Hex 3 Unchanging - Affect of brutal honesty

[BlackSwan]

A little background; I have been having a long distance relationship for a little over a year now. We clicked the moment we met, & for months everything was so free flowing, we talked openly, shared interests & passions, it really was lovey. I had even got positive, promising readings about him!
He seemed to fall in love very fast, whereas I like to feel it out a bit first, I did really like him though. All was going well for a few months, we were flying over & back to each other, he even alluded to moving over to my country. But then before xmas he behaved appallingly towards me whilst drunk, very dark, very nasty, so it ended.
We had very little contact the nxt month or two, only the odd facebook message. He then expressed an interest in coming over to my country again. Our online chat increased &I had said we needed to talk to clear the air, he agreed said he'd like that but it never happened. He also became very flakey with replying to messages, sometimes 10 days - 2 weeks to reply! He doesn't seem to know how to deal with anything serious, or anything that might initially be a bit difficult to talk about it, his way of dealing with it is not dealing with it at all! He does it with everything in his life, a classic case of burying his head in the sand & hoping it will just go away!
Long story short - we kind of rekindled things; but there was constant repeat of him taking days/week to reply to messages (we also never spoke on the phone again which struck me as really odd) & me saying we need to talk cause that behaviour wasn't on for me. However we never had any such conversation. So from my point of view we weren't in a relationship (how can you be if you don't talk!) & his action or lack there of just pointed to not interested. But I discovered on a recent visit (I was in his country for a music festival) that he very much thinks we are in a relationship!!
We ended up having an argument on the last night, a few things were brought to light (he'd lied about something) & he said he was massively insecure & that he'd write me a letter to explain his true feelings but something in me just me snapped & said no more! And I left.
After a few days I txt him to try sort things out, we were txting back & forth, him saying it was a misunderstanding, me explaining that there was no misunderstanding that I was hurt & angry because he had lied to me, of course the minute I made clear why I was annoyed at him he went silent...for 2days! He then says he really does want us to happen & he hates being insecure but he'll write me the letter. I explain that all he's doing is pushing me further away & this constant ignoring my messages is hurtful & down right rude, & also a waste of time, if we'd talked properly anytime I asked we wouldn't have all this crazy confusion. So we had idle chit chat back & forth every few days, then nothing for a week. Then he rang me on the day of my birthday, which was nice & I was really glad he called as I hadn't spoken to him on the phone since before Xmas! But as the day progressed something in me kinda said "you're glad & happy he called but he should be calling you regularly! And after a year he really should've done something thoughtful, sent something, anything!"
Then again nothing for a week! So I called him out on it (AGAIN!!), he said he was just super busy, which may be the case but nobody is too bust to take a few seconds to reply to someone, plus I can see him online chatting away so it's total BS. I called him out on that too. I asked him if he was happy with the way things were between is...thinking if his answer was no then we're in the same boat, if his answer was yes then that was my cue to leave because this is certainly not what I want!
He then listed things he loved about us...but all these things were stuff we used to do! So I sent him a lengthy message, laying everything on the line. My thoughts being I've exposed everything, all my feelings good & bad towards him, it might inspire that great guy I met to return or he plans on continuing as is & I walk away. Either way I tried & I'll have an answer.
He got back to me saying that the message has really done something to him & that he has read it over & over again...all good...or so I thought...I sent a quick reply asking him to elaborate, nothing....that was Sunday, sent him a "no?" on Tues, nothing...got annoyed today (Wed) cause i could again see him online chatting away to others & sent him an angry message something along the lines of "read you loud & clear", again nothing

So understandably I'm totally fed up with this guys behaviour. I wonder will that message that he said really did something to him, will wake him up to the sweet man he was to me at the beginning or inspire me to move on from him permanently. Sending the message felt like a weight off my shoulders, I've done all I can, it's his turn now.
So today I asked: "How will my message affect the future of X & I? And got Hex3 Unchanging.

 

[BlackSwan]

Sorry that was super long & I forgot to post my interpretation!

Hex 3 Difficulty at the beginning: I'm assuming that refers to right now & the freshness of message being sent. As the beginning of the relationship was not difficult at all, in fact the exact opposite!
The image of clouds & thunder, "the superior man brings order out of confusion" - I feel that is a direct reference to the message. And the image of a sprouting plant, pushing through the soil.

DIFFICULTY AT THE BEGINNING works supreme success,
Furthering through perseverance.
Nothing should be undertaken.
It furthers one to appoint helpers.

Furthering through perseverance: I am standing my ground. But I should do nothing now be passive? I have made the first step & been courageous in the content of the message. I'm really not sure who the helpers could be.
But the supreme success; I'm not sure if that means a breakthrough with him & the relationship or me going it alone & being free from the chaos.

