessing over this relationship and honestly using the I Ching too much to where at this point I don't even remember my initial responses, I am a classic "4".

Its sad, as I thought maybe the forth line meant I need to not " look to my side" at my mate but your interpretation does make more sense probably. I asked "has he been wandering?" And got 51 unchanging. Asked for clarification on what to do and got 14 unchanging. My ocd got the best of me and I asked, so has he been faithful? 44 unchanging. Too bad I guess. I feel depressed. Trap of my own making I suppose. Id listen to my gut but its almost always wrong, and flip flopping around. Not something conducive to a healthy relationship regardless, and if he is a good man I've already "thrown away" a relationship with.

 

[Trojina]

Its sad, as I thought maybe the forth line meant I need to not " look to my side" at my mate

No it isn't sad because I don't know for sure what 61.4 means here. There are whole threads on 61.4, do a hexagram search. If you felt it meant 'don't look to the side' go with that.

You seem very ready to interpret everything as sad. I most certainly wouldn't draw the conclusion he was being unfaithful from 61.4, I merely wondered if you felt he was pulling away from you and that was the cause of the jealousy.

Don't forget your 61.5. If you want to know if he is being unfaithful don't try and get that as a fact from Yi answers since no one can point at an answer and say for a fact 'yes he is unfaithful'...so talk to him and unless you have good evidence to disbelieve him then believe him. That seems a good starting point anyway