Hex 18 unchanging - shared custody

[Stillpoint]

Hello all, this is my first time sharing a reading and seeking feedback. I have been consulting Yi regularly for a few years and have found this online Clarity website to be so helpful, with many readings bringing a profound sense of Wow, someone is really "up there" listening to and answering these questions!

However, this is the first time I received 18 un and it was in response to a serious question. I asked: "Would I be happier if I let my two children live full time with their Dad?"

Background: the kids are teens, adopted siblings. Great kids with some problems but not more than usual. The early days were rough though, and my marriage crumbled under the burden of trying to integrate them into our family. We already had a biological child. I have equal custody with my former spouse; we are on ok, not great terms. From the stress of the divorce, job stress, custody stress, and family stress I developed strange health problems which are not resolving. I had to leave my job and now have financial stress as well.

It's hard to admit this but I think the kids might be happier with their Dad because he is happier. He has more energy and more money which he puts to good use going on fun adventures with them. So I worded my question as "Would I be happier...." because I love my children with all my heart and would be unhappy if they were unhappy.

But I fear if I let the children go, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Yet my current life is stagnating badly due to health issues. I recently had a general tarot card reading that said to let them go and my health would come back. That shocked me, so i decided to ask Yi and got 18 uc. The kids still need me for making meals, driving them to work, guidance, love and support etc.....but it drains. Also I recently remarried and my husband loves them.....but he isn't their Dad. My biggest dream in life was to create a happy little family. Not happening. My biological grown daughter never bonded with them.

So I can't tell if Yi is saying to let the kids go with their Dad, or that if I do it will be a disaster for me.

Sorry this is such a long post but it was a serious question.

 

[RindaR]

What do the children want?

Aside from that, I wonder if the various stressors are the problem. Addressing this by letting the kids go to their Dad might give you the breathing room to begin working on the other stresses in your life.

 

[Stillpoint]

Thank you rinda for responding with your helpful insights - much appreciated. I didnt ask the children; they are adaptable and would go along with what their Dad and I agree to, but if they had a preference for their Dad, they likely wouldn't say for fear of hurting me. To ask could open a can of worms.

This interpretation from Divination resonates with me:

"Something has been spoiled, and it is time to repair the damage. In the world of human affairs, indulgence and corruption grow like weeds in an untended garden; they must be faced squarely, and rooted out through bold action. Eliminating corruption — and the sloppiness that often leads to corruption — is one of the most ennobling of all human enterprises, and can clear the way for fresh, new beginnings. Such repair leads to supreme success.

The time has come to be lean and efficient. The weeds must be rooted out now, before the whole garden is lost. Fighting decay, indifference and corruption is not a simple matter; all steps must be evaluated carefully, and planning must precede action. Resist the temptation to strike out prematurely. Gather strength behind you, and marshal your inner resources, because arresting decay is no simple matter. When you do act, pay close attention to the process. Make your strike as precise and clear as the path of the surgeon’s knife."

After more contemplation I am starting to see why I received 18. Perhaps to finally address and clear certain weeds in my life which arise from my limited perception of how things are. For example, that I am weak. I lost my power awhile ago, let it be wrested from me, at work, in my former marriage, then with my health, now with my children. That I believe is the root cause of the decay. I need to reclaim myself, my sense of inner strength. First i need to think about what I CAN do to make life the best it can be with the family i do have. How could i not first do this? I am feeling a new, but not yet fully formed question to pose to Yi about this.

I am open to and grateful for any other interpretations or additional thoughts.

Thanks for reading this.

 

[moss elk]

Stillpoint,

18: Repairing or Bradfords Detoxifying what has been spoiled/poisoned.
I have certainly seen this refer to emotional or psychological wounds.
(which very well contribute to stress and health)

I thought as you did that sending the kids away permanently could affect you and them negatively.
(It could trigger feelings of guilt in you and of abandonment in them)
So, I would caution against that.
The counsel of 18 says to stir up/strengthen the spirit of the people. (You are a people too)
Do you currently see a counselor?