Any interpretations are much appreciated!

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi Newbie21,

"How will my message affect the future of X & I?"

3uc ~ spirit-water over thunder ~ your message will lose to his drinking.

Of course, I don't know your situation, or his, but it might explain a lot of your frustration with him.

So, the direct answer to your question might be: "Your future with X is likely to stay stuck in 1st gear..."

How does that reading seem to you?

all best

 

[loverofknowledge]

I can't comment on the hexagram reading, because the situation is too complex.
It seems clear to me that the trouble is largely with the fact of long distance relationships. If you lived in the same place, you would probably see, quite clearly, whether the relationship could work.
It might be, you'd end up having a wonderful relationship and you'd adjust to the fact that his email communication is not very clear and direct. Maybe he does not process well, through email or online communication, and so you read more into his silences, and inconsistencies, than what he actually means.
In person, new levels of nonverbal communication would take shape.
Or it might be, that you'd see who he is, if you spent more time together, and realize that, despite some nice moments together, there is no future in the relationship.
Email -- even phone -or being online -- communication by long distance can be confusing. It seems to me that's the issue in the relationship.
It may be he's just not an email/online kind of guy. Many people don't verbalize well in writing. You might enjoy him if you were to spend time together.
Conversely, once I talked at a distance, with great intimacy, with somebody but in meeting together in person, huge problems and incompatibilities arose.
I would not fixate on a single text/email exchange.Look at the bigger picture of the relationship and decide: are you going to commit to being with this person, and testing to see if it will work (maybe by visiting)? Or is it time to drop it?
let us know what happens.

 

[BlackSwan]

Hi Newbie21,

"How will my message affect the future of X & I?"

3uc ~ spirit-water over thunder ~ your message will lose to his drinking.

Of course, I don't know your situation, or his, but it might explain a lot of your frustration with him.

So, the direct answer to your question might be: "Your future with X is likely to stay stuck in 1st gear..."

Thanks radiofreewill! This does make sense to me! I have noticed over the past 6+ months that he seems to be stuck in the "party mode" of someone in their 20's (he's in his 40's). It's not so much the drinking that he's chasing but the having to be seen at parties, gigs, functions etc. I think he loves the attention & adoration he gets from friends & also strangers, it feeds his ego.
So I think if I'm not happy with him or his behaviour his solution is just to ignore & go bask in the adoration of strangers.
Actually come to think when I was over there last month I met his friend who I have only met once before but I get on with her well; the first thing she said to me was "he needs to grow up. All the girls in their city run after him, chase him, but you don't & he doesn't know what to do. He needs that, don't change. Also don't tell him I said that!"
I'm wondering if that's the helpers Yi was talking about in Hex 3?

 

[BlackSwan]

Thanks loverofknowledge!

Whilst I totally agree with your thoughts there, the problem is he actually WAS good at communicating! For the first few months we chatted online daily, for hours sometimes. He used to text & call regularly too. And we were seeing each other in person, flying over to each other at least once a month. Even after our big fight when we broke up he would still make the effort to message me maybe once a week. Then it trailed off, so understandably I assumed he wasn't interested anymore cause that's the impression he was giving. But when questioned about it he says that's not the case. He's a classic avoider, instead of trying to resolve problems he tries to avoid even talking about them, & if he's in the wrong, he's challenged or his bad behaviour is pointed out, instead of apologising or seeing it from an outside perspective he ignores & just shuts down, he does this in all parts of his life. He's lost a 10 year working project with his best friends, lost the friendships too, all because he refuses to admit he's in the wrong & make an effort to salvage the friendships, even by just talking. It's a very immature way of dealing with life...& super frustrating for those around him.

 

[radiofreewill]

Thanks for your reply!

The friend sounds like a genuine helper, sharing with you to improve your clarity. It does look like difficulty lies ahead, despite, or possibly because of, his charm and social fluidity. I'm reading your message to him as an instance of you presenting yourself as something more interesting, much deeper and longer enduring than what he's been satisfied with up to now? The friend is helpfully saying, "Don't cheapen it, and all his love could flow to you."

So, in this instance, you might be looking like Gretzky, who was once asked, "Why do you lead the league, year after year, in scoring?" to which he replied, "It's because I skate to where the puck is going to be."

It'll take some effort, but if you keep showing up in the Tiffany's display case on the aisle of his next best step, you might find yourself sweeping him into the back of the net!

 

[BlackSwan]

So, in this instance, you might be looking like Gretzky, who was once asked, "Why do you lead the league, year after year, in scoring?" to which he replied, "It's because I skate to where the puck is going to be."

