Hex 26 unchanging - Let go or persevere

[flor05]

Hi everyone,

If you remember my past postings, my main concern lately is my separation (and possible divorce) from my husband. It was a rather unilateral decision, with lots of drama and heavy feelings. None of us acted appropriately, in my opinion, both out of fear.
In any case, it's been over 3 months now since our last encounter face-to-face.

Risking to sound pathetic, I still love him very much. Even he hasn't denied it or confirmed it, I know he is involved with someone else. The nature of the relationship is unknown to me. I know he can't be alone, but if this is for real or not, is unclear.

I have of course (again, I'm ashamed to admit it) asked many times the Yi about them, with very, very confusing and contradictory answers. On my end, I still hold hopes. But they are based on the past. There's no hint or sign that he wants to get back together.

Now, every time I'm about to let go, something surges within me. I can't explain well, I know that it could be delusional, but its like a little voice saying: "don't give up".

Today, it should be our 3 year anniversary. I asked: "Should I let go of him or not". I know "or" questions are not that good, but being so many hexes that talk about getting rid/ changing and so many other talking about persevering, I though it could be easy to answer.
I got 26.
I'm reading this as: "Don't let go, but hold your horses and don't try anything just yet. Prepare for the future".

I'm really desperate here. I don't seem to be able to move forward. I have friend's help, I'm meditating, going to therapy, praying, but nothing seems to give me peace of mind.

Any suggestions will be welcomed.

Thanks,

Flor.

 

[jesed]

 

[flor05]

Thanks Jesed.
Just seeing your post made me cry.

I guess I am a bit over-sensitive, but I can't help it. I just got off the phone with him. He is trying to be nice, but I can still sense a lot of resentment, and still won't agree to see me. Our conversation was pleasant, but made me realized how much I REALLY miss him.

I wish there was something I could do... But I guess I already exhausted every possibility. :'(

Thanks so much for your support.

 

[meng]

Hi Flor,

Maybe not what you want to hear, but I interpret it the same way you just did. Not the time to make firm decisions. Takes a lot of guts though, so I'm glad you at least are getting some support. This is also an occasion to draw upon all those supportive and strengthening resources, whether he stays or goes. Perhaps if he notices your emotional strength and independence, he may have a change of heart. Maybe he just misses the hunt and chase aspect of a relationship. Calling upon the past (as per 26), maybe this is what attracted him to you in the first place?

 

[ginnie]

I asked: "Should I let go of him or not".
I got 26.
I'm reading this as: "Don't let go, but hold your horses and don't try anything just yet. Prepare for the future".

I'm really desperate here. Any suggestions will be welcomed.

Hex 26 unchanging points to a truly explosive situation, due to the buildup of tension around it and the static nature of the situation itself.

I think there's a way out of this, flor05, but maybe you won't see the escape route immediately. Hold fast to your own values.

Could be that some form of physical exercise could help you -- something vigorous, or even just making sure you do something interesting every day . . . making those sorts of plans and keeping to them will help you.

 

[Trojina]

I don't see this as explosive in any way, the reverse really.

I kind of go along with Flos interpretation.., infact not sure I'd have much to add to that. To me it points more strongly to the 'hold on' option than the 'let go' option. There must be alot 'stored up' in the relationship, from his point of view too. Theres a history anyway, you were married for 3 years. I don't think anyone truly can just 'let go' of a long term relationship, its always with you in some sense. All the times you shared, everything you went through together, even if hes with someone else and doesn't want to come back to you still you were a big part of his life and therefore in a sense still must be, really. I'm not saying that means he'll want to come back but you do have 'emotional currency' there so to speak...thats how the 26 is making me think.

Even if you wanted to 'let go' we can't just turn off our feelings can we, it doesn't work like that.., seems we gotta feel the pain Keep an eye on your own emotional resources, holding back your feelings outwardly may give you more strength. Its strength you need to conserve at this time in a steady kind of way...like being your own 'rock'

Take care

 

[ginnie]

I don't see this as explosive in any way, the reverse really.

