help, please: 13.1.3.5 > 35

[_lara_]

Hi everyone,

I need your help. A little background: More than a year ago, I met a man on-line, in a social network. This man has become increasingly important to me, but we never met in person. We don't have the same nationality, don't live in the same country and, at this time, there is no way we can meet. He is working a long way from his home country, but he's going back home in a few months. We chatted regularly, shared details about our lives and more recently, we mutually expressed how we felt about each other. We consider ourselves real friends and we care a lot about each other. Both of us have been very careful about this situation, because we both have failed marriages behind us and we both have been hurt a lot and well... I guess we don't want to get things to go to far if there is no chance for a real life relationship. This man has played a very important role in my life, he made me wake up from the numbness I have felt for a long time, after my previous relationship ended. I've never told him that, btw...

Anyway, the thing is we have reached a point in which we don't talk so much anymore. I think this happened because we both think alike: why are we doing this, where is this going? Shouldn't we try to meet someone who is physically closer? - I hope I'm making myself clear, sorry for my English, I'm just writing along. So,there is a bit of a crisis going on and I feel very sad about it, so I asked the Yi: Considering the recent developments, what should I do? What is the best course of action? (for me, for him, for us)

13.1.3.5 > 35

My interpretation:

13 - hmmmm... social network environment?
13.1 - nothing serious is going on, because - ahem - nothing is going on between us yet!
13.3 - we aren't chatting much but we are keeping track of each other's movements. There is no total sincerity here - we are holding back something (well, I am...)
13.5 - it seems this blockage can be overcome. OK, I love this line, but I'm afraid of seeing here what I want to see. Are we going to meet or we are going back to chatting regularly again? Don't know.

As a relating hexagram, 35 is a really shiny hexagram. I think we can overcome this phase. But what's the advice here? What's Yi's reply to my question? What should I do?

Sorry for the long post, your insight will be very much appreciated. And also... today, before using the yarrow stalks, I promised to myself I was going to really think about the answer I'd get and I was not going to ask about this subject anytime soon... I guess writing it here will help me do that too.

:bows:

 

[chingching]

35 seems to be where you are now, it is a shiny hexagram
13 & 13.1 agreed, this sounds like the social networking scenario and the fact that you became new acquaintances through it

13.3 the setback due to defensiveness on both your parts

13.5 this passes

let him know how you feel, even if its in a subtle way, its worth it ...there is progress, the relationship is building.

Sounds like the relationship just hit one of the many dips inherent in all relationships.
Its hard to have faith after being hurt and especially after a marriage break up, but this reading is very positive.

All the best!

 

[tigerintheboat]

Progressing in Relationship

HMore than a year ago, I met a man on-line, in a social network. This man has become increasingly important to me, but we never met in person...

Anyway, the thing is we have reached a point in which we don't talk so much anymore...Considering the recent developments, what should I do? What is the best course of action? (for me, for him, for us)

13.1.3.5 > 35

H13 is the hexagram of People in Harmony. It is not harmony that arises by itself, without work, but Harmony that is created by people working together, with constancy and by leaving the comfort of their own "gate" to meet with others.

The lines indicate the path of your relationship. In Line 1, you both venture outside your gates, your normal sphere of comfort, to meet each other This first step you have already taken.

In Line 3, you are laying low, the atmosphere is tense, and put your weapons aside. You both want something, and can't get it, so you are laying back in wait, hiding your feelings. You can't battle your way to what you want, so you wait. You look for a different perspective, or a place to hide, or both.

In Line 5, you are reunited. People are brought back together by a clear, mutual vision. Crying, then laughing.

But beware that you create too much "relationship hope" out of Line 5. You are brought back together in a common vision, but that does not necessarily mean any kind of personal/marital/love relationship. It just means that you will be "in harmony"

Tiger

 

[_lara_]

chingching, Tiger:

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Tiger: This looks like a path, indeed. I was confused because I asked for advice... maybe I should proceed the same way I have until now? and thanks for the warning about line 5. I really don't want to create false hopes.

chingching: when you say I should let him know how I feel are you referring to line 5? or are you just putting it all together?

Thanks again

 

[chingching]

from the judgement of 13
It furthers one to cross the great water.
do it

would you be happy if you didn't even hint at your desire and then the two of you slipped into 'just friends'? if you would be then its fine, but if being stuck in a way of relating doesn't reflect all of your feelings.... well then they are likely to creep up on you at some point.

Even though you are not physically close you seem to have a mental, emotional and maybe even spiritual rapport. Those are special things. You can have a soul mate who you don't become physical with and you might be one of those lucky ones that gets many soul mates coming your way, so distance doesn't have to be a tyranny and if he is not 'the one' you are looking for then just love what you have with each other for what it is. (I realise that is harder to do than to say)

I agree with Tiger about line 5 but you know 35 is good. And letting someone know how you feel sometimes holds the simple gift of allowing yourself to desire someone and the satisfaction of being courageous enough to say it, believe me it feels great in of itself.

And the wilhelm text on 13.5 must speak to you surely:
Two people are outwardly separated, but in their hearts they are united...

Let us know how things pan out, all the best

 

[_lara_]

chingching:

Thank you so much for your reply and for your kind words.

Yes, 13.5 does speak to me...

I really have to put my thoughts in order and figure out the best way to deal with all this.

I'll let you know how things turned out.

All the best to you too

 

[_lara_]

Hi there

The promised feedback: after some thinking I finally did it -- I talked to him and now -- guess what? we are definitely no more "just friends". The feeling is mutual and I FEEL GOOD! What's next I still don't know, but hey... who knows, anyway?

Thanks, you've really helped me

 

[chingching]

ompom: that's so exciting!!!!!