It'll take some effort, but if you keep showing up in the Tiffany's display case on the aisle of his next best step, you might find yourself sweeping him into the back of the net!

Thanks radiofreewill! That's a great analogy!

 

[BlackSwan]

Ok 2 weeks on & I hear nothing from him, no call, not txt, no online messages nothing. Then I randomly get a missed call from him while I'm in work last week; I can't take calls in work so I just txt him back saying so, asking what's up - nothing back! I txt 2 days later asking was he looking for me - nothing! Then a few days ago I came across some of his clothes he left at my place last time he visited so I sent him a message on facebook asking would he like them posted over to him...he replies that he was hoping to meet one day (not sure if he meant "someday") & that he didn't see that much trouble (I assume he meant between us). I asked him to explain what he meant as his wording was a bit confusing & also asked what he was calling for the other night. He said he thought that it's not abnormal for two people, together for a year, living in different countries that there might be some kind of tension....ARGH!! This made me angry as most of the tension is being caused by him ignoring! Of course I messaged him back explaining things & he hasn't gotten back to me...that was 4 days ago now. I don't know what the hell is going on with him. I don't know where I stand, I never seem to know where I stand...
...And so I asked "Give me some insight into what's going on with X" & got 16.3.5 > 31

So 16, there's enthusiasm there, but line 3 he's hesitating, line 5 his enthusiasm is blocked or restricted somehow, it speaks of something ill or dying - is it his feelings towards me dying?
But then 31 seems positive, speaking of mutual attraction & union?
Any ideas about these Hex's & lines?

 

[BlackSwan]

"Give me some insight into what's going on with X" & got 16.3.5 > 31

Anyone any input on this reading?
I'll be in his country in 2 days (it was planned over a month ago) but still haven't heard from him, it's been a week now! Would love to know if these lines & resulting Hex are warning me about something.

 

[mirian]

"

How will my message affect the future of X & I? And got Hex3 Unchanging.

This give me an impression that it is going to be a bit of hard work. Even though you say in your post that you have been together for about a year, the relationship feels like early days, with a lot of growing to do. I wouldn't expect the message to have the impact you hope for.

Give me some insight into what's going on with X" & got 16.3.5 > 31

Line 5 seems to reinforce that this person is somehow struggling with issues that seem to have settled in. That could represent something real and/or practical or could just be a personality thing, old stuff that resembles a chronic illness that never goes away.

 

[BlackSwan]

Thanks Mirian!

Well I am back from my trip over in his country & I just don't know what to say, I'm still in shock. In hindsight I think the 16.5 was warning me of mental issues with him, something very broken.

So on the first night there, after a few drinks I could bite my tongue no longer & all my frustrations probably came pouring out. He didn't offer any answers & instead, as he has a habit of doing when he's being questioned or scolded for his bad behaviour, threw a completely unpredictable wild card down - something that questioned his sexuality! I was shocked to say the least but when I offered some help or comfort as I thought maybe he'd be struggling with this his whole life, he just threw out more wild cards, each one odder & odder than the last.
His facial expressions & body language were saying to me something is not right, in fact to me they were screaming liar! He also had this cold blank stare which actually frightened me. He'd randomly said to me earlier that night that he gets violent on tequila & then drank a few shots, that information combined with the crazy things he was saying & that stare made me feel incredibly unsafe so I got the hell out of there. I haven't spoken to him since, I don't plan to again, I feel I had a lucky escape.
But all the stuff he was saying about his sexuality, which was pretty heavy stuff, I just don't believe. He's done it before when brought up about his bad behaviour, threw in something shocking that turned out to be untrue. And the vibe he was giving off that night just screams to me lies.
And I think anyone who makes up stuff to that extreme is deeply troubled.

So I asked "Was there any truth to his words?" - 11.4.5.6 > 1

Any interpretations on these lines? I'm thinking that it's a no, with line 6 crumbling into the moat.

Sorry if this is all a bit odd & probably too much info, it's a very, very weird turn for me & tbh I'm still in shock about it all.

 

[mirian]

Hi newbie21,

Given this dreadful experience you're not going to see this guy ever again, so whatever he says is pretty much irrelevant. But based on the readings there's something terribly wrong with him and there's some truth in what he says. So just get out for good.

 

[BlackSwan]

Thanks for your reply mirian.
In a way I'm very grateful we don't live in the same county so the risk of running into him again is slim thankfully. I'm normally good at reading people so I'm trying to go back over things & see if there were any red flags I glossed over, but in fairness I don't think anyone could have seen any of this coming. It's just all so frighteningly odd.