Also please consider that you can work on the 18 while the kids are with you.
(Or even if they went to dad's for a temporary predetermined amount of time
you could have some time to start to stir yourself up)

Either way, please give time to come to this decision, don't be hasty.

 

[Stillpoint]

Moss Elk, wonderful advice and I agree. Thank you! Funny, it's like you read my mind (heart) when you said it could impact them negatively with feelings of abandonment. Of course they are very cool and independent teens who don't believe they need anyone, but they do of course. Their complicated background includes a mother who abandonned them at an early age, and that is just part of what's in the can of worms I alluded to previously. You were right on.

I was alarmed by the hastiness of the tarot card reader's interpretation and that's why I consulted Yi, which I am much more familiar with. (I've only had a few tarot readings.) When I received 18, I at first felt it was a confirmation of the tarot reader, but i see now it's not. My fears, self doubt, and the disempowerment I spoke of earlier skewed my thinking (again).

Thanks again Moss Elk.

 

[RindaR]

yes, I do agree...

 

[Stillpoint]

Thank you rinda.

I do see a counselor Elk Moss. I am only a little familiar with Bradford, but detoxifying definitely fits with the health issues I am addressing.

The image of a decaying garden is quite apt both metaphorically and literally. My garden, though healthy, was neglected this summer for several reasons. But the sight of all the uneaten tomatoes, parsley, herbs and kale startles me every time I go out my back door.

I am surprised how much it helped me out to post here. The very act of articulating the situation and knowing others might ponder it, sharpened my focus and gave the question and Yi's response of 18 the consideration it deserves. Instead of my usual not really understanding Yi's response so putting it aside, only to ask again another time and repeat the process. I do now have a deeper understanding of just how much decay is in my life and a desire to begin to "stir things up" and contemplate repairs. I know I need a still deeper understanding of the source of decay though. It has to do with my giving up....on me, on them....and the fear of eventual loss I will face with the empty nest in a couple years. Loss is very hard for me. And knowing also that even though I gave my best self to motherhood, I was far from perfect. I can't go back and re-do anything...of course! But I haven't wanted to face that. I have a grown child and know well that to everything there is a season. Those issues are tangled up in here and I don't want to let them stymie me, so I am now very grateful for 18.

 

[Stillpoint]

BTW I don't have the thumbs up button to thank people.

 

[susieq777]

Could it be possible that rather than an all-out sending them to live with their father forever, it could be just for a couple of months or so just to give you some space to have the energy to devote to ... well, getting more energy? I don't know how far away their dad is and if that is logistically possible?

 

[RindaR]

Are there any unexplored resources available to you? Grandparents? Aunties or Uncles? Can the kids' Dad help with transportation (don't know how far away he is) or possibly consistent weekend visits with him providing transportation? Just having a short break you can count on might help?

 

[Stillpoint]

Susieq777 and rinda thank you both for your good suggestions which I've been mulling over. A short break would probably be better and could be extended if need be. About 3 years ago I had to do that (when I was more ill) for a few months and it helped a lot.....but their Dad didn't want to return them and wouldn't let me make up any of the time. He has half custody so I only have them half the time. He is a good Dad to the kids in many ways but would like to push me out of the way, or minimize me. My idea of letting him have them really stems in part from that dynamic and i see now is part of the larger problem of me just giving up on myself. The giving up really took hold when i was forced out of my job. Definite inner decay going on.

Rinda, there are no grandparents or aunties to help out.

I am actually away from my kids right now for almost two weeks. I am beginning to see the need to sort of "wake up" and reclaim my life, including my children. It's going to take thinking and planning but I feel more hopeful at the moment.

 

[susieq777]

Glad to hear you're feeling more hopeful, Stillpoint. I hope this two weeks is a time of rest and nourishment for you

 

[Stillpoint]

Thank you susieq!