Help! Hexagram 53 changing to 18 - Relationship

[adelahfo]

Hello!

I just asked the I Ching:

Should my husband and I continue in the relationship?

A week ago I announced to him that I want a separation. I want to continue with my decision but I have doubts about whether I'm making a mistake and if we should work on our problems instead. We've been together for 14 years and it's a tough decision.

The I Ching responded to me with the Hexagram 53 Gradual Progress lines 2 &5 changing to 18 Corruption.

Any insights on this would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Liselle]

Hello back! Nice to meet you

Your reading...I think this one seems like the rootedness of a long marriage (53), set against whatever corruption led you to think about separating.

My guess is the marriage will win here. 53 is the primary hexagram, the direct answer, and your moving lines are encouraging. Hilary even says about 53.5 in WikiWing, "to arrive here is an excellent omen for a marriage."

18 is more subjective. It might feel like something's wrong (or you wouldn't have asked for a separation), but it seems like the 18-ish things will be dealt with successfully.

Obviously this is your marriage though and I certainly can't be sure!

 

[rosada]

Gradually Progress by Working on What Has Been Spoiled.

I see this as encouraging you to consider making an effort to heal and stay. Perhaps a few sessions with a marriage councilor would help you get things back on track or at least enable you to sort out whether leaving really is the right solution.

 

[adelahfo]

Thank you @rosada and @Liselle!

The thing is, when I ask about whether we should make an effort to continue, the I Ching answers me with an Unchanging 12.

Maybe this means I'm hitting a wall? My own wall? Or maybe, I should stay still and see how things develop. Or is it the relationship that is stuck?

Another thing is, I booked a flight back home and will stay there for a month and a half (without him), from Dec to mid-January. So that will give me some time apart to think and take some distance.
It's difficult for me to see the light on continuing the relationship when I'm so close to the situation and thought taking some distance might help. Now I'm wondering, am I running away or will this time away help me?

How would you read the unchanging 12 alongside the 53 changing to 18?

Thank you so much again

 

[adelahfo]

Also,

To my question:

What do I need to know now?

The IC answers with a 9 (2,6) changing to 63.

Does 9 mean to slow down? Accept the situation as it is and everything will pass? Stillness?

Does 63 mean overcoming chaos but then facing more?

As you can all see I'm pretty confused and searching for answers. Maybe I should stop asking the IC for some time and let things go as they come?

 

[rosada]

Is your husband interested in improving the relationship? 53>18 suggests improvement will require focused intention and it won’t happen over night. Therefore, your follow up question, “Should we make the effort?” Assumes you already know it will take effort and thus I think 12 is emphasizing your current disconnect and that both parties need to want to make things work or nothing will improve by itself. It could also be a way of saying, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take” so why not at least try?
9.>63. Could be saying right now you are feeling as if you are alone in this marriage and that if you don’t do something you could simply limp along until death do you part.
I’m really straining to see something encouraging for staying but I admit these hexagrams are daunting. The key thing here today seems to me to be that the first step is what is your partner’s response? Is he interested in improving the marriage or is he neutral to whether you stay or go?

 

[Liselle]

How would you read the unchanging 12 alongside the 53 changing to 18?

That is an exceedingly good question considering how encouraging 53 to 18 seems.

But as Rosada points out, 53 is slow. It and 12 (pretty much completely stopped) are easily confused - when you're in a 53 situation, it might seem like absolutely nothing is happening. But that's not true at all.

I don't think the 53 to 18 reading should be tossed away. I don't think Yi would essentially say "yes (eventually)" and then turn around 5 minutes or a day later and say "no" for no apparent reason.

Maybe your time apart this winter will be important. 12's Image says:
'Heaven and earth do not interact. Obstruction.
The noble one uses energy sparingly to avoid resistance
He does not allow official honours and salary.'

You'll have a period of no interaction, and it could be you shouldn't expect anything to clear up until after that (the last phrase about honours and salary - rewards, essentially).

Maybe I should stop asking the IC for some time and let things go as they come?

That might be what 9.2.6 to 63 is getting at.

In 9.2, you're drawn back - the motive force isn't yours.

9.6
'Already rained, already come to rest.
Honour the de contained.
Constancy of the wife, danger.
The moon almost full.
Noble one sets out to bring order: misfortune.'

Don't try to fix this - don't set out to bring order. The moon doesn't need anyone's help to become full (imagine if we tried, with the actual moon. Ha ha).

Actually - - I wonder if this straightens out the 53 vs. 12 dilemma. Rosada pointed out you'd asked about making an effort. 12 might mean "no" to that - no efforts, please. (In fact 12's Image says energy might provoke resistance.) 9.2.6 says something similar, and so does 53. The tree on the mountain takes root gradually and naturally, it doesn't sit there trying to push its roots into the ground.

Here's a blog post of Hilary's on how hexagram 12 can be helpful (it can make the blocked thing actually stronger) -

The need for Hexagram 12

Hexagram 12 is called Pi 否 - Blocked, Standstill, Stasis, Negation. It encapsulates the experience of being denied and stymied. The noble one's constancy bears no fruit: despite your best, most creative efforts, it just isn't happening.The Sequence into this one is (as so often) quite enigmatic:

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

- and here are a couple of good videos Hilary made about 53:

 

[rosada]

That 11. Peace leads to 12. Stagnation suggests to me how something that first seems like a heavenly ride can eventually become a tedious bore. So the problem isn’t so much a specific issue as the fact that people have lost interest and stopped putting energy into the union.

 

[adelahfo]

It does seem that this time away might help me to see the bigger picture. Now, I'm too focused on the problems and stuck on the small things. It's time to let things evolve naturally.

My husband wants to work things out, but I've been the one making this decision so he's not pushing for what he wants (after many times trying). We'll see how things evolve. Time will tell.

The tree on the mountain takes root gradually and naturally, it doesn't sit there trying to push its roots into the ground.

The moon doesn't need anyone's help to become full.
(love these two phrases)

Thank you both for the great insights and for helping me understand the hexagram better.

I will keep you posted on how things turn out.