The querent wrote: "I'm really desperate here." Desperation is an explosive feeling in the body. Isn't it a sensation of being terribly thwarted and held back? That's what the word means to me.

Dearest Trojan, I don't want to quibble over any words with you. I am thinking you must indeed be a Moon Child in the western zodiac, as your avatar suggests, because to all appearances you are getting crabby as the New Moon, exact on Wednesday of this week, approaches.

Your avatar is a crab, of course. I realize that doesn't have to mean you are a Moon Child.

I can tell from what you wrote that your intention is really to help flor05, and perhaps you thought my choice of words was sending her off in the wrong direction . . . Oh, well, maybe it wasn't the best choice of words.

I think Flor's interpretation is just fine, too.

 

[jesed]

Hi Flor

Here's another useless comment

hold your horses

Hold your horses sounds like a good way to describe hexagram 26.

But I wonder:
a) Hold your horses in your intent to "let him go"? = don't take any step to let go
b) Hold your horses in your wish to "get him back"? = dont' take any step to fight for come back together

or even just
c) Hold your horses and don't ask anymore for a few days?

I really don't have any clue :bag: But I would't dismiss the "c)" option.

Anyway, best wishes

 

[ginnie]

Bursting

I think of H26 unchanging as a sensation of "bursting" -- from being contained, thwarted, or frustrated.

But nothing would come of doing anything, either.

So, that's why I think a little exercise would be good, to let off the pressure of the H26 unchanging situation.

 

[lloyd]

Both the main text and the images suggest that the relationship should be evaluated in the light of one's own virtue. So flor05, Maybe the way to go is to ask a question or two about your general behavior in matters of love?

 

[flor05]

Thanks to all

Hi everyone!

Thanks so much for your input, all of you. I didn't go to work yesterday and I didn't connect to the internet, so I couldn't check your answers before. I really appreciate your kind words.

Meng, there is an issue of dependence/ independence. I think is more of a point of view conflict: I believe that when one is in a level of commitment such as marriage, it's normal and actually good to plan a life together. He read my efforts to make it work as dependence. My main problem now is how to make him notice any change, or debate any stand if he doesn't agree to contact...

Ginnie and Trojan, I get you both. This is not an explosive situation on the outside (there's obviously not much to gain from charging forward), but on the inside it surely feels like turmoil and pressure. Very much like the taming of wild animals (26). Trojan, I agree there's no switch on/off on these matters, but you probably have to start somewhere, and have a direction... I guess I was trying to find that direction with my question.

Jesed /Rodrigo, thanks so much for your PM, I'll answer that privately. As far as your options, I would add "d) all of the above". I believe it is not time to let go nor to take action, and I have been consulting too much. I decided I'll stop for at least a week: what I'm doing now is not respectful for the Yi and is not working for me either. I'm planning to do a full casting based on your suggestions (the 4 questions you always suggest for relationships) in a week or so, when things have settled, at least in my mind. I'll keep track of date and time, and may be you can help me there .

Lloyd, I've been wondering a lot about my own (and his) virtue. But I'm not sure a "general behavior question" might help. I'm only 28, this has been my first marriage and lived with this person for 4 years. I did have relationships before, long term and not, but this one was quite different. I don't think a I have a general behavior about love matters, I handled everything differently...

Again, I'm very grateful for your supportive words. My "normal" me is usually independent, resolved and executive... But this situation has proved to be incredibly hard to cope with.

Very best wishes,

Flor.

 

[lloyd]

Okay, the links he/she below give some pleasant (if not funny) additional reading on the topic. Enjoy

 

[flor05]

Hi Lloyd!
It'll be interesting reading for the summer (Southern Hemisphere here!).
Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[lloyd]

Okay, both are good fun, mix with this.

 

[flor05]

bookmarked!